And I've lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love...There's a light
There's a sun, taking all the shattered ones
To the place, we belong…
~Shattered by Trading Yesterday
XI. No Goodbyes
"…And you'll be moving in next week." Ichigo tuned back in to whatever Hisana had been saying right at the very end. He didn't bother responding. "Hell-ooo? Kurosaki-kun?"
"I'm listening," Ichigo half-lied, half-promised. The truth was, he wasn't really interested in what Hisana was saying, whatever it was. Something about a new foster home, and location, and transferring schools and blah…blah…blah…
"Don't look so excited," Hisana tried to tease, poking the boy's forehead. Her smile faded when she got no response.
Ichigo was about as okay with this moving thing as Rukia seemed to be. Neither teen had spoken more than one or two words at a time, and usually in response to something Hisana had said. Neither of them would express how they felt, of course. They were both too proud and too stubborn for them to even consider such a thing.
But that didn't make it any less obvious that they were upset.
It would have been so much more ideal if Ichigo could have just stayed with them. Not that Hisana hadn't pursued that route, especially after seeing the way this whole thing was effecting Ichigo and her baby sister.
The answer had been absolutely not. Hisana wasn't registered as a foster parent, and anyways Ichigo was her charge; she was supposed to make sure he was taken care of, but not get emotionally attached.
Okay, so she'd screwed up just a little in the aspect of her job description. In her defense though, she wasn't the only one that had gotten attached.
"Bye-bye Nee-chan!" Makoto chirped as Rukia left. She managed to force a smile for the boy, who was grinning widely, waving to her.
"See ya later, Makoto. Bye Momo-san."
"Bye Rukia-san," Hinamori sighed as she watched her friend go. She'd just spent the last three hours trying unsuccessfully to force the girl to actually (God forbid) talk about her feelings. As if it was such a terrible thing.
Rukia stared at the ground as she made her way down the street, kicking boredly at a rock. It had been very annoying, spending the afternoon with Hinamori, but the girl refused to let her leave. Doing homework had been murder. Rukia was surprised she'd managed to get all her work done. It was something to be proud of, she supposed. Except now she had nothing to do when Hisana would want to talk later on. And Hisana was sure to want to talk. People liked to talk too much, in Rukia's opinion.
"Why hello there Rukia. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Rukia raised her weary eyes to look up at the silver-haired man standing over her. Ichimaru Gin was giving her a large smile; he looked a bit like a snake to the girl. She was frightened despite the smile.
"Just call me if she gives you any trouble."
"Oh nonsense." Ichimaru waved Aizen off, reaching out a skinny arm. "I'm sure we'll get on just fine, right Rukia?"
Disturbingly long fingers made contact with Rukia's head. She shuddered under Ichimaru's touch.
"Hey Rukia."
Hisana's voice made Rukia jump; she jerked herself back to reality, her head snapping up to look at her sister, who instantly frowned at the haunted look she saw in Rukia's violet eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked at once, setting her book aside and standing up, crossing the room to stand in front of Rukia, who closed her eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath.
"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm um…going to go up to my room. And I ate at Momo-san's," she added as Hisana opened her mouth to most likely say something about supper. Hisana frowned as she watched the girl walk away.
Rukia felt a bit more comfortable in the safety of her room. She tossed her bag aside and curled up under the covers, resting her head on the pillow and closing her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was tired; it wasn't like she'd lost out in the sleep department or anything. It was just the past few days…no matter how long she slept or what time she slept until, she was always utterly exhausted. It was as if sleep didn't understand the function it was supposed to perform.
"Whatever," she muttered after a minute, burying her face in her pillow. She laid there for almost an hour, eventually rolling over and staring at the ceiling, tucking her arms under her head. Eventually she grabbed a book and went back downstairs, settling down on the couch (Hisana had retreated into her own room some few minutes earlier) and reading. At one point she fell asleep.
Ichigo sighed as his eyes fluttered open; he was tired, but sleep didn't seem willing to come to him in anything more than short spurts. It really sucked.
