Heartbeats.

I hung back in the darkness, in the shadows the inside of my car provided. Dean hadn't said anything about his time in Hell, more specifically about his last few minutes with me and Cas, and it had me thinking. Did he remember and just wasn't talking about it in front of Bobby, or didn't he remember anything at all?

Bobby stepped out from the passenger side of his car and stretch out his back. The drive from Illinois up to Bobby's salvage yard in South Dakota was a bit of a long one, though we made it just before sunrise with the way we pushed it - those deserted back roads were made for hunters. I watched Dean's boot touch the dirt and twist as he shifted his weight. When he pulled his body out of the car, there was no sign of fatigue or pain, if anything he looked better than he ever had. He didn't stretch or crack any bones, he simply straightened out his leather jacket and shoved his hands deep in the pockets.

"Can you hear them?" Castiel's voice broke through the silence that had fallen on us since we got in the car.
"Just about…" I turned my head slightly to the left, pointing my ear forward a little more. When Bobby's words touched, my ear flinched with the sound.

"Do you believe him?" he hushed a whisper towards Dean.

"Lexi seems to…" it was clear to me that the younger hunter was questioning this. He had every right to - I did.

"There's nothing else Dean…nothing powerful enough to actually pull someone from the pit!" Bobby was getting louder. Dean chanced a look to me, he couldn't see through the shadows that hung over, yet he was staring right at me.

"What is he doing with Lex, what does she have to do with this?" he was still staring.

"No idea. She knows you better than anyone, maybe he needed her to track you?"

"He's an 'angel', surely he could do that himself."

"Well I don't know boy! Why don't you go find out, huh? Do us both a favour…I'm going inside…" Bobby turned away and headed up his front porch, Dean's head followed him.

"To do what?"

"To find something, other than an angel, that could've saved your sorry ass!" the old man yelled over his shoulder before he slammed the front door.

Dean's gaze fell back onto me. I held it for as long as I could before he started moving. I had missed him so much, feeling him watching me again was wonderful, even though it meant answering questions I really didn't want to.

"I should go, but I will be back later. Bring him round Lexi, make him understand."

"Don't worry Cas, I'll take care of it." I didn't turn to face my angel as I spoke, knowing he would be gone before I could look at him. Pushing open the door to the Mustang I stepped out and gently let it close. I didn't want to stay in the car with Dean, not with the sun just about to rise; I wouldn't be able to see the light catch the sparkle in his deep emerald eyes that I so desperately missed, the natural blonds and browns in his shaggy cropped hair or the faint reminder of a shallow scar that refused to leave the top of his cheek bone. I needed the light to see all of those, he shouldn't be hidden away in the shadows with me.

I was still wary of the wolf inside of me, she could be unpredictable and I had no idea how far she could be pushed before she would swallow me again. In that respect I did feel like a monster that should be locked away, hidden or even killed but it was the warmth she provided that stopped me from trying anything; How I felt like nothing could touch me, how strong she made me feel and how she got just as excited as I did when Dean came into view. It was obvious to me she loved him, but I didn't understand how she could. Back down there in the dark was the first time, that I was aware of, she had seen him.

"So…" Dean started as he lent on the hood of the car next to me, "How've you been?"

I tilted my head up to look at him, his trademark smirk plastered across his full lips, "Peachey. If it wasn't Jack, Jim or Jose chasing me to an early grave, there was always the demon on my ass or the black dog that wanted a chew toy…so yeah, things have been great…" I slipped up onto the hood, legs dangling over the side. Even with my added height, Dean was still taller than me.

"Yeah. Bobby said you had taken everything with the deal a little…hard. I did wonder why you just split that night without warning, I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry Lex." he closed the tiny gap that was between us.

"You didn't think of me…" I was shocked at myself for telling him how I really felt, but he didn't seem to be.

"No…I wasn't thinking at all, but you already know that." his strong voice was soft and quiet, making our conversation completely private. That was something else I loved about him, how I got to see the real Dean Winchester. The kind, loving and passionate side; the lost and lonely man who lives deep beneath the walls. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I am too." I really was sorry. Sorry for not being there at the end, for not finding a way out and for not being there right from the start. Yes I was with him when Sam was killed but I was the one, along with Bobby, who ran to stop the Devils Gate being opened. Dean stayed behind in that abandoned house with his brother's corpse. That was enough to drive him to do what he did. When I did find out what was going on, I left. Made some crappy excuse of a hunt and never went back – I couldn't deal with it, knowing Dean could be taken from me at any time. I never did ask for the date. He knew exactly what I was apologising for.

