Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. SM owns it all bebes.


Blake's POV

The same images from two days ago on the beach washed through my mind. This time, I saw his face. I knew that face. It was the haunting face from my gym coach in my first boarding school, the last place I saw my little brother and the same place I got us kicked out of. I never remember why I got compelled to beat up this teacher, but if these images were real memories, I understood perfectly now.

A ringing sound woke me from my nightmare. Breathing deeply, I reminded myself it never happened. Then I slowly walked around the house until I found a phone. "What?" I said, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. It was too early for anyone to get a pleasant 'hello' out of me.

"Andromeda Raine," a chilling voice hissed with fake pleasure. All the color on my normally tan face drained. "Long time no see."

"Director, I don't see you here," I checked my nearest windows and rooms just to be sure. "I'm sure this phone call goes against my lawyer's advice. Shall I summon her?"

"No, no this is purely business, business that is best kept under the radar," he sighed. I could picture him at his desk plotting his revenge, fiddling with his wooden nameplate. "It's come to our attention that you've found very little information in the last month. Now, I'm a very considerate man, as you know."

My head spun. I couldn't deal with my new flashbacks and the director's evilness. I sat on a chair and ran a hand through my hand. "Yes, this has become a particularly hard case," I sighed.

"I see and think to have some tips. In past cases, you've used all your ways to get information when news became slow. You aren't here, detective," he spat. I knew exactly where this was headed. Why wasn't I smart enough to have every phone call recorded? Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Listening to one of your interviews, I see there has been some speculation going on of a relationship between Paul Lahote and you, yet you simply deposited the controversy your job causes."

"Paul Lahote, just like the other boys, is hiding something. The only reason for those rumors is because I spend a lot of time around him due to the fact that he slips up a lot," I played the part. In truth, it wasn't as close to a lie as I thought. He did slip up a bit more but I tried not to count it, mainly because it was the few times when he was influenced by his affection over me.

"As I suspected," he agreed. "Now you said this boy had caused a disruption to your investigation." I gulped inaudibly. That was when I was pissed off about the bonfire. Of course it was true he caused a problem, but I deeply regretted acting so rashly. There was no need to make Paul more of a target than any of the others. "Blake, you and I both know the only reason we keep you is because of your willingness to sleep with suspects. Those papers were just the beginning. We still haven't opened the murder charges."

"What are you saying?" I asked coldly.

"I'm saying you will sleep with Paul Lahote. Afterwards, you'll manipulate him like you always do. We'll drop the charges from your ex's and then you'll only have to worry about the murder cases, which will only be opened up if you go against us," I could feel the smile creeping off his words.

"Why? Why are you treating me like an enemy?" I turned it away from his demand for the moment. No doubt I'd still have to do it, but it helped to not talk of the dirty deed.

"Sweetheart," he spat, "everyone is an enemy. You can only trust yourself in this world. Once you learn that, you'll be better off."

I knew what this meant. I'd never be out of his grasp. He'd always have something to hold over my head. The threat pushed down on me. It became hard to breathe. "I'll do it. What proof do you want? I can't send a video like last time, he'd notice." I couldn't believe the words I spoke. Would I really betray Paul that way?

I shook my head. Over the past month I had slowly forgotten about my real mission here. Maybe that was his entire plan in the first place. Either way, he stood in my way and that was the only solution. It was what I did. I knew what had to be done and I did it no matter the emotional disturbance. Paul would just have to get over his stupid method of 'healing' me. I was fine how I was. I was a powerful, determined woman. There was no need or time for changes. He should have seen that. It was just sex. He should be honored that he was the lucky one. We both had been craving it for a while.

"Send me the condom," he sighed.

"You know I won't do DNA without consent. We'd never be able to use it," I chastised.

"Blake, Blake, Blake," he sighed, twiddling his fingers on the cord to create a static effect. "I'm not that devious. A picture of it beside him will do." I cringed. Thinking of the after effects hurt my heart. Theo's door opened as he lazily strolled into the kitchen. "It won't hurt if you are seen in it as well. I'd never report you for porn."

I cleared my throat at the same time Theo's head snapped to the phone. "I have to go. I will follow through by the end of the week." I slammed the phone on the hook hard enough to hurt my hand.

"That wasn't Paul," Theo growled as he stormed in front of me. "What are you doing, Blake?" He sounded strained, like he constantly had to care for me. I clenched my jaw and looked away.

