-1Chapter 11: Separate Entities

After administering his unsolicited kiss, he moved back to his end of the hut. Her lips were soft; softer than any pair he'd ever felt before. But the pleasure of kissing a comatose woman was very shallow and only fanned the flames behind his hunger. The interior of the hut now reminded him of the representation of the of the underworld he'd been shown in his dream. Could he escape the dark solitude that waited for him on the other side?

Rin would be allowed to transfer from vessel to vessel living a variety of lives until Nirvana accepted her world weary soul. They had just this one life together. She'd forget about him in her quest to become one with everything. He could meet up with her again and again, but he could never have her as the hermit had suggested unless he stayed in this state. What protection could he provide her as a man? His purified form would grow old and become weak. What good would he be to her then? Could experience outweigh power in the long run?

An eternity of wandering the ever changing world with no other real purpose other than indiscriminate slaughter seemed less and less appealing when compared to the time he spent with Rin. His life had seemed empty and pointless before he met the girl. She gave him something important to treasure. She was more precious to him than she'd ever know. The odd events of the past few days had revealed a startling truth to Sesshomaru. He didn't want to live without Rin. She was the bright warm light that offset his dark deeds.

He drifted off to sleep and found himself in the darkness of the underworld once again. It was a lonely, lifeless, hollow place. Water drops felt from an invisible ceiling breaking the stifling silence. This expansive tomb served as an eternal prison for the demon's damned soul.

His demonic powers were useless in this place. The abilities they brought him on worldly plain could not save him here. This time there was no voice or light to guide him. He was utterly alone in a lake of his sin. The people that floated by him were as non descript as they had been when they were alive. Without light, he could not tell one person from another. He considered making phosphorescent orbs as a means of illuminating the cave. Then he remembered that there was no exit.

There was no escape; only time to think about his choices in life. Only time to think about how much he missed Rin. "Rin." He whispered to himself as images of her rapidly flashed through his mind. He could not replicate the love her felt for the girl. He'd never told her how vital she was to him, and now he'd never have the chance.

Sesshomaru jolted awake, he was covered in sweat and his pulse was rapid. The beads scorched his skin as he searched the dark hut for Rin. His eyes focused on her shape under a mound of blankets. The fire pit had gone cold in the time Sesshomaru was asleep. He stirred the dead ashes looking for some sign of life. He broke apart a coal and an ember like heart beat waxed and waned looking for more fuel. Sesshomaru stuck small sticks over what was left of the fire and blew softly. Smoke billowed out from under the pile, then a little flame rose up happy to be alive.

In his dream, Sesshomaru felt an unbearable sadness radiating from deep inside his chest. His heart was breaking and he was in a place where it could not be mended. The simulation functioned as a warning, but how could he change an already ordained path? Had he truly been born without a conscience as he had always believed? The longer he thought about the passive role he'd taken in resisting the drive to kill, the more he questioned whether or not he should be redeemed.

The underworld was a perfect prison for a soul as stained with blood as his. Being devoid of a conscience was not the problem. He'd made the choice every time to hunt humans. Sesshomaru did not savor animal blood the way he did the blood of a human. Animals did not beg for their lives, and did not satiate his cruel desire to silence those cries for mercy by tearing out their throats.

He wondered if the hunger would follow him into the afterlife. That was the worst part about being a demon. He knew the gap between more and enough never closed. Yet, Rin had the ability to close his gap. He knew the impulse couldn't slumber forever. There was always the possibility that he could kill Rin if the necessity to taste her blood overcame him? Even knowing that he could easily endanger the girl with his true nature, he had no faith in his weakened human form to protect her. Protecting her was more important than anything. What if something as strong as himself came after her? He had to be strong to keep her safe. He had no other choice than to remain a demon and accept the retribution that awaited him.

It would be day light soon, and their destination was almost a day's walk on foot up the dense wooded mountainside. He moved over to the still sleeping girl and put his hand on her shoulder and spoke. "Rin, it's time to get up." She moaned at the sound of Sesshomaru's voice.

"Good morning Lord," She attempted to stifle a giant yawn, "Sesshomaru." He was speaking to her again. It was as if nothing had transpired between them. Had he really tried to kiss her yesterday? The moment was so intense that Rin felt as if she were going to faint. It was a side of Sesshomaru she had never seen before. The look in his eyes said 'I want you.' She was very familiar with that look, and never expected to be receiving it from Sesshomaru. She could still feel his touch on her skin.

He wasn't one to back down after making up his mind either. He could have broken down all her barriers with just a kiss. A large part of her didn't want him to stop. She tried to shake the feeling as she got to her feet and faced her palms towards the pit. She went to grab a log to make the fire larger. Sesshomaru stopped her just short of the flame.

