A/N: I... Killed... L... *cries* D: I can't believe I did that! DX Anyway, thanks for reviews, alerts, and favorites! This is my favorite chapter, I don't care how sad it is, it let's me create Near Mello and Matt as my own and it was so much fun to write. So I hope you all enjoy reading as much as I did writing it! Read and review my favorite people of the world! :P
Chapter 11: Loss
I could deal with the loss of my mother.
She only brought pain.
But the loss of L...
What was I supposed to do?
~Nate River
-XvX-
It was hard to lose my family.
To lose them forever.
Now to lose the one that helped me after that...
What was I supposed to do?
~Miheal Keehl
-XvX-
I lost my mom and dad.
Big deal.
I lost my real family at that orphanage...
What was I supposed to do?
~Mail Jeevas
**XvX**
With A and B gone, Nate took on the role as Number One with Miheal as Number Two and Mail as Number Three. Nate stayed in his room, all the time. On the rare occasion of him actually leaving his room was to eat, shower, or go to class. The lights in his room always stayed out, and he never talked to Miheal or Mail.
Mail was annoyed, to say the least.
There were many days where the young blond would try to get Nate to talk, nicely, but eventually Nate's silence to Miheal's questions got to him, and the blond would try to attack the albino. There were many times where Mail had to lock Miheal's arms behind his back to keep Nate safe. Thus resolving in Mail getting hurt by Miheal.
One day, though, Mail was not enough. Miheal burst through Nate's door in an angry walk, with Mail tugging with all his might on Miheal's left arm. Nate simply looked up from the puzzle he was solving.
"Speak." The blond ordered, pulling his arm free from Mail but also pushing the redhead to the ground in the process.
"Why? I believe you hear me speak a lot around school, isn't that so?" Nate asked, moving back to his puzzle. Mail really wished Nate learned not to press Miheal's buttons.
"Shut up Nate-"
"Near." Nate corrected Miheal before he could continue. Miheal's eyes glared their icy blue color at the albino.
"No. Nate. Tell me what's wrong! Ever since A and B ran away together you've been acting like... like..." Miheal trailed off, anger causing him to lose his thoughts.
"Like Near?" Nate asked.
"Yeah. Like Near." Miheal growled. Nate twirled his hair, looking at Miheal with empty eyes. Miheal had to hold back a shiver.
"I'm simply trying to be Number One. I want to succeed L." Nate explained, putting the last piece of the puzzle into place.
"Liar! Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar!" Miheal yelled, running up to Nate, and picking him up by the shirt. "Your acting. Putting on the facade of nothing. You have feelings, your not immune, and you can't make yourself immune like L! You don't smile, you don't laugh! You don't even frown..!"
"Miheal, we should really go now-"
"No, Mail. I want to hear what Miheal has to say." Nate stated, his voice monotonous.
"Good. Cause your gonna hear it anyway." Miheal seethed, pushing Nate to the ground.
"Miheal!" Mail yelled in fear of getting Nate hurt.
"Shut up, Mail! Doesn't it bother you, too? In the slightest?" Miheal asked.
"Everyone changes." Nate stated. Miheal glared and put his foot on Nate's stomach, roughly.
"That's not what I'm talking about!" Miheal yelled, leaning his face in close to Nate's. "I wouldn't mind you changing! I wouldn't mind you acting the way you are! I wouldn't mind any of that if..!"
Nate stared in shock as Miheal had to shake his head to hold back tears.
"I wouldn't mind it if we were still friends. I wouldn't mind if you kept your promise." Miheal stated. "Tell me, Nate. Do you remember promising to be best friends? Forever?"
"Yes."
"With me?"
"Yes."
"With Mail?"
"Yes."
"Do you remember that night under our tree, on our night, when we told each other all of our secrets? Do you remember all of us promising each other that- no matter what L or Watari or Roger said- we would never ever become Near, Mello, or Matt?"
"...Yes."
"Then why did you break our promises?!" Miheal asked in full anger and frustration.
"Something came up and-"
"No, Near, they were pinky promises between what used to be three best friends. Things don't just come up! It's not aloud!" Miheal yelled. He removed his foot from Nate's chest and stomped on the ground. Then he started to leave.
"Wait, Miheal-"
"No, Near. I won't be friends with someone who only looks like Nate. I won't do it. For I, Mello, am Nate's new rival." Miheal growled and continued to leave. "Let's go Mai- Matt."
Then they were gone.
Nate, Miheal, and Mail were gone.
**XvX**
"We are gathered here today for some very grave news..." Roger stated. That's all that was heard. That's all Near, Mello, and Matt could even listen to as they stood side by side in front of the two giant marble memorials. One with a gothic W and underneath the words; Quilish Wammy. The other with a gothic L and underneath the words: L Lawliet. Both memorials sat in the very small shade that their tree gave off in the sunny august day.
It would have been a beautiful day to anyone who wasn't a Wammy's child or coworker.
Every adult, every child, they all wore black to the funeral for the ones they admired so much that the loss of them was excruciating. Some faces held tears, other voices held sobs, everyone was in some form crying. That is, except for the Top Three boys who had the tightest relationships with the two deceased. The were as stoic as they could ever be, but deep down inside, they were crying.
Near twirled his hair. Mello sucked on a chocolate hard candy. Matt wore his goggles. They all felt so uncomfortable to be faced with death again. Well, the death of the innocent anyway. It was even more uncomfortable to know that the World's Greatest Three Detectives was one of the innocent that died.
