Standard disclaimers apply.

A/N: Now, from the previous chapter, we had poor Kagome being punished for getting drunk on the entertainment session, and bringing humiliation to Hanaka. This new chapter will explore both Kagome and Sesshoumaru's thoughts, and what are you waiting for? Scroll down!

Title: Wisteria

Chapter 11: Conflicting hearts


He did not know if he should be feeling what he was feeling then.

It was a nagging thought, but he was nonetheless drawn to thinking of it. It was as if his mind would not let him rest.

It was annoying Sesshoumaru pretty much, for he could not concentrate on anything else.

Brushing that thought aside, he willed himself to focus on the pile of tasks at hand. Contrary to others' image of him, he was not only a warrior or a Lord who sits pretty and enjoys all that his late father had left to him. There were plenty of other things to do, such as the guarding of the Shikon Jewel, sword practice and also the bothersome paperwork ahead of him. Sighing, Sesshoumaru picked up one of the parchments.

Unrolling it, he read its contents in detail, reminding himself all the time that it was his duty to ensure everything was well in order in his lands.

"Honorable Lord Sesshoumaru, we sincerely hope…" The letter read and he smirked. People were always so polite to him; it made him wonder how much of this respect was actually real and from the heart. But then again, there was no one else these people could turn to.

It turned out to be yet another letter complaining about Kumano and his atrocities. Apparently that stupid beast had kidnapped a daughter of the village head, and was forcing her into being his concubine. He threatened that if she did not comply, he would kill off the entire village.

Seriously, Kumano was displaying all signs of being tired of living.

Shaking his head regally, Sesshoumaru reached for his drawer and pulled it open, throwing the parchment in to add to the ever-growing list of Kumano's atrocities. It was so full; the demon lord was finding difficulty in closing it properly. Maybe one day, right before he ends Kumano's miserable existence, he'd have that uncouth idiot read out all the complaint letters of him one by one. It was just too bad that Inu no Taisho had valued Kumano for his combat abilities, unknowingly giving the latter the false impression that he was all-too important to the Western Lands and essentially, indispensible.

It reminded him of Naraku, the useless half-breed who, like Kumano, assumed he was invincible. The malicious smiles, long greasy black hair, and that tendency to come up with the most twisted and perverse ways for power…it made Sesshoumaru cringe just to think of it. Then his mental image of Naraku faded slowly, and out came Inuyasha from the wisps of fading images.

His half-brother, Inuyasha. Thinking about Inuyasha brought about an unexplained constriction to his heart. It was not sadness, but it definitely was not the happiness he had expected with Inuyasha's demise. If anything, he would say he felt even more alone than ever before. The hanyou's death meant there was one less person Sesshoumaru could call family.

He thought he did not care if he had a family or not, but his heart was constantly proving him wrong.

Firstly, there was Jaken. That toad was nothing but irritating with his incessant praises, talking too much for his own good, and was probably only good at being a bootlicker.

Yet he kept him around.

Secondly, there was Rin. She was a human; a race which he thought himself to dislike as well. Sure she was sweet, but she could get annoying sometimes with her silly songs and over enthusiasm. And humans were more food to him than companions…weren't they?

Yet he kept her around. The idea of a barbequed Rin was unimaginable to him.

Thirdly, there was Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru always thought the hanyou would one day die by his hands, but every time he got the opportunity to deal the final fatal blow, he found himself unable to strike. He would always try to convince himself he would kill Inuyasha the next time he saw him.

Yet he never did.

Then, Inuyasha just had to die.

Sesshoumaru found himself somewhat like Rin, whereas instead of collecting flowers, he collected family members. He constructed his own little family, even though he would never admit that, consisting of Jaken, Ah-Un the dragon, Rin and even Inuyasha.

And also Inuyasha's companions. He didn't know why, but he got into the habit of protecting them as well.

Especially that young miko who dresses in an obscene fashion. And has the most interesting ability of 'sitting' Inuyasha.