"Don't. We'll be leaving soon. Sit down and stay warm." He gave her what was left of the rabbit on the pike. She took it reluctantly from his hand and did as he commanded. She bundled up and sat back down on her futon. She reheated the cold rabbit over the warmth of the small fire. He grabbed a few things including her spare kimono and put them into her bundle.

They'd be ending their journey together very soon. 'All this will be just a memory.' She thought as she watched Sesshomaru busy himself with making sure everything was prepared. If he loved her, Rin just wished be alright with that. Why should he feel guilty and too proud to love someone? She'd promised herself to tell Sesshomaru how she felt when she was abducted outside of the village. Where had her courage gone? She wished he were more approachable. She was afraid that he'd tell her that he couldn't return her feelings. Deep down something told her if she didn't do it before he changed back, she never would.

She peeled the lean hot meat off the bone. It was tasty, and it felt good to have a full stomach. She finished what was left of the rabbit, and rinsed her greasy fingers off with cold water from the half full basket. "I hope you slept well." Sesshomaru said over his shoulder as he condensed his futon to a third of it's original size and placed in a corner of the hut. She nodded timidly.

"Yes I did. Thank you. " She said as she folded the blankets into a pile and tidied up the hut. She didn't know if they'd end up back at the village. She was uncertain if the cave would be the key to removing the beads. When the hut looked vacated, Rin and the demon set out from the village before everyone awoke. She sat the borrowed blankets in front of Asano's hut and left a large packet of medication for her little boy. She also returned Suzuna's dishes and her water basket, leaving them outside her tent flap clean and neatly stacked. They'd be at the temple by the late afternoon, and if the cave worked, homeward bound by night fall. The Sun was beginning to rise. The sky had been stained indigo and a waning full moon hung low on the horizon. The chill in the air had left a sparkling layer of frost on the surrounding plant life. The fresh cool air revived Rin, and a flock of honking geese flew overhead in a 'v'. Rin had decided to ride Hotaru as Sesshomaru led by her reigns.

They followed the river for a long time as the early morning sun moved steadily to the top of the sky. The pair walked in silence. Rin's mind wandered as she watched the scenery move slowly by her. The forest was an assembly of balding trees and withering plant life. The river's current flowed in the opposite direction they were heading. As the incline grew steeper, boulders clogged the river creating rushing and swirling rapids. Rin was glad to have been dropped in safer part of the river. She had begun to notice more and more land marks. She knew the area surrounding the temple very well, having scoured the forest for pools in which to purify herself.

Awkwardness hung over their journey to the shrine. Being ignored by Sesshomaru was terrible. She'd just asked him to consider his actions. He obviously didn't understand what he did to her. She'd be trapped with a hopeless desire for him that she could not get rid of. She though of how he captivated her with the ferocity in his gaze. She could feel his intentions when he looked at her. Just remembering what had transpired between them stirred a craving in her.

Sesshomaru stopped to rest Hotaru. Rin climbed off of the horse and walked along the bank of the steadily flowing river. The Sun had dropped in the sky, and they found themselves in between mid and late afternoon. "We're not far from the temple Lord Sesshomaru. We should arrive with plenty of sunlight to spare." It felt odd to be speaking after so long.

"Good. Thank you Rin." The detachment had begun. He could not allow himself anymore lapses in composure. When he became a demon again, he could not entertain any feelings for Rin. She would move on, but he would never leave her side. It was silly of him to even indulge his heart, nothing could come of it. A part of him wanted her to find a human mate. If she left him it would be easier to resist her. He could never forgive himself if any harm befell Rin. He wanted to see her live a long and happy life, even if it meant watching her from afar. She deserved no less. No one would ever love her as much as he did, but the world was dangerous and Rin's life was more important than his own.

They had reached the outskirts of the village. Sesshomaru didn't remember the temple being on steep embankments. "The only way to the cave is out the back of the temple. It was built specifically to keep intruders out of the shrine." Rin's voice carried a warning. The usual sound of the busy temple was gone, and it worried the girl. Sesshomaru proceeded on and she followed him to the unoccupied entrance to the temple. "This isn't right, there's usually a priest here to check girls in about this time." Rin whispered with suspicion in her voice. Sesshomaru said nothing as he continued up the temple steps. He pulled out his sword in one graceful action, heeding her caution. She followed behind him anxiously.

Trap or no Sesshomaru had to make his way to the cave. His human body was a hindrance, but he was grateful for the skills he'd honed in the many centuries he'd been alive. His power might have been gone, but not his ability to hold his own. He'd strike down any man that came between him and the cave.

