Quirk of Fate
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you for the kind reviews. Nikki
Part Ten-Painful Truths
Charlie and Bella sat opposite Billy. Neither of them said anything, waiting for the other man to begin speaking first. Jake had taken Shannon out for a while so they could have some privacy, Bella didn't want her daughter overhearing bits and pieces about the attack by Jane and the others. Shannon had limited memories of what had happened that day and Bella wanted to keep it that way. It took a while for Billy to find the right words to tell them how sorry he was. He looked imploringly at his old friend for understanding but found none. Charlie was not going to make this easy on him, and rightly so.
"I can't find the right words to tell you how sorry I am for what happened." Billy began. He saw Charlie stiffen; Bella reached out for her father's hand and squeezed it gently. Her skin had paled and she looked a little under the weather, he wasn't aware that Bella was still suffering the aftereffects of her hangover and he put it down to her ambivalence at his presence. "I wish that I had never let my stubbornness and hurt pride get in the way of my good judgement. Jake reminded me today that he is a man and can make decisions for himself, and he is right. When you left to get married, Bella, and after seeing how this affected Jake, I just couldn't find it in my heart to forgive you. "
"I never wanted to hurt Jake…I…" Bella put her hand on her chest and tried to stifle her tears as she was plunged back into the past.
"I know that." Billy paused for a second, he wasn't saying things right, but he forged ahead anyway. They deserved an explanation for his behaviour. "I know you were in a difficult position, it was just very hard for me to understand how you could love a cold one and reject my son. Jake loved you so very much, so much more than a kid his age was want to do. What you two shared was beyond what I've ever seen, the connection you had, to see you walk away and essentially abandon him when he needed you the most, when he had nearly died protecting you, it stung, it really did, and made me feel bitter and angry."
"I wish I could explain my decision to you." Bella cried out. "I assure you it was agony walking away from Jake. It really was, because I did love him, I told him so, but there was something pulling me to Edward, I wish I could put it into words how he affected me, what being with him did to my mind." Tears began to flow down her face as she tried to understand her own past actions. Now what she had done seemed unthinkable, but back then being immortal and being with Edward for eternity was the one thing she seemed to crave.
"You don't have to explain, kiddo." Charlie said gently as he put his arm around her. "Not if it distresses you this much."
"But I do." Bella whispered; her voice full of pain and regret. "I need to explain to you." She squeezed his hand again. "And to Billy. He's right, the choices I made hurt all those I loved. I was selfish, Edward once described me as his drug, but I think it was more the other way around. Did I really love him? Or was I addicted to him? I fell apart when he left. I was like an addict going through an intense withdrawal. I couldn't function without him there to make me dance. He had become my whole world. I know I pushed you away, dad." More tears rolled down her face, Bella's head was aching not just from her hangover but the heavy guilt that she had been carrying like a burden for so many years.
"It's okay, kiddo." Charlie hugged her again as she rested her head on his shoulder. Billy looked grave; his dark eyes were moist as if he too was trying not to cry.
"Jake was my anchor during that dark time of my life. He pulled me back from the brink, and when I was on the cusp of recovery, Edward slammed back into my life and once again I was lost. My drug was back and I was still too weak to fight against it, even though Jake did his best to save me. The problem was he couldn't save me. I had to do that myself. It was only as I matured that I began to realise what forever meant, what love meant. By then it was too late and I felt I had burned my bridges as far as coming home was concerned. Then Shannon was born…" Bella wiped her tears away with the back of her hand as she looked directly at Billy. "So I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for making you carry the burden of anxiety over what I did to Jake. I understand why you made the decision that you did. Part of me still resents you for not putting the needs of an innocent little girl before your own feelings, but I forgive you, and in time my resentment will go, as I hope your resentment toward me will fade."
"Thank you, Bella." Billy choked out; he finally let his tears fall from his eyes. "Charlie?" He said falteringly. Thus far his best friend had not spoken to him directly.
Charlie's lips thinned. He didn't reply for a long time but when he did his answer was brief. "We have been friends since childhood and I always thought that the one person who would never lie to me was you. I'm sorry Billy. I want to say great, everything's fixed, but right now I can't. I am still too fucking angry at your betrayal. You put tribal politics before our long-time friendship. My daughter's life and emotional wellbeing was at stake and you never told me the truth. If I had known then perhaps I could have saved her. I'm not ready to forgive you yet, maybe one day, but not yet."
