Delphine walks quickly to the school's office, standing out from the crowd in her doctors attire. She turns her head back and forth quickly, eyes darting for signs indicating her destination. Her lip snags on her teeth, and she gnaws on the swollen flesh. She recognizes a man in a plaid polo and thin wire glasses crossing her path and speeds up to meet him, her boots clicking against the tile floor. Her path is interrupted by a number of students hurrying to their class, no interest in the doctor in their way.

"Scott? Hey, Scott!" she calls as he walks away, her arm extended to reach for him. He turns at the sound, looking between students. He walks to her once the crowds have thinned and stands with his hands on his hips.

"Oh, hey Delphine. You look a little lost, you do know where Cosima's class is right? You've certainly visited her enough to know where you're going!" Scott chuckles before his eyes narrow with a question. Delphine open and shuts her mouth, unsure of what to say.

"What are y-" his face slides into realization, clasping his hand to his forehead.

"You're looking for the nurses office?" He asks, turning and gesturing down the hall.

Delphine nods, raising her arm to point along with Scott.

"Is it down there?" She says, already starting to walk.

"Yeah, it takes a few turns though. I'll show you, c'mon."

"Thanks, Scott."

Delphine chews at her sore lip, the past twenty minutes repeating in her mind as she takes long strides behind Scott.

"Dr. Cormier, it's for you."

"Alison, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Delphine?" Delphine laughs through a mouth full of her lunch, "Who is it?".

"It's the school."

"The schoo- Cosima's school?" Delphine reaches for the phone in Alison's hand and holds it to her ear.

"Hello?" She hastily swallows her food.

"Hello, is this Ms. Cormier?"

"Yes, has something happened?"

"The nurse is checking that out now, we're just calling to inform yo-"

"The nurse? Is everything alright?"

"We think so, she didn-"

"She? Do you mean Cosi-Ms. Niehaus?"

"Yes, that's who I'm calling abou-"

"What happened?" Delphine cuts her off. There's silence on the line before the principal speaks again after a frustrated exhale.

"She collapsed."

"Pretty wicked cold she's got, eh?" Scott comments as they pass the gymnasium.

"What? Cold?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, that's why she's been basically teaching from her chair, isn't it? She's not been doing interactive stuff at all, just textbook learning. She seems tired, like really tired. I hope she gets well soon."

"Yeah, me too." Delphine plays along, confused.

"Here we are. I'd love to stay but I uh- I have a class to teach that started ten minutes ago. Let me know how she is, yeah?" Scott says, already backing down the way they had come.

"Thank you Scott!" Delphine calls down the hallway with a wave before turning to knock on the closed door. She enters the small room at the sound of 'come in' through the door.

The salmon walls adorned with motivational posters remind her of a preschool, not a high school. Cosima sits on a generic blue padded exam table, wax paper crinkling underneath her with every movement. Cosima holds an ice pack to her elbow, the nurse fiddling with a bandaid on her hand.

"Hello?" Delphine hovers in the doorway.

The nurse turns around to smile at Delphine. Cosima smiles up at Delphine, waving her ice pack at her before returning it to her arm.

"Hello, you can come on in. I'll be done in a second."

Delphine enters the room to stand next to the table Cosima sits on, holding her hand. Cosima's chest rises and falls heavily, like she's trying to steady her breath. As the nurse applies rubbing alcohol, Delphine stares absently at their hands.

Cosima's hands seem smaller somehow. Her knuckles and joints stand out more, her hand less supple against Delphine's palm. Her rings hang off of thin fingers, tendons gliding beneath her skin.

Cosima squeezes her hand, making Delphine remember where she is.

"What happened?" Delphine asks.

"Oh, nothing really. I just stumbled a little, you know me." Cosima chuckles.

"Oh, hardly,"-The nurse says, making a face at Cosima before turning to Delphine."-she fainted."

Delphine turns to Cosima.

"You fainted?"

"Maybe a little." Cosima says sheepishly.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, really. I just got up too fast I think."

Delphine side-eyes Cosima while the nurse finishes up, letting her know they're not done talking.