As they entered the temple grounds, Sesshomaru commanded Rin to stay close to him. She grabbed his left arm and hid behind him. As he continued up the path that lead to the front doors of the temple, a stray bullet whizzed past him inches from his face. Rin yelped as she was snatched away from Sesshomaru. The demon turned around to find her in the grasp of a large man that held a sharp dagger to her throat. The pointed metal tip indented into the skin on her throat and inflamed Sesshomaru. No one was allowed to touch Rin. "Get your hands off of her now!" His tone was deadly serious. The man twisted her arm behind her back cruelly and made her grimace. Her hand felt like it was going to snap off at the joint.

"This doesn't concern you demon. The girl belongs to me." The man holding her against her will was the suitor she had ditched. He had taken residence in the temple and his peons were searching for her all over the mountain.

"Let go of her or I will kill you!" Sesshomaru barked. He ran towards the man and was stopped dead in his tracks when the dagger penetrated her skin. Little beads of blood pulled until they spilled down the front of her throat. "I won't let you take her from me!"

"You come any closer, I'll slit her throat and bleed her dry." The man had a twinkle in his eye as he began pulling Rin towards the temple. He faced Sesshomaru and smiled as he twisted Rin's wrist harder. She gasped. "That's what you get for running away." The suitor hissed through clenched teeth. He was quiet please to be hurting the girl. Sesshomaru couldn't bare to witness Rin in pain any longer. He sprinted towards the vile man deflecting a volley of large iron pellets with the dark demonic sword. Seconds before Sesshomaru's blade had made contact with his target, a lone arrow sailed quickly from out of nowhere and traveled straight through the suitor's neck. He gulped for air trying to resist the death that awaited him. Rin pulled herself out of his grasp and ran to Sesshomaru. "Are you alright?" Rin nodded quickly not knowing what to say. A succession of arrows were launched in a variety of different places and a few lackeys tumbled from their perches. Rin hugged Sesshomaru tightly.

"Hana." Rin looked rattled towards the direction of the voice. Taki scurried down from an old tall tree and on to the roof of the temple. She carried a bow in one hand and had holster full of arrows strapped to her back. She scrambled off of the roof and ran towards Rin.

"You shot that man." Rin wondered when her friend had become such an amazing archer. Taki nodded her head assessing Rin to make sure that the girl was alright.

"Hana I'm so glad your not hurt." She hugged Rin tightly. "I thought I'd never see you again." Rin embraced the girl back.

"Where did you learn to shoot a bow like that?" Rin couldn't get over the fact that Taki had saved her life. Sesshomaru was relieved as well.

"Master Koji began teaching me when I arrived. He thought it would be a good idea if I knew how to protect myself. I kept it secret from everyone, because I knew the head priest wouldn't allow it." She paused for a second and looked in the direction of the front of the shrine. The doors had been cracked opened and people were peaking out to see if the coast was clear. "It's been terrible since you've been gone. The dirty swine who bought you allowed his men to freely roam the halls and harass the girls." Taki's voice was weary.

"I'm sorry you had to through that because of me." Rin's spoke softly. "If I hadn't run away, the lives of all the people living at the temple wouldn't have been disrupted."

"We're free now. That's all that matters." Taki's smile expressed her gratitude for being uninhibited for the first time in a long time. She would be allowed to find her own life in the great wide world because she was no longer a possession.

Rin and Sesshomaru walked towards the front of the temple. "Hana why are you here?" Taki asked as she walked along side her good friend and the demon who'd come to claim her.

"We have to visit the shrine." She said as she pried to doors of the temple open. The bystanders that had been crowding around the space between the two doors parted to let Sesshomaru through.

"Rin, you can't bring that creature in here." Rin never knew Koji could sound so stern. She ignored his warning and pushed passed him.

"Let them be Master Koji." Taki cautioned.

"He murdered the head priest!" Koji interjected passionately.

"The Head Priest was a worthless man. He did not deserve to live." Sesshomaru explained. "And if you keep me from reaching the shrine, I will kill you as well." Koji backed away from Sesshomaru. He and Rin left the crowd behind and exited the temple. They could see the shrine about 200 feet away. "I want you to stay here Rin." She watched him enter the cave and then vanish inside the earth.

He'd stepped under a rope strung through the braided paper charms used to amplify the purity of the cave. A small amount of afternoon sun filtered into the opening. The interior was compact and Sesshomaru could see where the back became a dead end. He expected the beads to react so closely to their base of origin, but they remained mute. The shrine itself consisted of a small crudely carved figurine of an ornately dressed woman with no face. The remnants of burnt incense left broken snakes of ash at the base of the shrine. Dried out offerings were untouched by the deity that resided in the cave.

