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Chapter 11 – Something More

Keith was numb, now that the terror had drained away. He still didn't know what had happened. One minute, they'd been running side by side into the hangar, and the next Lance had abruptly stopped, like he'd switched off, somehow, his face went blank, and he'd just stood there, while Red and Blue tried to kill each other. When Keith tried to talk to Red and Blue, all he got was wave after wave of pain from Blue and agony mixed with rage from Red.

Then Lance had fallen to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably, and then he'd collapsed completely, he'd pitched forward onto the deck and Keith had dived forward and barely caught Lance in time to keep his face from hitting the metal deckplate. When he'd turned Lance over and checked his pulse automatically, to make sure he was OK, he couldn't find it. He'd tried again and again, certain he was just missing it somehow, that Lance was fine, but it wasn't there, and he wasn't moving, he was just staring vacantly, and then Keith had put his head to Lance's chest and… nothing. His heart wasn't beating, he wasn't breathing, and…

Then the CPR class from back at the Academy kicked in. He tore the portable healing unit off his hand and flung it away, and started chest compressions. Keith didn't even realize what he was doing at first, and when he did, he almost stopped, because Lance was dying, or already dead, and…

Blue roared, and Keith quickly calmed him, apologizing. Because that was what had started this whole mess, somehow, it was him thinking about killing the others, killing Lance, the Bayard, the blood, and… Stop thinking about it, you idiot! You can't set Blue and Red off like that again. They'll kill each other.

Pain started to register in his broken hand, a welcome distraction, and he was used to pain. But then alarmingly, he felt tingling and numbness too. Which meant he might have nerve damage, now too. Can the healing units fix that? They must be able to, right? They healed Lance when he'd been-. Stop thinking about that!

"Keith? How's your hand?" Shiro asked, frowning in concern.

"I think I really messed it up," Keith admitted, too worried to lie, surprising both Shiro and himself with the admission. Shiro had probably expected him to say, "It's fine," like he always did, when he was hurt, because if you were too much trouble, they got rid of you, they always got rid of you, and then you went back to the orphanage, where the other kids were all so much bigger and stronger, not usually quicker or as vicious, but it didn't matter, because they worked in packs, like wolves, to take down tough prey.

"We need to get both you and Lance to the healing pods," Shiro stated firmly.

Keith immediately balked at the thought of being locked into one of the coffin sized pods. "No! It's feeling better now. It was just pins and needles, but it's…" he trailed off at Shiro's disapproving glare. He'd forgotten how good Shiro was at catching him when he was lying.

"You can't fly if your reflexes are impaired," Shiro prodded gently, the one argument that that might actually work.

His heart started to pound, a feeling of being trapped overwhelming him, almost as bad as if he were already locked away, as he started hyperventilating and backing away from Shiro, ready to run. "Can't," he mouthed breathlessly.

"I'm sorry," Shiro said almost grimly.

The words baffled Keith, until he sensed someone or something behind him. He spun, but there was a sharp pain in his neck, as he hit something hard a moment too late, and everything vanished.

0 0 0

"Wow. I can't believe I actually got him," Katie said, retrieving her robobeetle and checking it in concern for damage, because Keith's reflexes were surreal, almost superhuman, and he'd whacked it hard. Shiro had, of course, caught Keith, so he didn't hit the deck after she knocked him out.

Hunk shook his head, clearly both impressed and appalled. "I would not want to be you, when he wakes up."

"Yeah, well, there are plenty more of these guys where this one came from, or will be soon, so he'd better just cut his losses, since it was for his own good anyway," Katie replied, relieved the little guy wasn't damaged too badly. It might not be a real insect, but she'd given it a tough carapace. Keith had managed to dent it in spite of that, though. It must have hit the wall harder than she thought. She'd have to give make sure the insides weren't correspondingly damaged. "Besides, Shiro told me Keith wouldn't be able to use a healing pod otherwise," she said with a distracted shrug.

"So he really is claustrophobic," Hunk said, as if he'd suspected as much. "Man, what a mess. It's a good thing I've been working on repairing the self-repair function of the Castle. Which is kind of confusing, if you think about it too much. But the Lions really did a lot of damage to the hangars. Speaking of which, I'm going to go and spend some quality time with Yellow and watch the Castle do its thing. I'll see you guys later," Hunk said with a wave, and headed back towards the hangar.

