A/n: Good morning!
Well, I'm back from my holiday, if it can really be called that, and I had an awesome drunken time, doing little else apart from drinking lots and writing this. I've done no homework, and I have a huge amount, so I might not update for another week til I get it done.
I feel inclined to give a spoiler warning on this chapter; there's a lot of information used from
Eagle Strike so if you've not read it [yet], this will ruin it for you. Just to fore warn you all, (but I'm sure you've read it, since it the BEST in the series ;) lol)
This chapter's quite long, so yeah, it took me a long time to proof read it. I need to do some essays for college now, so I'm off haha, enjoy!

Confessions

The gentle Arizona wind bit at my ankles, exposed from under my leggings, as I stood with my arms crossed in the university car park. The time had just gone five past three and Cooper had text me to tell me he was on his way although he'd not yet arrived.

Today had been weird. I'd made a conscious effort to act as ordinarily as I possibly could, but in doing so, I felt more like people were watching me all the time and looking out for my sudden movements. Even now, I could sense a guy's gaze on me from a couple of floors above me in the student coffee café. It was incessantly uncomfortable, but I knew it was innocent and an image I was creating myself in my own mind. It had to harmless cos there was no way any of the students here could have made the link between me and Alex after only two days; however, the strange looks I was receiving were unnerving.

A now soft boom-boom found my ears as I realised Cooper was close by. He always played his dance music that loud when he was driving, and how he could concentrate on not crashing our beautiful little Matiz in the process was beyond me. He'd never once chipped the turquoise paintwork when reversing or clipped a kerb with me present, and the music was always way above my acceptable level. His awesome driving skills were another of his traits that infuriated me; how could he be such a good driver when he rarely travelled less than forty miles per hour? He rounded the corner of the car park at what must have been around thirty miles an hour and accelerated towards me at a rate I wouldn't have thought our small car even could. Now, the bass was roaring outside the car and it was nearly deafening me to hear it through the metal walls.

Taking off his belt, Cooper stretched across from the drivers' seat to unlock my door. Our car was quite technological, what with its CD player and electric windows, but it didn't have a central locking; something that gets easier to deal with as time goes by. We'd had the car for about half a year now, buying it when it became impossible for Cooper to do his driving instructors' course without a car to drive when he was at home. It was cheap to run because the engine was so small, a feature which annoyed Cooper, but was perfect for me, being an incredibly unconfident driver.

I opened the door and squatted down to take the passengers seat. He turned the volume down considerably as I fastened my seat belt and waited for him to set off. "How was college?" I asked, securing my shoulder bag on the floor and between my legs, and turning to look at him.

"Meh…" He mumbled, hurrying our poor car out onto the highway and stomping the pedal a little bit more. "How about your day?" He seemed to add the question as a second thought, but I appreciated his attempt to relax the awkward situation.

I shrugged, bending my arm around his at the gear stick to turn the heater up. The warm air blasted my face instantly and my legs felt hotter already. "Ok, I guess. It was pretty average. Professor Cullen says my magazine design assignment is getting a lot better, so I've got a little less work to do for that one."

He nodded and murmured a 'good' in my direction before returning all his attention to the road and causing my eyes to avoid the speedometer. The silence literally developed and enveloped the both of us, filling the atmosphere around us and forcing neither of us to make any effort to move. Cooper made his gear and pedal changes quietly and didn't once look my way, not even when he was turning. I hoped this wouldn't last long. Cooper's mild mannerisms and reservations were driving me insane.

He curved into our apartment block car park at a much lower speed than usual; whether it was in an attempt to talk to me, or plainly not to crash, I wasn't sure. There were a few more moments of quiet as he selected our usual parking spot, then he spoke.

"Will Alex be in the house right now?" He didn't look at me whilst he asked, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was because he was focussing on the forward parking. For once in my life, I averted the conflict over his annoying parking habit.

I nodded, but voiced my answer for his sake. "Yes, I think so. He'd have let me know if he was gonna go out."

"Sure." Cooper raised his head further towards the ceiling to manoeuvre the bonnet of the car as close to the railing as he could get, then he glanced at me, turning off the engine.

