Shepard sat alone in a dive bar not too far from Alliance headquarters staring blankly into her glass. She'd completed N5 training the day before, and she was exhausted. The only thing keeping her awake were knowing that soon she'd start N6 training and finally achieve N7 status and the birthday tradition she'd adopted a year ago, as soon as she'd turned 21.

She came back to reality, idly picking up her glass and examining the amber liquid inside. An untouched glass of purple liquor sat on the bar next to her. Jane looked at it, sighed, clinked her glass against it, and mumbled into her drink, "Cheers, Garrus. Happy birthday. Somewhere out there, you're twenty. You wouldn't even be able to have the drink I got you."

If the bartender noticed the sad little toast, he said nothing, leaving her to sit in silence with her drink.

Jane remained there long after she emptied her glass, reminiscing. She had just vaguely thought how she should leave and do something productive when a voice asked, "Lieutenant Shepard?"

Jane turned to find a turian in Alliance armor standing behind her. She replied, "That's me. Can I help you?"

"Captain Anderson would like to see you in his office," the turian explained.

"What about?" Jane asked, puzzled. Anderson was a hero of the First Contact War, an incredible soldier, and on more than one occasion, a mentor to Jane. But he was a very, very busy man, and Jane knew she hadn't done anything recently worth his time.

"I'm just the secretary, ma'am. He didn't tell me, and I didn't ask," the turian shrugged. "But he asked that you come at your earliest convenience."

"That's now," Jane replied, suddenly eager to get out of the depressing, run-down bar. She hopped down from her stool, tossing a credit chit on the bar.

"There's no rush, ma'am. You can finish your drink," the turian said.

Jane laughed. "I can't drink that. Dextro liquor – I'd get sick. It's all yours."

"Ma'am?" the turian asked, surprised.

"I bought it for a friend, but he couldn't make it," Jane replied, wishing it wasn't a half-truth. "Must've been hard to find me in a place like this. You earned it."

"Thanks, ma'am," the turian nodded. He tossed back the drink like it wasn't pure liquor, shook his head against the sting, and said, "I'll show you to the Captain's office."


"You wanted to see me, sir?" Jane asked, knocking on her commander's door as she entered his office.

"Lieutenant," Anderson greeted. "Yes, I did."

"What about, sir?" Jane sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

"I wanted to talk to you about your N-School training," Anderson replied.

"What about it?" Jane pressed, confused.

"Shepard, your service history is nothing if not impressive," Anderson said. "You're the youngest solider in Alliance history to attend N-School. The fastest anyone's ever qualified for N7 designation was two years. If you stay on track, you'll have done it in one."

"Yes, sir," Jane nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

"It's not healthy, Shepard. We both know how demanding the training is. You've gone from level to level without any kind of shore leave or break. And it has me worried," Anderson went on.

Jane could feel a wave of panic washing over her. She asked, trying not to sound overly defensive, "What are you implying, sir?"

"I'm denying your request to begin N6 training, for your own good," Anderson replied. Shepard couldn't even open her mouth before he went on, "Your drive is admirable and I have no doubt you'll make an excellent N7. But if you keep up this pace, you're going to crack, and I'm not about to let one of the best young officers in the Alliance crash and burn so quickly."

Jane's head was spinning. N6 training…denied? She'd done everything that had ever been asked of her, and then some. She was a damn good soldier. There was no reason for Anderson to say no. He couldn't say no – every day Jane wasn't an N7 was a day she could hardly look for Garrus.

"Sir, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine," Jane managed. "I don't need leave. I do my best and feel my best when I keep myself busy. I…I don't want a break. I want to finish my training."

"I know," Anderson said, fixing Jane with a harsh, but paternal, look. "But you've got yourself so tightly wound you won't know anything's wrong until it's too late. You can protest all you want, but you're going to take at least three months off of training before I'll consider it again. N6 training is harder than the previous levels combined – I want you ready for it."

