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Chapter Ten: When Life Gives You Lemons...write sad poetry.
The red and white Umbrella blimp breaks through the clouds, slowly puttering through the sky. Carlos Oliviera glares intensely through the front viewport, gripping the wheel tightly. All of a sudden, a chair falls out the side hatch of the blimp, tumbling through open air as it falls.
"Hehehehehe...oops." Hunk chuckles again and pushes a crate out of the blimp cabin with his foot. Nikolai just sort of stares uncomfortably at the man, adjusting his M-16 nervously.
Mikhail has apparently locked himself in the bathroom, and has resorted to eating the toilet paper.
Rodrigo, meanwhile, is still asleep in his chair. "Hemostat...Flinstones Kids Vitamins...chewy...zzzz...keep us strong...and grooowing..." he mumbles in his unconscious state, scratching his mustache briefly.
"I'm f-...I'm freakin' out, man," Nikolai stutters, wiping a hand down his face. Cabin fever has apparently hit him pretty hard. "I gotta get outta here..."
"Hehehehe...oops." Hunk, arms still folded casually over his chest, leans back in his chair and shoves a refrigerator out the cabin hatch with his foot.
Nikolai clenches and unclenches his fists in anxiety, sweat pouring down his face from under his beret. "Y-you're all friggn' crazy...taxi drivers eating toast...crumbs everywhere-" he frantically swats the air around him and then straightens his beret, grimacing.
Carlos very slowly turns his head, hands still on the wheel. His eyes are narrowed coolly, lips set in a feint frown as he surveys the rest of the cabin behind him.
"Mud butt.." Rodrigo mumbles in his sleep, farting wetly. "Robatussin Hemostat..."
"Shut up, SHUT UP!" Nikolai cries, shakily pointing his M-16 this way and that. "I don't care about the stupid Resident Evil 5 game anymore! I don't even LIKE Resident Evil!"
Hunk raises his foot again, setting it against Rodrigo's chair. "Heheheheh...oops." With a push, Rodrigo and his chair are sent tumbling end-over-end out of the blimp.
-
"What do you MEAN the other bus is gone!" Marcus cries in exasperation.
"Muaa. Muaah...muah..." the zombie crewman mumbles, shrugging.
"Well that's just PERFECT." Marcus whirls around to face Nemesis. "NOW who are we supposed to destroy?"
Nemesis sighs heavily and continues to steer the Umbrella pirate ship through the high seas.
Rodrigo and his chair fall from the sky, hitting the water with a huge splash beside the boat.
Morpheus, standing beside the ships main cannon, switches his eyepatch to his other eye and squints at the nearby ocean cliffside. "Well hey, look at that!" He points to the cliff. Everyone on the boat rushes over to the starboard side, gazing at the cliff.
A baby seal is balancing on its tail, clapping its flippers together gleefully.
"Awwwwwwwww," the entire crew sighs, simultaneously tilting their heads to the side in admiration of the cute little animal.
Morpheus points again. "Also, look at that." A car is driving along the cliffside road.
Nemesis narrows his eyes, grinding his teeth together. "STAAAARS," he bellows, shaking the rickety pirate boat.
"Ready the main cannon!" Marcus orders.
"Aye aye!" Morpheus answers, and works the crank to turn the cannon towards the seaside cliff. "We'll blow those bilious bile-biting backwater blowfish right off the road!"
Marcus turns around. "Bring forth the cannonball!"
The crew parts, revealing a scrawny zombie who is hefting an enormous cannonball in his arms. As everyone watches, the zombie begins to shamble forward at a painfully slow rate of speed.
Marcus claps a hand over his eyes in dismay. "Oh for the love of-"
-
"HOOBASTANK!" Steve yells, making everyone in the car jump. Ada swiftly cracks him across the jaw with a right hook. Claire stares at her in dismay.
"R...reflexes," Ada mumbles, folding her hands in her lap and lowering her eyes.
"OOOoooowwww," Steve groans, holding his face. After a few moments of whimpering, he sits back up in his seat. "I want to listen to HOOBSTANK!" He flinches as Ada half-cocks a fist at him, setting her jaw furiously.
"We are not going to listen to Hoobastank right now," Leon replies, clenching the mutilated steering wheel of the car that has been twisted beyond all recognition because of how tight he's been gripping it through the entire trip.