"It's none of your business."

"It may be Paul's," he growled. I whipped my head around and pointed a finger in his chest.

"Does it really concern either of you that I'm the sexual target of my boss? Nothing is happening so stay off of this Theo," I snarled, pushing past him. He crossed his hand over his chest.

"You're right. I don't care," he remembered. The comment had me flinching but I left the room anyways. We had just gotten on good terms. They seemed to have just understood that I did care for him. Then we went back to the bickering. Nothing ever seemed permanent in my life.


I had it all planned out. I'd seduce Paul, which wouldn't be that hard. After, we would lie in bed doing silly things, feigning to have no other problem in the world. I would insist on keeping the condom. Then, once again being flirtatious, I'd insist he put it in his mouth grinning. I'd send the picture and pray to God he never found out.

I fiddled with the black strap on the hoes. It connected to my underwear. The top was a simple, black push up bra. I sighed. Was I really doing this again? Eventually, I got tired of it. It was the same thing with the same people. Only this time, I'd feel guilty afterwards. I already did.

Somebody cleared his throat from the bathroom doorway. I shrieked and grabbed my robe. Theo stood with his eyes on the ground, a look of disappointment in his eyes. "Theo! Knock," I said, pressing the robe against my body before swiftly pulling it on.

"Look Blake, I don't care about what Paul isn't giving you. You can live without a little sex. And I will tell Paul," Theo growled. I brushed past him into my room where my dress hung.

"Theo, this isn't something I enjoy talking to you about, but I plan on having sex with Paul, if you must know," I ground my teeth. He peered suspiciously at me while I forced a straight face.

"What did your boss say?" Theo asked. It had been a day of his silence, his way of disconnecting from me. Though I enjoyed talking to him again, he was nosy.

"None of anyone's business," I finished my eye shadow. Theo still gazed sadly at me. "What do you want? Isn't Joy coming over tonight?"

"Yes, her father under the impression that you'll be here to supervise," Theo pointed out. I rolled my eyes. She didn't need supervising. I wondered if she'd have the guts to have sex before marriage. With Theo's pestering, I'm sure she'd cave. He could make anyone follow a ridiculous command.

"Paul and I never have a night out. Why are you so against this all of a sudden?" I put my earrings in slowly.

"I know what Paul's plan is, Blake. He doesn't think you are ready for sex yet," Theo admitted. "Frankly, I know you aren't."

I cocked a hip and stared at him. He acted like he was the parent here. "I'll take that into consideration, but I am an adult. Let me have a little fun," I pouted purposefully. He released a long breath swaying back and forth on his heels.

"Just...go to his place. I'll hear enough about it later, I'd rather not have to actually hear it," Theo grimaced. I smiled wickedly and kissed his cheek. "Um...Blake, how do you know when pasta is done?" The blush on his face gave him away. My face paled and I dashed into the kitchen to see the water boiling over the side. I gasped and grabbed the handle, pouring out the majority of the water. Nearly all the pasta was stuck on the bottom. "Is that bad?"

"How about you try making her salad and steaks? You can grill right?" I hoped he could. Tonight he tried cooking for Joy. I didn't know why he wanted to impress her; she was utterly taken with him already. Theo shook his head in an embarrassed manner as the doorbell rang. I glanced through the glass to see Paul's face. Dashing to open it, I couldn't even force a smile on my lips knowing my ulterior motives of tonight. He took a glance at my hair and stockings.

"I take it we aren't just having a walk on the beach?" his eyebrow rose. I shook my head. Lately, he had been distant, barely even making out since the night on the beach. I planned on breaking it off all at once like a bandage.

"Nope, but you are dressed fine," I assured him. He had a loose pair of jeans on and a black t-shirt with a hand made necklace. "Teach that boy how to grill a steak. I'll be out in a few."

Paul chuckled and shoved Theo outside. I knew they'd talk about my devious plans. Well he'd hear one way or another. As a matter of fact, halfway into my changing, Paul thundered through my door. Blushing, I pulled the dress all the way down and looked up to his angry expression. It reached only mid thigh but was tight to my skin. "What do you think you're doing?" his voice boomed. I smiled weekly and undid my hair as the curls bounced around my face.

"I'm taking you out, Boston style. You need to know what a little fun dancing is like. That's all," I held my hands up with a grin plastered on my face.

"Then why the hell are you wearing some sexy ass underwear?" Paul growled. I sighed and took his hand.