When Katie turned back to Lance and Shiro, she saw Lance was unusually silent, and seemed mesmerized just watching Keith breathe.

"Lance? Are you OK?" Shiro asked in concern.

Lance started, as if he'd been a million miles away. "Yeah. I mean, I think so. Except for…" He waved his hand at his heart.

"It's a good thing we were all taught CPR, and Keith remembered his training, since none of the rest of us could get close enough to you to help. It looks like Keith was your knight in shining armor, Lance," Katie teased with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood, because she could tell Shiro was really upset.

"Stop it! Just knock it off with all those cracks! Keith's not my knight, or my Paladin, or my… he's not my anything!" Lance yelled, sounding completely freaked out.

"Whoa. Overreacting much? Calm down, it was just a little joke," Katie frowned.

"Yeah, well it's not funny," Lance snapped.

"I think all of you should cease commenting about Lance's and Keith's relationship with one another. It's detrimental to the team and upsetting to the Lions," Princess Perfect scolded ridiculously, across the comm system. As if the Lions care that Lance is gay for Keith. Whatever.

"Let's get you and Keith to the healing pods, Lance. And then Pidge, I'd like you to join me for that walk that got interrupted," Shiro urged.

Normally Katie would have loved a chance to have Shiro all to herself, but she was looking forward to this talk about as much as she'd looked forward to cutting her hair, knowing it would take years to grow back to the length it was. Not that it wasn't worth it. She'd have cut off an arm, if it meant a chance to find out what had really happened to her father and brother, if it meant she might have a chance of finding them, rescuing them.

"Sure," Katie agreed, hiding her reluctance. "You take care of those guys, and I'll take care of this guy," she added, patting the robobeetle affectionately, and heading for her workshop. RB was no Rover, but he was still pretty cool. One of the prototypes in what would soon be a new army of helper bots. Because five robots against a universe spanning empire weren't really great odds, no matter how powerful the Lions were.

Green roared disapprovingly in her head.

Yes, Green, I already said you were cool, she soothed mentally. So, Green, any idea what that was all about, what got Red and Blue's panties in a twist like that? What did Lance do?

Lance was not to blame, Green argued.

Whoa, seriously? You mean Keith is the one who screwed up this time? Katie asked in surprise.

No. It was not truly his fault, either. Or Red's, or Blue's.

Katie swallowed hard. You mean it's my fault? I upset Shiro, which upset Black, and Keith, and then Black and Red started fighting because of it. I guess Red was still worked up, so he went after Blue. Crud. I really screwed up, didn't I?

It is not your fault either, PidgeKatieHolt. It is Zarkon's fault. Everything that has happened to us, that will happen to us, and to you, is on his head.

Hey. That's kind of dark for you, Green. I'm sorry. I won't talk about it anymore. I don't want to upset you too. I've done more than enough damage for one day.

You give yourself too much credit when it is not due, and too little when it is. Go, fix RB. You are happiest when you are working with what you excel in. Although you excel in far more than you believe.

Green's closing words were accompanied by a deep, throaty purr that reminded her poignantly of her dad's hugs, and his words had reminded her of one of her last conversations with Matt, before he flew off on the mission to Kerberos.

"Right. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go," she quipped, as she headed for her workshop, before thoughts of her father and brother could drown her.

0 0 0

"So, Lance, do you want to tell me what happened?" Shiro asked, as he carried Keith to the healing pod.

"Nope. Sorry. No can do. Allura's orders," Lance replied airily. Because there was no way he was going to try explaining, when everything was still so raw, because thinking about Nethla and Varic made him want to cry, and would upset Blue all over again.

"If my ribs weren't broken, I could totally carry Keith. I mean, he probably doesn't weigh much, right?" Lance asked, desperately trying to change the subject.

"He actually weighs a lot more than you'd think. He's lean, but he's pretty much all muscle, and he's got really dense bones," Shiro argued.

"Tch. That's a tactful way of saying he's got a thick skull," Lance replied immediately, always ready with his razor sharp wit to take Keith down a peg, even when he wasn't conscious to hear it.