We sat there for a few minutes in silence, just listening to the world around us come to life. The first rays of sun light splintered through the trees, bringing a small, thoughtful smile to my lips. It had been so long since I had last seen the sun rise, I'd almost forgotten how beautiful it was. Even the wolf calmed for this. Slowly, Dean laced his fingers with mine. He didn't make any other move, and that was enough. There we were, just like many times before, lent up against a car with our hands hanging lazily and entwined together, content in not sharing our moment with anyone else. That was something I missed, just being with him.

"So how much did this cost you?" Dean turned to me, his face suddenly somber.

"Nothing." I answered plainly, never breaking eye contact. I wasn't lying, nor was I telling the whole truth.

"C'mon Lex, something like this comes with a high price tag. Don't take me for a fool, I wasn't born yesterday."

"Well…you were reborn yesterday…" I couldn't help it, he set me up perfectly for that one. I smiled innocently as he shook his head, trying to suppress the chuckle that wanted to break free. If this situation was reversed, he would have said the exact same thing. I thought about what I would tell him for a few seconds, idea's running a mile a minute through my head. None of them made sense, and all of them ended the same way - Dean looking at me like I was something evil, something that should be killed. Something that he should hunt. The thought of him pushing me away, rejecting me, scared me more than the thought of taking another trip downstairs. I had to be careful with this.

"You gunna tell me, or am I gunna have to ask your angel friend? One way or another Lexi I…"

"Alright! Alright…" I was just going to have to tell him the truth. I let my gaze fall down to the floor, I watched my feet swing back and forth. "My soul." The hunter didn't move, he just stared at me for what felt like forever.

"How long did they give you?" he sighed deeply.

"As long as I want." I lifted my head to him. Confusion washed over his face and I couldn't help but smile a little. He looked like a lost puppy.

"What'dya mean?" he asked, still confused.

"There are things you don't know about me Dean, things about my past. So much that you could fill a book."

"Care to tell me these things?"

"I'll tell you what you need to know, something's I'll save for a rainy day." he nodded his head as he thought over my words.

"Okay…then tell me."

"Before I met you I…I had my soul taken from me, for reasons that aren't important right now. I would die as and when, no hellhounds, no bounty over my head. My soul was already in hell being tortured, they were just waiting on me to join it." I stopped when Dean's eyes widened. I needed to watch my words. "Without it I was cold, dead almost. I couldn't feel any emotions, connect with people or even care about them…until I met you and Sam. Something happened Dean…I could feel again. I could laugh and cry. More importantly, I could care for another human being."

"I don't get this. I mean I'm happy Sam and I could help, but I don't understand why you never told us…me…and what this has to do with getting me out?" He moved to stand in front of me. My legs automatically parted to let him step closer and he did.

"Castiel explained that the only way I could save you was if I was…reunited with my soul. So I went, found my soul and found you." I caught myself playing with the tip of his jacket collar, rolling the leather between my finger and thumb.

"Well that doesn't sound all that bad. If anything it's great. You're free too." his face had lost the confusion, now he looked plain happy.

"You didn't know me before." I said quietly and let my eyes fall again.

"You seem fine to me. You're still Lexi." he moved his hand to my face, and held my chin in his fingers, "Stillmy Lexi."

"Wait until you see me get angry, then you'll know what I'm talking about." I huffed out a smirk.

We stayed in that position for what felt like forever but still didn't feel long enough; staring deeply into each others eyes. Dean's lips curled into the smallest smile, slowly he leant forward and gently pressed a kiss onto my forehead. Our arms snaked around each other, I felt his hands move down to the small of my back and we pulled ourselves into the other. Dean's lips pressed once again before leaving my skin, I lowered and lay my head on his chest and he rested his on top of mine. We both drew in deep breaths, bathing in each others scents.

"I've missed you." He whispered softly. I hugged him tighter, unable to voice how happy I was at that moment. Reluctantly we let go, Dean moved back to my side and took my hand again. Together we watched the sun rise higher, my head fell onto his shoulder and stayed there. He never moved but I felt him smile; and in my ears, unknowingly to him I could hear his heart beating as loud as a drum, beat just a little bit faster than before. I smiled again - his heart was beating.