"Just incase," I squeezed. "I'm always prepared." He gulped but kept his mad posture. When he clenched his jaw, it nearly brought tears to my eyes knowing I was deceiving him. "Look, I want to have sex. Since you feel like you can't even touch me, I've got to show you that you can."

"Blake, if every time I touch you it brings back horrible flashbacks, I'll never touch you again," Paul refused. I tugged him through the kitchen. On he porch, Theo seemed to be holding up the steak pretty well.

"That only happens along my chest. And I'm pretty sure you aren't attracted to me because of my 'huge rack,'" I smirked and took his keys from his pocket. "Can you find something else to play with or do I need to show you?"

"Damn, Blake," Paul pulled me roughly to his side and reluctantly climbed in the car. "Enough dirty talk."

"Don't like it?"

"I like it too much," he clenched his jaw again. Damn. Even if this task may haunt me for the rest of my life, I'd at least feel some pleasure exploring his perfect body. "Where to?"

"Port Angles," I grinned and clutched his bicep in excitement. "Paul, tell me about your family." I realized I knew nothing about him really. Did he have parents? Siblings? I wanted to find out before I betrayed him. If I asked after, I'd feel like I was only stirring the flames for when he found out. I had a bad feeling that at some time he'd find out why I slept with him.

"My parents are divorced. I lived with my dad until a few years back," he seemed content as I gripped his arm. It probably fed his ego way too much, but I had no problem with that. Anyone who dated me needed a large ego.

"Sorry," I said. He wasn't really bothered by it obviously. "Job?" How did I not know what my boyfriend of a month did for a living? He met my eyes with a steady stare. "Oh." It must have been tired in with his secret. That depressed me. "First date?"

"Now that's a good one," he grinned sloppily. "There was this girl..." Conversations treaded lightly like that for most of the ride. Towards the end I had to help him with directions in the town. It surprised me he didn't know the place. It was a popular club. It was the only club, though he probably picked up girls in bars or strip joints. Did he go to strip clubs? That thought disturbed me slightly so I decided not to ask. "You took me to a dance club?"

"Yes," I grinned. "We are young and horny. That is the definition of clubs in Boston and…well anywhere other than small towns. Please, you'll love it!"

"I can't dance," his eyebrows shot up when he saw some of the outfits other girls wore. "If I'm forced to do this, why couldn't you have worn something like that?"

"One, there's only about two dances and one will be natural for you. Two, I haven't taken off my coat, idiot," I rolled my eyes. The dress I wore wasn't the most conservative. If Paul caught on to the dancing, it would ride up easily so I'd have to watch out for that. It took some more pleading before he finally agreed and we went inside. I could tell he was easily overwhelmed. "You get us some drinks and just watch for a little while. I promise, it's not hard." I giggled at the little joke and sat my jacket and clutch in a table. Paul's eyes followed me to the dance floor.

I quickly found my way into a large group of people my age. The music was upbeat and so loud I could barely hear my own words. I pulled a man into an open area and danced with him. I was so used to being shorter that being handled by somebody my height made me feel awkward. Slowly, my hips swayed with his, his back to mine. Paul, at the bar gulping down a beer, had his eyes locked with mine. I grinned. Jealousy sprouted in his gaze. I ran a hand down the boy's face, teasing Paul. Even though I couldn't hear the growl, I could see it.

I swiftly slapped the boy's hands away from going past my hips. When the song ended, I excused myself and intercepted Paul before he could tackle the guy. "Don't do that," Paul growled. Giggling, I took his hand in mine and twirled around. He stood rigidly watching curiously. "I know how to do what you did, by the way. It's not like I never went to a high school dance."

"Then get over here. And grind with me," I shouted, winking and laughing. It was easy to forget the task at hand. It was easy to convince myself that this was all that would come out of the night. It was so easy to get lost in his eyes, in his hands.

Paul spun me around until I fell into his chest laughing. His hands pressed firmly into my hips, but I guided them further south. We swayed back and forth to the song. I leaned into him, grinning an upside down smile. His hands inched down again. A tingly feeling ran through my body. I absolutely adored the things he did to me. It wasn't like I had to show him the ropes or anything. With the way he rubbed my thighs up and down, I became sure he must have fingered a girl in this same technique. As the song shifted, I spun around into his arms and planted a kiss flush on his lips. My vagina was just a little too warm for my likings, especially so early on.