Where was the being that had called to him? The situation was profoundly annoying. He considered destroying the shrine to get the deity's attention. He wanted the beads off of his neck as soon as possible. "Show yourself." He commanded. The request fell on deaf ears. He kicked over the bowl of offerings knocking a few rice balls into the dust. "Show yourself." He spoke again with more passion in his voice. He waited for the deity to bite. "Show yourself or I will destroy your shrine. I will not be ignored." Having to repeat himself agitated him. He wasn't used to pleading for any reason. He paused and pulled out his sword to hack the shrine apart. Humans put too much faith in the capricious behavior and proclivities of the gods in his opinion. He raised his sword to make the strike and was pulled backwards and pinned to the dusty floor of the cave by the beads. His sword fell out of his strong grip and skidded a few feet away from his now prostrate body. He felt as if he were being decapitated. He struggled and clawed uselessly at the frozen beads that restrained him.

"Do not touch my shrine Sesshomaru." The voice roared having lost it's passive trait. The warning echoed loudly bouncing off the walls of small cave. He struggled until the beads loosened under their own volition. He coughed and rubbed the front of his throat. "I will not permit you to enter this cave again if you openly disrespect my home." The voice returned to the cool demeanor that Seshomaru was used to.

"Why did you not show yourself when I asked to see you?" The being had told the demon to come find her, but when he arrived she was no where to be found.

"You're not ready to part with your beads. Some fraction of you has been swayed by what they have to offer." The voice was lying-she had to be, Sesshomaru thought quickly. "Until you are fully committed to becoming a demon again, I can do nothing for you."

"What do the beads have to offer me?" He asked mocking the voice. "They are a nuisance."

"Being purified has offered you a choice hasn't it?" This couldn't be the choice the voice was speaking about.

"I have no doubt in my mind that I want to return back to being a demon." Sesshomaru spoke firmly. "Release me immediately." The voice laughed at him.

"Your mind may be convinced, but your heart says otherwise. Have you truly considered what it would be like to live as a human?" The notion was preposterous.

"Don't be ridiculous. The idea of remaining human repulses me."

"You were once one of mine, but you've forgotten." The voice said in a sobering tone. "All demons stem from human origins, you're no different. At the end of your last life you carried a great anger with you to the grave. Unfulfilled souls are highly susceptible to corruption before they reach the gate to the other side. Trading one's mortal soul for unlimited powers and immortality is very alluring when the memory of how inadequate one's life was is still fresh. You were bound for reincarnation, but became sidetracked by the being who made you who you are today." Sesshomaru remembered none of what the voice told him. "You'd be surprised by how often unrequited love rots people to the core. If you're not careful, you'll never get to satisfy the wish that that keeps you bound to the worldly plane."

"What is your point?" He tried the cover up the fact that what the voice said genuinely interested him.

"The point is that you once were a good man. To deny the human part of yourself will be your down fall. You've been given the opportunity to live the life fate has decreed for you. If you passed through the gate to the other side as you were supposed to, the woman you loved as that man would have been yours many times over. Even you have a soul mate Sesshomaru." If what the voice said was true, how many lifetimes had he lived missing the woman he once loved?

"Two men falling in love with the same woman happens everyday. When they're brothers the problem becomes more complex. You were the second born son and had no land or title to your name. Knowing this, you did everything in your power to establish yourself. Many people believed you were the worthwhile brother." The sun had begun to set and the cave became a dark shell. Images began to form in Sesshomaru's mind as the voice told the story of how he'd been conned into becoming a demon.

"Her face will always be imbedded in the memories that your soul carries. She was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen. You wondered if she was real." The voice told of that first chance encounter. She was filling buckets with fresh water from the river. A woman that could have been Rin's ghost looked up and smiled. He was taken back by her sheer loveliness. He walked slowly towards her and introduced himself. "Soul mates will always recognize each other. From the moment you saw that girl you knew you loved her and there was no other. Unfortunately, you were not the only one who wanted to put a claim on her. Her parents were quite poor and more than happy to give her to your brother who was set to inherit your father's entire estate."

Another vision passed before Sesshomaru. He sat stifling his grief as he watched the woman that he loved with every fiber of his being be married to his older brother. She looked longingly towards him as the men at the ceremony became drunk and rowdy. He took a long drink of sake and felt the heat of the alcohol rise up in his chest. He grabbed the bottle and wandered outside for a breath of fresh air. Spring was nearing towards an end and the fresh wild grasses that surrounded the outside of his large home were springy and moist under his feet. It was a moonless night and thousands of stars speckled the black breadth of the universe. She was supposed to be his. The thought buzzed in his mind loudly as his heart turned black and dried up with sorrow.

