Chapter 11: EMC

Bella

Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen.

If my afternoon wasn't shitty enough.

"Bella! What are doing? What's going on?" He has this panicky look on his eyes, eyeing everything around us.

Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen.

"Where's everyone?" he asks doing circles. Looking for... I have no idea what.

Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen.

He stops spinning, and looks at me. And then he REALLY looks at me. From head to toe. From one side to the other. I think it dawns on him when he sees the bottle I'm holding. His face totally changes from bewildered confusion to a sobering, stern look. He even goes a little pale.

"You're drinking."

Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen.

"You're drinking. Alone. On a cliff." His tone low, calm. Cold.

Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen.

"Yes, Bella. It's me. Edward Motherfuckin' Cullen. I heard you the five times you've said it," he says, glaring at me.

Fuck. When did you say that out loud? And five fucking times?

"Yes. Five fucking times. Now, could you please tell me what you're doing here in a cliff at night with a bottle of vodka all by yourself?!" He's yanking at his hair now.

Such pretty, pretty hair. I want to yank it like tha...

"What?"

Fuck!

"What?" Surely my eyes are bugging out because I can't just fucking believe that I said THAT out loud.

"What did you just say?" He takes a step. Toward me.

"I didn't say anything."

"What's pretty?" He's narrowing his eyes at me now.

"I...um, I.." Apparently I've become a stutterer now.

And as quick as the stuttering and confusion on how to answer him began, it is replaced by something else entirely. Anger so hot and consuming, I swear steam is really coming out of my ears.

How dare he come here. How dare he asks me questions I don't want to answer. How dare he stop me.

"What are YOU doing here, Edward?" Now it's my time to glare at him.

"I just asked you that question, Bella. Don't turn this around. What are you doing? Why are you here? Alone!" he yells and pleads for an answer with those beautiful green eyes.

I huff. "What the hell does it look like?! I'm hanging out. Releasing some stress, ya know? Getting a little drink on. What? You don't drink? Don't you sometimes need to be ALONE?" I stress this word to him because dammit! What the hell is he doing here?! "... and just... I don't know... decompress or something!" My arms are flailing. I can't help it. He exasperates me.

Okay, now you're starting to ramble. I suggest you shut it.

He's just looking at me now. Maybe trying to decipher a hidden meaning to my words because he's nodding. Slowly. "Okay."

"Okay what?" Did he say something? Did I miss it?

"So what are we drinking?"

Huh?

He starts walking and then climbs the rock.

"What are you doing?" I ask while he scoots to the middle of the rock. MY rock! And gets comfortable by lying back on his elbows.

"What? I'm hanging. Is that vodka? Is it the good stuff or the cheap one?"

I'm pretty sure my mouth is hanging open.

He looks so fucking good on that rock. Just...lounging there...

Stop! Just stop!

Okay okay! Jeez. Just stating the obvious.

I try to clear my head a little by blinking a few times. Shaking my head is out of the question. His presence has significantly diminished my buzz but still...

"Go. Away. Edward," I deadpan.

"Come on, Bella. Just sit with me."

That smirk. That smirk is what's going to kill me.

All the anger drains away from me. I just feel...defeated.

"You're in my way," I mutter and walk toward him.

He scoots over and sits straighter.

"Come on up." He's patting the rock besides him.

I drag my feet. Shoulders hunched.

I can't catch a break, man!

He's staying. Sitting on MY rock. Shit.

I take a sip before handing over the bottle. I need both hands to get up there.

Totally awkward. I feel his eyes on me. I probably look like a drunk crab or something crawling my way up. Fucking tall ass boulder.

He takes a sniff of the bottle and coughs a little on the exhale.

"Phew! That's harsh!"

I side glare him as I sit my ass down beside him.

"Good. More for me then." I take the bottle from him. I can't fill the burn anymore. Means it's working.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"God! What's will all the questions?!"

Yeah what's will all the questions Cullen? Shit!

He's staring. Intensely. "I just want to know."

"Why?!" I ask incredulously.

His hands start molesting his hair.

"I'm ... Uh.."

"You're...?"

"I'm just..."

I don't understand his...what, concern?

"I'm just...curious."

Ah. Nope. Not concern.

Of course not.

"You know, curiosity killed the cat."

He chuckles at that.

I wasn't trying to be funny.

"Bella."

Gulp.

Nope. No burn.

"Look at me."

Gulp.

"Dammit. Stop drinking that!" He snatches it away and throws it over the cliff.

Damn! Good arm!

"Please, tell me what's wrong."

I'm suddenly too tired to keep semi upright. So my body decides to lie back on the rock.

"Nothing's wrong. Why do you keep asking that?"

The stars are spinning. I close my eyes. Much better. For good measure, I throw one arm over my eyes to keep myself from looking at him.

Silence. Sweet silence.

Maybe he left.

"You can talk to me, you know. Sometimes it helps."

No such luck.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Really. There is nothing worth talking about.

