I cried my eyes out in the finale. I'm sort of sad I didn't wait to write this story until after it aired. It could have gone a lot of other wonderful places, but to go back now would involve SOOO much editing. I hope it's still enjoyable!
K
The Things Mothers Would Approve Of
Children
His heart didn't know whether it should break or flame up in anger. What the hell had he done and where had she gone?
But Castle knew exactly what he'd done. He'd loved her.
He climbed from the bed and looked around briefly for his clothes. Realizing they were still abandoned in the bathroom, he ventured out. A quick glance across her empty living and kitchen areas left him feeling a deep ache. The bathroom door stood open, but he knew before stepping inside to retrieve his undershirt and boxers, that room would also be empty.
He re-emerged partially dressed and found a pot of coffee dripping on the counter unattended. It hadn't been going long, judging from the dark liquid's height against the glass carafe. Just enough had fallen for two acceptable cups. Above, a breeze squeaked the hinges of her roof access door. Taking a step back, he studied the unlatched door. A sigh of relief snaked it way free, as he poured them each a cup of coffee. He doctored them quickly, adding just a hint of sugar to hers. Black with a sprinkle of real sugar, her second choice on mornings following long nights, acceptable only when there wasn't any espresso to pump it up.
With a sigh, he lingered on their step, before heading up to find her.
Kate had woken thinking of her mother. Her back had been pressed up against Castle's chest, his morning erection pressing between the cheeks of her ass and she'd been thinking of her mother. Silently wondering what her mother would think, what advice she'd give her now, if she'd ever approve of a man nearly a decade older with more exes than she wanted to acknowledge. She'd climbed from the bed carefully, cautious of waking him, standing beside it for several long moments to insure he stayed asleep as he mumbled her name and settled back into the pillows without waking.
She'd stopped in the bathroom pulling on a robe. Then wandered in her small nook of a kitchen, prepped coffee and climbed her steps towards the roof. She'd nestled into her favorite spot, a outdoor patio cushion she'd set on the flat roof beside a wall. It was here, feeling the city flow around her she let go.
The sobs wracked her body as she sat, knees curled into her chest. This wasn't just sex. Last night changed that idea into screaming reality.
She wanted to run, she wanted to point a gun at the feelings surging through her, force them out into cuffs and haul them away behind bars, never to hurt again. They'd kill her.
When he paused at the doorway, trying to figure out how exactly to handle the inward swinging door and two cups of coffee, he heard it. A muffled sob. He closed his eyes. Knowing the degree she went to in order to hide tears and emotions from everyone, he hesitated before hooking his foot on the opening and pulling the door open.
"Castle." She gasped in horror, red rimmed eyes blinking up at him from her little spot. He watched her shoulders heave in a sigh, before she buried her face into her knees again. Shutting him out, while she shut down.
"Afternoon." He whispered, light heartedly joking about the late hour they'd risen. He wanted to beg her to stop, but stopped knowing that the words would only clam her up. "Here." He nudged her hip with his foot and held out the coffee. When her eyes recognized the offering she reached her hands up wordlessly. "I should probably put clothes on." he told her calmly, allowing her an out. Over the rim of her mug she surveyed him, in his boxers and white undershirt.
"No one will see you." Beckett gave forth, "Except pigeons." Given the opening, despite its lack of clarity, he looked down at her.
"Make space." Wordlessly she unfolded and moved towards the edge of the large cushion. Setting his cup down in an attempt not to spill he kneeled and then sat closely beside her. Her breath hitched, but he swung his arm around her, pulling her close as she cried quietly into her coffee.
Castle could almost feel her sanity return with each sip. She sighed appreciatively at the cup. "You always get it right."
"I try." He offered, "It's all a guy can do for a woman like you." The tears appeared again and she pulled her eyes from him, gazing up at the cloudy sky.
When she'd recovered, he turned her face to him. "Beautiful." He hushed, kissing her forehead before letting his lips brush against hers. She kissed him back, and a little more relief slipped into the squeeze of his heart.
"You should go." Her voice cracked.
"Fine." His shocked voice caught. He stood abruptly. "You're right. They'll wonder where I am." She nodded, tears falling again. With another look, he abandoned her and his cup of coffee on the roof.
Castle passed through the door and made a beeline for his office and bedroom that sat behind it. Half way to his goal, dividing bookshelves within arm's reach, her voice rang out.
"Walk of shame Dad?" He froze in position, took a deep breath and turned to her. She'd know instantly by his face, if she hadn't gotten a clue by his wrinkled tux. Her sculpted eyebrow arched up in a challenge, and a smile broke her lips. His grin broke forth, unable to hide despite the frustrating situation that had taken hold. Adding to his happy misery, his mother emerged from behind the refrigerator door, with something similar to pride lingering with her crow's feet.