He left his father's home not long after that into a tiny shack he'd built with his own hands. He did not want to see her if he couldn't have her. "You would have moved to a completely different country if you could have, but there was no power strong enough to pull you away from her.

One night, she came to you looking for consolation. You desperately wanted to turn her away, but you could not deny her." She stepped into his shack and fell into his arms in tears. She'd been replaced by a mistress. A woman capable of producing children for his brother. The idea of this woman being broken down so completely stoked a fire in his guts. "You suggested that she run away with you and start a new life. She consented to your desire to start a family far away from the reaches of your brother. You swore you would love her forever. Throwing caution to the wind, you consummated your relationship with your brother's wife."

He was awoken before the sun even rose by a loud banging on the heavy wooden door. He wasn't even given the chance to climb out of bed and answer the pounding when the entrance to his home busted open. His brother stood in the doorway seething. "You were accused of theft. You'd taken his wife and tained her. He branded her with being no better than a lowly street prostitute." His brother charged towards him with boiling rage and a malicious intent in his heart. He was going to kill the both of them. In the scuffle, his brother had knocked Sesshomaru to the ground and lunged at his wife who was trying to scramble out of the bed as quickly as her limbs would allow her to move. He grabbed the woman dragging her back down to the bed and began throttling her. "You couldn't sit there and watch your brother strangle the life out of the most precious thing in your world. Your existence would be nothing if you lost her. You killed the man who was the real theif."

His older brother lay at his feet. Blood pooled around the fallen man's body as it swiftly flowed from the stab wound on his back. It felt surreal knowing he'd just ended his brother's life. The girl stood behind the victor and watched her husband bleed out staining the packed clay soil that comprised the floor of the shack.

"Your crime was considered inexcusable and your punishment was death." The reflection of his past life concluding at the end of a noose turned Sesshomaru's stomach. "You never got to make that family far away from reality. You never got to say goodbye. But know that the girl was loyal to you all the way to the end. She secretly cut you down and had your body cremated so you could rest in peace." Rin's crying face flashed through his mind as she clutched the small parcel of his remains to her chest. "But the dark deities that lurk in the underworld waiting for troubled souls to trick were instantly attracted to your aura tainted with hatred."

Her name wasn't Rin then, nor was his name Sesshomaru. They'd been given a completely different set of circumstances and challenges to work through this time around. "You were told becoming a demon was the only way you wouldn't miss her. The being that feeds off the energy created by your violence and destruction had no intention of you finding the girl again. It wasn't until Rin smiled at you and unlocked what your soul remembered that you began syncing up with your humanity." Sesshomaru laughed inspite of himself. It was maddening to believe he'd been duped so easily. He'd been very foolish and lost in his despair. "Do not assume you were deceived effortlessly. When you were hanged, you searched and searched for her. You believed she had abandoned you. That is not the case. She was not permitted to witness your execution. She was not allowed to give you any last moments of comfort."

"How I can have faith that any of this is true?" His voice sounded skeptical. Everything the voice had told him was extremely hard to accept.

"Why would you need to be as beautiful as you are Sesshomaru? What is it about Rin that keeps you from slaying or forsaking her?" The voice paused for a moment and Sesshomaru contemplated where the questions were going. "You wanted the girl to notice you when she saw you again. The magnetism between soul mates never dies. She would have been drawn to you regardless of what you looked like. You cannot kill or desert her because as you've come to understand, 'you'd rather injure yourself."' The man that you once were will not allow it. Remaining a demon will only force you apart."

"What do you mean by that?" The coldness had fallen away from his voice. A hesitance to return to being a demon was creeping upon him.

"Only you can answer that question for yourself. Heed me Sesshomaru. Consider the possibilities of a human life." The voice faded with an echo into the false abyss of the small cave.

Had he been waiting all this time to find Rin? Had he been searching for her so that he could satisfy the wishes of a man long dead? He wondered if her soul had been waiting to find him too. He exited the cave and filled his lungs with crispy dry air. She was as he had left her. Rin was a million miles away searching the changing night sky for stars . She noticed Sesshomaru coming her way, and shook her head in disbelief.

"What happened?" She asked breathlessly as if she'd seen a ghost. The nick on her throat had been forgotten about and shined like a string of garnet colored beads.

"You stood out here all this time?" She nodded solemnly. "You should have waited for me inside in the warmth of the temple." She hadn't been reprimanded by Sesshomaru in so long, that she felt like a child again. She felt a tad embarrassed, and relieved. The things that bound them since the first day would never change.

"I'm sorry to worry you Lord Sesshomaru." She said softly and avoided his eyes. He began moving towards the temple. "We've been invited to stay for the night." Rin said as she caught up with Sesshomaru. They walked side by side into the temple. Taki directed the demon to the men's baths and took the girl with her to the one designated for the women.

