I know I shouldn't have said those things to Matt but I am so hurt and angry right now. I can't find the strength to even get out of bed. I know Matt is hurt and weak from his injury, so I do all I can to get up now for I can't let this consume me anymore. I am suppose to be stronger then this I tell myself as I finally leave my bedroom.
"Matt" I call walking downstairs, but I get no answer. "Matt" I call again as I reach the bottom step and I now seem him packing a duffel bag.
"Where are you going?" I asked surprised.
"Gabby I need to get better and I can't do that here now" He says weak.
"Matt I know what I said hurt you." I say flustred.
"Yes it did but what hurts more is that you believe it." He says still packing not even looking up.
"Matt I can't apologize right now." I say hurting.
"Then why did you come down here then?" He says annoyed looking up at me finally.
We looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Both of us just injured inside, him physically and me emotionally. I needed to fix this but I just don't know how.
"Matt I'm just broken right now." I say with tears forming. "I don't know how to fix it."
"Gabby I lost something that day too." He says as his expression matches mine.
"I know" I said placing my hand on Matt's to stop him from packing. "Just please don't leave."
"Ok" He spoke softly.
Just then the door bell rang breaking us out of our silence.
"I'll get it" I say letting go of Matt's hand.
Once I'm upstairs I take a deep breath. I know Matt and I didn't settle anything between us, but I'm relieved he is not leaving. That thought scared me more than I wanted to admit. This was the first time in days I had even spoken to Matt, that I didn't realise how much I missed him.
"Andy" I say surprised as I open the front door now.
" Gabby" He replys as he is just as surprised to see me."Um so how you feeling?"
"I'm getting there." I try to sound convincing." Is everything ok with you?"
"Not really, Heather and I had a fight." He says upset.
"Come in" I tell him as I hear Matt coming up the stairs now.
"Andy what's up buddy?" Matt says as he sees him walking in.
"Heather kicked me out" He tells Matt walking over to him.
"Oh man, well come in." Matt offers as he gives me a quick glance over Andy's shoulder.
"I'll make some coffee" I say giving reassurance.
" Thanks guys" Andy says as I walked into the kitchen.
While I was preparing the coffee Matt and Andy came and sat at the kitchen table. Andy was filling in Matt about the last shift and all that was going on in the firehouse. I could tell Matt missed working and being around his family. He would be able to go back in two more weeks, and he was happy about that.
"Here you go." I say placing the coffee in front of them." You guys hungry"
"We can just order a pizza babe" Matt says.
"No I don't mind making something." I offer giving him a smile.
"So you gonna tell me about heather or what?" Matt says as I start to boil the water for some pasta.
Then there was silence. I look over to see Andy glancing over at me now.
"I'll leave you guys alone, Matt can you just watch the pot?" I ask.
"No you don't have to leave Gabby." Andy says sincere. "Um well we fought over having more kids."
"Oh" Was all Matt said looking at me.
"What does she want more?" I ask nodding at Matt that it's OK as I sat down with them.
"Yeah but I don't." He says ashamed. " We just can't afford it, does that make me a bad guy?"
"Did you explain that to Heather?" Matt asked.
"No" He say letting out a deep breath.
"Well maybe you should." I tell Andy as I look at Matt.
We sat around the table for while just talking. I finished making some pasta and we ate in that time as well. Andy agreed to speak with Heather, but asked to spend the night by us and would see her tomorrow. I set Andy up in the basement where Matt had been sleeping. I was ready now to let Matt in.
I wait for Matt sitting on the couch in the living room. He comes up the stairs nowcarrying his duffel bag of clothes, and I get off the couch to meet him.
"Thank you for helping Andy, I know that couldn't have been easy." He whispers.
"I'm ok and our friend needed us." I say with a smile.
"I can sleep in the 2nd bedroom tonight if you want?" He says looking away.
" I don't want you to." I say taking his hand to go upstairs." I need you with me tonight."
"Gabby" Matt stops me on the stairs." I love you"
"Matt I love you more then words can say." I say kissing his lips. " I didn't mean to ever hurt you"
"I know babe" Matt says caressing my cheek.
"I just couldn't bare the pain of losing the baby, and the possibility of you as well" I say with tears forming in my eyes.
"Gabby I'm sorry I scared you like that." He says kissing my forehead." But know you are the reason I am still here."
"I know we have alot to talk about, and I'm ready to talk to you tomorrow. But tonight I just need you back in our bed."
Matt didn't answer me he just took my hand and walked us to our bed. He laid down pulling me into him and kissed me. He knew exactly what I needed from him and nothing felt better then to have him next to me again.