After a moment Ichigo rolled out of bed, intent on getting a glass of water and going back to bed. He stopped halfway into the kitchen when what sounded like a low, pained, whimpering sound reached his ears. He turned towards the living room, narrowing his eyes a bit.
What the…
Curiosity killed the cat. But sometimes Ichigo couldn't help himself. He made his way into the living room, flicking the light on and looking around. He was surprised when his eyes landed on Rukia's tiny form, curled up under a blanket. She was fidgeting a bit in her sleep, her face twisted into a look of pain and horror.
Ichigo hesitated for a moment before kneeling down next to the couch, shaking Rukia gently. "Hey, Rukia, wake up. Come on, wake up…"
It took a minute for Rukia's eyes to fill open; Ichigo could clearly see the panic reflected her violet orbs. She didn't seem quite aware of where she was.
"Rukia?" The girl in question jumped, her eyes swiveling around to look at Ichigo, who was looking at her with some amount of concern.
"I-Ichigo!" She stuttered in surprise, rubbing her eyes quickly. "I…oh…I didn't wake you up, did I?"
"No, no," Ichigo assured her quickly. "I was awake, I was just getting a drink…are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Rukia spoke a little too fast; Ichigo didn't believe her for a second. He stood up, moving himself to the couch. He was careful to leave a fair amount of distance between the two of them though. It just felt like a good idea. "Jesus, why didn't Nee-san wake me up…?"
Ichigo let her mutter, clearly annoyed, for a few minutes before saying, "What were you dreaming about?"
Rukia stiffened visibly, and Ichigo felt bad for asking. He was well aware that it was none of his business, but…at the same time, it wasn't very often that he saw Rukia actually visibly shaken and scared. The whole idea was just foreign to him.
"You should go back to bed, it's late."
Ichigo frowned, shifting his eyes to look at the ceiling. He couldn't actually preach Rukia on the importance of talking about things that bothered her; he was completely guilty of the exact same thing. And she would throw that in his face if he decided to push her.
"I'm not tired," he said instead, leaning back on the couch and tucking his arms behind his head. Rukia shot him a look out of the corner of her eye before looking forward again.
"You should still sleep."
"You just like telling me what to do, don't you?" Ichigo asked, chuckling a bit. He was expecting to at least get something of a laugh. No such luck though.
"Bet you'll be glad to get away from it, huh?" Ichigo blinked as he realized what she was really asking: would he be happy to get away from her?
He struggled to answer nonchalantly. "Getting away from it just to go to another foster home doesn't sound like much fun," he replied as casually as he could, even throwing in a shrug for good measure. "It's not like I'll be there for long anyways."
"You should give them a chance," Rukia argued. "You don't know what they're like, for all you know you could be really happy there."
Ichigo snorted in disbelief. "Doubt it."
"I was." That stopped Ichigo's thoughts in his tracks. He turned his head to look at Rukia, who was looking at him through serious eyes.
"Wait a sec…you know these people?"
Rukia sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Urahara Kisuke and Shihouin Yoruichi. It was the last foster home I stayed in before Nee-san finally got me out. I had a…really bad time in the home before them, I was so sure no matter what happened, they were going to be just as awful, but…I was actually really happy there. As happy as I could be, at least. They had two other kids that they had adopted before, but they 'd read my record, they knew enough not to make the suggestion with me. They just let me do what I want and took care of me and when my sister finally came to take me home, they let me go. They were good though. Really good. If it came down to there was no way Nee-san would ever get me back, I might not have minded if they had wanted to adopt me."
Ichigo remembered what Hisana had told him about Rukia's experience in the system. "What about…I mean, what happened with the home you were in before that?" He asked hesitantly. He wasn't expecting answers, of course. It would have been way too easy.
Rukia chuckled humorlessly. "It was hell," she said flatly, a strange tone ringing in her voice. "What happened there…" Her voice drifted off, and she shivered. Ichigo rested a hand on her shoulder; he was a bit surprised when she didn't pull away from his grip. "It doesn't matter now. I was the last kid they got to, Nee-san worked overtime to make sure of that."