"If there wasn't, you wouldn't be here drinking yourself to death," I hear him say.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Edward." I open my eyes now to look at him. Try to make my point with the glaring thing.

"And it's just one bottle. You've never gotten yourself drunk? Just for the shit of it?!"

"Not alone," he says quietly while looking at me.

He's not stupid. I'm not stupid. We both know what he's implying. I think he knows where I was going with this drinkorama.

We're at a stare standoff.

"What's it to you?"

More staring. Right through me.

"You're hurting."

Not a question. An empirical statement.

Like he knows my truth.

Like a stab to the gut. That's how that felt.

"Again. What's it to you?"

His eyes soften.

"You need someone."

"I most definitely do not." I sit up, huff and cross my arms. Holding myself together tight. He's breaking me with his words.

"To talk to, I mean."

His eyes are wrecking me. But I can't fucking look away.

"There's no one."

"That's not true."

Snort. I can look away now. Lies brake up his eye-voodoo.

"You have friends."

Double snort.

"No, I don't."

"Hey. I've seen you."

I give him my 'oh pa-leez' look. I lie back down. Getting dizzy again but not from the vodka.

"At school, you have a group of friends. You talk to them. Eat lunch with them."

It's like he's pleading my case.

"You've been checking me out, Cullen?" Another snort because now I'm just fucking with him.

His eyes go wide.

"Angela's your friend."

I sigh.

"Angela is everyone's friend."

Not in a bad way. She's just good people.

"Those are classmates, Cullen. Nothing more. They want me to tag along at lunch. They ask about homework or just want to vent about some bullshit."

He's deep in thought after that one.

"I just sit there and listen. Nod and smile like I'm supposed to."

Oh oh. I feel a rant coming on. Strange feeling. But since he wants to know so bad...

"None of them ever ask me anything. They don't really care. I'm just Chief Swan's daughter to them, so they put up with me. Why? I have no idea. You'll have to ask them.

I just sit there and pretend. I don't give a fuck, either. It's just somewhere to sit while having lunch. To pass the hour. I could go to the library but all those dusty books give me the sneezes. I'd rather be outside but as you've probably noticed, it's always raining here."

See. Ranting.

"What am I going to talk about, anyway? I've got nothing to contribute. Nothing remotely interesting to say to them."

"Bella," he chastises. "You're not stupid."

"I know I'm not, Edward," I snap back in the same tone.

"Then why do you say that?"

This talking business is tiring. I exhale.

"Because nothing that comes out of my mouth is worth listening to. Nobody cares. Nobody listens," I whisper, embarassed I'm saying all this to him.

"That's not true."

"Oh, yes it is." I chuckle. Sadly.

I look up. The stars aren't spinning so much now.

"Sometimes, I thought the problem was my voice, you know? Maybe it's annoying. Or maybe I speak too low and they didn't hear me. But even after repeating myself a little louder…nothing. It was like...like I wasn't even there. Like I'm a ghost."

Just breathe.

"Am I a ghost, Edward? Is that it? That's why no one sees me?"

I can hear him breathing.

Silence again. I guess he's finally realizing it. What a waste of his time this night has been.

"I see you," he whispers. Sounding so so sweet my heart brakes in half.

"Yes. Because you're curious. Once you realize there's nothing to be curious about...this..."

I wave my hand up and down my body. Because I'm still sprawled on the rock. Can't sit up yet. Still spinning a little, you know.

"...you will confidently conclude..."

He snorts at my choice words.

Whatever.

"...that there's nothing...to be curious about."

"Will I?" He smirks.

"Yes. So I'm saving you the trouble."

I know he's staring again. I can feel it. It's unnerving.

"But I like trouble." From the corner of my eye, I see it. Smirk on full force.

I chuckle. "Well, look for it somewhere else 'cause I ain't giving you any."

I sit up. No spinning. Good. I start to shuffle myself down the rock. I must look like an asshole.

"Where are you going?" he asks as he gracefully jumps down. Stupid beautifully long manly legs.

"Home." I sigh. Where else.

We look at each other. Time stands still.

He puts his hands in his pocket.

"Can you drive?"

"Yep. I'm good."

He has killed my buzz. Motherfucker.

"You sure? I could drive you?"

"I don't understand," I whine. So tired of this. Everything.

My hands are in my hair. Because I don't frakking understand why he's being this way.

"I just want to make sure you get home okay. That's all."

Oh My God!

I yell out, "but why?! I don't understand why you care?!"

I'm angry. Confused. I don't get it. I don't get him.

And you know what his answer was?

Nothing. After a minute, he just looks down and shrugs his shoulders.

Exactly.

"Bye, Edward."

I spin around and walk to my truck. I can see his car parked by the side of the road in front of my truck.

I can hear him behind me. When I open the truck's door to get inside, I hear it.

"I care."

But my steps don't falter. I hop up and put the keys in the ignition.

"Nah. Like you said. You're just curious."

I can't even look at him. I start the truck and get the hell out of there.

He follows me all the way home.