Chapter Eleven
That was my mistake
Summer 21
The bus ride back into the city was quiet and awkward and I was busy trying to forget my embarrassing moment with Shane. Finally Jager tapped me on the shoulder.
"Are you sure that you want to do this?" He asked and I nodded my head.
"Yea, I need to do this...Speaking of, how did you find the house?"
"Well all I did was say a few choice words, such as how I was family coming home from fighting and needed to get into the house. The city was more than happy to let me come in."
"Oh Jager," I replied as we stepped off the bus and into the front a a well built brick house.
"Do you know what it is that you're looking for?" Jager asked opening the door to the house. I shrugged.
"Not really. He just said that there was something he had for his son and that I would know what it was when I found it," I replied looking around the house. Jager scratched the back of his head.
"Awesome," he replied starting to wander through the house looking at everything. I let out a sigh.
"Just...Roll with me on this please," I replied and Jager stopped at one of the shelves looking at the pictures that were arranged on it.
"They looked like a real happy family," he replied and I looked up at him with a frown.
"I'm sure they were," I said walking over to him, looking at the faces of a young boy with his father when I stopped, I grabbed one of the pictures feeling my heart drop.
"Oh no," I replied and Jager glanced over my shoulder.
"Huh...Isn't that your super angry neighbor?" Jager asked pointing to a young man in a picture with his mother and father. He looked exactly like his father, same dark hair, same green eyes, same broad shoulders and sharp jaw.
"Yea," I said quietly letting out a sigh of agony. Jager glanced at me out the corner of his eye.
"Does anyone know about what happened?" He asked and I shook my head.
"No, I don't exactly open myself for people to know about it," I replied running my fingers across the glass of the picture.
"Maybe you should...You know...Tell him about that day?" Jager suggested and I let out another sigh.
"It won't exactly be a happy ending if I do."
"Sometimes feelings have to be hurt in order to understand what happened." I walked away the picture still in my hand. I wasn't ready to tell Shane that his parents died because of me. How does anyone prepare for something like that? How do I even begin that conversation? Sorry Shane, hate to break the news to you but your parents died on a boat with me, only...I didn't die, sucks about your folks though. I groaned. Shane was going to hate me more than he already hated me.
"Fuck," I muttered and knelt down at a cabinet beginning to dig some more.
"Having problems deciding on how to tell him?" Jager asked digging through some drawers.
"Jager how do I tell him? How do I explain it?" I asked pulling out an old cypress and iron box.
"Why not just...Tell him?" Jager suggested with a shrug. I let out another sigh.
"That's not nearly as easy as you say it," I said unfolding the note attached to the box: Shane, life has it's ups and downs, and even after your mother and I are gone you can never forget. I know you, you're going to fall into depression again, but you can never forget. You are never alone. And we are always with you.
"I think I found what I was suppose to find," I replied and Jager looked over my shoulder at the box.
"What's in it?" He asked and I glared at him.
"That really is none of our concern."
"Don't worry, Shane will tell you."
"Yea, I'm sure," I mumbled.
Later that evening
I had just made it back home to my farm, even though I didn't do much work today I felt exhausted. I suppose that could be due to the fact that I spent it out of the house, away from home trying to figure out feelings that I thought I understood and clearly didn't.
"Jill?" A voice called and I glanced over my shoulder to see Shane walking up to me. Shit. I was not ready for this talk. Not today not tomorrow...I was thinking more along the lines of like twenty years from now.
"Um Shane, hi!" I exclaimed nervously shoving the box behind my back. He scratched the back of his head.
"Look...I need to know...Are you avoiding me because of what happened the other night? Because I feel like you are."
"What?" I asked, my voice cracking, as I made a crack in the door and dropped the box in the house. "No, that's not it at all!"
"Then what is it? Cause now I feel awkward about the already strained friendship we have; I feel like you're avoiding me the way someone avoids a friend they didn't want to see naked," Shane replied and I felt my cheeks burn hot.
"No...That's not...I just...I had some things that I needed to work out..." I replied uneasily.