Sesshoumaru didn't know why he saved her from Mukotsu back when that pathetic low-life was trying to force the young miko into marriage. Perhaps it was just his natural instinct at caring for the weaker, more vulnerable ones. He used to pick up stray animals and brought them home when he was a child…it seemed like he was still in the habit of doing it.

That girl…she was a unique girl. But foolish, extremely so, in her undying devotion to Inuyasha. He did not understand what was so good about the loud, dense hanyou. It made him dislike her for that; she was evidently poor in her judgment. But that did not change the fact that she was an attractive girl, and she had courage in her soul. If only she wasn't part of Inuyasha's group…he would have even tried to interact with her. But there was always Inuyasha around. Till today, he still did not know what their relationship exactly was. Were they in love? Was it simply a platonic relationship?

He never knew, and there would no longer be a need to.

Ashes to ashes…dust to dust. With his half-brother's death, everything had ended…it was over.

He knew the demon slayer and the monk settled down. He knew the fox kit when back to the mountains. He heard that girl went back to wherever she hailed from.

Every time he thought of her, he would remember the excruciatingly painful expression on her beautiful face when Inuyasha died in front of them. The ethereal yet blank expression, those usually expressive eyes which were glazed over with a shiny sheen of tears, and the tears which fell silently like they had a mind of their own…she reminded him of a broken butterfly. Damaged, weak, suffering…yet still beautiful and precious.

That girl…what was her name? It was Ka-something…Kayoko? Kasumi? Kaori? Kanae?

He tried to recall, but he just could not. It was somewhere at the back of his mind, but he could not recall it for now.

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. As if thinking about Fuji was not enough; his mind had to think of that Ka-whatever girl in her revealing green outfit.

Dipping the writing brush into the ink slab, Sesshoumaru swiftly drafted a reply to the letter, ensuring the villagers that it'd not be long before the girl would return to them. He would deal with this the next day.

Fuji. Wisteria. Her name never failed to lift his spirits. She was, for the lack of a better word, so terribly attractive in a unique, refreshing manner.

He had failed to concentrate on his daily sword practice sessions, morning court sessions, land patrolling, educating Rin…he even tried zen meditation, doing his best to calm his mind and block out all disturbances and worldly worries, only to have her smiling face come into his thoughts the instant he thought he was calm.

It so seemed like the more he attempted to block her out, the more she chose to enter his mind.

"L-Lord Sesshoumaru?" Came a small, irritably high voice from the other side of the shoji door.

Jaken.

Placing his brush down, Sesshoumaru asked. "What is it, Jaken?"

"It is that silly child Rin…she's having a nightmare again, crying and making a most dreadful racket. That lowly little brat has the audacity to demand your most precious attention-"

"Silence, Jaken." Sesshoumaru snapped, before getting into a standing position. "I will attend to her."

Striding out of his study with Jaken cowering at his feet, slightly tired of Rin's recurring nightmares, the demon lord's traitorous mind went back to a certain maiko.

If only Fuji were here…she would have laughed it off or given one of her very pretty exasperated smiles. No matter what she did, she would have brought liveliness and joy. He wondered if she liked children.

No matter what it was, it did not matter.

All he knew was that he had to see her again.


Propping herself up on her elbows, Kagome gazed tenderly at the single Shikon jewel shard she was cradling in her palms. It had lost some of its luster, as if it could sense its owner's spiritual weakness at the moment. Being at Hanaka had caused her to be increasingly detached from everything in her past, hence explaining the drastic dip in her already-not-so-great powers. Biting her lower lip while silently praying for some luck, she summoned whatever little stirrings of miko power in her soul to revitalize the spiritual aura of the jewel shard, concentrating her thoughts on that little fragment.

It was late at night, and the rest of the maikos were asleep. Not as if it would make much of a difference if they were awake…no one here at Hanaka knew anything of the Shikon jewel or Kagome's supposed identity as a miko.

Her lower lip was starting to hurt, but the jewel remained dull in her hands. But she wasn't about to give up.

Concentrate, Kagome. Concentrate…you can do this, she told herself, taking a deep breath before calling upon her almost non-existent powers again. Her eyes closed in concentration and her brows furrowed while she directed her will power into the shard.

