Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Notes: Hello darlings and I hope you enjoy. Picture on the Author's Page. It's the unveiling of little Cheyenne. It will make sense why I chose this moment to post the picture, the further down you read. If there is still any confusion about what I mean, after you read the chapter, just ask and I'll explain the part. Much love as always!
Chapter Eleven
You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.
- Edwin Louis Cole
23 December – Friday – Edward's POV
Time never had any relevance to me. My life wasn't lived by any timetable, except by my past mistakes and sins that I relived to pay proper contrition. Time was something that I allowed to pass around me without recognition. Days were something that was a culmination of my bleakness and timeless existence. However, that notion seemed to be tested as I stepped into Jasper's family's house for the first time. Venom scorched my throat and mouth as it flooded in without permission.
"Breathe it out, Edward," my brother's voice buzzed in my ears. I knew I didn't have a heartbeat, but there seemed to be some kind of pounding in my ears. I wondered if it was the poison that raced in my veins and waited to infect the nearest victim. My body involuntarily hit the ground as my throat chocked on the amount of venom that continued to overflow from everywhere. Drops spilled over my lips and burned the skin as it passed over.
I could feel Jasper's hands on my shoulders as he held me in place. My body started to convulse with the need I felt in sinking my teeth into such supple flesh and tasting the ultimate divine. "Come on, brother," my now physical conscious pleaded, "relax the back of your throat. Don't try and fight your natural instinct to swallow; it will only clough the venom." I tried to heed his words, but found myself still fighting. I wanted to close my passage and not allow my poison to enter, but the more I forced my will, the more I chocked. My neck felt raw from both the constant hacking and the toxin.
Before I could react, Jasper had me laid on my back in the entrance of his house and was sitting beside me. His hand found its way to my throat and started to message the cold skin that lay between the two tendons. My hands were pinned behind my back and the pressure from my body and Jasper's stopped me from being able to protest.
"Swallow!" yelled Jasper in my face. Current after current of calm and love fell over me, filled me with its ease. The feelings were so fierce that I had no option but to relent to their command. I could feel the fiend within me fighting, wanting to become lose, but Jasper's will was even stronger. I could imagine his love for Bella was even more resilient than his will, and thus caused him to overpower anything that meant her harm.
My breathing all but stopped as I finally swallowed. The ache was still intense, and smoldered as it went down my battered throat. Slowly, but surely, my body started to become less rigid. My fingers that had been curled into my skin, in an iron grip, were loosened and relinquished my torn flesh. My legs that tried to fight Jasper's help came to a stop and fell listlessly, but still unbending on the wooden floor.
After ten minutes of waiting for me to relax somewhat, Jasper's iron hold became less painful and demanding. I knew he was only containing me for my benefit. His love and calmness still floated over me and into my dead, ripped skin. Jasper's breaths seemed labored and his thoughts of Bella becoming hurt, or me having to live his burden bombarded me constantly. He kept reminding himself that this had been the plan and had the Cullen's stamp of approval. I needed to become desensitized to her smell and this had been the most effective way. Even my brother's willingness to participate, showed how much he had changed over the years. But even in his fast pace thoughts, one stood out the most: I hate controlling him in such a manner, but know it was more than needed. Damn that bitch, Maria.
I guess we all still had our demons to deal with. Some things touched our lives and no matter how much we worked out the problem, didn't mean it would relinquish its hold. One just had to deal with the new barrage of onslaught emotions.
"I need you to breathe again, Edward. It's the only way to become accustomed to her smell." I shook my head and refused to even inhale once. I didn't want to live through this pain. I didn't want to hear the rush of venom in my ears as the monster within me all but purred to feast on such a bounteous desire that wasn't even physically present; her smell was enough to send me over the edge. Couldn't my brother understand my will in not wanting to experience that pain?
My question wasn't even spoken aloud, but through his gift, Jasper could ascertain what I thought. He increased his love for me, but mixed it with his understanding. You are stronger than you allow yourself to believe, brother. Why do I have any reason to tell such a lie?
I finally let the tears come to my eyes because the burn to them was too much to bear any longer; I rejoiced at having my venom respond to something different. His face became a multitude of colors, which only our sight could see, as his visage swam before me. Jasper's thoughts pushed into my mind again.
I would miss our family more than you could ever realize, brother, but it would hurt even more than not having my angel. The pain you feel is but a mite of what I'd feel without her.
He then proceeded to push the love he felt for her to me, and my body became racked with the pain. The amount was so much to bear and yet he lived with it all the time. My understanding of Jasper's gift only increased as I finally yelled out my pain, "Please, it hurt's Jasper," I begged. Out of breath, I did the only thing I could and sharply inhaled. I regretted the action immediately, but realized that had also been his intention.
