Staring up at the ceiling, Kensi wondered what she had gotten herself into.

Her blond-haired, blue-eyed, co-worker/best-friend/friend-with-benefits was laying on the bed next to her, fast asleep.

She had done it again, she had slept with him.

Even though he didn't want a relationship and she did.

Even though he couldn't commit, and for the first time in a long time, she could.

Even though every cell in her body was telling her that this was a terrible idea, that entering a casual relationship with this man was destined to end badly.

And yet, she had agreed, because being without him was much harder than being in a commitment free relationship with him. At least this way, there would be no more awkwardness, no more avoiding each other. At least not until it all went bad.

She was trying not to think about that day.

She decided to get up and have some lunch. Callen was still asleep, as far as she could tell.

He was probably tired from having been up half the night at the bar and then taking care of her when she was passed out drunk. In hindsight, getting drunk and ending up in bed with Callen was probably not the smartest move that she had ever made.

But the real question was, what was she going to do now?

She knew the answer to that one, even though she didn't want to admit it just yet.

She wasn't going to deny it, being with Callen and knowing that he wasn't interested in being in a committed relationship was hard, but being without him was harder. If he wanted a no-strings-attached arrangement, then she would give it a try, because she couldn't bear the thought of continuing with the awkward politeness that had become their lives during the past few weeks.

Walking into the kitchen, Kensi decided to prepare some lunch. She noticed that it was almost four in the afternoon, but she was hungry and needed to eat. She settled for a sandwich, mainly because she was not in the mood to cook anything more elaborate. She walked into the living room with her food on a plate and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV with the hope to feel less alone while she ate.

Her solitary eating didn't last very long, Callen joined her just a few minutes later. She first heard him enter the kitchen, probably preparing himself something to eat just as she had. After that, he entered the living room and sat down on the couch next to her, but a few feet away; he was also holding a plate on which sat a sandwich.

They ate in silence. Kensi had not yet thought of what she was going to say to him and Callen was not about to speak first. This situation wasn't going to be easy for either of them.

Callen knew how important she was. She was the one who always knew what to do, always knew exactly what to say to him. She gave him space when she knew he needed it and offered to keep him company when she knew he did not want to be alone. She didn't try to give him advice or moral lessons, unlike a lot of other people, because she understood that his problems were the last thing that he would want to talk about. She was one of his best friends (though he only had one other), and he could not afford to lose her. But he was hurting her, he could see that. So Callen did not know what to say.

He knew her like no one else did. He knew when to make her talk about what was bothering her and when not to push the subject. Sometimes she just wanted to be quiet. He knew when she needed to hear that everything was going to be okay and when she just needed everyone to be quiet. He knew when she needed him by her side and when she just needed to be left alone. He was the only one who understood her abandonment issues and that respected her decisions without judging her. Kensi knew that the path they were on would lead to trouble. They had seen how much damage had been done in just a few weeks of their casual relationship, hadn't they?

Kensi was the first one to speak, only because she had trouble staying quiet for long periods of time, especially when things got awkward. And because she knew that he could basically stay silent indefinitely.

"I'm sorry" she said, barely more than a whisper.

Callen looked at her and frowned.

"You're sorry for what, exactly?"

He would never admit that he was scared to hear her answer. He did not know if he would be able to handle listening to her tell him that what they had just done was a mistake and could never happen again. Although, maybe it would be the best thing for them; but being with Kensi was all he wanted. He needed her, especially now.

"For what I said to you the other day, and for the way I've been acting recently. I was an idiot, and you didn't deserve the way I've been treating you recently. I'm sorry. That's what I'm sorry for."

Callen smiled, shaking his head.

"You don't need to be sorry Kenz. Even though it kills me when you ignore me, when I can't talk to you, I understand why you did it. I can't lose you, Kensi, and I don't want you to pull away."

The sincerity in his voice made her melt. How did he do this to her? She fought the urge to jump into his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

"I'll always be here for you." She said.

Callen grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"What are we going to do then?" he asked.

Kensi sighed and looked away. Callen moved so they were facing each other. He wasn't going to give up. She was going to talk to him, no matter how long it took.

"I guess…I guess that it's okay for us to keep our relationship 'casual'." She said quietly.

"Are you sure about this?" Callen asked her, concern lacing his voice.

"I wouldn't suggest it if I weren't."

This time, some of the fire in her personality was evident in her tone.

He knew that she wasn't really okay with it. He was basically taking advantage of how she felt about him.

Not that he didn't feel the exact same way.