Jane stared blankly at Anderson, unwilling to accept it. Something was telling her it was now or never, and that was quickly slipping away to become a permanent "never."

"I am ready for it," Jane protested desperately. "Sir, I promise."

"Shepard. Give yourself a break – you've earned it," Anderson's tone indicated he was done arguing.

Jane clenched her hand into a fist, willing it to stop trembling. She wasn't giving up on this, just like Garrus had never given up on her. Anderson would change his mind. He had to.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with some other captains I should be heading to," Anderson said, breaking Jane out of her thoughts. "Stay here as long as you need."

"Sir, please," Jane finally managed as Anderson was almost out the door.

Anderson stopped, turning to face her again. Jane got up, trying her hardest to keep her composure – any dramatic show of emotions would just prove Anderson's point. But she needed this.

"You really are set on this," Anderson wasn't asking. "Why?"

"Sir?" Jane asked.

"If it were anyone else, I'd say they wanted the glory of N7 status, and being the person who did it the fastest. But not you – I know you never wanted to be a career soldier. So why are you so dead set on this?" Anderson clarified.

Jane took a deep breath. Anderson was willing to hear her out, at least. That was a good start, but it meant she had to be honest now. No one in the Alliance knew about Garrus or her personal quest to find him, and she had wanted to keep it that way.

But hiding wasn't going to get her anywhere anymore.

She took another breath to steel herself and asked, "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Always," Anderson nodded.

"And confidentially?" Jane added, confidence faltering.

"Of course," Anderson agreed. "Sit down if you need to, Shepard."

Jane contemplated it but managed to steady herself. "Sir, have you ever lost anyone you cared about?"

"Of course. You don't get to be my age, or my rank, without losing people," Anderson nodded.

It took a moment before the tightness in Jane's throat eased enough for her to be able to speak again. "Have you ever lost someone that means more to you than anyone or anything else?"

"Yes," Anderson replied simply. He paused and went on, voice full of concern, "Shepard, are you all right? I don't recall anything about loss of a spouse or family member in your file."

"Not a spouse, and not family," Jane clarified. "My best friend."

She paused, laughing bitterly. "That doesn't come close to describing how much I care about Garrus. But no, we weren't together."

Anderson regarded her curiously. "Garrus? That sounds like a turian name."

"It is," Jane nodded. "Garrus was my family's slave on Elysium. But I never saw him like that. We grew up together. He's the only person I can say I trust unconditionally. He's…my best friend."

"There's more to this story," Anderson commented.

Jane nodded again. "When I was at basic, my parents hit hard times. They sold him. I found out when I got home. Ever since then, I've been looking for him."

"It could take a lifetime to find one turian in this galaxy. Do you have any leads?" Anderson asked.

Jane shook her head. "No. They sold him to a slaver, and then he was gone. I've got nothing."

"And what does this have to do with N-School?" Anderson continued.

"You know as well as I do, sir, that N7s have access to more information and resources than just about anyone except Council Spectres. I think those resources can help me find Garrus," Jane explained.

"That's a hell of a long shot, Shepard," Anderson replied.

Jane sighed. "I know, sir. But it's my only shot, at least the only one I can see."

"And why is this so time-sensitive?" Anderson continued. "If you and your friend care about each other as much as it seems you do, he wouldn't want you running yourself into the ground like this."

"Garrus has suffered enough. His father died in the war and since then, he was enslaved, taken away from what was left of his family, and sold away from the only home he's really known. If there is anything I can do to shorten the suffering he's going through by even a day, I'm going to do it," Jane replied fiercely. "I don't care about records or glory or rest or anything like that. I only care about finding Garrus and doing my best to make up for all the shit he's been through."

Despite himself, Anderson smiled. "He's lucky to have a friend like you, Shepard. There aren't a lot of people who would go to lengths like this for a friend."

"Like I said, sir, he's more than just my friend. We've been through a lot together," Jane said.