Fire, of an unimaginable amount, shot through my core, through my useless stomach, through my already burnt trachea, and into my mouth. I was astonished that flames didn't come from between my over parched lips. Tiny shots of misery seemed to pierce my impenetrable skin. Hell could be no worse than what I felt. Jasper's fingers massaged my neck again, trying to sooth the muscles that fought with my will to keep the venom away. After a few minutes of a deep pain torture, my brother's efforts of getting me to swallow paid off and I was able to swallow the toxin that continued to burn the inside of my mouth and lips from where it had dribbled out.
"I'm sorry you have to suffer, Edward," my brother pleaded, tears in his own eyes. His voice sounded almost as raw as mine felt. He wiped the excess of venom that poured out of my mouth with his shirt sleeve. I heard him wince as my venom burned his skin where it ate away the material. "Please forgive me," he whispered brokenly, as he continued to mop my face where it had already been cleaned. I opened my tired eyes again and looked into his watered ones. We could read the pain we both felt and the sorrow of what we had to do. He loved Bella without fail and I loved our family. He couldn't exist without her and I couldn't live without them. With my family now came my singer, and that left little decision to me. It was quite the predicament and ironic impasse.
I tried to convey with my emotions what I wanted Jasper to know. I had no ill will towards him and his need of Bella. I wanted him to know that I also loved him, even though I hardly told him. I wanted him to know all that I was thinking, but I couldn't take the chance of speaking out.
Before Jasper spoke again, I could see the repentance in his dark shiny orbs; forgive me.
"I need you to breathe again, brother," he spoke in a broken whisper. I wanted to do as he bade, but just couldn't comply. I couldn't live that pain; how could I live such a pain. I was a coward and my emotions told him as much. "You're not feeble, Edward," he said in an exasperated voice. "Why won't you believe my words? I have no reason to tell such lies." It had nothing to do with me not believing his words, and more with my unwillingness to want to experience the call of a damn singer.
I tried to push all the faith I had in him, wanting him to know it had nothing to do with his doubts, but with my weakness. He sighed, but nodded his head. "There is only so much I can take also, Edward, but when it comes to the ones we love, no sacrifice is too great. Please, inhale."
I sent my apology to him because I couldn't do as he asked. I understood his words, but I couldn't let them penetrate me. Jasper growled a little at my unwillingness to cooperate. I could read the determination on his face. He wasn't going to give up until I breathed again. His love for Bella caused him to fight all the more for me. Her love tended to do amazing things to him.
And there we sat at a stalemate. His stubbornness was tested for over two hours as he sat by me, and I continued to lie on the ground. I had refused to inhale and he had refused to move. It was unfortunate we could go long periods of time without having to move. His thought caused me to chuckle.
The burn within me was still hot, but the longer I abstained from breathing the more I could stand to be in an enclosed space that was polluted with her smell.
I turned my face up as I finally felt him shift. His face told me that he would win before I even felt anything.
Again his eyes read his regret as he closed his eyes and refused to look at me.
"I'm sorry, Edward, truly, but I love you too much to watch you fail!" I started to panic at his apology. Jasper had been a soldier in the wars for so long that he could endure so much more than I could even fathom. I feared his past and the things it had taught him. His face became set and I knew there was no turning back. He had given me the opportunity to do things on my own, but had become fed-up.
"Breathe, Edward," he commanded, but I once again couldn't comply. I feared what he could do, but I feared the demon inside and the call of my singer's blood even more. "Let yourself become accustomed with her scent." Still I did nothing, but withheld from drawing in her scent.
And then I felt the first wave of pain hit me. It wasn't Bella's love of Jasper that caused such intense pain, but the memory of his want for his singer's blood. The next swell hit me as Jasper remembered Shelley's red liquid as it traveled down his throat and alleviated his ache. It was utter and complete ecstasy. Nothing had ever come close to such nirvana, but Bella and Cheyenne's love. I could have barely fought the memory Jasper foisted on me, but I couldn't fight the longing and desire that accompanied it.
"BREATHE, Edward!" he screamed into my face as the he dealt with both of our pains. "Fucking breathe, brother!" He continued to push everything he had at me, and my body continued to fight and buck with its revolution. Jasper held firm. His knees were pressed into my sides, pinning my arms. His chest was pressed into mine as my hands pressed further into the floor.
"I can't take anymore, Jasper," I screeched. "Damn it, Jasper, let me alone." Venom-tears poured into my eyes and I knew the worst had happened. I had run out of breath, and couldn't sustain my speech the next time I went to speak. His plan had worked and my next intake of air was inevitable. I cried for what was about to happen the wretched amount of pain I would feel combined with what my brother fed to me.
Jasper could see within his mind's eyes, the joy his monster had felt in hearing the bones breaking inside Shelley's fragile neck, the way it had then hung limp to the side, giving way to his sharp teeth. It had crooned at the thought of such devotion it would pay to its piper. Thick and copious amounts of blood flowed so freely as teeth harshly and without abandon tore into the skin that gave way like melted butter. The flesh could be felt as it peeled back and curled around incisive teeth.
Mmm, such utter rapture.