Billy felt a lump come up into his throat. Charlie's response was about what he expected, although it didn't mean that it hurt any less. At least Charlie had given him the chance to apologise, and he was thankful for that. "I understand." He replied huskily. "When you feel ready to see me, I'll be here."
Charlie nodded; there was nothing left to say.
Shannon chattered happily as she skipped along at Jake's side. First of all he took her to the diner and bought Shannon some fries and a burger for himself. They strolled along eating their food, Shannon giggling when he got ketchup down his chin. "You're messy."
"That's me." Jake had ruffled her hair as he began to point out the different buildings that they passed and the history behind them. Shannon asked him some pertinent questions about his own heritage. It was at times like these that she seemed older than her years. Some of his answers were overcomplicated but she seemed to understand what he was trying to say.
"I wish I had friends." She said eventually, taking him completely by surprise.
"You have friends." Jake hunkered down in front of her, Shannon looked sad; her eyes were far away as she shook her head. "You have me, Rachel, Paul, your Granddad and your mommy."
"No, I mean friends my age." Shannon said wistfully. She was gazing over his shoulder. Jake turned around to see a young family walking toward the diner. A four year old girl, with brown pigtails was holding onto her mother's hand. "Like that."
"I see." Jake turned back to her. "You will one day, Shan. I promise. You're settled now, which means you'll be able to make friends with girls like her." He smiled at her to try and charm her back into cheerfulness, but it didn't work.
"No, they'll think I'm weird." Shannon hung her head. "I am weird. I sense things, and when I talk about them, they pull faces."
"But you haven't been around other young kids your age. How do you know how they would react?" Jake asked gently.
"Yes I have." Shannon picked at a speck of dirt on her jeans and scuffed her shoes on the floor. "When we lived in Seetle, mommy had a man friend and his daughter didn' like me. She called me weirdo and a liar and pulled my hair cos I told her I could see things." Her words came out in a rush, and tears pooled in her eyes at the memory.
Jake was taken aback. Bella had a man friend in Seattle? That had to mean boyfriend. She had mentioned briefly when they had first reconnected that she had been living in Seattle, that was where she had been heading back to before he persuaded her to come to La Push. But not once had she mentioned having a male friend or whatever he was. He had just assumed she had remained single the whole time. Then something else occurred to him, an innocent phrase Shannon had said 'I like this one,' when she was referring to him. How many had there been? His stomach churned and he had to force himself to remain focused as Shannon was still upset.
"Hey, that girl sounds spiteful and jealous. Just try and put her out of your mind. You're not weird; you're just fine as you are, okay." Jake put his hands on her shoulders and smiled encouragingly. "You will meet some other girls or boys your age and they'll love you."
"Really?" Shannon said doubtfully.
"Really." Jake replied firmly. He stood back up and reached for Shannon's hand. It was time they were getting back. His head was full of what he had learned and he wished he could get the idea of Bella with another man, a human man, out of his head. He hadn't been good enough all those years ago for her to toss the bloodsucker to one side, but she had seemingly got over this if she had managed a relationship with another in the intervening years. Jealousy mixed with hurt took hold of his heart and it only grew the closer they got to the Swan house.
Jake collected his father, he was glad to see that though Billy still looked a little sad, he also seemed calmer. Issues had been aired and although there was still hurt on both sides, it appeared that a resolution would come with a little more time. Shannon was happy to be home; she flung herself into Bella's welcoming arms and hugged her.
"I missed you, mommy."
"Missed you too, baby." Bella kissed the top of her head before smiling gratefully at Jake. But he seemed to avoid her eyes. Instead he nodded curtly and began to push his dad's chair toward the front door. Bella frowned, what was wrong with him? "Um…see you later then?" She questioned worriedly. He was still avoiding her eyes and was instead focusing solely on Billy, his shoulders were tense and she knew him well enough to know when he was stewing on something. She wished she knew what she had done to upset him. Was it because of Billy? She thought she had tried to explain her actions the best way she could. He had been fine earlier.
"I'll call you." Was all he said as he helped his dad into the car and then drove away without looking back.
He didn't call.
A/N-thanks for reading!