"I suppose we'd best stay in here for a while longer, then?" I raised the intonation of my voice to imply my question, gazing at him from where I was twisted in my seat. "I know I've got a lot of explaining to do…" I gave a small smile, reaching my hand across to loosen his crossed arms tight to his chest. He took one my hands, but looked down and didn't speak. I sighed. "I want to be honest with you, Cooper, honestly…" I began, staring deeply at him. I should have expected his interruption, but it surprised me.

"Then why won't you be? I don't get it, Sabina! You say you love me, but you can't tell me! It's crap!" He threw down my hand, lugging the chair back slightly so he could turn ninety degrees and face me. He brought his knee up underneath himself and glared me down. "If you won't even consider talking to me until Alex has gone, I might just camp at Chad's till then, cos I'm getting sick of this. It'll give you and Alex the privacy to talk shop alone and leave my mood at rest!"

I shook my head. "Cooper, please don't do this."

"Do what, Sabina?" His face was tilted towards me in a condescending fashion, further entailing his misunderstanding. "I can't comprehend what's so bad that you can't tell your own boyfriend! Is it something he's said?" He jerked a thumb idly towards our apartment block, obviously insinuating I might be sworn to secrecy by Alex. I was not, and I would not have Cooper thinking that.

I grasped at his flailing hand with my own in an attempt to calm him. He merely looked at me like I were stupid. "I want you to know and, I promise you, you will. Just not now. Isn't that enough?" My tranquil gaze should have relaxed him, however it failed.

"Not right here, it's not! It's just the two of us and you could quite easily reassure me, but yet you won't! What does it say about our relationship, Sabina, if you'd rather talk to your male friend who reappears after eight years of non-contact about your issues than either your boyfriend of over a year or your parents? I don't think you've got any idea how you're making me feel." He ranted on, breathing heavily between sentences.

I waited for him to finish before I replied. "Baby, I know this is difficult… and, let me tell you, its working. Believe me, I wish…" I trailed off after seeing the expression of grieve cross his face and stick at his eyes.

"This isn't a game, Sabina! I'm not going on at you because I think it'll make you talk to me! I want you to know why I can't be around you while he's here, not trying to force an explanation out of you!" His furious features leant towards me and held my stare as I hesitated.

My voice was low and almost none existent as I breathed. "What do you want me to say?"

He sighed, winding his fingers into mine and locking his vision on me. His reaction to my blank appearance shone through his face as his eyes widened and narrowed again to curl by the corners while he smiled. Staring down at our hands between us, he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't need to raise my voice at you to make a point… I know you'd listen anyway. I just…" His gaze returned to my face. Using his free arm, he gestured to me. "This isn't you, Sabina. This side of you isn't the one I'm in love with. All I ask is that you don't let the side I like slide away; I want to keep her, ok?"

I gave him a steady look before I stretched my body forwards and wrapped my arms around his back. "I won't. Alex is not staying; his aspect on my life won't need to exist for much longer. I'll always be me." I was raised above him, his head pressed into my chest over the hand brake. It was hardly practical, but it was necessary. He wouldn't talk this openly in the house so we needed to stay out here. It was comfortable enough; it just wouldn't look all that typical if someone happened to walk past the car.

He nodded, the bristly hair around his ears tickling the skin above the neck line of my dress. I smiled; my attraction for him hadn't distorted. That was something else I should have considered before now. Luckily, my experience with Alex hadn't changed my mind about Cooper. I loved him and it was still the same. I took a deep breath and had a brief moment the clear my thoughts before I began. At first, I didn't know what I was saying. "He saved my life." I leant back to let Cooper see my face. I wanted him to know I was being honest. "I- um…" I bent back in my seat and looked down at my feet. This was going to be difficult to phrase right. "When I was fifteen, which was when I met Alex… um, I had a run in with a famous English pop star who…" Could I really tell him? Would he believe me?

"Sabina, if you can't…"

"No, I want to." I butted in, squeezing his fingers. "It's just –hard. That part of my life was… difficult. It's why I moved out here. You should probably know." He nodded, looking up under his eye lashes with eyes that were concerned and anxious for my mental state. His smile was supportive. "Alex was in with some… weird people, I guess. Like he told you, we got to know one another at Wimbledon, and because we seemed to understand each other so well, I invited him to come surfing with me and my family. I asked him… about what he was – because he was so different to anyone else I'd met before and I wanted to know more about him. I had quite an unhealthy infatuation with him, actually. Anyway, he told me and I didn't believe him." I sighed, folding my hands around themselves in my lap and trying to hold Cooper's eyes. I couldn't do it; I was too scared what I was about to say would cause me to lose him forever.

