Me: The Christmas special. Well, half of it. Joel and Leo show up in the other.

Miles Henderson: Uh, anon...Anoni...Anonymous Fanz... Does not own... any South Park...Car...Characters...mentioned in the...story. He only owns...My family. *passes put*

Me: someone had to much alcohol.

...

Jack walks into the kitchen to get lunch. "Hey! Are there any cookies or something? I haven't had any since the house got destroyed." Ellie said. "Yeah." Jack said. "Can you get me some?" Ellie asked. "No." Jack said. "What?! Why?" Ellie asked. Jack walked over to a table, carrying a sandwich. "Why are you always a dick on Christmas?" Ellie asked. "It started several years ago." Jack said.

...

Five years ago, at the end of a normal school day.

"Kyle, you can't go to the Christmas party. Your a Jew!" Cartman said. "What's going on?" I asked. "Kyle says he's going to the Christmas Party next week, but he can't, because he's a Jew." Cartman answered. "So?" I asked. "Jew's don't celebrate Christmas." Cartman said. "Why?" I asked. "Because we don't believe in Christ." Kyle said. "So? I don't believe in Christ, but I celebrate Christmas every year." I said. "That doesn't make any sense." Cartman said. "Isn't Christmas about giving to others?" I asked. "No!" Both answered. "It's about receiving." Cartman said. "No, it's about the conceiving of Christ." Kyle said. "Ok, now you guys are just making me really confused." I said. Kyle and Cartman began arguing what Christmas was about.

...

"And that's why you hate Christmas?" Ellie asked. "No. Let me finish my story!" Jack yelled.

...

We started asking other people what Christmas was about. "Butters, wha do you think is Christmas about?" Cartman asked. "Uh, well I think Christmas is about giving to others." Butters said. "What are you talking about? Christmas is about the conceiving of Jesus Christ." Some guy from the Church said. "No, it's about getting gifts!" Grandpa yelled. "I thought it was about being together with your family." Some woman said. And the n people started gathering, arguing over the meaning of Christmas. Eventually, the police came to stop them from hurting people. "Alright, everyone calm down! What are you all arguing about!" Dad yelled.

"They don't realize Christmas is about the conceiving of Christ." One guy said. People started arguing again. "What?! Your arguing over the meaning of Christmas? Incase you haven't realized, some people don't celebrate Christmas, and celebrate some other holidays. Like the Jews with Chanukah. It doesn't matter if some one is celebrating for different reasons for you. What matters is that you both respect each other's beliefs, and don't try to force them on each other. That's why the saying Happy Holidays exists. So you can say the same thing to people, no matter what they believe in." Dad said.

"So what is Christmas about?" I asked. "It's about three things. The birth of Christ, family, and giving to others." Leonard said. "Aw, god damn it!" Cartman said. "What?" Dad asked. "He was the only one who was wrong." I said.

...

"I still don't understand." Ellie noted. "I don't like Christmas, because it doesn't have any true meaning. Everyone is getting excited and celebrating for the wrong reasons. It's not because of the meaning of a holiday. It's just because of what they DO on that holiday." Jack explained. "Wait, isn't that the same thing as Halloween?" Ellie asked. "Yeah. Except people don't make a big deal about Halloween." Jack answered.

...

"There is so much wrong with Santa. First of all, his name is remixed from SATAN. Second, I'm pretty sure he rapes kids in their sleep. Third, he basically breaks into people's homes, which is illegal. Fourth—" Ellie fell asleep while Jack was still ranting about Christmas.

Leonard returned, with Rachael Henderson. "Jack! You've grown bigger since I last saw you." Rachael said. "I grow bigger every day. That goes with out saying." Jack replied. "Yeah, he does this every Christmas." Leonard noted. "Well, tomorrow, we're opening presents, so I hope you sleep well." Rachael said.

...

Jack woke up, to see a The kid Ellie met in the Void, but he was now transparent.. "Who the hell are you, and why are you here?" Jack asked. "Yeah, I'm here to try and help you stop being a dick every Christmas of your life." He answered.

"Nope! I'm not doing this." Jack shouted. "What?" The other kid asked. "Charles Dickens "a Christmas Carol". Next thing I know, the three Ghosts of Christmas are going to be here." Jack said. "No. This is different." The kid promised. "How?" Jack asked.

