Present

They said few words to each other on the rest of the walk back, Rickon's lively chatter filled the silence between them. She was actually grateful for it since the champagne had really started to cloud her head and she feared what she might say in front of him anyways, she couldn't chance Rickon repeating anything to her parents. The further they walked the angrier she started to feel. She wasn't out of control, why did Jon feel the need to babysit her. It seemed they all just wanted to believe the worse of her, that she needed to be saved from herself. She knew that was why Jon was here now by her side, he didn't trust her or her judgement. If they only knew the sacrifices she had made to protect her family maybe they won't be so quick to judge her.

They left Rickon with the nanny, each giving him a goodnight hug and headed back into the main room of her parents' suite. Sansa walked to the bar and poured herself a shot of rum, she turned to face Jon and downed it, staring at him, challenging him.

"Are you sure that's wise?" He asked her.

"When everyone expects the worse why bother fighting it?" She said darkly. She turned back to the bottle and poured another shot. He seemed to cross the room in two steps and caught her wrist.

"I don't expect the worse from you. Now stop this," he commanded.

Sansa shivered, she couldn't remember the last time he had been so close to her. The heat rolled off his body, his scent overwhelmed her. They stared into each other's eyes, searching each other for something. Sansa lowered her eyes to glance at where his hand was searing into her wrist and then looked back into his face. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she suddenly felt the urgent need to kiss him. She tilted her head ever so slightly and Jon jumped back as if burned.

"Just as I thought," she said. Honor, duty, loyalty, that was all that was holding him here.

"Maybe we could take a walk," he offered, his voice softer now. He figured he could walk the booze out of her before helping her back to her room, there was no way they would be returning to the party now.

Sansa's stomach burned from the rum and she feared if she opened her mouth she might vomit, so she merely nodded her assent.

They left her parents' suite and headed for the beach. She stumbled a couple times before finally removing her heels, holding them out to him as an explanation. He had smiled at her and taken them without a word. Her stomach had stop burning but now the added alcohol was coursing through her veins, clouding her judgment.

They were essentially alone on the beach save for a few other couples taking their own moonlight strolls, the waves and the wind carrying away their voices. She wasn't sure if the rum had made her brave or foolish but she felt like she would burst if she didn't say the words that were rushing into her throat.

"You should know I was never an alcoholic," she blurted out and then laughed, "I know, you probably don't want to believe me after what you just saw, but it's the truth, I wasn't."

Jon stopped and regarded her carefully, he hated to think he was taking advantage of her tipsy state but she never talked to him about the past and he longed to clear the air. He hated to pass up the opportunity now; he feared when she woke tomorrow she might feel ashamed of tonight and she'd throw her walls back up. He decided to press forward.

"Maybe you weren't," he conceded, "but it felt like you were drinking a lot that year and your blood alcohol the night of….."

"I know what it looked like, but things aren't ever what they appear." She seemed distant then, like she was thinking of something completely different then what they were discussing. "Anyways, you were away at school. And you lost perspective."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't see me at those parties and honestly it's like you forgot how much everyone drank in high school. You, Robb and Theon spent nearly every Friday after games drinking. Did you forget Spring break, summers at the lake? We all drank Jon. I wasn't drinking anymore then you or Robb did at my age. I wasn't out of control."

Jon thought about that for a moment. She wasn't wrong, they did spend their fair amount of time at parties and had been known to pass some time drinking cheap malt liquor from the gas station down the road from Theon's, and they weren't addicted, just dumb teenagers.

"Maybe you have a point but you left me a lot of drunk messages that year, enough that I was concerned. You never acted like that before."

"It's not that strange for someone to call their ex after a few drinks," she countered. He flinched slightly at the word "ex," he didn't like to consider the way they parted that summer as being a contributing factor, though he'd thought that many times in the years since. "Also I had no need for drunk messages before, if I was buzzed and wanted to talk to you I use to be able to just walk in the other room."

Jon had never really considered that. He had just felt so terrible after her accident, questioning if he could've done anything to have prevented it, maybe it had skewed his perception.

"In case you're wondering I've forgiven you for rarely taking my calls," she smiled as if she'd told a joke.

"Sansa..."

"You know the thing that has always bothered me the most though is that you didn't come talk to me, after the accident, about your concerns. Why did you go to my parents before you came to me?"

"Would you have been honest?" She seemed hurt by his words but said nothing. "Anyways, you were hurt so badly and I felt racked with guilt, I thought I should've known, should've been able to prevent it. And I didn't want to upset you further when you needed to focus on healing."

"And you thought telling my parents that I had been heavily drinking for months would speed my recovery?" She sneered.

"I knew if I came to you that you would beg me to keep your secret. And I knew I would not deny you, I always kept your secrets," he shot back. They both knew he was referring to Joffrey. They had discussed it numerous times that summer, Jon had felt guilty for what had happened to her, that he hadn't put a stop to it or told someone after the pool house incident. "I couldn't run that risk again, what if I had and then something worse had happened? I was scared that when they told you what you'd done that it'd only get worse. I just wanted to help you, keep you safe."

She whispered something then, it was barely audible but it sounded like, "Yes, what I had done."

"I just wish you had given me a chance to explain, no one ever gave me a chance to explain," she sighed.

"Do you want to explain it now?"

She turned to face him, a strange look on her face, it was almost as if she'd never considered the option before now. "Not tonight," she finally answered.

"If I had known they were going to send you away I would never have gone to them. I wanted them to help you, not exile you. I hope you know that."

She said nothing and started to walk again. She seemed distant now, Jon wasn't sure if she was tired or if the rum had finally taken hold of her. They walked for awhile in silence, he was no longer sure what to say to her.

"Maybe I earned it, the exile," she said breaking the silence.

Her words upset him deeply. He turned so he was in front of her, dropped her shoes and grabbed her by her upper arms, demanding she look in his eyes.

"No, no you did not. You deserved to heal and recover where people loved you, you never should have been sent away. I'm so sorry for the part I played in that, I've always regretted that, you have to believe me."

Her lip trembled, he was finally saying the apology she had waited on for so long. She almost believed him, she wanted to believe him, it would feel good to believe him.

"Thank you for that," she whispered. "But if we're being honest maybe I got what I deserved."

"Why do you keep saying that? I don't understand. What do you mean?" He questioned her.

She looked up at the moon and then back to his face. "Maybe it was my penance Jon. I'd be foolish to think you can kill someone and not have to pay a price."