Well everyone, here we go! Chapter 11~! This is actually quite a lovely chapter - I listened to it on a text-to-voice translator, and I'm quite pleased. I THINK it makes sense...

So there's some Beyond Birthday junk, more on Raine, Mello and the answer to a few questions! Good job, Near. Haha.

So, yeah, we're almost at the end of this story - I foresee MAYBE 3 chapters left, but I'm going to try and finish it in two, so PLEASE continue reviewing! It's very much appreciated, truely.

And with that, Je vous present: Chapter 11 - Near Breaks Down

Why was he there? Why was he there? Why did Roger bring him to Mello and Matt's funeral?

Why did Mello go and die, thus needing a funeral?

I hear very little in my room. This should be the case, as it's nearly four in the morning and the only person still awake in the whole of Wammy's House is quite possibly myself. I can't sleep, though I have been trying for nearly six hours. My mind just won't stop going over that and other questions.

Now that all is wrapped up, what is my next move? Work as L? Where? How? Can I stay here and do that or should I go back to the SPK headquarters in New York?

Why was Raine at the funeral? Why had Roger brought him there? Why had Raine been so emotional over someone he'd never met? Or perhaps he had met Mello? But that's impossible, right?

Come to think of it, wasn't Deborah just about ready to kill me, due to my indirect involvement in Mail Jeevas' death? Why was it she had not left my side yesterday? Should not my indirect responsibility make her want to push me away instead of coming closer? Or perhaps it is my payment for my sins in her eyes?

Had I ever met Beyond Birthday? What kind of person was he? Had he truly been insane, or was he just like Mello, only more masochistic? How close had Beyond Birthday been to surpassing L, and was it truly that L was saved by Naomi Misora or had he known all along what Beyond Birthday's plan was?

When had Mello met L? Why? Why had he met L and I hadn't? Was I not the most likely successor to L, or was it just that L was more interested in Mello? Perhaps Mello and my competition was a closer race than I had previously thought?

Why can't I sleep?

Why did this have to all end like this?

Why couldn't I save either of them?

Why, why, why?

This has to stop. I tear off my covers, abandoning all hope of sleep, pull on socks, and leave my warm room to haunt the halls of Wammy's house. I don't care if he's sleeping, Roger has some questions to answer, so it's to Roger's room I head to.

But as I walk up to the door, I can see that his office light is on. His office is immediately adjacent to his sleeping quarters so he can have as little time around children as possible, and it's also quite convenient for anyone trying to find him.

I knock on the office door quietly and hear Roger's voice from inside invite me in. Upon opening the door, I see not only Roger, who is sitting in his usual place behind his desk, but Deborah also, who sits in one of the two chairs across from him.

"Near," Roger invites me to sit in the chair next to the girl. "We've been expecting you."

Have you now? Not that I care, but it is nice that they think so highly of my ability to cope with change. I shuffle over to the chair, but hesitate instead of sitting down. I merely stare at it, fiddling with the beads that I now permanently keep at my waist.

"Near?" I hear Deborah's concerned voice behind me, and then I feel her hand touch my sleeve, which I jerk away. Perhaps a combination of my restless mind and my restless body is making me a bit less in control of my reactions, but I am still surprised at the suddenness of my response. "What's wrong, Near?"

Do they have to ask? Or is she just trying to get me to say it out loud? "Roger, I have many questions to ask you," I say, my voice sounding as dead as Mello was, though my hand that's gripping the beads shakes. My eyes remain directed at the empty chair and I brave the first of my questions: "When had L met Mello?"

I hear a resigned sigh and a small gasp of surprise. Of course Deborah hadn't known, and I guess that Roger has supposed that I'd have come by the information sooner or later. "About a week before the conversation between L and the Wammy's House children. He only had time to talk with one of you before he had to leave for Japan."

"Why Mello?" I shoot quickly, a tinge of hurt escaping with the question. "Was I not the most likely candidate to succeed L at that time?"

"Yes, Near, you were, but you were terribly ill at the time and was in the hospital ward."

Ah, so L was here at the time of the great flu that had spread through Wammy's house like wildfire. Being L, he couldn't afford to become ill, and only having enough time to talk to one of us, he had chosen to speak with Mello. Logical.

"But he had planned to come back and speak with you, Near," Roger adds. "After he had finished with the Kira case. He hadn't chosen between the two of you due to the fact that he had not spoken with you face-to-face."

So that's why. Of course, this doesn't mean all is forgotten. "Fine. Who was Beyond Birthday?"

Roger's eyes stare at me in disbelief, I'll assume. "H-how did you find out about him?" he stammers.

"Mello left me a word document with his notes on the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases," I reply blandly. "Did I ever know him?"

Hesitantly, Roger nods. "Yes, Near, between L, Watari and myself, we referred to him as "Backup," but to the rest of the children, he was known as Braeden."

Braeden? That kid? He was about four years older than myself and was a quieter individual. I remember him slightly before he'd suddenly disappeared eight years ago. And then he'd gone and murdered three innocent people and had attempted suicide. I had never thought of him as the type who'd be able to do something like that; he wasn't insane, was kind to those weaker than himself, and was truly eager to learn and experiment.