"Such as?" Shane pressed and I took a deep breath and pulled my hands out from behind my back handing him the picture. He took it frowning down at it.
"Where did you get this?" He asked slowly, looking down at me. I took a step back, my back right against the door.
"Um..." I began nervously my hands fidgeting in front of me, "you may not like the story that I am about to tell you..."
"Did Marnie give this to you?" He asked shaking his head.
"I have very meddlesome siblings, and they think that I should talk to someone about this."
"What about?" He asked and I sat down on my porch, Shane sat down next to me.
"About that day. About what happened. Sorry about the picture though."
"It's fine, I'll blame Marnie for this later. So what's the problem?" I took a deep breath.
"It's a bit hard for me to decide as to where to begin."
"Tragedy is never easy to start to explain," Shane said leaning back on his hands and looking up at the darkening sky.
"I use to lead this community center mostly for kids and troubled teens, but there were some adults there as well. Unemployed, sick, homeless," I began shrugging, "the works you know?"
"Yes, you told me."
"Well, it was almost four years ago, I was twenty-one, the local PD had suggested a bit of 'survival' for people that relied on the center. They called it 'project self defense'. They were worried about the ongoing war and wanted all of its citizens to be prepared to take care of themselves. So I talked to the people in the center and they were all for it. We put together a fundraiser, and raised the money to go on the trip. The only problem was finding a ship and captain willing to take us to the island we were suppose to be heading..."
I locked the door to the community center and let out a slow sigh more and more people were getting back on their feet and didn't need to stay at the community center. The only ones I ever really left there were a couple of social workers with the kids, other than that the adults would try to go out and seek jobs, or other...Nightly activities. They would all meet me back here in the morning anyway. Most of them drunk, others...Well...Satisfied...Either way I was getting ready to return home when this man approached me. I was always a bit cautious, and even more nervous when strangers approached me. I started walking, he followed alongside me.
"Um...Hi...Can I um help you?" I asked nervously and the man smiled at me straightening up and I looked up at him. He must have stood up over six foot.
"Are you Jillian Viper?" He asked and I looked around before nodding my head.
"I mean...Do I want to be?" I asked and he smiled.
"Hi! My name is Henry!" He began shaking my hand violently. I pulled away my hand still shaking. "My wife and I saw your ad for a ship and captain and I came to offer our help!"
"Um...Are you sure? I mean you do know where I want you to take us right? We've been having trouble finding a captain because of the location of the island we are going," I warned and Henry nodded his head.
"My wife and I have sailed all over the world. We do a lot of cargo, some of the trips we make are even into the Gotoro Empire. Or course we don't do that anymore. But I think that we can handle it," Henry replied and I nodded my head.
"Ok. If you really want," I replied and Henry nodded his head.
"We can leave tomorrow if you would like."
"I have to get a few supplies so perhaps in two days time? We can meet at the docks," I replied and Henry nodded his head.
"That we can do. See you in two days then!" He exclaimed before walking off. I had met strange people before, but I never met someone who wasn't afraid to sail through Kurro waters, and in two days I was on a ship with only about seven of the members at the community center along with the couple.
I was leaning against the ship's railing looking out onto the water, I had just finished up a lesson, with my I suppose you could say students, on the island, when I felt a presence stand next to me.
"How are you handling the sailing?" Henry asked leaning on the railing as well. I nodded my head.
"I don't have a problem with water, sailing or even flying...It's...relaxing actually," I admitted and Henry smiled.
"That's a good thing...You know..." he began looking up at the sky, "I have a son about your age, maybe one day you two could meet...Or something...Just a suggestion..." he finished quietly and I laughed.
"Maybe I could. I'm sure if you and your wife are this nice he can't be so bad right?"
"He IS a little rough around the edges, but no, he's not a bad kid."
"I hate to break up your conversation, but we have a stowaway," Henry's wife, Anita, said walking towards us holding a young boy with brown hair by the ear. I recognized the kid. He had been living in the community center since I reopened it three years back.