Shiro sighed in frustration. "You need to lighten up on him, Lance. We talked about this. You say things like that without thinking, constantly, you just keep chipping and chipping away at him and… Just don't, alright? He doesn't deserve your insults. He didn't just save your life, Lance. He was crying over you dying. The entire time I've known Keith, he has never cried once, over anyone, over anything, no matter how much pain he's been in, physical or emotional. For him to cry over you… I don't think you realize what an incredible gift that is."

"Yeah, we'll you don't need to get all jealous about it. I'm not the one he was really crying over," Lance mumbled, because he was sure that Keith had probably been dragged just as deeply into Red's head as he'd been pulled into Blue's. Those were Nethla's tears for Varic, not Keith's for me.

"What do you mean?" Shiro asked, sounding more annoyed than frustrated, now.

Great. Tick off the guy with the deadly robot arm.

"Nothing. It's personal," Lance insisted.

"Not if it's about Keith it isn't," Shiro argued.

And that made the ugly, green eyed monster called jealousy reach out with a roar and take a chunk out of him.

"Why don't you two just get married already so you stop confusing me and Pidge? I mean, Allura's technically the captain of the Castle, right, so she could totally preside. Besides, I think Keith would look stunning in a dress," Lance snarked, as Shiro set Keith down on the floor because Coran wasn't there yet, and they weren't knowledgeable enough to operate the pods on their own, so he must have been pretty heavy after all.

But then Shiro wheeled on him, and Lance realized it was just because he'd wanted his hands free, so he could kill him. Lance swallowed and took a step back, because he was sure he'd seen documentaries of grizzly bears defending their cubs that didn't look half as scary as Shiro looked right now. Lance could literally feel the blood draining from his face in fear.

"Not. One. More. Word," Shiro snapped succinctly, standing perfectly still, as if he moved even a little he'd rip him apart.

Lance nodded mutely, to indicate he understood, because 'I'm sorry' was two more words, which was two too many, or dozens not enough.

Thankfully, Coran breezed in at that moment. "Alright, all set for a little hibernation time?" he asked, clapping his hands together cheerfully, as if Lance was the bear in the room.

"Lance first," Shiro insisted, his voice still sounding disturbingly controlled.

Though that was way better than the alternative, it still kind of freaked Lance out, because he knew Shiro was more worried about Keith right now, even though Lance was the one who'd almost died. But Lance obediently got into the tube that rose up out of the floor. He'd apologize to Shiro later, once Shiro had had time to cool off, and once his ribs were healed, so he could run for his life, if he screwed his apology up, or insulted Keith again, which was all too likely.

0 0 0

Shiro exhaled heavily in relief as the pod closed and Lance was frozen. He'd been a hair's breadth from completely losing his temper, and Lance had already had one heart attack today. The last thing he needed was to cause another one, although from how pale Lance had gotten, he was pretty sure he'd managed to nearly terrify him enough to give him one.

Shrio turned and lifted Keith into the pod. "I'm sorry, buddy. But you really need to heal, and I don't think you could have done that without this." After pushing him back into the pod, he brushed the hair from Keith's face, a gesture he didn't have to feel guilty for, because Lance wasn't watching, waiting to comment on it. Reluctantly he backed up and closed the pod, and turned away.

He sighed heavily in frustration, hanging his head. He'd failed both Paladins today. As Black's Paladin, he should have been able to get Black to stop Red and Blue from fighting.

I tried. You were not at fault, nor was I. Sometimes it is our hearts, not our heads, that determine our actions, Shiro.

His Lion's words made the corner of his mouth lift in the tiniest of smiles, because sometimes he forgot he wasn't alone to deal with all this madness – Black was always with him – and his words kept him from spiraling back down into that black pit of despair he'd already spent far too much time in. "I'm going to go talk to Pidge. Keep an eye on them for me, would you?" Shiro asked Coran.

"Of course! Although there's really nothing to worry about. They'll both be right as runaria," Coran assured him.

"Thanks, Coran," Shiro said tiredly, as he headed for Katie's workshop. As expected, he found her working diligently to repair her robobeetle prototype.

