November 23

0845

Number of aspirin consumed: 8

Number of tampons in purse: 4, should be able to make it to shop after work

When am able to uncurl body from fetal position, shall remind self that no amount of whining will help present state. And hiding on floor behind desk in said fetal position so as to appear to be out of office shall not stop phone from ringing, nor shall it prevent meeting with headmaster to discuss purchase of textbooks.

Due to truly spectacular menstrual cramps and agonizing headache, am convinced that Xu is correct about gender of spiteful deity, as no goddess would ever subject her loyal creations to such torture.

However, though my uterus feels as if it is being torn out and trod upon by host of high-stepping cattle in stilettos, must remember that every cycle of pain and misery means that gametes exchanged during infrequent sexual encounters have not fused, thus meaning that no child shall crawl from loins, permanently expand my waistline, and grow to be ungrateful brat that would surely hate her mother and come home from college with piercings and girlfriend similar to Xu.

Boom, boom, boom!

Shall ignore pounding on door.

Boom, boom, boom!

Shall ignore the fact that some rude person has now entered my office and shiny black boots are now visible on other side of desk.

"Look, Q. You either come out or I'll drag you out. We're supposed to meet Cid at 0900."

Shall remain hidden in hopes that Xu will think I have died and been taken to a friendly morgue. Shall not look up, even though Xu has leaned across desk and is laughing at me.

"Hmm. I guess this means that it's time for The Crimson General to begin her massacre of the people of Fallopia?"

Shall remember to slap Xu later for making me laugh when am determined to do nothing but bemoan the circumstances that made Hyne decide to visit plaque upon humanity. "Make my excuses for me, would you?"

"Oh no. You know the rules. The only way to avoid these meetings is to be either wounded or dead."

"Well, I am bleeding. Doesn't that count?"

"Not for faculty meetings. Besides, once we get this out of the way, we'll have the weekend off. I arranged for a sub to take your students on a little field trip."

Am not fond of having my plans altered, no matter that I meant to skip class anyway in order to count fibers in office carpet.

"A field trip? Where?"

"Not sure. Tilmitt said she'd take care of the little bastards."

Am now terrified that pieces of my students shall be returned to me in paper bags, as Selphie's idea of a fun trip normally involves:
a) gunfire
b) glitter
c) explosions
d) kittens

Am pleased with self for righteous concern on behalf of doomed students and for neglecting for a full thirty seconds to think of potential lawsuits from angered parents upset to find their mailboxes containing paper death bags full of glitter and viscera.

"Where the hell is she taking them?"

"Does it matter? She takes your students, we get an early lunch, then we can..."

"Yes it matters! Selphie will probably have them trained by now to become militant animal rights activists!"

"Meh. As long as they stick to blowing up research labs and stay away from butchershops, that'll be fine. I'm in the mood for a burger and don't want the meat-packing industry to be affected."

Due to politically incorrect statement by best friend, shall become vegetarian. Am pleased with self over concern for furry creatures that are unable to defend themselves from carnivorous appetites of women in thigh-high jackboots.

"And you're coming with me. I need a lunch date."

"I don't believe so. I'm a vegetarian."

"Since when?"

"Since I came to the realization that consuming the flesh of living creatures is..."

"Yummy. Ain't nothing like a big, juicy slab of meat on a bun. Pickles and fries on the side, maybe a strawberry shake too."

As am now vegetarian and disgusted by thought of eating meat, unable to determine why exactly stomach chose this moment to growl in very traitorous manner. Am beginning to think that my organs are planning a bloody revolution, with my uterus crushing my will to fight and my stomach in league with Xu. Shall keep close eye on spleen and liver to swiftly deal with any whispers of uprising.

"Fine. We'll go get salads or broccoli or...something."

Though Xu is being rather gracious by offering to let me play my role as smug herbivore, the fact that she changed my schedule without consulting me is still enough for me to want her to suffer.

"I still can't. I have a date."

"Uh huh. Right. With a guy that doesn't mind taking Aunt Flo along for the ride?"

Shit. In dreams of peaceful coexistence with all of Hyne's creatures, forgot that I am on floor in midst of a very one-sided hormonal battle and Xu is too clever to miss something like this.

"Umm..."

"Don't you umm me, sister. Now hurry up so we can finish this meeting and grab a bite to eat. I'm starving."

Appears that an early lunch is now unavoidable. Shall force Xu to make dinner tonight to pay for disrupting plans to hide in office all day.