"No more," I supplicated, only to realize that I had taken in air. His memory was too much and the pull of both our singers was too much. I had needed to breathe in that scent and let it fill my entire body. It was now my singular reason for being. I started to thrash even more from Jasper. I didn't want him holding me any longer. I needed to be free and sink my own teeth into such delight. I allowed my mind to become frenzy as thoughts of nothing but red filled it. I had lost control.
"Breathe it in, Edward," someone commanded from above me. Such commands were needless. My monster was in full control and made every effort to fulfill those instructions. "Allow it fill every pore, every taste bud. Let the burn make you feel alive. Become accustomed to the smell, brother," with each sentence someone spoke, the more I inhaled. I was in heaven, leaving hell far behind, and the constant heaves of my body brought that smell closer and closer.
Minute upon minute passed by, and more and more venom was produced. The burn my throat felt was crude and the scorch my lips felt as it spilled out in large amounts were tender. The pain no longer brother me, as the fiend within only craved and shouted for the blood.
No matter how much I fought something continued to keep me in a vice like grip. Their strength seemed unprecedented, and I couldn't understand why the monster within wasn't stronger than the thing that kept me pinned to the ground. It was so unfulfilling, but the smell was still gratifying; that scent would always be gratifying. "Let me the fuck up!" the monster demanded in a tone that broke no argument, and yet its directions were ignored. "Let me up, let me tear the neck, let me brake the frail, worthless human. Let me drink the blood!" it demanded over and over again.
"No, Edward. I need you to come back to me!" something weak pleaded. Could that person not understand the taste of such worthiness near?
"I love you, Edward. Esme loves you," something drab droned. "Come back, brother, I love you. Carlisle loves you so very much." I wanted to reply, shut the hell up, but could find that the longer I focused on the griping the further I was pulled from the manic thoughts of the call. I couldn't be taken from the call. "Please!" a familiar voice bemoaned. "Listen to my voice, feel my love, Edward."
I was being led further and further from my monster's goal and more into sanity. How could anything as mundane as sanity be such ecstasy? Nothing could fill me with the pleasure that the scent allowed. The voice continued to coax me and added with the powerful currents of love that flowed around and inside me, I could no longer sustain my monster. My rationality started to return and with that my identity. I wasn't a part of that fiend that wanted to feed on such an innocent human. Those thoughts of terror were singular to the wrongdoer within. It screamed, the monster screamed, trying to reclaim its hold. However, the embrace of my brother was too much, and his love for me was all but overwhelming. The monster screeched from such goodness and cowered into the shadows where it belonged.
I once again stopped breathing and my body became limp from the effort I had previously accreted. Once Jasper could tell that I was in full control, he pulled his own labored body from mine and sunk down to the floor and aligned his back with the wood. We both lay there; the only sounds heard were from the outside. Tears once again pooled into my eyes, as I laid there almost paralyzed. I couldn't inhale knowing what would happen, and I couldn't blink the tears from their container, no matter how much I tried. Some things were unceasing.
I had always known my nature and what I was able to accomplish, but my monster had opened up a whole new realm. These realities were even scarier than my rebellion. I had a choice in taking those lives, in doling out proper justice (at least in my previous and skewed estimation), but this gave me almost no choice. It was evident that with my brother's help, the monster inside could be controlled as I was uncontrollable, but as to how much I (Edward) contributed, was questionable.
"Doubt what you like, Edward, but you were able to pull away." I didn't have the energy to look over, but I allowed my feelings of doubt to increase tenfold. "I could only encourage you, Edward. I was giving you so much love and peace, but that didn't seem to help in the beginning. It wasn't until I started to give you that love aloud with words that you started to pull away. Nothing would have stopped me from taking Shelley's life, brother. Not even my love for Bella," his voice finally broke with that harsh truth. The person whom he loved more than anything wouldn't have been able to save him. That failure was probably more than he ever wanted to admit, yet alone had to live with.
I knew the truth had cost him something great, and he had offered it without haste. He gave me part of his dignity he could never reclaim. In admitting his weakness, he spoke his greatest fear: his love for Bella hadn't conquered everything.
I wanted to give him some reassurance, but couldn't. All I could send him was the sorrow my heart cried on his behalf. He grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "I'm sorry, Edward. I hated to do those things to you, but something had to give way. One cannot progress if they refuse to move. One cannot remain stagnant and expect to overcome, life isn't that precarious."
There was a part of me that wanted to curse Jasper and his logic. It was the knowledge he had learned and attained, which caused me to feel this pain. Then there was the part of me that empathized with him. We both felt that call and he knew what was needed to overcome such a siren song. It was with great reluctance that I admitted it and was thankful he had so selflessly taken to helping me. I couldn't do this without my brother whom I had always pitied. I was now ashamed of those thoughts.
No matter how much Jasper sorrowed for me or hurt on my behalf, he never pitied me. He knew that I could overcome because his thoughts practically screamed such at me. He knew that nothing would be accomplished with pity, but with hard work and determination.