"No shame." He shrugged, spinning back around and heading towards the office. "Just a little smelly, in yesterday's clothes." He called back.
Emerging from the shower, Castle's finger taps the edge of his phone. The little clock mocks him, as it's only been 2 hours since he departed her apartment for his. He's sure there's some sort of guideline for acceptable time lapse between leaving the partner you've just screwed, physcially and emotionally and calling her again. He's also fairly certain it's nowhere near 2 hours.
I just took a shower. He types.
Then deletes.
It's stupid, but I already miss you. He tries, but then erases the message in a swoop. Too much for her, too soon after leaving her sobbing on the rooftop.
He didn't fully understand the tears, but knowing her it was most certainly because she was frustrated with things. Things she couldn't control. He only hoped she still didn't regret Saturday's events. Any of them.
With that he set down his phone without sending a text and booted up his laptop.
Beckett stood in her closet hanging the dress into a garment bag, planning to drop it off for cleaning before work tomorrow. Fingering the dress, her mind spun a crazy spiral of doubt. There were plenty of reasons she'd avoided anything more with Castle. She couldn't even list them all on one hand.
Work and Alexis were complications she didn't have to explain.
Ex-wife #1. And ex-wife #2.
Ten years stretched between them. Well, almost ten years. She'd involved herself with an age gap before, it hadn't ended well.
Loss. How would she deal with the loss? How would he, if something happened to her?
Panic welled in her chest. It was too late for that one. They were tied together now. Even if they stepped back, managed to move on with things hidden away, he was stuck smack in the middle of her heart. Castle helped her so greatly with her Mother's case and her memory. No matter what, she'd always have to carry his memory as it twined alongside her mother's. She could try, but she'd never let him go completely.
Castle sat down at his computer and scrolled through his saved chapter files for the 3rd Heat book, finally finding the perfect place. He had some time to kill before he figured it would be acceptable to call Beckett. The thought of her sent a smile to his lips. She'd probably kill him for this. But Nikki and Rook would be very happy.
There was something about that old elevator that bothered Rook. Every time they rose up, he worried it would shudder to a stop between floors and leave them stranded. The day it actually happened, they'd fought tooth and nail during the cab ride back from a dead-end lead. Their tension had come to a coil, a huge boiling head that he recognized would only end one way. All he could do was grin over at his counter-part, before he reached over and pulled off her jacket...
He started. With a smile, Castle surged forward into the chapter and Rook and Heat toughed out a very long wait.
When he'd finished the scene and a few after, Castle leaned back in his chair and startled when his eyes caught the time. He'd worked for hours and it was after ten, well after ten. With a sigh, and a grumble from his stomach he headed into the kitchen.
A few minutes later, a package of homemade waffles was defrosting in his toaster. He'd started the habit shortly after he started tailing Beckett. He would arrive home hungry, in the wee hours of the morning and crave his favorite thing. Breakfast. It didn't take him long to discover that his waffle maker created waffles that fit perfectly into his toaster. Sundays when his supply was dwindling, he'd cook up a double batch, freezing the second half in single serve sandwich baggies. Alexis often raided the little stash and somehow that made it okay if he found the spot in the freezer door empty.
When they popped up, he deftly sliced a banana over them. A quick swirl of syrup and a sprinkle of crushed pecans and he was happy and much less hungry.
The sticky plate found its way into the sink, before he headed up the stairs to check in on Alexis.
He found her, slumped over her desk. When he stepped into the room, she woke and looked up at him through bleary eyes.
"Dad?" She questioned, "I fell asleep."
"Sure seems that way." He commented, "Go brush your teeth." With a nod, she disappeared into her bathroom. Re-emerging with her toothbrush. A perfect dab of paste stood on the bristles.
"What did you do?" She asked. "I don't mean that!" Alexis' face scrunched in disgust.
"Nothing."
"Ven vhy are you verried?" She asked over a mouthful of toothpaste foam. She pointed at his face, and made one of her own reflecting her ability to read her live in parent.
"I'm not sure." He finally offered as she retreated to spit and rinse her mouth out.
"What happened?"
An eyebrow arched as he thought through the edited version. "We've been dancing around each other for a long time."
"You love her."
"Yes." He gave up. "Yes. And I'm fairly sure she loves me back, even if she can't bring herself to say the words."
"So?" She asked, pulling open her sheets as he moved to the door and stood beside her switch.
"So, I pushed it a little too far."
"You're fine as long as the girl doesn't cry." Alexis pointed out. His eyes fell downward as he clicked out her light. "Oh Dad." She offered in sympathy, as he pulled her door closed behind him.
Did you check out my Post-Finale Fic, How to Survive? Please do. I'm planning to work that one on the side as I complete Mothers. Then continue Survive through the off season.I hope the WriteRCastle Twitter is good this summer and helps me with fic!