"I see he hasn't reverted back yet." Taki said softly settling in to the large heated wooden tub where Rin was soaking her weary body. It felt nice to be clean. Sleeping in borrowed blankets on the dirt floor of the hut had coated the girl in a fine layer of grime.

"I honestly thought he would have jumped on the opportunity to remove the beads. He was in there for a while. I wonder what went on in the cave." Rin splashed a bit of steaming water over her shoulders. Her long dark hair fanned out around her in the tub. "I asked him about it, but he scolded me for standing in the cold instead. I wish he'd answer me directly every once in a while." Taki smiled at her playfully.

"Do you think he'd answer you directly if you asked him if he loved you?" The girl laughed as Rin splashed her with water.

"No. I don't think he would. He doesn't love me Taki." Rin's voice trailed off sadly. "Could you love something that revolts you?" The smile fell off of her friend's face.

"You should tell him how you feel at least."

"What's the point? He could never love a human." Rin sighed as she moved to the edge of the tub wanting to get out.

"Have you ever asked him what he wants?"

It was difficult for Rin to explain why she couldn't solicit how he felt and kept her peace as she stepped out of the tub. Droplets of water slid down her naked body and on to the slatted wooden floor of the women's bath. Her body had changed so quickly, and she didn't believe she'd end up looking the way she did. She wondered what Sesshomaru thought about the changes she'd gone through. Did he even think about her that way? Seeing her like that might have been overwhelming to him. Then she thought about the night before. It was all very confusing and nothing made sense anymore. Rin dried herself and put on a clean heavy weight kimono. She pinned her wet hair back into a loose knot at the base of her neck.

Things were easier when she was young. The border between her and her lord was so well defined line then. Now that different variables came into the play, that boundary had begun to blur. The closer Rin inched to Sesshomaru, the harder it would be to return back to normal.

Taki startled the girl who was lost in the large quagmire of her relationship with the dog demon.

"Here, let me do that for you." The girl pulled the pin out of Rin's hair. She began arranging it in a less haphazard fashion. "I was engaged to be married before I was kidnapped." Taki had never spoken much about her past. It seemed remembering the life she lost hurt her deeply. "Our village was attacked and all the women and girls were taken and sold, while the men were slaughtered. My fiance was among those men."

"I'm sorry." Rin sympathized with the girl.

"I fell in love my fiance while we were still very young, but never had the nerve to say so. When he asked to marry me, I nearly died of shock. It turns out he felt the same way I did. My only regret is that I did not enjoy being in love while it was possible." Taki's eyes were swollen with tears. She dried them with back of her palm. Rin hugged her friend who hadn't had a proper chance to grieve for her lost loved ones. Taki left not long after that insisting they needed a spare set of hands in the kitchen. The girl had reacted so strongly to Rin's doubts. Should she take her friend's advice, even though she might end up empty handed? Sesshomaru made his decision. He was going to change back regardless of when it happened. Still, it would be nice to tell him. She wished she had some of her friend's courage.

When she arrived in the dining room Sesshomaru was missing. The women were delighted to see her. Taki motioned for her and she sat down next to her friend. No priests were in attendance and the ladies of the temple enjoyed the relaxed setting. They laughed and drank the sake that the goons had been stashing in their kitchens. The girls sang, danced, and toasted Taki for being the bravest woman they'd ever seen. Even Rin took a few sips and felt her temperature elevate. They gave the girl a very difficult time about the handsome stranger that swept her off her feet and stole her away in the dead of night. They celebrated openly happy to be rid of the head priest and the suitor who had taken his place. The food was delicious, but the sweet rice wine was even better. "I think I'm going to take Lord Sesshomaru something to eat." Rin said to Taki as she piled food onto plate. She grabbed the nearly full bottle of sake and excused herself from the party.

The halls of the temple were dark spare for the inadequate light given off from wicks sitting in dishes of oil. The women's merriment could be made out through the entirety of the structure. "How does it feel to betray your own kind Hana?" The voice startled Rin. Koji spoke as if he were in a dangerous and heated mood. He had been lingering behind her for a while when he noticed her heading towards where the demon was staying.

"You should know. You're familiar with betrayal, aren't you? You knew where I came from all along didn't you?" Rin's words were like a slap in his face.

"We only kept you from damning yourself and you've repaid us with thanklessness. You've even gone so far as to bring a demon on to holy ground." She turned to walk from him, all the while, loosing any love she had for the man. He quickly caught up to her and grabbed her by her arm, turning her to look him in the eye. The rapid movement sloshed the liquids over the sides of the dishes forming a swamp of rice, broth, and sake. Rin found herself covered in Sesshomaru's dinner. "Have you happily given yourself to him again and again?" Her eyes widened and she understood what this was about. Koji was jealous. "Do you let just any filthy animal have you?"