"What's wrong? What was he?" Cooper was intrigued, but at the same time, making no attempt to push me; I could say 'no' at any time and he wouldn't complain.

"It's not what he was." I said, my glance turning rather melodramatic. "He still is. He works for the secret services… and has since he was about fourteen."

At first, he was dumbstruck and then, incredulous. His curious and confused eyes held me in such a shocked expression; I wondered how long it would take him to confidently speak. I kept my features straight, hoping that would help in believing my honesty.

"Seriously?" He flustered, shaking his head. "Fourteen? Are the British cops insane?"

I took a pause. "Cooper, baby, the part of my life involving Alex is just as far-fetched as Alex's himself, probably more; if you don't want to hear it, say so." I was unsure as to whether I'd pushed the boat out a bit too far already. Could he really handle what I was about to admit to him? I couldn't deal with the problems myself, how would I feel with him knowing?

He hesitated. "How the hell did he get a gig like that?" I noticed how he'd avoided my request. He wanted to know more.

"His uncle adopted him when he was a kid, and Alex found out later that he was also training him for the service. His uncle was killed when he was fourteen and he was about to be taken in by his house keeper when MI6 blackmailed him into doing a mission that only someone of his subtlety could manage. When he succeeded beyond their expectations, they kept him." Explaining Alex's life story was so complicated and I hoped I was doing a good job at diluting it. "I'd not seen him since I was fifteen when he turned up on Saturday."

Cooper nodded, encouraging me to continue although not speaking. "I remember the time he was with my family in France…" I sighed, burying my chin momentarily, and then turning back to him. His eyes were so intuitive as they stared into mine, looking for that glint that would warn him of my lying. He wouldn't find one. I sort of wished I was lying; the story was that unreal at times. "He'd already told me about his life, if only briefly." I smiled. "I didn't believe him to begin with. But one thing led to another, and he ended up on a different mission after disappearing from the holiday house."

"Where did he go?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure. France was… a difficult time for my family. It was the second time that Alex had come on holiday with us and my parents liked him. It started one sunny day when we were sunbathing. He vanished off for something to drink and came back totally different. He'd gone from being so relaxed to looking over his shoulder every two minutes and it scared me. Later that day, me and Alex arrived home after a day out just talking in the town and we found that there'd been an explosion at our house. My dad was seriously injured and had to be taken to hospital. Alex went all quiet. He insisted that there hadn't been a gas leak, like the police claimed was the problem, but someone bombing the house in a targeted attack. I got quiet angry with him and ended up leaving him so I could go to the hospital with my family. The police said they'd been looking after him for us, but he'd gone for a walk and never came back. I didn't hear from him for another week or so."

"What does all this have to do with you?" Cooper's fingers, intertwined with mine, squeezed gently, showing his gentle encouragement. "Why would he get you involved?"

"He didn't have a choice. When I saw him again, we sat down and he talked for about an hour, telling me everything that had happened to him so far. He tried to take me to the headquarters of MI6 because I made it obvious I didn't quite believe him. His agency didn't back him up, pretending they didn't exist, so, at the time, I accused him of immaturity and walked away from him, thinking I'd never see him again. I vowed that I wasn't going to get engrossed in his world again; I didn't want all the drama that his mind seemed to create.

"A few days after, I was visiting my dad in the hospital for the first time and I got lost." I sighed, looking down and closing my eyes. "I was so stupid…" I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I tried to explain the experience I'd spent so long blocking out. "I… I found the nearest doctor I could and asked for directions. The guy told me he was going the same way, so I followed him. He chatted to me really naturally and… and… he had a white coat and a…" I gesticulated to my neck. "Stethoscope with him. I just… I can't believe I could be that brainless! It was so dumb…" I felt his arm take my shoulder to reassure me. He wouldn't judge me; I was sure. "He led me to an ambulance bank and… and there was someone waiting." It was strange to be attempting to be remember the events that took place on that day. "They drugged me and I was taken away in the ambulance. The injection only paralysed me; I was aware of everything that was happening."