Steve is silent for a full second. Claire begins to doze off again...
"Well my dad never let me listen to my music when I was a kid and so now that he's dead I wanna rock out!"
"Steve, you're not hip enough to say 'rock out'," Leon argues.
Steve just gapes angrily at the man, letting out an astonished huff. Finally he resigns himself to leaning back in his seat with his arms folded childishly across his chest, pouting as he kicks the back of Claire's seat repeatedly.
Finally snapping, the fiery young woman spins around to face Steve. "DAMN IT STEVE IF YOU DON'T STOP IT I'M GONNA RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND BEAT YOU WITH IT UNTIL CANDY COMES OUT!"
Steve's mouth once again hangs open in utter shock as he blinks several times. Ada snorts, turning away to cover a smile. Leon rolls his eyes and smirks.
Steve takes a huge breath, his cheeks puffing out angrily as he glares.
"Oh no," Claire groans, turning back around in her seat. "He's doing the 'hold my breath until I get my way' thing."
Two minutes later, Steve's face turns blue and he crumples in his seat. No one notices.
-
"Oh GIVE me that!" Marcus growls, stomping forwards and taking the cannonball from the zombie. However, he quickly realizes that this is no ordinary cannonball. "What in...GAAH!" Marcus drops the large ball, and it uncurls itself. Verdugo, Salazar's right hand monster alien mutant thing, stands up to its full seven foot height.
"Y...you're naked!" Marcus points out, shocked. Verdugo blinks, if that's even possible. Then it looks down, blushing also if that's possible and covering itself. Even though there's really...nothing...to cover...
Anyway, Morpheus zaps Verdugo lightly. "Get back in cannonball form, ya land-lubber!" he yells. Verdugo hisses and reluctantly curls back up again. "That's better. Now, Captain Nemmy, if you please."
Nemesis turns around, looking at Morpheus. A few moments pass. Morpheus sighs and then yells, "You're the only one tall/strong enough to put our Verdugo cannonball thingy into the canon! Sir!"
Nemesis scratches his head in thought and then bends down, grabbing the rolled up Verdugo. "Staaars," he grumbles, picking up the bioweapon and hobbling over to the cannon. He then rolls Verdugo into the cannon and shrugs.
"Thank you sir," Marcus says appreciatively, with a nod of his head. He then flips his long hair aside, pointing at another zombie. "You there! Light the fuse and let's be done with this!"
The zombie pulls a match out of nowhere and strikes it against another zombie's head, who moans in protest. No affect. Frowning, the zombie strikes the match again and again...
-
"We're all gonna f(car horn)ckin' die," Nikolai mumbles, his eyes flashing from left to right.
Mikhail waddles out of the bathroom, politely turning around and closing the door behind him. He goes over and stands next to Nikolai.
"Don't you SEE!" Nikolai raves, clutching his m-16 tightly to his chest. "The boogie man and Wesker signed a pact with SATAN!"
Carlos abruptly turns away from the wheel, glaring at Nikolai. "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" he yells, slapping Mikhail across the face.
Mikhail reels a bit, grabbing his reddened cheek. "...Ow," he mumbles. "What was that for?"
"LISTEN!" Carlos barks. "We need to stick together! Children on the brink of starvation here! If we don't back up Umbrella's mission to get Resident Evil 5, the world is DOOMED!"
Hunk blinks at Carlos. "What the h-"
"DOOMED!" the Spaniard interrupts, spinning around twice and grabbing hold of the wheel once again.
-
Skrrtch. Skrrtch. Skrrtch. SKRITT! The match finally ignites. Everyone watches intently as the zombie brings the match forward and touches it to the cannon's ignition wick. With a fizzle of sparks, the wick ignites and begins to shrink.
The crew backs up, clamping their hands over their ears and crouching down in anticipation. One moment passes...two...silence as the wick grows smaller and smaller-
"WHEEEEE!" A fangirlish cry of joy breaks the silence as Wesker Chick comes flying out of nowhere, glomping Nemesis with the force of a thousand fangirls.
"STAAARS!" the huge bioweapon roars in fear as he stumbles sideways..straight into the cannon. With a metallic groan, the huge explosive device turns skyward- and fires.