"Well first, I came from the future, not the past. Second, you don't know who I am, unlike that other guy, the one that knew Scrooge. I don't remember that part of the story well." The kid explained. "I don't care." Jack replied. "Third, I'm not a ghost." The kid finished. "I don't care." Jack repeated. "Let's just go." The kid said.

...

He teleported them to the past Christmas Jack explained to Ellie. "Look at that angry mob you helped start." The kid said. "You used to like Christmas. What happened?" He asked.

"I liked giving presents. But that was before I realized how much people suck." Jack answered. "Is it really about other people?" He asked. "Yes, it is." Jack answered. "Is it?" He asked again. "Yes. It. Is." Jack repeated.

...

Jack was now at a post office, somewhere. A kid wearing an orange hooded jacket had three presents shipped to Jack's old house. "Who is that?" Jack asked. "Troy Henderson. Your older brother." He said.

Jack attempted to run to him, but he was grabbed by the other kid, then they teleported to the remains of his old home's basement. "What the hell?!" Jack yelled. "If you speak to him, you could cause some changes in the timeline that you may regret. Troy has to remain lost for a reason." The kid said.

"Fuck you...Who ever you are." Jack said. "Jacob. My name is Jacob." He said. "I don't care!" Jack said. "Your just dragging me all over the place, for what? Why are you doing this? Why is it so important to you that I don't hate Christmas?" Jack asked. "I can't tell you because it involves future stuff, but it is important. I mean really important! I'm trying to stop something from happening." Jacob said.

"This is another reason I hate Christmas. Everyone expects me to suddenly 'be a nice person' for a few days. I don't get why? Why?!" Jack said. "I can't tell you. I Have to show you." Jacob said.

...

Jack was brought to the apocalyptic future. "This is what happens if you remain a cynical little bastard. You destroy the earth, and most of humanity." Jacob said. "Maybe I should." Jack replied. "Why?" Jacob said. "Because Humans don't deserve to live. They massacre, manipulate, molest, and mutilate everything they touch. They're all selfish bastards motivated by self-interest. Even when they're nice to other people, it's because it makes them feel better. They think they're the greatest thing that exists. That's because they destroy everything else." Jack ranted.

Jacob realized he was only making Jack more cynical, and increasing the chances of this apocalyptic future. "Forget it. All of this." Jacob erase Jack's memory of this adventure.

...

Jack woke up. The first thing he did was go eat cereal. "Jack, you are probably the only person on the planet that doesn't open their presents, first thing in the morning." Ellie noted. "I don't care." Jack repeated.

"Now that Jack's here, I can open them right?" Ellie asked. "Wait until he's done with his cereal first." Leo said. As soon as Jack was done, Ellie began ripping open her presents.

Someone began knocking on the door. "Who is it?" Leo asked. "I'm back." Miles said. "Miles? What the hell?" Leo asked. "They released him, because he was proven not guilty." Rachael said. "Why didn't you tell me?" Leo asked. "Because I wanted it to be a surprise." She answered.

"I also bought some presents. Cost me a lot of money." Miles said. "Where did you get money?" Leo asked. "Rachael sued the crap out of some police officers because they arrested me without any evidence linking me directly to the crime." Miles said. Then why did they arrest him?

"I could use some right now. My house was wrecked last thanksgiving. I'm stuck renting a garage belonging to some poor family that makes money off poorer people renting said garage." Leo noted. Leonard asking Miles for money is rare. "Sure, I can give you some, but I used most of it on the presents. I got twenty-something dollars or so left." Miles replied. Miles having money is rarer.

"Why don't I ever get cool stuff." Ellie asked, after opening all her presents. "If I got a Christmas list, like I usually do each year, I would have been able to help you with that." Miles replied. "All he got was stuff from the list we sent him last year." Jack explained.

"Well the important part is that we're all here as a family." Leo said. "Dad, can you take a photo of us all together?" Miles asked. "Sure." Joel said. He was given a camera, which he began messing with as soon as it was in his hands. "Press the big button to take the picture." Miles said. Joel just pressed it. "Your supposed to wait until we say cheese." Rachael said. "Don't tell me how to take a photo! If you wanted it done right, you should have taken it yourself." Joel ranted.

"Cheese!" Joel took the photo again. "Well that looks much better." Leo said. "Except Jack isn't smiling." Rachael said. "He's a lost cause. Don't bother him." Leo said. "Yeah. I've been trying for almost ten years. It's a waste of time." Miles said. As everyone left, Jack grabbed the photo. And for the first time For as long as he could remember, he smiled.