As I had a pause, Cooper took to holding me. I leant back against the car door, and he shimmied across the hand brake to share my seat. I rested my head against his shoulder and cried. I knew he'd heard my blubbering when his touch tightened and he twisted to kiss my hair. "Sabina…" He rubbed his hands across my arms and shook me very gently in a calming gesture. "Sab, it's ok. Maybe we should leave it there?" There was hesitation behind his words and in his gaze.

"No." I said, shaking my head. "If you're ever going to know the full story, I'm only going to have to think about it all over again. I'd rather get it all out in the open now so that I never have to remember it all over." My voice sounded croaked, but he nodded and fell silent as he continued to soothe my trembling body. I swallowed. "I had no idea where they were taking me. I'd been driven for about an hour before we stopped. I recall wondering if they intended on switching the ambulance; it didn't exactly blend in with the everyday traffic on the roads, but they didn't. We'd arrived at the house and I was carried inside where I came face to face with the man Alex claimed had had my father blown up. All the pieces seemed to slot into place and I realised what a big mistake I'd made. Damian Cray – I'm not sure if you'll know him, he might not have been too famous over here-"

Cooper gave a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, he damn well was. That charity guy, right? Performing to raise money for Asian kids? Wow, didn't he die in a freak plane accident when he was flying out to Malaysia?"

"Not quite…" I sighed. "He wasn't all that nice a man actually. He wasn't too polite when I stayed with him, although, it's safe to say I gave as good as I got." I half smiled at the slight discomfort I'd caused my captor. "Alex came for me after only a few days of my being imprisoned. Cray was trading my life for a device important for his scheme. Alex had managed to steal it, forcing Cray to take action against Alex's guilty side." That brief event in my time with Damian Cray, with Alex and the Russian man in the lounge… with the kitchen scissors, was one of the scariest periods in my entire life so far. I've never felt so incredibly helpless and worthless in the whole of my existence. I didn't think Cooper needed to hear the gory details any more than I wanted to speak them aloud. Both Cray and the Russian man were dead; the events of that room would be a secret me and Alex would share between us until the day we both died. A morbid thought that, strangely, filled me with a strong sense of gratitude for Alex that I'd not realised had been present for a while. "Alex came for me, he brought the gadget the Cray wanted and he tried to rescue me." I took a break to have a deep breath.

"Alex tried to get me free without giving in, at first, saying that if they let me go to a hotel or something then ring him to tell him I was safe, he'd hand the machine over. Cray didn't bite and… eventually convinced Alex to reconsider."

"Huh?" Cooper's voice still sounded curious, but he wouldn't hear anymore about Alex's decision this time. "How the hell did Cray manage that? Alex isn't stupid, why would he give in?"

"He was pushed… he tried, though." I averted my eyes, staring down at my hands.

"Oh." Realisation came into Cooper's face and he didn't push the subject any further.

I nodded, extending my fingers to clasp his. "Yeah. I don't really wanna talk about it. That wasn't the end though, and Alex had known it wouldn't've been. Cray told us about what the device did and how he was intending on using it to shoot missiles at numerous third world countries internationally to stop the production of drugs. He was insane…"

He sighed, twisting my body to face him and holding me closely. "Sabina, it's ok." He shuffled, turning the lock on the door beside us. I was halfway wondering if he was concerned the door wouldn't hold our weight, when he inclined my chin to face him. I could feel the tear stains down my cheeks and knew I'd look hideous. "It's over now, isn't it? Is that why you had to move out here?"

"Sort of… my family were nearly as shook up as I was, and when my dad was offered a journalism job out in California, he took it without a second thought. We all wanted to get away from the memories and start anew. There was more, though…" I wanted to carry on, to get it all out in the open, but Cooper placed his hand on the back of my head and pressed my face into his shoulder.

"No, Sabina, I think you need to stop." He cooed.

"Baby, I can't. I thought you wanted to know?"

"So did I… I didn't think it was this… big, I guess. I'm sorry I made you talk about it, it's obviously upsetting you." He took hold of my shoulders and made me really look at him. "I only want you to do one thing for me, can you do that?" He seemed to go back into his baby voice, making sure I heard him correctly. I nodded and waited for him to continue. "If any of this ever troubles or distresses you again, I want you to tell me. Seeing you like this, it hurts me, babe. I never want to have to witness you reminiscing this alone, do you understand me?"