"It's okay Anita, this is Jet, I'll take care of him," I replied grabbing him by the shoulders. She nodded her head and the couple walked away.
"What are you doing here Jet?" I asked leaning back against the railing of the ship. Jet looked down at the ocean.
"I just...I heard that you were coming to the Kurro Isles and thought that maybe I could find my brother there...He went off to war and I don't know...I was hoping that he might be here..." He replied and I smiled putting an arm around him.
"I know that it hurts when family goes to war, but you have to believe that he'll come back."
"I know...I just thought..."
"I know...It's ok...It's ok to have hope.." I said looking out onto the sea spotting another boat heading towards us. I straightened up.
"Henry!" I called and he looked over at us and I pointed out to the boat. He shook his head.
"We won't worry about them unless they try to board us," Henry replied giving the boat a hard turn to the right. Something wasn't right though. The ship was following us, and closing the gap between us fast. I held onto Jet's shoulders.
"Stay by me ok?" I replied walking him below decks.
"What's going on Ms. Jill? Is everything ok?" One of the ladies asked and I shrugged.
"I'm not entirely sure. I'll head above decks to see how far off we are from the islands," I said and sat Jet down.
"Just stay here ok Jet?" I asked making my way back above decks, which was a mistake. The minute I set foot above decks I was surrounded by nothing but chaos. The ship had caught up to us and had boarded. Pirates...and they were everywhere. Oh shit! I thought ducking under the arms of one of the pirates.
"Jill get everyone from below decks into the life boats!" Henry shouted trying to fight off a couple of pirates. I looked around, could we even make it to the life boats? I thought to myself when I felt myself get grabbed from behind.
"Try to keep the women, they'll fetch for a high price on the black market, especially if they're pretty," the man said wrapping one arm around my waist the other hand cupping my cheek. I headbutted the man and he dropped me to the floor. I ran below decks to gather the others, all of them in a panic as some of the pirates had made their way down below decks.
"No," I said quietly starting to throw random objects at the men. "Go run!" I shouted at a few of the passengers that had managed to escape from the pirates. I grabbed Jet's hand.
"Come on kid!" I shouted dashing up the stairs dragging Jet behind me. Henry caught me mid run.
"Come on, we need to go," he replied starting to run towards one of the life boats when everything seemed to stop. An explosion could be heard tearing the boat in two, flinging passengers and pirates everywhere. I broke the surface, Jet was struggling to stay above water and I swam over towards him.
"Hold on Jet," I said grabbing him and placing him on an broken piece of the boat. I leaned on it looking around the wreckage feeling my heart sink. No one else survived? I thought and I felt something tug on my leg dragging me under water. I lashed out trying to fight off the pirate that was trying to drown me. If I didn't fight him off he would drown me. I felt his fingers close tightly around my neck. I felt myself growing light headed, dizzy, when I finally gave one last kick and I could feel him releasing me. I made my way to the surface fast gasping for breath.
"Ms. Jill! Over here!" Jet shouted at me pointing to a limp figure of Henry drifting not too far away from Jet. I swam over to him trying to haul him onto the boat piece with Jet. I placed my hands on the little 'raft' and started swimming, hopefully I could find an island soon to bring us some kind of 'safety'.
I swam for what felt like forever, the sun had finally set and I was ready to give up when I finally saw land. I let out a slightly relieved sigh and pulled the raft towards the land. I let myself flop onto the sand. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. The entire crew was gone, the only ones left were Henry, Jet, and myself. Everyone else didn't make it. I let out a frustrated cry and sat up slowly.
"Ms. Jill?" Jet asked and I turned to look at him.
"Yea Jet?"
"What happened?"
"I'm...Not entirely...Sure," I replied slowly when I felt myself getting pulled up by my hair, I looked up, apparently one of the pirates had managed to escape the explosion.
"If anything I will at lease get one bitch for prophet," the man replied. Henry had finally gotten his second wind and pulled the pirate off me knocking me to the ground. The pirate swiped at Henry, his blade plunging deep into Henry's chest. Henry fell back shock across his face.