It was like walking in the dark and getting punched in the stomach. It knocked the wind out of them, making them uneasy, because they didn't see it coming.
Nobody could believe it. L and Watari were dead.
It hurt so much to try and comprehend that. That the man that they were trying so hard to follow, the man who gave them a better and more safe home, the man who tried to help the children when they were not well... was gone. Really and truly gone.
It was all gone.
And Matt, Mello, and Near just wanted to cry.
But they didn't.
Instead they stood there. Listening but not hearing. Looking but not seeing. Feeling and only feeling that deep emptiness of hurt in their hearts, tearing and eating until there was no longer even hearts in place. For now there was no one to solve puzzles with. No one to share chocolate with. No one to hack computers with. They felt alone. Truly alone.
The funeral ended and the three boys stayed as everyone else reentered into the orphanage. They were frozen in front of the last memory they would ever have of their heros, not comprehending that they were alone outside save Roger. Roger stared at them for a moment but then walked behind them and cleared his throat to gain their attention. Their heads slowly turned to look at the upset man.
...
Awkward silence.
"I'm sorry boys... I know how you feel." Roger assured.
"You might. You might not. Doesn't really matter either way, does it? It's not gonna be able to bring them back, is it?" Mello asked, voice oddly even. Roger shook his head.
"No. I suppose not." He answered. Matt took a breath and looked at Roger with eyed full of pain.
"What is it Roger? What are you hiding?" Matt asked.
"It's about become the next L..." Roger answered, looking at the ground. "I recently looked through the file on my computer that I was not aloud to read until L were to die. He wants to choose his successor... Two years from now."
"Two years from now? Why?" Near asked.
"L wanted to see which of you were to get the most work done within two years. The progress you make should help you with solving the Kira case." Roger explained.
"Two years... Two whole years of letting Kira rule and not even anything around to help us get started with this 'progress'?" Mello asked, hand shaking.
"Lidner would still like you to join the SPK, Near." Roger told the Near, who simply stared back.
"Just Near? No Mello or Matt? We have to work hard and fend on our own?!" Mello asked, anger obviously growing.
"You of course have to work hard, Mello. You can't just have someone there to hold you hand ev-"
"Oh, shut the hell up, Roger!" Mello yelled, anger finally besting him. "You just want Near to be the next L because L wanted Near to be the best L and no matter what I'll always be second to you so stop spitting this crap out of your mouth and just shut up!"
The words came out fast and Mello couldn't stop them. He wouldn't stop them. After they left his mouth he took a breath to regain himself and started walking to his shared room. He needed to think.
"Mello!" Near called, following after the blond with Matt. They caught up to him when they got inside the orphanage. "You can't possibly think that's true. L-"
"Excuse me but when did you become so fucking good at reading people?! Especially dead people?!" Mello asked. Ouch. That was like a dagger to the heart.
"Mello, just calm down." Matt instructed.
"No, Matt. For once I have a reason to let myself be angry. This is a perfectly reasonable situation for me to be mad! How come your so normal? If I always stay Second then you always stay Third!" Mello explained.
"Because someone out of the three of us has to hold their emotions together!" Matt stated, voice rising as an indication that he wanted to yell but did not.
"No one cares anymore, Matt. Hear me? No one cares! L's dead! L's dead and left us on our own! He doesn't care if you get mad and I sure as hell don't so-"
"You know what does get me mad, Mello?" Matt asked, voice dangerously high. "How you take your anger out on me. How Near thinks I'm an idiot. How you both are so goddamn clueless and I always have to help you when neither of you give a fuck for me!"
They were inside their room now, and Near shut the door behind him, slowly. He was speechless. Matt never got mad. Ever.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Mello asked, voice lowering as realization dawned on him.
"You hit me with remotes, Mello! You think I couldn't understand how to zoom in on a computer when I hack them better than you, Near! I'm tired of the both of you! I'm tired of how you act, who you are, and how you treat me. I'm tired of Mello and Near!" Matt explained.
Mello just stared and Near still failed to speak.
"You know what..?" Matt asked, not actually expecting a response. He went to his room, put his laptop into a bag along with a pack of fags and lighter that kept company next to his money of fifty pounds. He walked back out and in front of Near.
"Move." Matt ordered. Near stepped a bit to the side and held Matt's wrist.
"What are you doing?" Near asked.
"I'm leaving, Near. Like I said, I'm tired of this shit." Matt explained.
"Your leaving because your tired?!" Mello asked, incredulous. "Tired of what, Matt?! Being Third?! Maybe if you tried harder-"
"I couldn't give a shit about being Third!" Matt yelled.
"Then what are you tired of?" Mello asked.
"I'm sick and tired of breaking promises! I'm sick and tired of seeing Mello and Near! I'm sick and tired of being Matt! Let me go, Near." Matt ordered.
"Hold on, Matt." Mello ordered and walked into his room. He exited with his own bag and his famous icy glare. "I'm tired too. I'm tired so does that mean I should just go and run with my tail between my knees- you fucking chicken?!"
Matt twisted his wrist away from Near to face Mello.
"Fuck you, Mello! Fuck you, Near! Just fuck all of you!" Matt yelled. Then he ran out of the room. Near stared in shock, and then looked at Mello.
"M-Mello..."
"Are you tired, Near?" Mello asked, voice cold and low.
"...No."
"Good." And with that Mello left.
Near sat on the couch.
Mello punched the hallway wall.
Matt kicked the trash can outside.
And they all cried.
