For all disclaimers see chapter 1.
Author's Note: Okay, so now the story is all caught up. From now on, I'll continue posting here and on my livejournal as I tie up this story.
"So, that was my mother on the phone."
JJ looked up from her book as Emily appeared in the doorway to the living room with her cell phone in hand.
"She's going to be in the city next week. She wants to have dinner with us."
"You told your mother about us?" JJ felt a surge of panic. She'd only met Emily's mother once before and had found her to be an intimidating woman. She had been cordial but also a little cold. And that had been when the two of them were just collegues and friends. She wasn't sure she wanted to meet the other woman now that they were dating.
"What are you worried about?" Emily asked. "You, she likes. I'm the one that's the constant source of irritation and dissapointment."
The light tone was belied by the flash of hurt in her eyes.
JJ pushed her fears aside to address Emily.
"Em-"
"It's okay, JJ," the brunette cut her off. "I've reconciled the fact that my mother and I will never understand each other. And that we'll never have much in the way of a real relationship." She gave a half shrug. "There's no point in dwelling on things I can't change."
"That's true," JJ agreed. "But you're still allowed to feel hurt." She extended her arms, inviting Emily to step into them.
Emily closed the distance between them but instead of accepting the embrace she took JJ's hands in her own, lacing their fingers together and brushing a kiss across her knuckles.
"Trust me, I do feel it," Emily said softly. "But, it's not going to do change anything and it doesn't do me any good to focus on it. Besides, my relationship with my mother is only one part of my life. And a very small part at that." She offered a smile. "I have a very full life without it."
JJ felt the corners of her lips turn upwards in an answering smile. "We don't have to go," she said. "I'm sure that we can come up with some kind of excuse."
Emily shook her head. "Nah. I'd rather just get it over with. Besides, as difficult as my mother is..."
"She's still your mother."
Emily nodded. "So, when do I get to meet your family?"
"How about never?" she muttered and immediately wished she could take the words back as she watched Emily try to hide her hurt.
"I'm sorry, babe, I didn't mean it like that." She tugged on Emily's hands, pulling the other woman down so she was sitting on her lap. "My relationship with my family is complicated," she said, releasing her grip on Emily's hands so she could loop her arms over her shoulders.
"Tell me about it," Emily said softy, stroking the hair off JJ's forehead.
"I had a good childhood. My parents were together. I grew up in a good neighbourhood. We weren't rich but we were comfortable. My father had a good, stable job. I had a lot of friends, I did well in school. I played soccer and basketball and was on the swim team in the summer. My parents were high school sweethearts. They married after graduation. My father went to work and my mother stayed home to take care of us. They were happy. And, it hurt them that their life was never good enough for me." JJ could recall all to clearly the mixture of anger and frustration and guilt that had fueled her adolescence. "And, it bothered me that they never wanted as much for me as I wanted for myself." She shook her head, trying to banish the maelstrom of emotions that her family always invoked in her.
Emily didn't say anything, she simply stroked JJ's cheek and waited for her to gather her thoughts. JJ didn't talk about her family much. Or her childhood and Emily was intruiged by this insight into her lover.
"I'm not worried about how my parents are will react when I tell them about me. About us. I know they're not going to stop talking to me or disown me or anything like that. They'll be upset for awhile. Until they get used to the idea and then..."JJ gave a sad, half smile. "And then they're going to love you. You are everything they've ever wanted me have in a partner. You're kind. Intelligent. Attractive." For just a moment her smile was warm and real and then it faded. "You have a good job. Financial security. You are everything my parents have always wanted for me to find in a partner but never wanted me to have for myself."
"Aw, Jayje." Emily wished there was something she could say to make her feel better. But, there were some things that couldn't be whisked away by a few soothing words and reassurances. And family issues were the ones that ran the deepest.
"Just promise me, Em, that we're not going to screw up our kids the way our parents screwed us up."
Emily felt like she was just waking from a dream. Or had gotten conked on the head. That was the only comparison she had for the dazed feeling that JJ's words caused.
For a moment, she couldn't speak.
"Our kids?" she finally managed to say, wondering as she did if she was reading too much into the words, if maybe it had just been a turn of phrase.
"You do want kids, don't you?" JJ said, looking a little worried. "I thought...you said.." she trailed off and Emily tried to remember if they'd had a conversation about having kids before that she'd simply forgotten. And then she remembered a short conversation on the plane before they'd even gotten together.
"Yeah. I've thought about it."
JJ let out a sigh of relief.
"You want kids?"
"Yeah. Not right now, but someday. I love my job but in a few years...I've always wanted to be a mom."
Emily digested that. "I could see it. You. Kids." She echoed the words JJ had once said to her.
JJ eyed her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's just...kids, JJ? Are we really having that conversation now?"
"What?"
"We've been together three months. We haven't even talked about us living together and already you're planning for kids?"
JJ was silent for a moment, considering. "Fair enough," she conceeded Emily's point. "Maye we should talk about it."
"About...?" Emily wanted to be clear on just what they should be discussing.
"Moving in together. We spend most of our time off together, either here or at my place anyway. We both have clothes in each others closets, things in each others drawers. It would be so much more convenient."
Emily knew that was true. It had been a slow process, the natural progression of spending so many nights away from home. First there was the extra outfit or two in their bags. Then, a shirt or a blouse and some pants left in a closet because it was easier than lugging around the extra weight in their bags. Soon, JJ was keeping a spare toothbrush at Emily's and Emily's makeup was strewn across the counter along with JJ's. It would make things easier. How many times had she been at home and gone looking for a blouse or a suit jacket and realized that it was at JJ? Or been at JJ's and wanting to wear a particular necklace or ring and realized it was at home.
"JJ, I don't want us to move in together because it's more convenient. If we're going to move in together, I want it to be because we want to. Because we like the idea of falling asleep together and waking up together and sharing our lives. Not because-"
"I want to spend every moment with you. I want your face to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. I want to go grocery shopping and split the chores and argue about who's turn it is to take out the garbage," JJ cut her off with. "I want to share my life with you."
Emily couldn't help the grin that formed. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I love you, Jennifer Jareau."
"I love you too, Emily Prentiss."