"Don't feel sorry about past emotions, brother," my clairvoyant brother spoke in a voice that resembled Carlisle in its likeness. "You were only feeling those things for me. We may not have been close, but I know you loved me." I squeezed his hand in return, letting him know that I had and still did.
Jasper held tightly to my hand as if he were trying to take more of my pain than he already had. I wanted to ask where he retained his strength, but refused to utter a word.
My selfishness knew no bounds.
"It's not until we are at our lowest that we learn the lessons we are meant, Edward." Jasper's voice broke the stillness of the moment. We had laid there for some time, only letting the noises from the outside disturb us. "It pains me to see you having to go through this. I love you, brother. But you have to fall in order to learn to stand; it's even part of our vampire nature. We are not immune to such life lessons," I took his words to my very heart as I lay there seemingly dead to the world. I hadn't felt such tiredness in so long. I didn't even think it possible to feel such limitations that never plagued my kind, but Jasper had taught me differently.
The feel of Jasper's lips on my hand surprised me more than anything. I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing. It was beyond different and not in the parameters of our relationship. There was a time that he had shied away from anything that called attention to his person or spoke of his emotions. He chose to suffer in silence, and never allowed himself to become saturated in the family.
His physical manifestation he just gave to me spoke volumes of his growth and progress. I looked to him in surprise, but he simply frowned. His eyes were filled with his sorrow, and before I could pull away, his hand once again tightened onto my in a vice grip and the pain penetrated my body. He had been giving me his sorrow and love in a physical because he thought his words weren't enough.
The silence was once again broken and the calm that had taken over the room dispersed. My screams once again filled the air as my body became plagued with such utter pain and the bitter cup.
And finally, it was as if something within broke. The fighting that had gone on for hours stopped instantaneously. Jasper's voice or manufactured emotions hadn't even pulled me from the monster this time. My body was so tired from the struggles and the constant movement that I could no longer move. I had reached my limit, and in doing do Jasper had broken me. I always knew he was stronger than me and even with my most intense effort, I couldn't stand against him. I lay there despondent as the smell and extreme stench of Bella's smell overwhelmed me.
It was the most unfortunate thing that finally had broken me. Hours had passed and the struggle had continued. Twenty-two hours of the most intense battle of my existence. It was rather humorous to think that I could even stand against someone has strong-willed as my brother. I couldn't believe that his monster had been able to overtake him. My mind couldn't truly understand that notion. He hadn't let up on me once during fight. He continued to push and push until we had both fallen over the precipice.
Cheyenne, Edward, think of my little beauty. It was she that had finally broke the vampire's back.
And with her little visage in my mind, and the amount of innocence she exuded, how could I not fall. Jasper pushed into my mind, image after image of her tiny, beautiful self into my mind. I had fought against the intrusion more valiantly. I didn't want to use her, and Jasper knew that I had my reservations in using the little child. But in the end, he seemed to understand that she was the only thing that could literally break me, no matter how much I still refused to accept. How could he expect me to use such innocence again such evil?
I never meant that my brother was terrible in using his daughter, but I couldn't understand. Then I saw in his mind that Bella had agreed with him. They had both wanted their child, which stood for something so whole and untainted, to help fight something that was the complete opposite. Bella had said that it didn't taint their daughter, but gave her even more importance in her young life. They were both so proud she had stood for something that wanted to harm her mother.
They saw her as some kind of symbol for me. I had rebelled against the thought, but Jasper was relentless. The more I fought, the more he pushed. I was already so broken, but the face of such a child while sleeping couldn't keep me from fighting any longer. I had succumbed to her call of innocence, more so than the call to her mother. I had done some heinous and reprehensible things, but even I couldn't be evil enough to hurt such incorruptibility. I couldn't be the cause that killed that shining goodness within her. I didn't want me to be associated with the thing that deprived her of her mother's love. That title would lie elsewhere.
"Those things that stand for such goodness are meant to be thought of, Edward. You haven't used her in any way that could be nefarious. She would want her uncle Edward to feel her love and know she wants him to be better. This thing that lives within is like a sickness. We didn't choose this life, brother, but it is what it is: nothing more or nothing less."
Jasper's logic was once again sound. I had found enjoyment in watching my family fall over themselves for something that weighed the amount of a feather. They had fought over her and for the little child's attention. They loved her endlessly and saw their own redemption within her. Now, I knew I was no better then they. I had unwillingly found my deliverance within something so little, and I had unwillingly found love within myself for her. I was lost to something the size of a loaf of bread, probably never to be found.
I was still leery of someone as small and precious as her, but that didn't mean I couldn't love her from afar. I only hoped my family would comply with my wishes, but that would remain to be seen.
Many things continued to roam through my overworked mind. Jasper had somehow become my strength and my conscious. His daughter had become my second chance and his love had become my greatest challenge. I heard scuffling to my right and knew he was standing. His hand invaded my sight. I lifted my own and allowed him to help me to my feet. My head seemed to swim with the constant whirl around me. I was in need of some serious nutrition. I had run the gambit in regards to my struggles and physical exertion.