The night went on.


"I can't believe you ripped your dress," Paul stated, his arm around my waist as the car warmed up. I shivered in my coat and swayed slightly. It seemed like beer never affected Paul yet went right through me. Not only did I nearly puke, I had to pee at least four times in the two hours we spent there.

"It was cute, too," I winked. He moved his hand a bit lower. Time to get my plan into action, I thought. "Paul, can we go to your house? I don't want Joy to see me like this."

"Sure," he eyed me suspiciously. To distract him, I kissed his neck. Slowly, I nibbled on his ear. "Nothing more."

"Mmm," I moaned, my hand trailing down his shirt. "I guess you'll just have to watch me undress myself, then."

The rest of the ride home I continued distracting him. He didn't say a word, probably afraid of driving off the rode. It got to the point that when he pulled in his driveway, I worked my mouth to unzip his shorts. There was silence as he threw open the door, carrying me against his chest. I kissed him dauntingly, my legs wrapped around his torso. Gasping, I was thrown onto a soft bed. Paul's hands ran down my sides as he tore at my dress. It moved so fast. Just as he began kissing over my neck, I sat up.

"Two minutes," I panted. He growled huskily and nuzzled his head into my shoulder. "One." Reluctantly, he nodded and flopped to his back on the bed. I dashed to his bathroom and searched profusely for a damn condom. Finally, I found a stack in his cabinet. Keeping my phone in hand, I pushed up my boobs, spruced my hair, and sprayed the little perfume I brought along with me. Then I rinsed my teeth out with mouthwash sure it smelled like musky beer. No more stalling, I told myself, it was time to break our hearts.

Stepping back into his room, I remembered why he made me nervous. Paul was so damn beautiful, not just in his body either. He lit the candles around his room and had sexy music playing in the background. One thing was missing: him. I searched around before sitting on his bed in the sexiest posture I could manage. Normally, I wasn't this flawed while working, but Paul made me insanely insecure…for my standards. I tucked the condom between my puffy lips and waited. He swaggered back in with no hurry, assuming I'd still be in the bathroom. When his eyes locked on me he froze.

"Please," I pouted, tossing him the condom package. He smirked and raised an eyebrow before slowly nodding, a grin growing on his fingers. I crawled to the edge of the bed where he stood shirtless. For the first time, I took in his body without being so close. It was an overwhelming sight. He had a six-pack that was clearly worked for complimented by his large biceps. Arm veins sprouted when he clenched his hands. "Paul," I trilled, whispering right next to his ear, "fuck me."

Paul's hand shoved me back on the bed before crawling on top of me. I brought his face to mine, kissing him as passionately as I could. The entire time he spent kissing down my chest, I fought back horrible memories. He quickly went to my stomach, sensing my discomfort. It wasn't much better there. Though the memories weren't apparent, guilty thoughts invaded my mind. As he ripped off my dress, my eyes stung. It was all happening so fast. The closer and closer he got, the guiltier I felt. It was for the right cause, I reminded myself.

When I felt something hard press against my leg, I knew it was time for my signature move. I'm sure Paul's already seen it, but it was worth a shot. If I had to hurt him so deeply, he should at least have gotten something out of it. My hands trembled as they unzipped his shorts, slowly sliding down his underwear as well.

What a horrible person, my conscience chastised. Paul already got onto you for using so many other men for yourself. He didn't stop to think he could have been one as well. Now you are using him, just like any whore.

I fought against the thoughts and refused to look down, sure the guilty thoughts would come back again. To distract Paul, I spun him around on his back. He moved his hands to my ass, squeezing. Though I enjoyed it, I couldn't help but think how we should have waited just a bit longer. It had been what he wanted. Instead, I resorted to pleading and seducing him. "Smack me," I commanded, not trusting the air to be so quiet of voices. Curious, Paul did as I told and I moaned, feeling his hands against me. A growl escaped his lips as he brought my face to his.

"He's so happy," I thought in defense.

"Is this how you want to remember your first time with him? Every time you think of it, you'll be reminded of Director Jones!"

I shook my head, moving to the side to bite his ear. I was awarded another, heart-clenching bay. My hands moved back down to his crotch as I pushed his underwear further down. At the same time, Paul slipped one strap of my bra teasingly off my shoulder. On a normal client, I would have already warmed him up with different things. Wow, I dreaded, I was using my boyfriend and I gave him crappy sex.