Ichigo chewed on his tongue for a moment before speaking again. "Do you…want to talk about it?"
He wasn't surprised — though maybe a little disappointed — when Rukia shook her head. "Lets put it this way: my social worker used his position to his and his friend's advantage. It was sick."
Ichigo didn't doubt that. He decided it was in his best interest not to push the matter any more. Rukia leaned back on the couch, letting her head fall back and closing her eyes, pulling in a deep breath. "Guess I'm just not meant to sleep tonight," she grumbled, sounding a little annoyed. Ichigo chuckled as he leaned back as well. Somehow while they'd been talking, he'd inched closer to her, until there was barely any air left between them.
Neither would ever admit which one was the first to fall asleep.
Hisana's heart half-soared and half-broke when she walked downstairs the next morning and was greeted by the most adorable sight her eyes had beheld in quite awhile.
Ichigo and Rukia. Asleep on the couch. The latter curled up into a tight ball, her head on the former's shoulder, while the former had an arm wrapped protectively around the latter. "What am I going to do with you two?" She laughed quietly as she went back upstairs, retrieved her camera from her room, and quickly went down again to take a picture. Blackmail material secured, Hisana slipped back up to her room to get dressed, and, more importantly, to ensure she wouldn't be caught. Because surely both of them would kill her if they knew she'd seen them.
"Got everything, Kurosaki-kun?"
"Yup." Ichigo sighed as he tossed his duffle bag into the backseat, closing the door. Hisana bit her lip before turning away from the boy to look at her sister, who was sitting on the front step, watching them with absolutely no interest.
"I'll bring home pizza."
"I figured as much."
Ichigo paused in the process of climbing into the front seat of Hisana's car, his eyes zeroing in on Rukia, who was staring at the street, her arms resting on her knees, her legs drawn up to her chest. Finally he walked away from the car, walking back towards the house — towards Rukia. Hisana smiled faintly as she climbed into the car and made a show of turning it on and setting the radio, trying to give them as much privacy as they could.
Rukia didn't move as Ichigo sat down next to her. They hadn't spoken much since the night on the couch; neither of them knew what to say anymore.
"Try and give them a chance?" Rukia finally asked. Ichigo rolled his eyes, laughing a bit.
"You sound like your sister."
"Ouch. If ever there was a lowest form of an insult, I think that might be it."
They were both laughing now, relishing in the last few moments of what had come to pass as normal in the last month of their lives. Hisana was trying very hard not to watch them — and failing completely.
"Don't cause too much trouble."
"Thanks Mom."
Rukia bit back a comment about how being Ichigo's mother was probably a very unrewarding job, choosing instead to say, "Make sure you call your sisters once in awhile. They worry about you, you know."
"I know." Boy did he know. "I should…probably go," he finally said, starting to stand. "Hisana-san probably wants to get back before dark." Ichigo paused for a moment, feeling his face heat up a bit as he said, "Hey…Rukia?"
"Yeah?" She didn't take her eyes off the street.
"Take care of yourself." He barely mumbled the words, but somehow knew that Rukia had heard him, even with her lack of response. "So…"
"Don't."
The single word surprised Ichigo. "Don't what?"
"Don't say goodbye. Goodbye is too final. I don't like it."
Ichigo decided not to point out that this was probably the last time they would see each other anyways, so what was the harm? But hey, if that was what she wanted… "All right. See you around, then."
And with that he headed towards the car, climbing in and shutting the door with a little more force than what was strictly necessary. Rukia shifted her eyes, watching the car pull out of the driveway. Ichigo was staring out his window now, his chin resting in his hand, elbow propped against the door. Hisana, however, saw Rukia watching and gave her a sad smile. Rukia didn't acknowledge the gesture, but simply watched until the car had driven out of sight.
Author's Note: So…clearly fanfiction has not been a priority in my life as of late. Many, many, many apologies for that. I know, I'm always apologizing these days. And I'm always asking you to bear with me, I know. But could you, please? Winter break will be here before we know it…anyways review please? — Sam
