I am SO sorry for the long wait. The duck chased me up into a tree where I have been for several months. He is trying to demand a bigger part in all of this. I keep trying to tell him- he's just a supporting character. Darn ducks are so demanding.
Everything else is the same: I don't own any of the characters (except Sir Quacks Alot, but no one wants him anyway). I'm still completely mental, so don't fry me for being a nut. Reviews remind me that I need to update (I completely forgot about this until people started reviewing and I realized people kinda liked it!)
Days passed with no mention of the strange conversation with the girl. He hadn't heard from the dark lord in days, well after the Dragon Pox were properly cleared. He, therefore, wasn't surprised when his arm burned. Oh joy of rapture. He wasn't in a good mood to begin with. He hadn't been feeling well the past few days and Poppy made him take some various potions to prevent him from contracting Dragon Pox. The potions left him in a foul mood.
He called Minerva through the fireplace and asked her to sit with Hermione. Then, he went in to inform the girl of his departure and ensure she was ready for bed. She threw quite a fit when he told her he was leaving.
"You're not going back to that bad place, are you? She asked.
"It is NONE of your business WHERE I am going. Now GO TO BED." He fussed and swept out the room.
She wouldn't have it. Every night that he went away, he came back hurting, and tired. Now, the stupid Dark Lord wanted to see HER. Well, tonight she was going to put a stop to this rubbish.
She remembered what Winky told her many weeks ago when they were talking about house elf magic, and in one of her more adult-moments, remembered to place a tracker on the professor. This time, when he apparated, she would know where he went.
Minerva was shocked when she arrived in Severus' rooms to find the girl in her room with the lights out, asleep in her bed. She gently shut the door and settled into a chair with "Transfiguration Today."
Hermione knew she should have told the professors her biggest secret, but she only just discovered it, earlier in the day, and Sevie was so mean just now, she wasn't going to tell him. He hurt her feelings. But she knew she had to save him, and herself, anyway. She looked at the duck. He looked at her suspiciously.
"Are you going to be a tattle tale, do I have to shush you or will you hold your beak?" The girl asked the duck.
The duck responded by placing its beak under its wing.
"Good." She replied. "I didn't fancy using that duct tape on a duck's beak, but I would've." She raised her eyebrow. The duck laid down by the fireplace. He didn't like Minerva, anyway.
While you couldn't apparate or disapparate inside of Hogwarts, you COULD vanish and appear. It was a completely different way of traveling and she was very proud of herself for discovering it. She doubted anyone used this form of transportation in at least a hundred years; just like the hottest new car model, apparating was the stylish way to go, for the present day. Books hadn't mentioned wizards appearing and vanishing since the mid 1800s.
She waited until the tracker revealed his location, a forest in the south of Scotland. She didn't have time to change out of her little night gown- besides she couldn't reach the buttons in the back anyway. So she pulled on her little duckie slippers, grabbed her Severus-bear for good measure, and vanished.
When she appeared, she was near the edge of a forest. A group of people had gathered around a fire not far from where she was. They wore black cloaks and scary masks. But Hermione was brave and Severus-Bear was there to keep her company. She had to save her Mr. Meany Head from getting hurt.
She crept to the next tree: quack, quack, quack. Her slippers quacked with each step. "Oh no" She thought. They were unsilenceable. She couldn't take them off, the ground hurt her feet.
She crept slowly to the big rock: quack...quack...quack...quack... and ducked down.
She held back a giggle as "Mission Impossible" played through her head.
Meanwhile, in the circle of Death Eaters, Lord Voldemort was greeting his followers:
"My loyal death eaters! Tonight..." quack... quack...quack... they pretended not to notice it, "we shall begin planning," quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack... he stopped to listen, but the noise stopped too. "Tonight we begin planning..." quack..quack-quack "For the bloody love of Merlin... where the bloody hell is that bloody quacking coming from?!" He screamed.
Goyle answered, "ducks quack, your wickedness." Severus had to hold back a laugh. Hmm. Who knew Goyle was that smart.
"Very good Goyle." taunted the dark lord. "Maybe next year you can learn your A,B,Cs" the group laughed.
Hermione took the opportunity of laughter to get to the last tree on the edge of the forest.
"Someone go kill that blasted, bloody duck!" Commanded Voldemort.
"You leave my slippies alone!" Shouted Hermione as she jumped into the clearing. 'Oops. well that sucks,' she thought, 'so much for a surprise attack.'
They looked over at the small imp-like child walking toward them, holding a teddy bear. She was the smallest thing they had ever seen, with her white nightgown and her duck slippers...
She sauntered into the group casually, trying to look calm and grownup. Quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack...
Severus turned to look 'Bloody, Merlin, Morgana, and all of the Gods ever to breathe, what the hell was she doing here and how the bloody dickens am I to get her out alive?! Oh my bloody bleepy-bleep-bleep! She better not reveal the name of that bear or I'll blow them both to bits! If she gets away from the dark lord alive, I'm going to kill her!'
"Well, well, well... what have we here." said the dark lord.
"I'm Hermione Granger. You know all about me and I'm sure you're dying to meet me. I'm Harry's best friend, I beat out all of the pure blood kids because they're not smart, I'm really cute and I LIKE MY DUCKIE SLIPPIES." She said bravely.