"Do not touch me!" The sound of her voice alerted Sesshomaru that she was in distress. Koji clamped down tighter on her arm. He slapped the tray out of her hands knocking the dishes and all their contents to the ground. Before Koji could harass the terrified Rin anymore, the monk found his throat in Sesshomaru's vice like grip. Koji released his hold on the girl's arm and she shrunk away from the action hiding behind her protector. The more Koji struggled the tighter Sesshomaru's fingers clenched. The demon's voice rumbled in his throat angrily. Rin could hear the man gasping for air. She believed he was stupid, but didn't deserve to die. "Please let him go." Her voice carried the sound of fatigue. She was tired of being judged. She just wanted to go home. Sesshomaru's grasp slackened and the man fell to his knees. The mess he'd made was soaking through his garments. She walked away, leaving Sesshomaru and Koji to face each other. The demon did not end the very frightened man, he pursed Rin instead.

She began running until she found herself outside. She crouched down in the dark and began crying. 'He's not human. He never was. I can't pretend that he is. It's pointless.' Rin's thoughts weighed heavily on her. He'd always looked so damn human. In his search for her, Sesshomaru caught a glimpse of Rin kneeling in the dirt staring at the night sky. She looked up and found the stars she had been searching for earlier. It seemed if she were asking the cosmos for a favor or advice. 'Am I fooling myself?' The only person who knew the answer to that question was as unreachable as the dark side of the moon.

Sesshomaru turned around and followed the long halls back to his room. Disrupting her seemed inappropriate. Koji was still on the floor contemplating his near death experience. The demon had made an impact on him. He'd seen his life flash before his eyes. There were many things that he needed to change before he journeyed to the other side.

Rin had never walked away from Sesshomaru before. She wasn't a pet, and the demon wasn't her master. 'Returning to how we were is impossible now.' Her frustration welled up in her like a pot ready to boil over. 'I cannot become immortal. Why can't you just want me the way I am?' Rin thought as she removed her soaked and stained kimono and put on some spare sleep ware that she had left behind in the room she shared with Taki. She climbed into her cold futon and let the drowsiness she'd been feeling overtake her.

She slept lightly and was awoken when Taki entered, tripping over a tatami mat. The girl smelled like she'd climbed inside a sake drum. She was drinking out of a small bottle she'd absconded with as the party wound down. "Taki you smell like a distillery." Rin whispered scolding the girl.

"Have a sip." Taki sat down on the floor next to Rin's futon. Rin refused the bottle and her friend took another swig. "I heard Koji lost his mind." Rin laughed softly.

"Lord Sesshomaru would have killed him if I hadn't told him to stop." Rin sounded exasperated.

"Do you blame him? He spared you a lot of tears. I bet if you called for him now, he'd come for you."

"He's not wrapped around my finger" Rin's tone reflected her uncertainty.

"I have this crazy feeling that he doesn't find you repulsive at all. If you don't tell him, then I will." Taki took another sip, offering Rin the bottle again. The girl accepted the invitation after her friend told her it would boost her confidence. Rin took two healthy gulps.

"I hope this works." There was no better time than the present. Rin took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly as she rose to her feet and headed down the hall and to Sesshomaru's room. She spoke through the sliding door constructed of bamboo and rice paper

"Lord Sesshomaru may I enter?"

He permitted her to come in. The lamps were burning low in his room and spicy incense filled the small space with their sweet musky odor. "What is it Rin?" His gaze entranced her. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"I wanted to thank you for keeping me from harm." She didn't look right. Something about the way her cheeks were flushed and the way her eyes had lost their ability to focus made him believe she was intoxicated.

"Have you been drinking?" He came closer to the girl and inspected her. Rin backed away and averted her gaze. She remained silent. He was so close. He could smell the alcohol on her.

"Yes." She took a seat on the edge of his futon. Her legs felt wobbly. "Did it please you to hurt Koji?" This is not why she had come, but she wanted to know.

"Do you think it pleased him to hurt you?" She nodded her head. "Should I have let him continue to come after you?" He knelt down in front of her and looked her squarely in the face to drive his point home.

"No, but you would have killed him if I hadn't asked you to release him. For the first time in my life, I was scared of you." Rin looked deeply into his eyes. "Sometimes I feel as if you're two different people. I'm afraid you'll become something I don't recognize." She pulled her knees to her chest and hid her face behind her folded up legs.

In a way he was two separate entities. She had run from him because the depths of his demonic desires scared her. Sesshomaru could not help that he enjoyed hurting the monk. Rin was very important to him, and Koji's behavior would not be tolerated.

