Chapter 11

Hotch had driven over to Reid's as fast as he could, glad that at this time there were practically no other cars on the road. He knocked on Reid's door a few times, when there was no answer he contemplated drawing his gun. He decided against it but was determined to get into Reid's apartment. He did not want to ruin the door if not absolutely necessary, so he tried to open it with his credit card and to Hotch's astonishment, it worked.

As he entered, he heard a toilet being flushed, which calmed his nerves a little.

„You really need to improve the security in your apartment. See how easy it was for me to get in?", Hotch called out, making his way towards the bathroom, looking for Reid.

Instead of a response he heard a door slam shut and then being locked.

„Go away", Reid called from behind the bathroom door.

„What? Why?" Hotch was aware that he had come uninvited but Reid was behaving truly unlike himself.

„It's gross", Spencer cried out.

„What is?", Aaron asked completely perplexed.

„I am", he replied.

„You're not. Please open the door" Hotch was getting tired of talking to Reid through the bathroom door so he knocked on it repeatedly, „Why aren't you opening?"

Reid whimpered and after a short pause, he uttered, „You could lose your job"
„If you open the door?" Hotch frowned both at the noises and the statement.

„Yes" came the response.

Hotch was exhausted. „I could lose my job for practically everything we did last night and the night of Morgan's party"

„What?", Reid's voice now sounded completely different.

„Well, I am your boss and falling in love with a subordinate is definitely not legitimate. But I told you, you are worth it"

„No, Hotch, I don't want you to lose your job", Reid now sounded sincerely panicked.

„Relax, Spencer, if we keep it low-key, nothing will happen"

There was a long pause until Reid asked for the time.

„It's almost half past five", the older man answered.

„You should go to work", Spencer called out.

„Right", Hotch replied and moved away from the door.

He went back to the living room to make a phone call. When he went back, he heard Spencer brush his teeth. He stayed quiet and waited until Reid finished and opened the door. When he saw Hotch his eyes widened, „I thought you were gone", he muttered. Aaron was shocked at the sight of Spencer but he tried to hide it. The young man looked like a walking corpse, the purple circles around his eyes darker than ever, his entire body soaked with sweat.

Hotch drew a deep breath. „No, I just called Gideon to tell him I would take a few days off. The team can do the paperwork without me"

„Why? What did you tell him?", Reid queried tremulously.

„I told him I needed to resolve some personal issues, but don't worry the team will think it's because of the divorce. They were all present when I was served"

„Divorce?", Spencer asked and Hotch could tell that the things he told him the night before still hadn't sunk in yet.

„Yes, Spencer, I'm all yours now. Although I already was before I signed those papers", Hotch said and reached out to pull Reid into his arms. But the younger man crouched and fled a few inches away from Hotch. When he looked at him, he could see Reid's lips quiver and heard his teeth chatter. He wanted to ask his boyfriend what was wrong but before he could even open his mouth, Reid already spoke.

„You won't be... you wouldn't want to be if you knew", he swallowed, „But I have to tell you. You are giving up so much and you deserve the truth"

„What are you talking about?", Hotch asked.
„Hankel injected me with drugs", Spencer said quietly.

„Yeah, dilaudid, I know"

Reid nodded but then shook his head. „I didn't want it. I told him I didn't want it but he did it anyway and then... I enjoyed it"

„Spencer, that's the reason there are drugs like that. It's not your fault. I mean, you know all about the neurotransmitter stuff. You know how they work, you know there is nothing you have to feel bad about", Hotch reasoned.

„There is. I was not only enjoying it, I was also looking forward to it. It made the pain go away and I drifted to an alternate universe where you loved me", Reid spoke again but his voice became lower with every word.

„What?"

„I didn't know you really liked me but when... ow!", Spencer stopped talking and cramped. He held his stomach and clenched his teeth.

Hotch rushed over to him and laid a hand on his back. „What is it? Can I do something?"

„That's the... drugs leaving my body, I guess", Spencer hissed.

„But they detoxed you in the hospital", Aaron remembered.

Slowly Reid unbent. „They did?"
„Yes, they did some sort of procedure where..."

„Rapid detox", Reid blurted, „I know. I was wondering if they would do it"

„But then... What's this then?", Hotch was uncertain. He did not know too much about opiates.

„I'm not sure, I'm not a medical doctor and when they told me in the hospital I wasn't really listening, I was thinking about you...", he gave a little caugh, „Anyway I believe it's either delayed symptoms of the procedure, decontamination of the drugs they gave me in the hospital or it's psychosomatic"

„I knew it. Those damn nurses, I should sue that hospital", Hotch clenched his fist.

Reid touched his arm. „It's not their fault. They couldn't know how prone I am to addiction"

„What do you mean?", Aaron unclenched his hand and frowned.

Spencer's gaze dropped to his feet. „Look at me. Caffeine, sugar, you..." He blushed.

„Me?"

„Well yeah. I am... addicted to you. I think about you all the time, I can't imagine an existence without you. When you are around I feel so much better than I even thought I could feel. When you're not I am literally yearning for you to be. That is an addiction"

„So you crave me the way you crave..."
„No! I am not craving dilaudid. I was, but then you came and saved me and I - I am not anymore. You have to believe me. I took the vials from Hankel but I did not use them. Here, you can have them, I don't need them, I need you. I am sorry if that's not normal"

„It is normal. That's love, Spencer", Hotch slapped the small bottles out of Reid's hands and took them to guide the young man to his bed. When he sat down, Hotch ran his fingers through Reid's hair. „What can I do? I want to help you, I want to ease your pain"

Spencer smiled, „You being here helps a lot", he paused, „So you're not mad?"

„No, I'm not mad. But I really wish you would have told me. I spent the whole evening trying to find out what I did wrong", Hotch let go of Spencer's hair only to ruffle his own.

„You didn't do anything wrong. I did. I'm so sorry. But we... we should be dating, showing each other our positive sides and here I am throwing all my weaknesses in your face", Spencer said in a wavering voice.

„I thought that was the positive side of being in a relationship with a co-worker. We don't need to do all that because we know each other already. I know you and I love you not only despite but also because of your weaknesses. I don't just love parts of you, I love the whole Spencer Reid", Hotch declared and he could see tears accumulating in Spencer's eyes.

Reid closed them. „I want to say the same thing but you're... immaculate", he whispered and laid down on his bed. „Hold me", he went on, „Please hold me"

Hotch took off his shoes and jacket, joined his boyfriend on the bed and obliged him. Spencer had soon fallen asleep and Aaron allowed himself to doze off for a few hours as well. He woke up a few times because Spencer was tensing up and cramping in his sleep, however overall he seemed better. He awoke from a nightmare once but Aaron soothed him and just before he slumbered again, he murmured, „Did you know that a reactant of hydromorphone is phenylalaline?"

Aaron knew that if it weren't Spencer, this might have been a matter of concern and he was certain that if anybody else had heard Reid rambling drowsily about the chemistry of dilaudid, he would have been alarmed as well. But he knew Reid, he knew that he was one of a kind and he knew that this was a sign of him getting better, finding back to his old self.