-
"Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic," Carlos sings as he pilots the blimp.
Hunk has his hands cupped over his mouth, making rap noises as he bobs his head back and forth.
Nikolai is curled up in the corner of the cabin, crying softly as Mikhail pokes him repeatedly.
All of a sudden, Verdugo explodes through the cabin floor, uncurling from his cannonball form in an instant and shredding a devastating gash through the blimp. The creature bursts through the top of the airborne vehicle, cackling wickedly.
"What in Uncle Mario's Imported Games was THAT!" Carlos screams, frantically spinning the wheel. Despite his heroic efforts to save the blimp, it is going down fast.
"Beats me," Hunk replies, shrugging. "Looked like something from 'Aliens' though. Freaky." He starts smoking a cigarette.
"SATAN HAS COME FOR OUR SOULS!" Nikolai screams, still trying to push Mikhail away, who continues to poke the man.
The Umbrella blimp is going down.
-
"Sure is quiet," Leon mumbles. Then he notices that Steve is passed out in the back seat. "Oh."
All of a sudden, Claire's eyes widen in horror and she points out the windshield. "LOOKOUT!" she cries.
Leon swerves to miss a turtle that is plodding across the road.
"Whew," Claire sighs. "That was close."
Ada sit calmly in the backseat, staring out the windshield as well. "Also, blimp."
Leon snaps his attention forward again just in time to see an enormous blimp collide with the road in front of their car, a horrible grinding noise shrieking as metal rides asphalt. They are heading right for the wreck, everyone screaming in horror...
The scream fades away, everyone returning to normal as they continue forward, speeding towards the crashing blimp.
"Leon, steer," Claire reminds politely.
"Oh yeah!" Leon exclaims. He promptly spins the wheel as far left as he can. Everyone resumes screaming as the car plummets off a cliff...
-
Marcus blinks once. He blinks twice. The crew of the Umbrella naval vessel just sort of stands there with their mouths agape as they behold the giant Umbrella blimp crashing into the seaside road.
Morpheus slowly looks at Marcus. Marcus slowly looks at Morpheus. Nemesis is laying on the deck, struggling with Wesker Chick as she tries to tickle him. The only sound other than that are the waves lapping against the side of the boat.
And then the cannonball comes back down.
Verdugo crashes through the deck, straight through the bottom of the boat with an explosion of wood splinters.
Marcus and Morpheus slowly turn to look at the hole in the boat. A jet of water bursts up from the hole, and the vessel begins to sink.
"Why...why didn't I run away with the circus?" Morpheus wonders aloud as the tip of Neptune's fin appears above the water, circling the sinking craft.
Note: Thank you all again for the reviews! Also, special thanks MungoJerry for suggesting that Verdugo be thrown into the mix! I hope that you're enjoying the story. A bit of an extra long chapter this time, and they seem to be getting longer. Hopefully I can keep it up. Next time...
What's happening to the Alpha squad? (snapshot of Jill running and looking back with a horrified expression, the others ahead of her and running also)
Also, is Bravo team faring any better? (snapshot of the group looking horrified as something crawls over the train wreckage at them)
Will Leon and the gang become another deep sea catastrophe? (snapshot of the car plummeting through the air, Leon and Claire holding each other and screaming, Steve passed out in the back, and Ada just gritting her teeth and looking very annoyed)
What of Carlos and friends? (snapshot of Carlos still furiously trying to turn the wheel, even as the blimp cabin is careening along the road in a heap, everyone else flung about the cabin and screaming)
And the U.S.S. Nemmy? (snapshot of Nemesis holding Wesker Chick in the air with one hand as she flails about and laughs, Morpheus and Marcus looking extremely aggravated, and the zombie crew looking frightened as Neptune circles the sinking boat)
And what are the evil villains plotting now? (snapshot of Alexia laughing manaically, Alfred trying to do the same (also in the same pitch), Salazar screaming at Saddler, Saddler covering his ears, and Krauser playing pinball.)
Tune in next time to Resident Evil: Super Quest for more action, more adventure, more Wesker Chick, and also a scene where Rebecca strips for a shower! Rebecca: WHAT?
SPECIAL: Are you a Steve fangirl? If so, simply volunteer and you will be included in the next chapter to save Steve's life! Exciting!