"No!" I shouted lunging at the pirate who swung around throwing me back onto the ground choking me, the evening tide coming in quickly. I kicked out at the man knocking him back, I flipped him over holding his head under the water. He struggled to get me off him, his hands clawing at my face until finally he stopped. I felt my heart stop. I just drowned a man. I felt the tears forming in my eyes and a small hand rest on my shoulder.
"He was going to hurt us. You saved us," Jet replied and I nodded my head. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to understand the same feeling he was feeling but I couldn't wrap my head around it. Yes, I knew I had saved our own hides...But I still felt guilty.
"Jill?" A faint voice called to me. I turned to face Henry, his hand outstretched towards me. I made my way towards him grabbing his hand gently.
"Hey...We're going to get you some help ok? Just hang tight," I replied encouragingly. He shook his head slowly.
"No...I'm not going to make it out of this, but you and Jet...You can."
"Henry~"
"Do something for me will you?"
"Of course..."
"When you get back into town," he said shoving something into my hand, "return to my house, there is something there for my son...He won't be ready for it...But when the time is right please give it to him. Ok? He gets scared, and he forgets. Don't let him forget."
"Forget what?"
"Don't let him forget," Henry replied closing his eyes. I rested my head against his.
"I won't," I said quietly and began to dig. The least I could do was give him a proper burial. I sat there, on top where I buried him and cried. I didn't know the man, I didn't know his kid, but I had a guilt wash over me, like this was all my fault this happened. I shouldn't have come out here. I should have ignored the police. Everyone was gone, and this was all my fault.
I stared at my hands the entire time I retold the story to Shane, except the small part about what his father said. I didn't want him to be insulted.
"I still see his face every time I go near the water. The pirate, Henry. The other passengers. My psych told me it was 'survivor's guilt' that I experienced a tragic accident and lived," I said quietly, and looked up. Shane had been so quiet the entire time. I thought he would interrupt me at some point, but he never did. I leaned back when I saw his face. He was hurt, angry. It wasn't the expression I was expecting, but I wasn't sure what to expect from him.
"Y-you're the reason my parents are dead," he began a hint of betrayal in his voice. "If you had NEVER gone to that community center. If you had NEVER booked that fucking trip! My dad would have never seen the ad and he and Mom might still be alive!" I sat back away from him, terrified, a bit hurt, but ashamed. He was right. This was all my fault anyway.
"S-Shane I-I," I tried to mumble when he stood up furiously.
"I KNEW you were trouble when you came into the valley, but I never realized exactly HOW MUCH trouble you were. I can't believe you! When were you going to tell me you knew my parents?" He demanded pointing an accusing finger at me.
"I didn't know them! All I knew them as were the couple that offered to help me. They were nice people! I didn't know they were YOUR parents!" I cried and Shane scoffed at me.
"I LOOK LIKE MY FATHER!" He exploded and I shrunk back. I was terrified of Shane right now, if he were drunk he probably would have wrapped his hands around my throat and killed me.
"Why did you think that you could hide this from me? Why would you not tell me?!"
"It's not exactly something I want to talk about! I witnessed several of my friends die on sea, not to mention your parents, and a bunch of pirates that wanted to sell me on the black market! I WANTED TO FORGET IT!" I shouted standing up glaring at him through tears. "You think I want to remember the bad that happened?! No! I honor THEIR memory by the good they did in the community! It took EVERYTHING I had to work up the courage to even think about telling you the story, much less actually tell you. The world doesn't revolve around you Shane! There are other people hurting!" I shouted through tears, my heart trying to thump its way out of my chest. A muscle in Shane's eye twitched and I saw his hand start to move. I backed into the wall of my house Shane looming over me, when he stopped and shook his head in what appeared to be disappointment and betrayal.
"You're not worth my time," he replied softly waving the picture in the air before stepping off my porch and off my farm. I felt my heart sink, and then shatter, and I sunk to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my head into my arms. I never liked talking about it, and I just made Shane hate me even more then he already did. I sat on the porch and cried until I fell asleep.
