"Liv, are you ready to go yet?"
"Yep, I'm coming now."
"Hurry up, you're already running late, and you won't get in trouble either. I will"
"Ok, ok, seriously, I'm coming"

I don't want to go back there. Not again. All the memories, I'd kept them stacked up high, in piles in my head. I'm terrified. Not of my dad, I'm used to him. But of the piles falling. I know that once things get hard, they're going to come crashing down around me. They think I'm fine now, that I'm ready to go back there. I haven't been back since I went to collect my things. I know what all this means. It means that they're going to move me back there. Eventually. I'm not ready at all. I don't want to see him.

"Oi, daydreamer. Are you coming in?"
"Sorry Shauna, but I think that's down to you making me get up at this hour, on a Saturday. But yeh, I'm coming in"
"Well, it'll all be worth it when you've got in there, won't it?"
"I suppose so."
"Are you alright? And I don't just mean it as small talk, I mean seriously, are you ok?"
"Yes, just a bit nervous, that's all"
"You know that I'll be there, and it'll all be completely safe. No one's going to force you into anything"
"I know. Shall we just go inside?"
"Yeh, come on."

This is the door. This is the door that every day I would stand outside and pray to god, that no one else was on the other side of it. I can hear him walking towards the door. This is it. There's someone on the other side. The door is opening, what am I going to do? I can't run, I can't shout at him, I just want to hide.

"Hi, Daisy."
"Hi."

A long silence followed. The pair shared awkward glances, both aware that no matter how well things went, they would never be how they were before her mum died. Finally Shauna broke the silence.

"Well, do you want to go in, instead of standing on the doorstep?"
"Ok."

I don't remember much about being back there. Only, the memories, the painful memories. It felt like everything came flooding back into my head. My whole life was re-lived in that 2 hour period. My dad put on such a good act, but I know why he wants me back. He's lost his job, which means that by having me back, he'll be entitled to a higher benefit rate. I really don't want to go back there. But I know I have to. I wish I could run away. But I can't. I need school, it's the only thing that's keeping my head on straight. I wish I was like everyone else. I wish that I was happier. I wish that I didn't hate myself, so very much.