"Why do you guys have to be so rough with RB?" Katie griped.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Shiro soothed. "When you come to a good stopping place, we can have that talk you wanted to have. I know something's been bothering you for a while now."

0 0 0

Katie froze. Now that she and Shiro were finally alone together, she didn't know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say, but so much had just happened – Keith had been hurt, and Lance, and she'd seen how protective Shiro was of both of them, so how could he possibly even pay attention to her stupid little girl crush?

"You know, never mind. It's stupid. I'm stupid. It doesn't matter. I've got a robobeetle army I need to spawn, and you need to stare guiltily at Keith and Lance in their pods and brood for a few days, so why don't we each just do our own thing?" Katie jabbed, hating herself for it the moment the words came out of her mouth.

"Really Katie-girl? Dad's wrong, you know. You're not a porcupine at all, cute and shy and harmless looking, but deceptively all prickly and pokey. You're a scorpion, small and fast and deadly, darting in and jabbing with your stinger for the kill," Matt chided.

"Bite me. Dad's never wrong about anything. He's brilliant. You of all people should know that. You're brilliant too. Like father like son, right? Sure as shit beats being 'daddy's little girl'," Katie admitted bitterly, her frustration stripping away the protective layer of snark. Because she needed Matt to feel bad, to get all protective and big brotherly, instead of being competitive, like they usually were, because in a one on one competition with Matt, she'd always lose. He was older, smarter, better at everything.

The last thing she expected was for Matt to actually laugh in her face. She couldn't believe how much it hurt, like someone had stabbed her in the heart. She wanted to tear into him for it, but to her horror, she felt her eyes well with tears. She was appalled. She never cried. Tears were Mom's weapon of last resort, not hers, because Mom was only average smart, not genius level, and being stuck in a house of two geniuses and one wise ass got overwhelming sometimes, even if you loved them, and Mom's tears were the only thing that made them all stop and notice and listen, when gentle reasoning failed.

She'd turned and run, but Matt had tackled her to the ground from behind before she could get too far, like they were play wrestling the way they used to before Matt had accidentally grabbed her breast their last tussle, and it had freaked them both out so much that they never wrestled again. He'd managed to end up facing her this time, too, because she'd twisted to try to get away, but thankfully, this time he'd successfully pinned her shoulders.

"Katie, I wasn't laughing at you! I was laughing at what you said, because it was so incredibly dumb, and you aren't. You're brilliant! You can fix anything that's broken. You can figure out what a piece of tech is supposed to do that you've never even seen before. You can take a handful of spare parts and build something new, create something amazing. I can't do that. Dad can't do that. Mom definitely can't, and from what she told me, when I asked her about it, it's not a Gunderson family talent we never heard about. That genius you have, that's uniquely Katerina Anna Holt."

She stared up at him, stunned. He'd called her a genius, and he'd meant it. All that time, she'd thought she didn't measure up, and Matt was telling her she was setting her own bar. "OK. You win. I'm brilliant. But you can't deny you're the best brother ever. Although if I was a boy, I'd totally be better than you," she'd teased with a grin.

If I was a boy… and now I am one. Sort of. But I'm not better than Matt. No one could ever be a better brother. She hated that she felt those same stupid useless girlie tears coming now, and looked up at Shiro, hating that he was there to see it.

Shit! Shiro wasn't seeing anything, at least nothing here, nothing now, nothing real, and his hand was glowing.

"Shiro! Don't think about it! Whatever it is, just stop it!" She wanted to shake him, but she was afraid to touch him, because he'd just react to her, thinking it was an attack, and jab his hand through her, the way he did to the Galran bots and soldiers.

Miraculously, her voice brought him back. She saw despair and guilt immediately flood his face when he realized he'd been having a flashback again.

"Don't you dare apologize for that! That was 100% my fault, and I was having a flashback too, I was just as lost in the past as you were, except ultimately, what I saw helped, it made me feel better about myself, and you only see dark things. Which is nuts, you know? Because you're amazing, Shiro.

"You survived for a whole year, and from what those aliens we freed told us, you didn't just protect Matt, you protected the rest of them, by being their Champion, the one everyone wanted to beat, so they didn't fight the others as much. You've saved lives, Shiro, their lives, our lives, Dad and Matt's lives.

