A/N: Boy, you write your own story and you end up with major respect for writers like PinkElegance, who manages to churn out 6,000 (!) words a day
I got some input on this chapter from LydiaMoon2, Elaine451, and Tales From The Spock Side, and I hope you like it. Thanks again for all of your support!
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I miss work.
I miss the long hours on the bridge, the tension in my shoulders after a hard day, and the shop talk with the crew. I miss Sulu and Chekov and boots and tights and food from a replicator. Recycled air.
Cabin fever has officially set in.
I wander the halls of this large house, peering into the rooms, studying the art. It is immaculate, polished, and austere. Imagine that.
It doesn't take me long to find the study where I spoke to Spock last night.
I step inside; run my hands across the back of an opulent, high-backed chair.
I cannot imagine anyone else being the mother of my child.
His words did me in. I was just vulnerable enough to give in when he held me. It felt right at the time.
Today, I don't know how I feel.
I walk over to the large bookcase that lines the far wall of the room.
Jane Eyre. I love this book, though I haven't read it in years. I pry it open and flip through the pages—pristine, perfect, and flat. It's never been read.
"That was one of Amanda's favorite novels."
I'm so startled that I drop it.
Ambassador Sarek looms larger than life in the doorway of this study.
"I am—so sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," I stutter, bending to grab the book. He waves his hand as if to dismiss my worry.
"Do not be. You are welcome anywhere in our family home."
I grip the binding with white knuckles, still a little taken aback at being caught.
He moves across the room so smoothly, I could swear he's floating.
"I share my son's relief in your improved condition, Lieutenant. I must apologize for leaving on business during this time. Spock has kept me abreast of your progress, and I must say, you appear very well, indeed."
I relax a bit.
"I am…much better, thank you. I must convey my gratitude for everything that you've done for me. Opening up your home, and securing the healers. It's entirely possible I wouldn't be here right now were it not for your kindness."
"It was an easy decision to make, Lieutenant. I love my son, and he loves you."
I hope the shock doesn't register on my face.
"What about you, Lieutenant?" he takes a seat at his desk. "Do you love Spock?"
Well, this is awkward.
"Spock hurt me terribly," I admit.
He sighs. "Yes, I imagine he did. A shame he will have to live with for the rest of his life."
I stay glued in place.
"Spock is a complex creature. How complex, I am only beginning to realize. But he has made it very clear to me how much he regrets what he has done to you."
My legs feel a little weak. I shift my weight back and forth on my feet.
"Please, Lieutenant, take a seat. I would not have my son believe that you are straining yourself in my presence."
I sit down; though I worry that by doing so, I've opened myself up for more of this unusual conversation.
He looks away from me, out of the large window of his study.
"I still grieve the loss of his mother. Amanda would not be able to contain herself, were she here to share in this experience."
I can hear a note of pain in his voice.
"Spock speaks highly of her," I say. "I wish I could have met her."
He turns back to me, lifts a brow in the same way I have seen Spock do so many times.
"She would have liked you very much, Lieutenant. You are, as they say, a woman after her own heart. I see why my son feels as strongly for you as he does."
I blush at his compliment.
"Much has changed for me since losing her. It is important to me now more than ever to have a relationship with my son. We lost many years to unnecessary discord."
I think of the cold, detached way I've heard Spock speak of his father in the past.
Sarek stands to look out his window, unfazed by my silence. He joins his hands behind his back.
"He will be a better father than I was."
I swallow, thickly.
"He will protect your child in ways that I did not."
He turns to face me again.
"It is interesting that in life, some things become clearer as you get further away from them. There are times that I did not protect Spock as a child. I failed him as a father."
My throat is tight. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the emotion Sarek is displaying so obviously, so uncharacteristically.
"I allowed things that I should not have. I allowed my own son to become research for the Vulcan Science Academy. At the time, I believed it logical to let our people study his unique biology. They told me that it was in the interest of our race to learn more about his hybrid nature."
I think of Spock, poked and prodded under the hands of bigots and shudder. I place my hand on my belly as if to shield my baby from the ugliness of this conversation.
"What did they do to him?" I whisper.
He paces the floor.
"I cannot be entirely sure. Spock has never spoken of it, and we never spoke of it with him. When their studies were complete, they told his mother and me that his genetic makeup was inferior and therefore undesirable—illogical from a biological sense."
I can literally hear my heart hammering in my chest.
"And they told us that he would never father children."
Tears spring to my eyes.
"Amanda was not a bitter woman. She loved me, and so she did not speak of it again. Still, I know that she never forgave me for allowing it."
"Spock—would never allow it."
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I am emotionally and physically worn out from Sarek's admissions.
I can't get my mind off of Spock.
I imagine him as a little boy, subjected to terrible things, treated like a freak. God only knows what they did to him behind closed doors.
They told us that he would never father children.
Sarek's words are ringing in my ears, making my head ache when I get back into my bed.
I understand now how he could have dismissed my pregnancy, but I can't reconcile his actions.
He should have trusted me anyway, and he didn't.
And I don't know if I can trust him.
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It is mid-afternoon when I set out to find her. The urge to see her is strong.
In the moments after we spoke in the study, I watched as she collected herself and walked away. It was difficult to stand back and let her leave, but I knew that was what she wanted.
But today is a different day.
I knock softly on the door of her bedroom, and hear nothing. Slowly, I push the door open and find her nestled under the sheets of her biobed.
I walk to her and trace my fingers over her face. The hollows of her cheeks have softened with her weight gain. She is more beautiful than I remember.
I turn to leave and let her rest.
"Wait," she says.
I turn back.
"I did not mean to wake you, Nyota. I came to see how you are feeling." I say.
"I'm okay, I'm just tired."
There is something in her expression that tells me otherwise. She looks startled.
"Are you sure?"
She nods.
"Then, I will let you get the rest you need. I will be in the sitting room should you need me."
I turn again.
"Don't leave," she says quietly. "Can you stay with me?"
I can and I will. She surprises me at first with her request, then again when she moves over in the tiny biobed and motions to me.
I stand still for a moment because I cannot be sure that I understand her meaning.
She peels back the covers.
"Please…just for a minute."
It is obvious that something is wrong, but I do not want to pry, not now, not when she is asking for me and she is this close.
I slide under the covers next to her, close my eyes and allow the feeling of her back cupped to my chest to sink in. I let my hand slip onto her belly.
She sleeps but I do not. I am memorizing this feeling.
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