Bella's smell still embraced me completely and I shook with the effort to still reframe from becoming erratic again, but with the features of a little child present, I was able to barely withstand. "Let's hunt – very soon," I added in haste. Jasper pulled me into his arms. My face fell into his neck as my body shook from my cries. The unexpected show of love was even more than I could take. I should have seen his movement and intention in my head, but knew that I wasn't attuned to my gift at the moment.
It had gone through much and I needed major substance that didn't have to do with my singer's blood. It was beyond forbidden. Jasper held onto me and allowed me to properly express my grief. I wondered where he had learned and acquired such compassion. He had been so void of emotions when he had first lived with us, even though he was empathic. He felt the emotions but never expressed, yet here he was comforting his brother that he had to break.
"Carlisle is an amazing being, hmm Edward." And there I had my answer. Jasper emulated our mentor's loving arms. Carlisle had done the same for Jasper, and now my brother was doing the same for me. I would never be able to repay such kindness in the face of my greatest adversity; the only thing I could do was try to apply the lessons he had taught me. With my last shudder felt, he let me go and gave me a shaky smile.
"Let's go and hunt. You aren't the only one in need of major nourishment." With him leading me to the garage and helping me into his car, I knew I had won the first battle, but the war was not over. I still had to face his love and the little child's mother.
Jasper and I walked in silence back to his car. Hunting had done its job and helped to strength me again. Twenty-four hours had been spent in my personal hell, and each second of each minute of each hour had literally been felt.
I didn't know if I would be able to withstand her blood or the song that radiated to my very core, but I knew that after all I had endured these last twenty-four hours, there were few things that came close to the agony I experienced. "You'll be able to do it, brother. I know you will," Jasper spoke; his words were no louder than the morning crickets that filtered in the back ground.
I looked over at his confident face and couldn't help but smile. Jasper inspired confidence in me, or more than likely, manufactured those results with his gift. I couldn't be sure. I wasn't assertive enough to know otherwise. "Those are your feelings Edward." Before I could speak he answered once again, "I can feel your uncertainty. Hold onto the positive and reinforce those feelings with each breath you take. Remember what I showed you, brother and remember what I caused you to feel. You never want that pain or stain on your existence. Let mine be enough for the both of us," he pleaded. Jasper's words were beautiful and filled me with an inner peace.
He had willingly sacrificed his time and pain to help me embrace my monster. He had relived one of his most excruciating memories, time and time again, merely for the benefit of his brother, and his love. How could I not try and repay him the huge debt I now owed to him. I wanted his mistake to be enough for the two of us.
"From your lips to whomever's ears," my voice was littered with ambiguity, but from remembering all that Jasper had taught me, it became stronger.
Please accede it be enough.
Bella's POV (while Jasper was helping Edward become accustomed to her smell)
I didn't like being away from Jasper. It made me anxious at times. But then there were other times that I felt as if I needed that time to reconnect with myself and establish what made me independent from him. Jasper and I had become one entity, not knowing where one started and the other ended. At least that was my interpretation at times. The majority of our time spent together was filled with thoughts of my love and devotion to him, something that had made me joyful, yet took my breath away at other moments. I figured those inconsistent and flip-flopping emotions would stop with time. My mind seemed to be at opposite ends so often, but I figured my life had changed so drastically and I still hadn't caught up.
The cold wind could also be blamed for my arrant thoughts. My body wanted to focus on anything beside the cold bite of the air, so thus my mind wandered as we did our Christmas shopping. I thought Jasper and I were going to do it together, but as I had learned long ago that things never turn out as planned. A tug on my hand pulled me along as we walked up the sidewalk to the next shop. The streets around us were also filled with last minute shoppers, wrapped to the nine in their heavy winter clothes.
I wasn't the biggest fan of the cold; I had been born in Arizona, and I figured my blood had never thickened. I wondered if Edward could tell the difference in the consistency of my blood. I internally scolded myself for such macabre thoughts. It was two day till Christmas and I was thinking on such horrid notions.
I thought about Esme and Carlisle and what they were doing and how much they were spending. They had so valiantly taken Cheyenne with them, stating that I was so overworked and needed a much desired break. It was ridiculous the amount of fanfare they put into their excuses to spend time with the little spoiled child that had stolen my heart the moment I had seen her. A smile had instantaneously broken over my face after giving them permission to take her. She could be safer with Carlisle then she was with anyone else (bar Jasper and Rosie).
"Bella, could you stop holding us up. You should be more excited, darling. This is, after all, Cheye's first Christmas!" excitement filled her voice to the brim. My little daughter had already been so spoiled that I almost feared what Christmas would hold for my little girl. I rolled my eyes at their excessiveness, but smiled all the same; I couldn't help but be affected by Rose's giddiness. I knew some of her excitement stemmed off the fact that there was a new member of their family that had never experienced the joys of the holiday. It was another first that Cheyenne had given them, and thus they wanted to bestow their love on her in any way they could.