A familiar warm tingling sensation was felt in her palms, and she smiled in relief, glad that her powers were not entirely dormant. A few seconds later and the tingling was transformed into a rather steady flow. The energy flowing in her veins felt smooth, which was a good sign indicating that she was strong enough to sustain this release of power. Encouraged by the tingling warmth, she summoned even more miko energy, and the single jewel shard was engulfed by a pretty pearlescent pink glow, indicating its spirituality, levitating slightly off her hands.

"Yes!" She whispered excitedly, before closing her eyes and reaching out to her inner miko powers, calming it down and pulling it back into the recesses of her soul. When she felt all the miko energy fade into a homogenous state in her, Kagome opened her eyes.

The jewel was once again sparkling with energy, but it was still weak, a far cry from what it used to be. But for now, it was good enough for her.

She had been recharging the jewel with miko energy on a regular basis, hoping it would remind her of what she was actually here in the Feudal Era for. If the gods have meant for her to be the guardian of the Shikon Jewel, why did they leave her here in Hanaka to fend for herself, drifting away from the noble cause she was pursuing?

It was so sad, so melancholic to be constantly reminding herself of how unfairly she had been treated. Didn't she deserve happiness too?

Looking at the box by her side, she saw her neatly folded school uniform, her purse, three novels, her math textbook, an empty packet of Lay's potato chips, a bag of gummy bears which she ate only when she was unbearably homesick, her black iPod nano which had run out of battery and was probably doomed never to work again, a small photo album in which she had pictures of her family and friends, and also the little vial she used to hold the Shikon Jewel.

She picked up the vial, feeling its smooth surface, before removing the cap and replacing the jewel shard.

It was tragic to look at those items, and she could not help but feel the familiar sting behind her eyes.

Please, she begged the gods above. If you really exist, please point me a direction in life. Please at least plan for an end to this entire episode in my current life.

Of course, she got no answer, but she held on to the belief that since she was brought here, there must be something in store for her.

Oh.

Oh.

She had already met the so-called 'something'. That was none other than Sesshoumaru. He had three quarters of the Shikon Jewel in his possession. Maybe Fate really did work in the right way.

But then again, that would not have made a difference. After what happened at the previous meeting, Kagome did not know how to face Sesshoumaru. Her Oka was upset to say the least, and as she had heard from Yanagi, the other seniors were very unhappy about Sesshoumaru patronizing Kagome. Furthermore, seeing him only served to throw her into a whirling dilemma. It felt wrong; she should have realized from the very beginning that the other jewel shards were with him and plotted to take them away from him rightfully with her true identity as the guardian of the Shikon Jewel.

But she did not do that. Instead, she was only aware of how he was stealing her heart bit by bit.

She chided herself for being so useless; how could she possibly think of only such things? Why was she so drawn to him, so desperate to know more about him?

It was nothing wrong really, she reasoned with her troubled mind, but that was only if Sesshoumaru was not one of the most sought-after clients in the entertainment world. And if only he wasn't the very same guy who tried to kill her on a few occasions and yet saved her from a sure death at Mukotsu's hand. There were just too many impediments, along with her constant fear of him finding out her real identity behind Fuji's façade. It would be chaotic, and she would be living everyday in dreadful misery. And there was no telling how he would react to reality then.

Somehow, she knew both of them would be hurt badly.

It was better to endure the short-lived pain for now and cut off all ties with him, instead of hanging on stubbornly and allowing the excruciating pain to kill her slowly.

And she reminded herself, they had five hundred years between them. She was never supposed to meet him in the first place. It was a mistake from the very beginning.

Yes, that was all. A grave mistake.

A lone tear rolled down her cheek, with only the gentle moonlight caressing it.

Whether she could do it or not, she did not know. It was killing her, but she still did not know.

All she knew was that she should never see him again.


To be continued…

A/N: Awww. That was terribly sad. Kagome wants to see him again, but she knows she should not. What do all of you think?