I had to think twice about what he'd just asked. If I ever happened to feel down and out about my past experiences again, he wanted to me to speak to him about it. Even though he didn't know the full story, he wanted me to be happy, so he'd listen. I nodded again, never taking my eyes away from his, and smiled. "I love you. Thank you so much."

He didn't speak another word, he just held my gaze. The moments were comfortable as we simply stared and did nothing more. We didn't have many splashes of time like this together, so we both wanted to take advantage. I could remember the first time he'd stared at me with those eyes, and it'd been our first kiss.

Cooper and I had been seeing one another for a while now, maybe a few weeks, but all we seemed to do was talk. I was content with our relationship so far; I just wondered whether it was only me that wanted to take it further. He rang me almost every night and we'd be on the phone for hours. We'd been out to eat a couple of times, but it was difficult in restaurants because he'd always offer to pay and I didn't like it.

It was half nine in the evening and my day had been hellish. I'd been working since ten this morning and I was so ready for my bed, it was almost ridiculous. I didn't mind that I was always the first person Hailey came to for overtime or cover shifts, but eleven and half hours? I was getting ready to shoot myself when the old man with his wife complained that his peas were 'the wrong shade of green'. The last portion of the night, Cooper had been in, so when I'd had my mental break down after I'd written an order slip in the wrong colour pen and the chef had shouted at me, he'd been there to sort my head out, if only for a few seconds. I was in dire need of a good nights sleep.

"Are you finally going home?" I heard Cooper's angel voice from behind me as I drew my coat over my shoulders.

I nodded, concentrating on filling my pockets with my valuables; it wouldn't be the first time I'd forgotten them and had to walk back again to get my phone. "Yes, and I'm soooo glad."

"You did really good today, Sab, I know it's been a hard day for you." He smiled. "Why do you agree to such stupid shifts?"

His impish grin ironed onto my mind; I smiled back in his direction. His eyes looked so… respectful as they stared at me in a way I'd never seen before. My face went blank for a minute. In reply to his previous question, I didn't think he'd accept my money problems as an explanation. If I'm honest, I worked so much because I was lonely. My apartment was quite big for just me living there. I was considering getting a house mate. I didn't think he'd believe that either; I decided to save it for another conversation at a different time.

"What can I say? I'm just generally lacking in common sense." Poking fun at yourself is the only way to get through insanity, in my opinion.

"Well, yeah." I hadn't realised that he'd got closer to me and was standing only a foot or so away, moving more proximal with the passing moments. His gaze continued to penetrate my face and I started to twist my hands over one another in my insecurity.

"What?" I asked, curious about his stare. "Have I done something?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Nahh, it's me, I should've done something and I haven't."

"Oh, right, ok." I turned back to the small locker we used for valuables and checked I'd not left anything, but was surprised to feel his hands touch my right hip. I only had to incline my neck slightly to the left to get an eye full of his solemn face, only inches from mine.

"No, Sabina, I'm serious." His voice was low and matched the way he was looking at me completely. The moment was almost perfect as he cleared the small gap between us and kiss me ever so lightly. "I should have done that a while ago, and now I have."

It was strange to think about mine and Cooper's relationship that far back in time. We'd come such a long way over the last year and a half that I couldn't possibly manage to think how I'd lived without him.

As he had done back then, he moved slowly towards me as his eyes studied me a little bit more. I was sure of myself as I stretched my own lips towards his and felt his kiss with a different surprise as I had to our first. His urgency wasn't as pronounced as it usually was and he deepened the kiss slower than normal. I felt his skin at the back of my head and twisted my neck to let him know it was ok. As his mouth parted and he changed the direction of our heads, I felt the resolve return to the kiss, his determination to make me happy.

"Sabina," He breathed my name, moving his lips back to mine briefly and speaking again. "I need to ask you something; will you promise not to overreact?" He didn't wait for my reply, but I knew what he was going ask before he'd even muttered a word. "Baby, I love you with every part of my body, and what you've just said… it's beyond words; I can't believe your trust in me and… I don't know, I've wanted to ask you this for a few months, and now, it seems right." His forehead leant against mine and I could feel the air coming from his lungs in my own gawping mouth. "Sabina Pleasure, will you marry me?"