"I'm terribly sorry, Rosie," I fake pouted. "It was never my intention to be so humanly slow. I'll try to work on that weakness."
"You sure have a sharp tongue, when wanted, Bella. I do wonder how Jasper enjoys that benefit." My face turned pink, and that wasn't something I could blame on the bitter chill. I took the high road and stuck my said sharp tongue out at her. She laughed whole-heartedly at my antics. It was so wonderful to be that cause of her happiness and delight. She had enough suffering in her life; each of her smiles was its own individual reward from her to me.
Rose leaned towards me before she whispered into my ear that was covered with my grey knitted hat, "I don't bite that way, sister, but if I did, you'd be the first I would want." She then kissed my cheek and once again it flushed pink before she pulled away. Her tongue was just as feisty as my own, something I was sure Emmett could attend to. Her yank on my arm pulled me from unnecessary thoughts and back to the present.
"I love you tender, Bella," her laughing voice rang out amongst the late shoppers, causing some to look our way and become flustered by her immense beauty.
"I love you true, Rosie," I answered as we made our way into a boutique that seemed to scream expensive.
After a day filled with shopping and spending more money that I had ever spent and watching as money was spent without abandon, we had finally made it to the Cullen's. I shivered at being so close to something that could have been my ultimate death. I knew it was no fault of Edward's, but that still couldn't take the shivers from my body. I was sure, that with time, things would become easier and the memories of something horrific would be replaced with something joyous and wholesome.
I quickly changed the direction of my thoughts and hoped Jasper liked what I got him for Christmas. It wasn't terribly expensive, but from my heart to his. He tried to reassure me I didn't need to get him anything, but when asked if he would be following his own advice, he pleaded the fifth. I was now convinced that vampires suffered from selective hearing; it was no longer an assumption. I had only pleaded he get me something that didn't cost an arm and a leg. I also figured helping to convince him with my lips and tongue had helped. It was funny to see my beautiful vampire so flustered. It was unfortunate that his cheeks didn't show the tale-tell sighs that mine did.
After Rose and I gathered our bags and climbed the stairs to the house, we finally made it inside. I was speechless (of course) about the grander and beauty of the Cullen residence. What could be said for such unpretentious elegance and splendor? Esme or whoever had designed the rooms had outdone themselves. I wasn't really into the modern décor, but even I could appreciate the comfort found in the house.
Rose had taken me on the grand tour after we dropped of our individual bags in our corresponding rooms. With two living rooms (one more formal then the other) a parlor with Edward's piano, the many bedrooms, kitchen, and back porch, I wondered how they ever found each other. I had fallen in love with the house the moment I had seen it, even my escape from death couldn't take away my first opinion of the Cullen's abode.
"It's a lot to take in all at once, but we still love it," Rose's voice filled my ears and pulled me from my looking out the wall of windows the house afforded. I couldn't understand how they were even able to leave such shining beauty. "How do you like the house, Bella?" I gave her an incredulous look that spoke volumes.
"Okay, stupid question," she atoned. "What do you like the best?" I gave her an encouraging smile before answering.
"The back porch," was my immediate answer. The inside of the house was gorgeous, but I could sit for house on the back swing and allow the peace of the forest to envelope me. "I love how it leads into the back yard and into the woods. It's like this pathway to something that is waiting to be explored, yet feels almost forbidden. Does that make any sense?" I asked in doubt, after hearing how whimsical my voice sounded.
Rosie grabbed me and pulled me closer to her cold body. It would always amaze me that Jasper didn't feel that way to me. He may have been hard, but his skin was as warm as my own when I touched him. Rosie wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I placed my head on her shoulder. I loved my best friend and cherished her love of me. I could understand what others thought of her, but she never acted accordingly with me. We spent time joking as we made fun of the other, but it was all in fun. We were both like school girls when around the other. She was the more flamboyant one and I was the reluctant that was dragged along, but secretly loved every moment.
We had a dynamic that was both easy and natural. I would never know how we had developed such a rapport, but was grateful I had such an amazing sister in my corner. I would always defend her as she defended me.
"It makes perfect sense, darling. Carlisle felt the same way when we toured the house as a family. It was one of the main reasons we purchased it, not to mention the obscurity and privacy it gives to us. We vampires are a picky breed." I tried to poke her in the sides but ended up yelping with her laughing at me.
"That is so unfair. I should be able to tickle you to some degree without hurting myself." I fake pouted. "But on closer inspection, air seems to also hurt me when I walk, seeming as I trip over it constantly." Rose's bell laughter filled the air and caused me to smile. I couldn't help but smile with my friend.
"Enough about your inability to walk," she changed the subject while turning on the sofa to face me. Her legs were also folded under her, as mine were. We looked like two girls ready for gossip. I should have figured. "Tell me about you and Jasper, how far have you gone with him?" My cheeks instantly flared at the topic of conversation. One would think I was twelve with such a reaction.