"Even if… even if when we come… Anything that happens after that is the Galran's fault, Zarkon's fault, not yours. I'm not going to blame you or hate you for it. Mom won't either. She'll be happy you lived, that you made it, that you tried harder than anyone else could have. So please, please stop blaming yourself," Katie urged.

Shiro was staring at her as if she'd lost her mind, but Katie belatedly realized it wasn't because of what she'd said, it was because of what she'd done. Her eyes widened too, as she realized that while she was talking, she'd taken his hand, in both of hers, she was squeezing it firmly. Only it wasn't his flesh and blood human hand. It was the Galran prosthetic. And it was still glowing, though as they both stared, the glow dimmed, and then vanished.

"Wow. I didn't know you could touch something with it like that without ripping it apart," she stated in surprise.

"I didn't either," Shiro whispered, the horror in his voice chilling.

"Oh. Well then. I guess it's a good thing you can," she said, pointedly not letting go, even though the thought that she could have just lost both her hands was terrifying, because she doubted the healing pods could heal something that just wasn't there anymore, and without her fingers she couldn't tinker.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I mean, intentionally hold this particular hand. Because I always want to hold your hand. And touch you." Katie winced, she could feel the blush heating her face, because that was as blunt as a brick to the face and she was obviously the last person Shiro wanted to touch. He wanted Allura, or Keith, or even Lance, because the way he was with them.

"Were you and Keith lovers? I don't mean now, obviously. I mean before you left earth," she blurted out, as if she were Lance, born without a filter.

But instead of Shiro getting flustered or pulling away, he put his left hand against her right. "No, Katie, we weren't. I think in the beginning, Keith wanted to be, but he didn't need a lover, he needed a friend. A deeper relationship could have been disastrous for him, because when something inevitably went wrong, he'd have no one to talk it over with about it but me, because back then, he didn't have any other friends."

"Then why were your clothes in his house?" Katie asked bluntly, because what Shiro was saying made perfect sense, but didn't explain that little fact.

His eyes widened in surprise and then got a guarded look.

"I can't tell you why. What I just told you wasn't betraying Keith, but saying anything more would be. You can speculate whatever you want, believe whatever you want, or you can believe the truth. Keith and I aren't lovers. In other circumstances, we likely would have been, if not then, then now, because he's amazing, and he has the rest of you as friends he can talk to, especially Hunk, apparently, which I have to admit, surprised me, though it shouldn't have," Shiro stated levelly, looking her in the eyes.

"So why not now? Because of Allura?" It was really weird asking him that, while they were still holding hands, but she didn't want to let go, because she was actually holding Shiro's hands, and that was probably the closest she'd ever get to realizing her dream, her stupid, unattainable infatuation.

Shiro smiled gently and shook his head slightly. "No. I see her more as a sister, and she definitely sees me as an older brother. Not a father figure, because no one could hold a candle to her father, or ever replace him in any way."

"Lance? The way you held him and protected him… I know you're team leader, and Spa… um… you know, but he's a good looking guy and not nearly the idiot he acts like, and if you ever tell him I ever said anything nice about him, I'll put a swarm of mini-robobeetles in your bed while you're sleeping," Katie threatened, blushing again, because Shiro, in bed – Gah! She could actually feel her brain melting the longer she talked to him. This hadn't been a good idea at all.

She tried to pull her hands away, but he didn't let her go it easily, and she wasn't about to be forceful about it, because she didn't really want to let go.

"Lance is just a teammate and friend," Shiro replied.

"And what am I?" Katie asked, and wanted to bite her tongue for saying something so needy sounding.

"You're a teammate and friend too, Katie," Shiro replied gently.

She'd known he was going to say that, but something inside her shriveled up and died anyway, and she could feel her eyes welling with those stupid tears again. She refused to cry in front of Shiro, and give him something more to feel guilty about, so she tried to yank her hands away, but Shiro wouldn't let her go.

"And not that being that isn't incredibly special, because it is, but I want you to be more," Shiro added unexpectedly, and then he pulled her in by the hands with his right hand, and wrapped his left around her waist.