The two officers regarded each other for a while, both in deep thought. After a very, very long silence, Anderson finally said, "Well, if you're sure, then I'll withdraw my paperwork. I'll have Tarquin get the ball rolling to get you enrolled in N6 training. But you have to promise me you'll take some shore leave when you're done."

"Thank you, sir. I promise," Jane replied, relieved. After a moment she asked, "Tarquin?"

"The turian I sent to get you," Anderson replied. When he saw Jane bristle, he laughed. "He's a free turian, Shepard. You aren't the only human in the Alliance who thinks slavery is wrong."

Jane nodded, relieved. Anderson went on, "I do have to get this meeting. Come back in a few days. Tarquin should have the paperwork done by then."

She took the hint and left, heading back to the hotel she was staying in. Her exhaustion from N5 training finally caught up to her; she was out cold as soon as she touched her bed.

Jane's dreams were fitful and fragmented, the kind of dreams one wonders if they even had the next day, the kind of dreams someone both exhausted beyond measure but determined to persevere has.

The only snippet she could recall when she woke was of her sharing a toast with a turian. It had been almost five years since she had seen Garrus, but she knew it was him.


It was barely dawn when Jane awoke again, utterly unrested from her fitful sleep. She had nowhere in particular to be at this hour, but she could feel a strange buzz of energy and excitement, as if the air itself was anticipating something.

Unable to fall back asleep, Jane got dressed and went for a walk – the chilly air was a welcome wake-up, and the city was still and peaceful. She wasn't sure when the last time she had simply gone out to appreciate the world like this was, but it had been far, far too long.

"Lieutenant," a familiar voice called.

Jane turned and saw Tarquin walking towards her, holding something that looked like coffee. She greeted, "Tarquin…Anderson didn't mention your rank."

"Petty Officer," Tarquin replied, waving her off. "Tarquin is fine, ma'am."

"What are you doing up this early?" Jane asked.

"I was about to ask you the same question, ma'am. I'm heading to work," Tarquin nodded at the building behind Jane. She turned – somehow, her wanderings had brought her back to Alliance headquarters.

"I was just out for a walk. Wasting time until my paperwork goes through," Jane explained.

"It's already done, ma'am," Tarquin replied.

Jane recoiled a little, surprised. "Anderson said it would be a few days."

"I couldn't help but hear part of your conversation," the turian said. When Jane flinched, he added quickly, "I'm sorry, ma'am. Didn't mean to eavesdrop. But hearing what you said about your friend, and everything you're trying to do for him…it means a lot to me. Not a lot of people, especially in the Alliance, give a shit about turians. Especially slaves. So when I heard you talking…I couldn't help it. I wanted to help. I did your paperwork as soon as you and the captain left. It's already been approved."

Jane couldn't remember a time when she was more appreciative of an eavesdropper. "Petty Officer, thank you. You really didn't have to. You could have gotten in trouble if Anderson found out you were listening."

"You didn't have to do anything you've done, either," Tarquin replied. "I'm not sure what you know about turians, ma'am, but despite everything, we're a damn proud species. If someone's going to go to extremes to help us, we'll do the same for them. Especially if it helps out another turian."

Jane smiled. "Thank you."

Tarquin's mandibles flared in a smile, an expression Jane hadn't realized she missed until she saw it again. "I'm rooting for you, ma'am. If there's anything I can do to help you and your friend, let me know."

"I appreciate it," Jane nodded.

She started to head into headquarters, prompting Tarquin to ask, "Ma'am? There's no paperwork or anything you need to do. You can finish your walk."

Jane turned and offered him a confident grin, reinvigorated by the prospect of being so close to her goal. "That was just because I had time to kill. But now that I'm cleared for training, it's time to kick some ass."

"Best of luck, ma'am," Tarquin nodded, smiling.

Jane smirked back, recalling another turian's words from a long time ago. "I don't need luck. I'm Jane Shepard – if there's anyone who can do this, it's me."