That first paragraph of Mello's notes echo in my ears:

When Beyond Birthday committed his third murder, he attempted an experiment. Namely, to see if it were possible for a human being to die of internal hemorrhaging without rupturing any organs. Specifically, he drugged his victim so they fell unconscious, tied them up, and proceeded to beat their left arm thoroughly, being careful not to break the skin…

It did not particularly matter to him whether it succeeded or not. Beyond Birthday simply shrugged and took out a knife...

Yes, that does sound like Braeden, B, Backup, Beyond Birthday.

"Then, he truly wasn't insane?" I ask, though this isn't a question. Beyond Birthday was not a crazy individual as Jamison had been previously. He had merely been obsessed with L and had taken that obsession to inappropriate levels.

"No, he wasn't," Roger replied. "Near, are you sure you're okay?"

I barely hear his concerned question, for my final one circles around in my own head. Why had he been there? Why was Raine at that funeral? Why?

"Roger," I finally force my mouth to speak. I can hear the weakness I feel escaping, but I hardly care. "Why was Raine at the funeral? I had asked that none of the current Wammy's House Children be in attendance. However, you took the trouble to escort him yourself to the burial." I shift my eyes' gaze to the aging man sitting behind the desk whose eyes meet mine. I hear Deborah breathing beside me, her breaths labored and heavy. This must be a touchy subject for her, understandably.

Roger is silent for a moment, obviously choosing his words very carefully. "I supposed that he had the right to attend the funeral of the only family he had left."

I narrow my eyes. "Family?" I ask gradually. "He and Mello were related?"

Roger nods slowly. "Mello came from a family of ten children and was in the middle of the pack. However, at the time when Mello was out of the home in a boarding school, the family home had been set on fire by a serial arsonist, and everyone inside died. It was assumed that Mihael was the sole survivor of the Keehl family. However, about a year ago I discovered a small child in a special medical institute with the last name Keehl and discovered Rodya Keehl at a small hospital in an obscure French town; I have questioned him as to how he ended up there, but he still won't give me a straight answer. However, I was able to determine that he is the same Rodya Keehl that was the youngest sibling of the ten."

"In other words," Deborah whispered in awe, "he's Mello's youngest brother?"

They have some discussion, but I can't hear them for the ringing in my ears. Rodya, Raine is Mello's brother? Of course, this would account for a great many things such as his intelligence, those blue eyes that mirror Mello's, and that strangely reminiscent self-motivation all have made me think of Mello at some point or another. I never concluded that he was related.

Rodya Keehl, very Russian indeed. Not that I had known his real name before this. If I had just swallowed my pride and looked at the children's profiles, many questions would be answered.

A small knock is heard at the door. I freeze, my hands drop the beads. Who would be up at this hour besides him? I raise my eyes back to Roger, who has already given permission for the child to enter the room. The soft padding of walking feet approaches me from behind, and before long, I can feel the child's body heat behind me.

"Matt-san, are you okay?" I hear his high-pitched voice inquire, halting my ever-thinking mind. Mello's brother is standing right behind me, asking after my wellness as Mello had. I feel a small hand grab at my sleeve, which was previously hanging loosely at my side, but now I can't help but tense. "Matt-san, you're very tense? Are you scared?"

I feel those eyes on me. Those eyes, those eyes, those same eyes that Mello had. They bore holes into me and I can't take it. It's like he's back here again.

But Mello's dead, and he's never coming back.

Roger is trying to explain something to me, but I can't hear him. What is this feeling? I feel as if I will explode. I need to let something out, or else something horrible will happen by my own hand. Rage, animosity, sorrow, all felt on levels I haven't yet felt. Vengeance I have felt, anger I have felt, sadness I have felt, but never have I felt this… this need to lash out.

I will be in control. I will not lose control of myself over this. Raine's hand finds mine and small fingers entwine with mine. "Matt-san? Why are you ignoring me?"

Ignoring? The brat. That bony hand holding mine is nothing like Mello's had been. Mello had been filled out, and this kid is nothing but bones and hair. This kid is nothing like him. He could never be like Mello! He will never be like Mello.

Mello, damn it, why aren't you here instead of him!

Suddenly there's a crash and a small gasp. I glance and realize that I've just pushed Raine to the floor. I may have yelled something, my voice box feels like I've just yelled, but I can't remember.

Raine's eyes are widened in confusion and I realize that Roger and Deborah's eyes now glare at me as if I had turned into a demon.

Perhaps there is some truth to that.

Deborah quickly scrambles over to Raine, making sure he's okay. I see that he's confused and a bit scared, but not surprised. Deborah gives him a small hug and I observe her get to her feet and come back over to me.

She's very angry and the hair that is falling over her eyes make the anger seem darker. Not that I've ever been intimidated by anyone, really, but this grieving female seems all the more present with the hot rage radiating from her face.

She raises a hand. "Near, you NEVER push or yell at a child!" She growls at me before releasing the hold on her hand and a flash of pain surges across my face.

I hold the offended side of my face in my hand and the final strands of control I have over myself snap. Hot tears rush down my face against my will and the side of my face becomes very warm. I hide the tears as best I can until arms wrap around me and I note that the same girl who had hurt me now held me very tightly.

"Come on, Near," she whispers. "Let's get some ice for that."

With that, she leads me out of the office, not before I mumble my apologies to Raine and Roger.

Thanks for reading - please review. :)