"My, my, my... you are a brave little Gryffindor cub... And you wandered so willingly into the lair of snakessss." Hiss Voldemort.
"Why do you say things three times?" She asked with her childlike curiosity.
Nagini began circling her and was shocked when the girl started speaking to her. No one had ever spoken to her before, except the dark lord. And no one was ever polite before. The girl thought she was a beautiful snake! She liked the girl.
They were all taken aback as the little girl spoke to the snake and then proceeded to approach and kiss the snake.
Severus was mentally beating his head against a brick wall. Bloody hell, bloody hell, bloody ... oh what's the use.
Hermione turned her attention to the dark lord. "Hey, you have a snake-face. But you're a man... or are you a snake with legs? Why is your nose all smooshed in like that?" She asked.
The Death Eaters gasped. "How dare you!" Exclaimed Nott. "CRUCIO!!!" He yelled and light shot out of his wand at Hermione.
She fell on the ground laughing childish belly laughs. "Oh stop! Stop!" She cried, "Oh that tickles," she kept laughing rolling around on the ground.
"Hmm," Thought Severus. "Well no one saw that one coming."
Nott tried again "CRUCIO!!!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO!" Others joined in. It was as though ten people were tickling her. She was cracking up laughing; her laughs grew louder and happier.
They stopped. They looked at the dark lord for advice. No one had ever... laughed... during the curse. Some of them tried, of course, so they looked tough... but this girl seemed to enjoy it.
Voldemort's red eyes stared into the girls eyes. They knew he was probing her thoughts. Severus was ready to throw in the broom. This was the end, the end of him, the end of everything.
Suddenly, Voldemort started screaming as he saw rainbows, unicorns, and a horrific pink, frilly, lace dress.
"Yes, that one made me scream, too," commented Hermione, after pushing the Dark Lord out of her mind. "Professor McGonagall should never be allowed to dress another person."
Voldemort secretly agreed to that. That horror was almost worst than any torture he could put a person through... "hmmmm, new idea,' he thought. That could be an interesting way to keep his death eaters on top of things, threaten them with a pink froo-froo dress.
"So anyway." Hermione continued, the men gasped, Nagini snickered, and Severus thought he was going to burst a vein." "Why are your eyes all red like that? You know, some eye drops might really help.." She said as she quacked nearer.
"SILENCE YOU IMPERTENT LITTLE..." roared the dark lord, who had clearly tired of her.
"You are a REAL Meany head. I don't like you." She said. Her lower lip started to tremble.
'Least I can make her cry.' Voldemort thought.
As she started to cry, it started to rain, HARD, right over the Dark Lord. He didn't like getting wet. With a swish of his wand he covered himself with a rain protector.
"STOP THAT THIS INSTANT." Bellowed Voldemort. 'Bloody shit, she's not using a wand. What a little show-off Know-it-All. She has to go.
"Stop what?" Asked Hermione.
"Stop making it rain!" He replied.
"I can't make it rain, Mr. Snake-face!" She replied.
'Ooo,' thought Severus, 'Déjà vu.'
"Aveda Kedavra!!!!" Voldemort shouted as blinding green light shot out of his wand at Hermione. Severus tried to move but knew he wouldn't be fast enough.
The curse bounced off of her and hit Crabbe. He fell over dead.
"Well that was NOT very nice of you." She said. She looked over at Snape, he definitely wasn't a happy Meany-Head. "You will NEVER hurt My Snape again. You are a mean, bad, man." She said.
"Well thank you," said Voldemort. "But flattery will get you nowhere."
"You leave my Snape alone!" She shouted.
Oh crap. Thought Severus. That's the kiss of death, my butt is screwed. And since when did I become Her Snape???
"CRUCIO" Yelled Voldemort, pointing his wand at Severus. Apparently the girl had put protection on the man. The curse bounced off of him and fell onto Nott who screamed and cringed on the ground.
"Stop it! Stop it right NOW!" Hermione said as she stomped her little foot with a big QUACK.
"I don't like you. I'm going home and I'm taking MY Snape with me." She said as she quacked over to a very stunned looking Severus.
"Oh Severus, close your mouth you look like you're missing a chromosome," Sneered Voldemort.
"I TOLD you to leave my Snape alone!!!" She screamed. She stuck her tongue out at him and he and all of the death eaters had on replicas of Minerva's dress. They started screaming and covering their eyes.
"Now you leave My Snapey alone and you leave Harry and Hogwarts alone or I'm going to have Professor McGonagall AND Madam Pomfrey create something SPECIAL for you. By the way- those are PERMANENTLY affixed it to you. So PTHHHHH." She said.
"Kill me, my lord, please!" They all screamed... even Voldemort was screaming- "damn those horocruxes! I can't die, but I can't live like this! You are a FOUL child. You're more evil than I AM!" He screamed. "I'll be in touch VERY soon!!!"
Hermione grabbed her professor's hand and vanished, appearing in her nursery.
"There, there, it's all better now." She said.
He didn't know whether to love her or hate her, kill her or kiss her. So, he walked over to the fireplace and called Albus.
"Hermiineee you got some s'plainin to doooo…' thought Hermione. 'Oh well, that was fun. Now, I'm ready for our next meeting,' she thought. 'Note to self: Bring eyedrops. Those eyes are creepy.'
