A year passes Bond by without anything to mark it. He doesn't pay attention to the passing of the holidays, to the time of year. The only date he cares about is when Q was taken from him. The only thing he cares about is getting up each morning, fulfilling his missions, and living. Living for them both.
James keeps Q's flat, keeps the things that were Q. He drinks tea every morning just to have that scent, he still uses his straight razor to shave, knowing how much Q used to like watching him do it. He sleeps in the bed that they used to share, and sometimes when he wakes up he feels a slight warmth next to him as if Q had just gotten up first, probably in a tizzy about being late.
In a way, he's now the perfect agent. He is better than ever, completes the missions that he's assigned with deadly accuracy. He doesn't socialize, he doesn't flirt unless the mission calls for it, his heart is locked up tight. If it weren't for Q's words, it's likely that James would have ended it not long after his love was gone.
A year passes and Bond stands at the grave that he visits every time he is in London, placing flowers gently down on the grave and clearing off some stray grass and such. "I miss you." He whispers to the grave, touching the top of it gently.
Eve comes up behind him, having been more concerned than anyone about his welfare, wishing she could bring back the flirty, carefree Bond, but she knows nothing can do that now, perhaps not even time itself. "Bond.. how are you?" She asks as she gets closer to him.
Turning red-rimmed eyes to the younger woman, James blinks a few times before he lifts one hand to wipe his cheek, and then look back down at the grave. "I get up, I live my life. I save lives. I do my job. It's what he wanted." He says as he nods toward the grave. "But I will never forget him. I will never love again. And nothing will bring him back." He says simply as he looks over at the woman.
"Oh, James.." Eve says as she moves over and puts an arm around him, giving him an awkward half-hug and resting her head against his shoulder for a moment. "It'll get better, in time. You're right, he would have wanted you to live. But not like this. He would have wanted you to live your life to the fullest. You have to. For him. You're living for both of you now. You need to remember that he wouldn't want you mourning after him like this." She says gently, tentatively as she looks up at the deadly agent, who looks as lost as a little boy.
"How do I do that?" Bond asks with a small shake of his head. "Time heals all wounds. Except it doesn't." he says simply as he stares down at the headstone. "We had the conversation.. about what would happen if one of us died. I always thought it would be me. He said he wouldn't want me to follow after him, and that is the only reason I haven't. Or perhaps I'm just too much of a coward. He was my heart, Eve, and now he's gone. Nothing will fix that. Nothing will bring that back." he says simply, though he appreciates the comfort that Eve provides.
"So you'll just keep living like this? For how long?" Eve asks worriedly as she looks at him.
James shakes his head for a moment and then takes a slow, deep breath. "I don't know. I wish we had had more time, I wish we had talked more. We should have known better." he says as he hangs his head and wipes his face again, taking a deep breath through his nose to keep from sniffling. "He used to have all the answers. And now.. just this once.. I wish I did, too."
~oOo~
When 007 receives a mission the next day, Eve steps into M's office afterwards, having seen what it is. "Sir." She says as she looks at the current head of MI6. "That mission you put Bond on.. It's suicide." She says in a concerned tone.
M sighs a little as he looks up at Even, folding his hands on the desk. "It is." He says, not sugar coating it and not trying to deny it. "I didn't tell 007 that." he says before he gets up and walks over to his bar to pour himself a drink. "I hope he doesn't come back." he says sadly after a moment.
Eve looks rather shocked because she's never heard her boss talk like this. She knows he didn't particularly like Bond, but she never thought he'd deliberately send out one of their best agents to die. "You sent him to die?"S he asks in shock.
"Yes. But not because I hate him, Ms. Moneypenny. Within the month, they're going to force retirement on him." M says as he looks over at Eve. "His Psyche evaluations have been worse and worse every time he comes back from the field. He's not considered stable. This mission is his last chance. To go out the way he would want, serving Queen and Country. You and I both know he won't last once they force retirement on him." The older man says as he looks at his secretary, taking a sip of his drink.
After she hears that her boss is not maliciously sending agents off to die, Eve relaxes a little, but then she looks sad and she nods quietly. "Yes. I saw him yesterday at the cemetery. He's not getting better." She says with a small shake of her head. "He's surviving, but he's not living. I'm not sure he can anymore. He's only alive because he promised Q." She says, not able to keep from calling him that even though they do have a new Q, a new Quartermaster. But anyone who knew the bright, intelligent man who revolutionized Q-branch, can't help but continue to think of him as Q. "Best for him to go down fighting, eh?"
Knowing the details but not exactly how dangerous the mission will be, Bond approaches it as he does any other mission, gathering the intel, following his instincts and trying to get the mission done. Ever since Q's death however, he has refused to have anyone in his ear, made it quite clear that Q-branch is only to contact him if it is vital to his mission. Otherwise, he'll find his own way, just as he did before.
It doesn't take long for Bond to figure out that this mission is quite different from the others he's been on for a while. Last time he was on a mission like this, he had Q in his ear ordering him where to go. This time he's on his own, but he's older, he's slower, his senses aren't as sharp as they used to. And hid slight distraction from his grief causes him to move a few seconds too late.
"Oh, James.. what am I going to do with you?" A soft, posh voice comes to the agent, affectionate yet scolding.
There's a bright light on the other side of his eyelids, and a soft bed beneath him. This seems a little off to James but he can't quite place why. He feels warm and content, and he smells Earl Grey, and a certain spiciness that he would know anywhere. Not willing to wake up from this dream just yet, he feels a tear escape from the corner of his eye as he takes a slow, deep breath.
"Time to wake up, James.." The soft voice of Q comes to him, a soft, long-fingered hand reaching out to brush away the tear, stroking over the stubbled cheek before brushing a soft kiss against the agent's lips lightly.
At the touch of lips to his, James slides his hand into blissfully soft curls that cling to his fingers as he returns the kiss fiercely for a few moments, pulling away sharply and blinking his eyes open to look up into dark green eyes. "Q.." he breathes in shock as he looks up at the man. "Bloody hell, Q.." he says as he pulls the young man down again for a passionate kiss, before he just clings to him, burying his face into the younger man's neck.
"Shhh, now, Bond. Goodness." Q says with a small shake of his head, chuckling lightly. "You bloody idiot. I guess your luck finally ran out.." he says with a shake of his head, running his long fingers through the blond's hair.
Lifting his head to look into those vivid green eyes again, Bond smiles softly, feeling at peace for the first time in a very long time. "I love you, Q. " He finally says bluntly with no preamble, rolling them over so that he can perch above the younger man and just take him in and look at him. He feels years younger yet strangely vulnerable, partially not believing that this isn't just a dream and won't just disappear. "Can we stay here forever?"
With a soft smile, Q drapes his arms around Bond's neck, stretching out comfortably. "I love you, James." He says in return before he smiles sweetly up at the older man. "Just this once."
Ok.. so I stayed up way too late last night, I could not leave this story alone, I had to do an epilogue. I am not ok with a world where Q and Bond do not end up together. :) I hope you all enjoyed this story!
Reviews/Comments welcome!