"You have to decide whether what I am is something you can accept." His voice washed over her. His nearness was affecting her.

"Not until you accept what I am." She retorted feeling the statement went both ways. "If humans are so repulsive then why-" The girl was interrupted mid sentence when she was pulled close to Sesshomaru. "Why do you keep me around?" She said faintly.

"Because you make me happy Rin." Sesshomaru was rewarded by her delighted smile. He pulled the pin out of her thick smooth still damp hair. Their eyes locked and he moved in slowly. He placed his lips on hers and gave her a soft kiss. The sensation was undeniably pleasurable. Rin's heart beat rapidly as she felt the passion behind his kiss. She kissed him back with the same driving want, pulling his body close to hers.

They came to a point at which he placed himself on top of her. Not more than half an inch separated them. Rin felt a desperate need to give herself to him. She fumbled to undo her kimono. Sesshomaru grabbed her wrists and put them above her head. He released them, instead choosing to flatten her balled fists with his long fingers. "Relax, Rin." His deep voice said that he wanted her his way. He moved in and kissed her softly this time, freeing her hands so that he might use his.

He traced her long throat with his lips. Rin spread her legs as his body moved closer to hers. Her kimono cinched up, and she opened herself up to him. Sesshomaru's hips pressed against her pubic bone. The rough wool of his pants brushed her inner thigh as she wrapped her firm young legs around him. She intertwined with his body, moving against him lost in the moment.

She was prepared for what was to come next, breaking their humid embrace, she whispered in his ear. "Please Lord," She was cut off when he began to undo the front of her robe. His mouth found hers again, and pushed the robe away from her warm soft skin. She pulled her arms out of the sleeves wrapping them around Sesshomaru. He undid her breast binding for her, pulling Rin close. He could feel her heart beating powerfully in her chest. The only scrap of clothing that the girl had on was her loin cloth. She was every bit the virgin, and she felt shy being naked in front of a man. He looked in to her eyes, and she smiled at him.

"Do you trust me Rin?" He asked seriously.

"Yes." She nodded, "of course I do."

"Do you trust that I won't harm you?" She nodded again. "You need to relax." He placed his hand over her heart, and felt it's beat begin to slow. As his eyes met hers, Rin knew now was the right time to tell him.

"Lord Sesshomaru," She began and stopped out of embarrassment. Her mouth felt dry as she was trying to muster up her courage. "I Love you. I've loved you for a very long time." She couldn't hold her feelings in any longer. The words had a profound impact on him.

"Is that so?" It was that standard issue response she'd been used to.

"I don't care if you never feel the same way. I will follow you until the day I die, even though I know how you feel about humans."

"Do you now? Then how do I feel about you Rin?" Rin looked at him confused. She hesitated.

"I don't know. How do you feel about me?" Her voice was soft and colored with a longing to hear those three words.

"I thought it didn't matter." Sesshomaru said cooly.

"Maybe it does more than I'd like it to. Could you ever love me Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Do you want me to?" She wondered if this was entertaining for him. He couldn't explain why dragging Rin's direct feelings out of her brought him so much pleasure.

"Even if you didn't, I'd still want you. So please tell me," she asked again, "do you love me?" Sesshomaru never expressed how he felt. Silence seemed to be the ideal answer when questions of this nature arose. She touched his face again. She brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheek. He closed his eyes enjoying her touch. Sesshomaru considered the short time he'd known Rin. The accumulation of memories he'd made with the girl would stand out when the darkness came for him, long after Rin was dead. The time he spent with her would be the most important in his life.

"You know the answer don't you?" Sesshomaru asked Rin and she shook her head confused. "My heart and my life are yours. I will love you until the day I die." The girl could feel the tenderness and sincerity in the demon's words. Rin was astonished at the demon's admission. She never knew his feelings ran so deep. The shell that he'd surrounded himself with so completely had a small opening just for her.

She leaned up to kiss him. She undid the ties that closed the front of his tunic and slid it off of his broad shoulders. After many centuries of solitary living, her warm silky skin overwhelmed the demon. She was perfect and she was all his. Leading his hand to her loincloth she told Sesshomaru that she would like to make love to him.

The pair expressed the unconditional love they felt for one another by consummating their passion. The demon did his best not to hurt the girl. It was odd that just being with her could give him so much pleasure. He felt complete when he joined with her, and when they finished an uncanny euphoria spread through his veins. He held Rin close to him. Her soft breathing and her warm sleeping body pressed so tightly against him was imprinted on his mind.

Sesshomaru had drifted off into the empty space of his subconscious. "Wake up Sesshomaru." The voice roused him. "Come to the cave."

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