Finally, I lowered my head between his thighs and slipped my bra off fully. He sat up, agonizing lust in his eyes as he fought off the urge to pull me to his chest. Biting my lip, I locked eyes with him before quickly looking away and down.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. It was all too real. Paul's dick was right there and – no matter how much I wanted him, not matter how large he was – I couldn't deal with going through with him on such false terms. I couldn't stand the idea of hurting him so much. He'd feel so betrayed. I cared about him. I didn't want to just jump to sex and ruin the deeper connection we had. Dammit! Still, I had a mission. Before my eyes got too glossy, I shoved him back on his chest as I fumbled with the condom. Finally, my shaking fingers rolled it over his hard member, forgetting of my move. The yearning within me told me to shut out any other emotions. It hit me hard. My body fought two sides. I knew which one should have won.

I covered my mouth as a sob almost escaped my body. Tears spilled down my cheeks that I wiped away as my hands traveled back up his body. His face flashed before my eyes. His penis would soon be within me, bringing more emotions into our fake relationship. I couldn't force my hands to move any further. I couldn't force my body to do one more thing. Nothing, not even the fear of death, moved me an inch further. I trembled, falling away slightly.

"Stop."

His voice hit me un-expectantly. I was sure he couldn't have seen my face yet. Still, I stopped, thankful for the excuse to not break him. "W-what?"

"Blake, what are you doing?" Paul breath was shaky, as if he had to work up a lot of effort to stop focusing on his testosterone. "Are you – crying?" He supported himself by his elbows but soon gripped my arms, flinging me right next to him. One look at his face caused me to full out weep. He wasn't angry or confused; he was just concerned. Paul, the hot, perfect, sexy, innocent man comforted me: the traitor, the manipulative self-centered bitch! What was wrong with the world?

I couldn't grasp my head around it, but I knew one thing. If I stayed next to him knowing I was about to use him like every other man, I would have had a heart attack. I scrambled off the bed and crawled into a corner, pulling my knees to my chest. What was wrong with me? I was a horrible person and would never change. "I'm – I'm so sorry," I wailed. "Paul – I…" I couldn't finish because my sobbing choked me. Warm arms pulled me to his chest. I didn't understand. He should have hated me! "Don't touch me!"

"Blake, what's going on?" He sat me on the bed and wrapped a blanket around my body. He didn't bother doing his own, obviously comfortable with himself, as he should have been. My head seemed a bit more screwed on with a blanket separating our bodies.

"I – I," I gasped between whimpers. "I never wanted – I'm horrible. You…should break u-up with me. I'm awful and-," Paul shook my shoulders violently. I guiltily stared into his eyes.

"Stop saying that about your self," he commanded, anger evident in his eyes. "You are a good person, Blake, but, dammit, tell me why you started crying when you saw my dick? I've had people faint, but not cry." With his cocky smirk, he managed to get a small, futile laugh out of me. "See, that's better. Now tell me what the hell is wrong."

I kept staring into his chocolate pools of brown. The same caramel freckle calmed my nerves. When I was able to form a real sentence, I spoke. "I…was given orders to sleep with you, Paul," I spat. Hatred spun around my body at those horrible words.

"You – you were going to use me?" Paul stumbled back. He looked away from my eyes. I nodded shamefully. As anger took over his body, I forced my eyes to look away. He didn't deserve to have such a low life's gaze on him in his time of weakness. Multiple sounds happened: a wall creaking under the weight of Paul's fists, a door slamming, the same door opening, and the groaning of a man in pain.

I wished his anger had taken over more. I wished he had irrationally killed me; beat me up and murdered me. It would have made the pain in my chest, the pain like somebody was personally squeezing my lungs, go away. I wouldn't have had to feel the anguish from his glare. I wouldn't have had to feel my heart slowly shrivel up, as it felt like it was slowly being punched further and further away from me, each battering a new wave a pain flushed through my veins. Most importantly, I wouldn't have had to look at Paul and see my pain ten times worse written on his face, in his fists, in his heart. I wouldn't have had to know that I caused him so much unthinkable pain.

I think I loved the man and yet I had just took his heart and ripped it into millions of pieces, chewing and torturing the remnants.


A/N: Merry Christmas! Happy New Years! Thanks for the reviews and follows! Let's see some more, I have two chapters ready to post before the end of my trip…if you all really want it.:)