Just a reminder. In and out of Canon


"Katherine Darling! So glad to see you" The voice of the Broadway diva filling the loft causes Kate to stop short at the threshold. Her planned attack on Castle halted before it could even begin to formulate in her mind

"Martha?" A startled Beckett says in a voice filled with question

Castle's eyes are frozen looking at Kate. He is having trouble pulling his mind down to a point where he can accept that she is actually standing here, at his loft, in his doorway

Rick finally looks between the two women then settles his eyes on his mother. He gives her a look that definitely tells the woman that she needs to leave the immediate area as quickly as possible

Martha accepts the obvious silent request from her son then walks briskly to the kitchen counter and drops her wine glass. She then moves toward the entrance and announces, as she steps around the pair still frozen in the opening

"Richard, Katherine I need to be going now. I have a class at my studio that I need to attend to, so you two take care of whatever it is that you need to take care of and I will See you two later. Ta Ta"

Martha very hurriedly exits the door but before she disappears she gives Castle a glare that tells him he better take care of this situation and not delay it any longer

Rick turns back toward his guest and indicates for Kate to come in and leads her toward the couch at the center of the loft. He turns toward his visitor "May I take your jacket?"

Kate's mental thoughts are brought to a halt by Rick's comment. From the moment she decided to come to his loft she had been working out what she planned to say and how she would say it. One option that she also considered was to just grab him and tell him that she heard him at the cemetery and what it meant to her and how much she wanted to hear those words and that she felt the same thing but…

"OH! No I will keep it on. I will not be staying long"

Why did she just tell him that she would not stay long when she really wanted to spend hours with him here today?

He indicates to Kate that she may sit down and she does

"Would you like something to drink?" Castle asks

"UH! No. I am fine thank you" is her troubled response. It is evident to Castle that she has something on her mind and she is having difficulty in dealing with the words she needs to say

He is positive that she is here to tell him that she wants him to go away, stay away, and to just keep out of her life and leave her alone. She has on more than one occasion reminded him that it seems to her that he cannot keep out of her private life.

She probably has already filed a restraining order against him and is here today to serve it on him herself.

"To what do I own this visit?" Castle asks as she sits himself down at the couch facing her location

"Castle I know that I left you out in the cold after I was shot but I needed time to sort some things out in my head"

Castle listens to her and is trying to not comment

"There was so much that happened and I just couldn't deal with everything that went on"

She is trying to not bring up his confession of love as part of what is driving her issues

"I needed time. I know I told you I would call you but I just needed to sort it all out first"

Castle translates her comment in his mind 'Needed to deal with what happened? HUH? I guess that means she is trying to find a way to tell me she heard me and wants no part of that'

"I needed to get some healing done"

"Josh help you with that?" Castle says with a sharp tone that came out harsher than he meant for it so sound

She takes a deep breath "We broke up"

Rick finds his own heart beating faster with the words just spoken. OK but does that mean she broke up with Josh and has already found someone new and I need to move on like I had already planned to do?

"OH! I'm sorry. I know you really liked him"

"Yeah I did" She looks at Rick and she can definitely see the hurt in his eyes "but it wasn't enough"

"After my mom was killed I built up this wall and until I deal with her murder and this wall comes down, I can't have the kind of relationship I want"

She is trying to tell Castle her deepest feelings but it is coming out in code as it always does.

"That special kind of relationship with a man. A man who has always been there for me and I will always be there for him. A relationship where we can be open to each other and never hide things from each other. Tell one another our deepest secrets. Our secret desires and hopes. A man who will always have my back, no matter what"

What is she saying to me today? Is she talking about me or some other man? Rick is still trying to understand her code. He has for the past four years been able to pull small pieces off the Beckett onion but never a complete layer and today is no different.

"I understand that you kept digging into evidence about the killer?"

"Yes I did but I handed it over to Espo to give to you. Did he not give you the file?"

"Lanie gave it to me. Esposito gave the file to her. They had it to keep it away from Gates. Rick you didn't have to keep digging into this you know?"

"I was your partner, your friend. That's what partners do"

"Rick, I still want you to be my partner and my friend"

OK Those words were perfectly clear. I see how it is now. She wants me to stay a friend and partner. But that's all she wants from me. I wanted so much more but….

Alright then I will have to do just that. Smith said that I have to keep her away from her mother's case or they will try to kill her again. Since her case is also mine I will keep digging. I just won't tell her. If I get closure for her I get closure for myself too. She wins and I win

"Kate, if you read the file you know that I ran into a dead end on the bank records. A fire destroyed all the files"

"Can we start there and see who else is involved in the cover up of the fire"

"What cover up? The fire was old wiring"

"Are you sure?"

"That's what the evidence shows"

She is now torn between the wall surrounding her heart caused by her mom's case and her desire to be a complete woman with the man she knows that wants her.

Her voice gets lower "OK! Can you promise me that we will keep digging into her case?

"I promise"

"Thank you"

"Always"

She pauses briefly at that word. Then she stands up and walks toward his door and he follows. She stops with her fingers on the handle and turns to face him

She leans into his face then speaks in a low almost whisper "Thank you Rick" and then places a kiss on his cheek

She steps out to the hallway and he closes the door and leans back against the frame

Castle's heart begins to race and he can feel his eyes begin to burn

OH MY GOSH! She had to say and do that! That is exactly the same words and action I experienced those many years ago