"Rosie," I screeched in a high voice, "Do you honestly expect me to answer such a question, regarding your twin brother nonetheless?" I could see the wheels turning in her head as she contemplated my question, but it failed to erase the lecherous smile from her beyond beautiful face.
"Of course I want the answer to the question, darling, or else I wouldn't have asked," she replied as if she were talking to someone that couldn't understand simple instructions.
"I can't tell you," I mumbled, trying to hide my face behind my hair that had come loose from the side ponytail she had put it in earlier in the day.
"You had better, or else I shall demonstrate the proper way to tickle someone." I turned my head quickly to the side to see if she were serious. Her face was completely serious and held no argument. She was so evil when she chose to be. I tried to give her a dirty look, but failed spectacularly. She only rolled her eyes and waited for my response as she folded her arms.
"Fine!" I yelled, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. "We have kissed, intensely and have done some touching, but other than that we haven't done anything else." I finally gathered my courage and looked over to my sister-of-the-heart. Her face showed her astonishment. I couldn't quite understand what she was so shocked about. I may have been an unwed mother at the age of twenty-two, but that didn't mean I was easy by any stretch.
"Why are you staring at me so intently, Rosalie? It's not as if I spread my legs for any guy that may ask," my voice was harsher then I wanted it to be. I was, however; upset by her thoughts of me. She finally came out of her stupor, realizing I was upset.
"I never meant to insinuate anything, Bella, and I promise you it has nothing to do with your personal character and everything to do with my brother," for some reason her answer made me feel even worse. She must not have read my face properly because she kept talking when I wanted her to stop. "He and Alice never seemed to cease from their physical activities," and with her final sentence, I was crushed.
I had such insecurities where Jasper's ex-love was concerned. I hadn't even met her, but knew she had once held his heart completely. Hearing about their physical expressions of love only made the insecurities even wider. The chasm seemed almost unbearable. The first tear slipped without permission.
It was ridiculous to compare the two of us and our relationships with Jasper, but the mind never prescribed to such sane notions. Pictures of Alice were placed around the room, and her beauty was difficult to miss. It wasn't as glaring as Rosie's because few were, but it was there on display. It wasn't hard to see what Jasper would see in such a person, not to mention her personality traits he had fallen in love with.
"Bella," Rose whispered, gathering me in her open arms once more, "I'm so sorry for telling you something of little consequence. It was very tactless of me and I apologize from my heart." Her eyes watered and I didn't need Jasper's gift to know of its sincerity. I could feel my sister's grief in my heart. I kissed her cold cheek before tucking her hair behind her right ear.
"I know, Rosie. Sometimes we cannot help what our minds think. We know that it is almost like poison to think about such a topic and yet we still do. It's something that I have to work out on my own." She gave me an understanding nod and I patted her unyielding cheek. Her eyes still glistened in the soft light of the expensive lamp. "Were fine, Rosie. No more tears." She quickly nodded her head before she buried her face in my neck.
It was a shame that such a fun and embarrassing topic had turned into something sad.
"Look at what we have here!" a voice boomed from the entrance to the living room. Rose and I looked over my shoulder to see the gorilla that blocked the way. "Girl on girl action in the privacy of my living room!" A smile as big as his neck bloomed on his not so innocent lips.
SLAP!
Did the man-child-vampire never learn? Rosie and I couldn't help but laugh at his shocked face. I was more than correct in my assumption that vampires had selective hearing. Emmett should have realized that Esme was behind him instead of focusing solely on something that never happened, except in his sick imagination.
"I don't want to hear such perverted notions from your mouth, Emmett. Don't cause me to wash it out again," she cautioned him and wasn't making idle threats. Rose had told me how she had gotten him to allow Esme to wash out his mouth and it had been funny, when I wasn't feeling sorry for him. "especially with Cheyenne in the room. How would you explain it to her?" she asked in scorn. We tried to hide our laughs, bit obviously failed. He sent his patent glares in our direction, but once again failed to insight fear.
"Figuring she is like a sack of potatoes and doesn't understand English, nothing," he mumbled under his breath and was gifted with another slap to his thick head. I should have been offended the way he described my baby, but I was too busy laughing at him.
"Wrong answer. Perhaps one day you will learn, until then, watch the language," she told him, her voice already softening as Carlisle brought said sack of potatoes closer to me. Those two were way too soft around my daughter. Once she was placed in my arms, I kissed her blonde wisps. I had missed her terribly today, but knew she had fun with papa Carlisle and Esme. Or at least they had fun, it was written clearly in their shining eyes.
"Hello, darling. Did you have fun without mommy today?" She opened her eyes at the sound of my voice and stared intently at me. She was over a month old and even though she didn't laugh, she smiled. "I hope you weren't held all day." I looked over to the guilty party and could see that they had indeed heeded my directions. It was when Carlisle and Esme couldn't look me in the eye when I knew they had done something wrong. I gave them an encouraging smile before turning back to my precious gift.
