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Chapter Eleven - Waning Light
"You shouldn't have retreated my dear boy. That will only cause them to increase the level of their search."
I fully realize that it's juvenile to do so but I can't help but roll my eyes due to this statement from the Fourteenth. "Yes because attacking them would have done so much to make the Order stop looking for me. Do you even listen to yourself sometimes?" He has no reply to this question, not that I really expected him to. The fallen Noah speaks when he sees it as beneficial to himself and other times remains silent.
Almost eerily silent.
In the beginning his voice was a constant, granted it sounded far away. Then, as time progressed, the voice grew steadily louder until it was loud enough to drown out my own thoughts. But now, now there are times when the voice is no longer there. The disappearance of the voice, along with the shadow of the Fourteenth that always loomed behind me, is disturbing to me. I've done my best not to dwell on it but now that I'm alone in the Ark, with only Timcanpy and the occasional speech from the Fourteenth, I'm forced to come to terms with what it really must mean.
I'm no longer constantly plagued by the voice of the Noah because he and I are becoming more like one entity. He hasn't managed to completely take over my body but what he has succeeded in doing is making me more like himself. Which is a scary thought no matter how you slice it. Reaching up I grasp at a lock of my now gray hair, pulling it out so that I can stare at it.
"Just surrender…"
"I still have a promise to keep. And I don't give a damn about your revenge or your goals." And it's true. I may be surrounded by darkness but I still have a promise that I fully intend to keep. Far from feeling freed from my obligation to Mana, the changes in my personality make me feel as though I have even more to atone for. Like I have to make up for the fact that the ice has swallowed my soul and that the light is waning fast.
Replacing who I was with who I was always destined to be.
Suddenly I'm struck with the irrepressible urge to leave the Ark. I have no idea whether my former friends have given up their search but I know that I cannot stay here any longer. Reaching out I tap a familiar key with the tip of one finger, opening the door leading from the secret room. Turning I make my way toward the exit, feeling the familiar weight of Timcanpy settle on top of my head as I retreat. I don't know why I want to leave the Ark so much but the fact remains that the desire is there.
Pulling at me.
And I do nothing to fight the urge.
My steps are quick as I traverse the familiar maze of the Ark, eventually emerging in the same spot that I had fled from earlier. Stepping out onto the grass I quickly scan the terrain, only to find that Lenalee, Lavi and BaKanda are still here. Sitting in the shade created by a large tree they seem to be in deep discussion about something. And, with their backs turned to me, none of them notice my arrival. Taking great care to be quiet I slowly approach the spot where they are sitting, curious as to why they hung around.
"So what are we going to tell the higher ups?" That strange note is still contained in Lavi's voice as he poses this question to the others. "If we tell them what we saw then they're likely to send out more people in search of Allen."
"We could just do as he said and act like we didn't find him…" Uncertainty in Lenalee's voice, as though she doubts the words that she's speaking.
"What do you think Yu?" Lavi turns toward BaKanda, a questioning look in his one visible green eye.
"Che. Let's find the stupid Moyashi and beat some sense into him."
This statement is the one that takes me the most by surprise. If I didn't know better I would almost think that the moody samurai cared about what happened to me. Of course all signs pointed to no if you looked back at our past.
All of this is pushed to the back of my mind as I feel a sudden flash of something akin to pain. Shaking my head I can't help but inwardly berate myself for being so unbelievably stupid. I should have known better than to get near them, I should have thought about what could happen. Being near their Innocence is making the urge to destroy become more intense. Grasping my head with both hands I hiss, effectively drawing attention to myself.
"Allen!"
"Moyashi!"
Their words barely register in my mind as my pulse begins to pound, seemingly in time with music that only I can hear. The desire to destroy is once again there in full force and, despite the fact that I know who it is that I'm facing, I find myself unable to keep myself from attacking.
The desire is just to strong for me to fight against.
Growling low in my throat I lunge toward Kanda, invoking my Innocence mid leap. This action is accompanied by a flash of pain and the distinct desire to destroy my own Innocence as well as theirs. I push this thought to the back of my mind however as I seek to bury the claws of my left hand in the samurai's flesh.
"What the fuck are you doing you stupid moyashi?!" Kanda barely manages to raise his sword in time to block my attack and now he and I stare at one another, eyes narrowed.
I don't feel the need to answer his question as I jump back and prepare for another attack. I didn't really expect for my first attack to make contact but still I cannot help the rise of anger that flares in this moment. With the blood roaring in my ears I leap forward once again, making another attempt to slash through his jugular vein.
Unfortunately nothing ever comes of this second attack. Suddenly I feel hands gripping my arms and I fight to free myself from the vice-like grips on my arms.
"Let go!" The venom in my voice makes it almost unrecognizable. Even to me.
"Stop it Allen!" It's an order but not really one that I want to heed. The desire to kill is still the driving factor behind my actions but my vision clears somewhat as I watch both Lavi and Lenalee activate their Innocence.
And in this moment the full weight of what I've just done hits me head on. I just attacked someone that I once called friend. Granted it's BaKanda and we've always had a rocky relationship but that doesn't lessen the severity of the situation.
Nor does it take away the sting as I gaze into the eyes of the trio from the Black Order. I can tell, by their expressions, that each of them is prepared to fight.
"We don't want to fight you Allen… but that doesn't mean that we won't."
I briefly gaze at the red head who was like the older brother that I never had. Then, without even bothering to deactivate my Innocence, I once again flee the scene.
"You're making a mistake…"
Briefly I think that the fallen Noah probably has a point and this only makes me feel worse about the situation. Not only did I attack a member of my former surrogate family but now I'm thinking that I'm making a mistake by not finishing what I started.
The light is waning and the darkness is winning.
A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this installment of the story, please be kind enough to leave a review and tell me what you thought. 'puppy-dog eyes'