He's hugging me. With one arm, but he's hugging me and… Why is he using one arm? Is he afraid of crushing me with his prosthetic? No, because he's holding my hands, and if he was worried about that, he'd be more worried about crushing my hands, because wrecking someone's hand, that's gotta be one of his worst nightmares, right?

"Sorry. I thought…" Shiro said hesitantly, releasing her, his face darkening in a blush that was completely adorable, this big buff guy blushing, only he'd stopped hugging her.

"Why aren't you hugging me anymore?" Katie asked in frustration, because she had to know, and her brain wasn't firing on all synapses right now.

"You were completely rigid, really tense, so I figured I misunderstood what you wanted?" Shiro said, inflecting it like a question, showing how she'd managed to completely confuse him.

Man, this relationship stuff is hard. No wonder Lance is always yelling at Keith. Love really does turn you into complete idiots. "No, for the record, I really liked it that you were hugging me. I just was overthinking it, because genius level techno nerd. At least, that's what Matt always… Crap. Crud. I didn't mean to say his name," Katie apologized immediately, because the second she said it, that bleak look reappeared on Shiro's face.

"I should be the one apologizing to you. I tried Katie. I honestly did everything I could. I hated escaping without him, but I had no idea where they were keeping him, and I had so little time, and I was trying to warn earth, but also, to get help for them, and-"

Katie jumped up, wrapping both her arms around his neck, pulling his face down to her, with the intent of kissing him, because she'd heard that was the best way to shut someone up when they were being really down on themselves. That was the plan, anyway. The reality was she tugged too hard and fast, and his chin crashed into her cheek, and she overbalanced him, when he tried to yank back, and they ended up in a graceless heap on the floor, Shiro's face somehow pressed into her chest, stupidly making her wish she wasn't wearing her binder. She was thankful Lance was in a healing pod, because the only thing that could have made this more embarrassing was a heckling audience.

"Well now! I don't know about Terran's, but Altaeans prefer to do things like that with at least a modicum of privacy, not out in the corridors, where young, impressionable Princesses spying with security monitors can see things they really shouldn't," Coran scolded, although Katie wasn't sure if she was scolding them, or Allura, for apparently watching and listening, considering how loudly and succinctly he said it.

"I wasn't spying! I was monitoring!" Allura claimed defensively over the corridor speaker.

Which really pissed Katie off, because she'd though they were alone and… She stared wide-eyed as Shiro ran for the wall, leapt, and took out the camera and a decent sized chunk of the wall with a single swipe of his glowing, prosthetic hand. Then he spun on Coran, who backed up into a fighting stance that didn't look nearly as comical as the one he'd used on Lance when they first met.

"Tell your spoiled little princess that if she spies on me again, she'll earn a royal spanking, and not the kind she might enjoy," Shiro said in a voice that had Katie glad it wasn't her Shiro was angered with. She knew Shiro could be deadly, but until that moment, hadn't realized he could sound deadly.

"Forgive me. I've told her many times that she shouldn't, but… well, in some regards, she feels like she's on the outside, looking in, and there are still so many things about Terran customs she doesn't understand. That, and she led a pretty sheltered life, before Zarkon… before the War. And… sadly, she's had very valid reasons to not trust anyone but me and her father," Coran explained. "But I'll have a talk with her. So the two of you can carry on. Although I really would suggest a one of the bedrooms, for privacy, because there aren't cameras there."

"Your room or mine?" Katie said quickly, before Shiro could pull away. "Because I'm not going to let you go off and sulk somewhere, or convince yourself you're dangerous because of what you just did, or some other idiotic thing, because if my cheek is bruised tomorrow, or I end up with a black eye or something, that's exactly what you're going to do, if I don't talk you out of it ahead of time," Katie insisted.

Shiro looked at her sheepishly, which was a relief, because he'd actually looked kind of scary before.

"Neither. Let's talk outside," Shiro suggested. "It wouldn't hurt to look around while we're out there, too, just to make sure nothing is trying to sneak up on us. The last thing we need today is another battle."

Katie couldn't help but crack a grin. "OK. Sure. Let's go 'patrol the perimeter'." Inside she was fist pumping. Yes! You go, girl! Boy. Whatever.