"I know you missed Auntie Rosie, hmm darling." She kissed Cheye's little cheek before kissing her nose. Cheyenne's face scrunched up a little at the unexpected movement as her eye lashes fluttered without abandon. It was her typical response to something that was unexpected. "Goodness, Cheye, you are beyond gorgeous," Rosie told the little darling in my arms. Her aunt was so in love with her. I gave Cheyenne one last kissed before I offered her over to Rose. She looked surprised. I couldn't understand why.
"No, Bella. You've hardly gotten to spend time with her today. You should hold her; she should be in her mother's arms," and that answer was one of the many reasons I loved Rose so much. People so underestimated her unselfish nature or simply failed to look.
"I'll be putting her to sleep, Rosie, there is no reason why you shouldn't get time with her. I can see her perfectly from where I'm sitting. Not to mention she loves her Auntie." I could almost hear Emmett rolling his eyes at our female moments, or so he had termed them. He failed to see that he could also become giggly when Cheyenne smiled at him. At least I had the working parts to back up the female moments.
She gave me a big smile that spoke of her love. If I were honest with myself, I would have admitted I became lost in her beauty. It was difficult for anyone to not become enchanted with her when she smiled in that uncomplicated manner. I didn't like her like that, but I couldn't ignore her magnificence. It was almost like how I lost myself with my daughter, and sometimes Jasper (alright . . . most of the time – I hated being honest with myself).
"Your goodness knows no limits, darling." She took the little one from my arms before she buried her face in Cheye's blanketed neck. I knew she hated showing her weakness to others and turned away to compose herself. Her tears only added to her splendor. They made her real.
"How was your ladies day of shopping?" Carlisle asked, grabbing my attention.
The rest of the evening was spent with us just talking and being together. Even Emmett's silliness couldn't detract from the evening. The only thing missing was my exquisite vampire from my side.
After the dinner Esme made me, regardless of my pleas that I could do it on my own, and filling each other in about our days, I took Cheyenne and put her to sleep. She had fallen into the Land of Nod before I had even put her into her mahogany cradle. I placed a kiss on her pink cheek and then one on the other for Jasper. It was really the first evening he had spent away from the both of us, and I could only hope that what he and Edward were going through was worth it.
"Come and watch the movies, Bells," Emmett yelled when he heard me about to enter the room. I never understood his need to yell. Just because I was human, didn't mean I couldn't hear a thing. Sometimes I worried about him and wondered if anything had gone wrong during his rebirth. I laughed at his antics and then at Carlisle as he scolded Emmett for his need to yell.
"She's human, Emmett, thus has the capacity to understand the English language. There is no need to yell from the rooftops." I quickly made a beeline for Carlisle and kissed his cheek, before making my way over to Rosie where she patted the couch.
Emmett glared at me, as if I were the one who had gotten him in trouble. I surreptitiously stuck my tongue out at him, which caused my big bear-of-a-brother to smile. "You are incorrigible, Emmett."
I finally sat down next to Rose and watched as she snuggled up to her husband. I looked over and saw that Esme and Carlisle were also snuggled together. I was never one uncomfortable with those showing their affections around me to their significant others, but when one was surrounded by such evident love, and with two couple nonetheless, it made one uncomfortable. I knew that Edward had been the lone man out for a long time, and my respect for him grew tremendously in that moment of realization.
I couldn't pretend I wasn't uncomfortable, and tried to pay attention to the movie as Judy Garland sang in the old picture "Meet Me in St. Louis". I missed Jasper even more in that moment, and longed for his love to surround me. A tear escaped from my eye unchecked as the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" was belted by the talented woman herself. I could only hope that Jasper would be by my side soon and that everything would be fine with Edward and me. I didn't know what else could be done if they weren't.
Author's Notes: Another one finished. I hoped you enjoy. This chapter was difficult to write in the emotional department, but again needed. I wanted to write as Edward also fought his monster as Jasper had. We all encounter things in our lives that call for such strength, and I wanted Edward to have his time. His next encounter will be with Bella, and in the process of being written. I also know it strange that Jasper is so physical with Edward, but he truly loves his family and brother; he is comfortable showing that love through physical manifestations; at least that is how I saw this chapter playing out. Still hoped you liked it. =)
I was going to make these two separate chapters, but decided not to. Do you think that the second half might detract from the first? Bella's feelings while being separated from Jasper were always in my mind as I wrote the first part, so I included the second part. It also sets up later chapters (so I hope you paid attention . . . LOL). If you have time, I would love to know your thoughts!
Thanks again to all who continue to read. Also thanks to those who add this story to alert and favorites – it means a lot. And last and never least to all those who review, you never fail to elicit a smile. I apologize for not responding to your replies. I'm in the middle of moving and thus very busy. I decided to finish the chapter instead of reply. There should really be no excuses and I'm sorry. =)
I hope all is well with everyone and much love as always!
Special shout-out to: mssmith, Calliso, sweeneyanne, Cullen Cousin, texbratt67, missdaisy2, slc6548, letsjustdance, katandjasper, KareBear1965, acw1
Posted: 9 February 2011, 8,755 words, 15 pages
