A/N: Okay so raise your hand if you thought this story was dead in the water? I'm happy to say that isn't the case. The author, being me refering to herself in the third person, just had a lazy hair up her ass. For those of you who didn't just skip down to the story, I graduated college after completing a year I thought would kill me before I made it to commencement, got a job from hell that drove me to driving nails through my eyes (okay so almost), went through some serious life adjusments (hey moving back home after living on your own isn't easy), and so I'm back with deep, sincere apologies to all. I even come back bearing gifts! I'm working on a sequal to Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo and I'm very very pleased with it and excited about it :) So anyhow, feel free to reread Company and refresh your memories (hey even I had to) before delving into this and I hope it meets expectations.

Discliamer: They belong to Dick Wolf, sadly enough. But I am lobbying for better character treatment in my spare time. Elliot and Olivia miss the glory days Dickie!

Chapter 11

Elliot starred out of Rebecca Hendrix's green trimmed window at the pouring rain. Fitting, he had decided as he watched the pristine liquid coat the city absorbing it's filth along the way down. He had never noticed how it did that before. Then again, he apparently failed to notice a lot of things. And he didn't need Rebecca's help to see that. It had been painfully etched across Olivia's face before she slammed his apartment door. And come to think of it, he recalled the expression being used quite often, and not only by her, by everyone around him.

He knitted his eyebrows together in thought. Exactly when had he become so narcissistic? He cringed. Okay maybe narcissistic was a bit harsh. Self centered? Maybe. 'More like egotistic, self-absorbed, selfish...' Olivia's voice suddenly edged into his thoughts and he fought the urge to shake his head clear of it. The last thing he wanted to do was knowingly add to his 'crazy file'.

"Elliot?"

Rebecca's voice called him out of his thoughts. "Hmm?"

"You never answered my question," she replied serenely.

He chewed the inside of his jaw. Her demeanor was really beginning to piss him off. Just exactly why was she so calm anyhow? Here he was spilling his guts, against his will might he add, and all she could do was give him cool, even glances and breezy tones. He thought she cared, that she had passion and conviction, that it would be easier to talk to her, that she wouldn't see him as just another client, because he wasn't. He was a colleague. This was exactly why he refused to ever talk to Huang. "What was that?"

"Why do you think you're selfish Elliot?"

"I said that?" He wondered when.

"While you were staring out the window," she clarified for him.

He narrowed his eyes. Damn. Maybe he was crazy after all. "I don't. Everyone around me does."

He thought he saw a smile creep into her expression. "And who might 'everyone' be?"

He glanced at the clock and sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face. God, when was this torture going to end? "Take your pick. My wife, my kids, my coworkers, my partner…"

She nodded gently. "And they've told you you're being selfish."

He sighed. "Why else would my wife ask for a separation?"

"Elliot, you know the answer to that question."

He did. He knew there were about a million reasons why marriages end. But he also knew his was ending because he was selfish. He wanted to work and to come home when he wanted to without an explanation or an argument as to why he was so late and exactly what he was doing so late. He wanted Kathy to just accept that he didn't want to talk to her about his world and that home and the job don't mix. He wanted her to understand that he needed to provide his family while she cared for it. But most of all, he knew he was selfish because he wouldn't give up his job for his family because he couldn't fathom giving up Olivia in any terms in order to come home to Kathy every night.

"Elliot, you mentioned your partner. What about Olivia?"

His jaw dropped. He didn't say that out loud did he? He narrowed his eyes and tried gauging her expression. But the damn thing never even wavered!

"Why do you think that Olivia would think you are selfish?" She tried again after a pregnant pause from him.

Because she'd told him so, that's why. He couldn't pin point the exact conversation, but it had to have taken place. Why else would her voice be echoing those words in his head if she'd never said them to him in the first place? Right? He scratched the back of his neck in confusion. Yea, he was definitely crazy.

"Elliot?"

He was stuck. He wasn't completely positive she ever had. But he was positive she thought it. Could he admit that to Rebecca though? That he knew his partner so completely that he could hear what she said even when she didn't say a word? That he could read her expressions, her thoughts by just glancing at her? 'Are you sure about that?'

He tilted his head to the side. Now he was hearing things! He stared down Rebecca desperately trying to give her ownership of the intrusive voice in his head. She matched his gaze with one that would have made Olivia proud had she been there. 'Bullshit!'

He was up in a flash and out of the door before Rebecca had time react to the sudden change in him. "Elliot?"

He charged through the building, out the door, and into the chilly rain of the thick September morning. He understood now, he had a new sense of clarity as if the rain had absorbed the layer of filth covering him too, and he was pissed off.

Fuck the rain. He closed his eyes to the anger and adrenaline he could feel pulsing just behind them. He clenched his fists.

Fuck Rebecca and her knowing looks. This was all most definitely her fucking fault! If only she hadn't prodded… If she'd just left well enough alone and hadn't made him question himself… If only she'd showed him just a little compassion and sympathy…

Fuck the full hour. He didn't need it and she certainly wasn't helping. He'd arrived at every conclusion all on his own. He didn't need her help.

Fuck Cragen and his 'order.' He'd tell him to just go ahead and fire him. The therapy was doing no good anyhow. It was only pissing him off and making him examine and discover things he didn't really want to know in the first place. They were repressed or suppressed or what the fuck ever for a reason.

Elliot slammed his fists against the top of his car. "Fuck me."

A/N: HeHe I really really love this chaper! I absolutely loved analyzing Elliot and writing from inside his head ;) So just what did Elliot uncover? Hmmm...