"Alright! You're set to go. Go home and get some rest, get over that nasty cold you've got!" The nurse jokes as she turns around to clean up.

Delphine makes a face at Cosima, A cold? Again?

Cosima avoids her gaze all the way back to Cosima's now empty classroom. As the hallways become less crowded, Cosima leans more on Delphine. Another staff member waves at them and Cosima removes herself from Delphine's arm entirely, ankles wobbling and jaw tensing as she keeps her facade of calm. Once the teacher has passed however, Cosima's fingers dig into her arm and her steps slow considerably. Cosima pulls on Delphine's arm, asking silently for a break. They stand in the deserted hallway, Cosima's shallow breaths echoing against the walls. Delphine resists the temptation to bring her nails to her teeth.

"A cold?" Delphine asks as they step into Cosima's class.

Cosima sinks into her swivel chair, nodding.

"Didn't you tell the staff?"

Cosima exhales tiredly before shaking her head.

"I haven't really gotten around to it. Kids started asking if I was okay, so I just said I had a cold and I guess word travels fast. I mean, I haven't even told Scott the truth yet, so..."

"Are you mad?" Cosima asks, biting her lip.

"Non, I'm not mad, just... confused?"

Cosima starts packing up her things. Every item she picks up seems to weigh a hundred pounds, the speed she's going. The muscles in her arms strain to move everything on her desk. She can hear Cosima swallowing between her breaths.

"Cosima..." Delphine starts hesitantly. Cosima doesn't look up from what she's doing.

"Yeah?"

"Do you... have you considered taking time off? From work?"

Cosima's hands still, hovering over the last few bits and pieces. Silence hangs between them.

"Why would I take time off work?" She says, packing up the last of her things and looking at Delphine. She heaves her bag up onto her shoulder with a wince. The heavy bag digs into her shoulder, pinching her sore skin.

Delphine tilts her head, lips tight as she looks at her sadly.

You know why.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've thought about it but I just- I like working. I love the kids, I love the staff. Well, most of the staff. I don't want to miss it." Cosima's shoulders sag as she huffs.

Delphine steps to her and holds her hands in her own.

"You fainted today, Cosima. Scott and the kids have noticed you're not well," she says gently, "I know you don't want to miss it but your health comes first."

Cosima exhales, defeated.

"Yeah, I guess." She says, eyes downcast.

"It..." Cosima inhales shakily, "It just feels like this... this makes it real, y'know?".

Delphine pulls her into a hug. Cosima's fingers rest against the skin under Delphine's shoulder blades, her face pressed into her neck.

"It feels like giving up." The words sound strained as they pass through Cosima's lips.

Delphine's throat tightens, her chest sinking. She wants to squeeze Cosima in her arms, pick her up and hold her for hours. But she can't, Cosima is bruised and aching, her tight embrace would only increase her pain.

She settles for holding the back of her head, fingertips lightly scraping the skin between the rows of her hair.

"You're not giving up," Delphine whispers before she chuckles, "and besides, that's not like you,"-Delphine leans back to look into Cosima's eyes with a smile-"You wouldn't do something like that." Delphine tries to lighten the room. Cosima laughs, pulling away and sniffing.

"Yeah, you're right," Cosima chuckles, "I don't ever give up."

Delphine slides Cosima's bag off Cosima's shoulder and onto her own, smiling at her. Cosima moves her shoulder to relieve the pain as she smiles back, appreciative.

"Thanks." Cosima kisses her cheek.

Delphine smiles wide, her eyes crinkling.

Cosima fills out the necessary paperwork that night and due to her 'unique nature', is pushed quickly into her time off. She has three days of teaching before her break starts. According to the school board, she's taking a personal leave of absence, as to keep her true state of health from the students.

On the first day, she goes to work with a false smile and returns with a genuine frown. She groans as she sinks into the couch, tender muscles begging for softness and aching joints meeting their first rest in hours.

On the second day, Cosima comes home and goes immediately to the bed, exhausted. She ends up sleeping through dinner, only opening her eyes when she trembles herself awake in a cold sweat. Her skin glistens as her tongue probes a thermometer in her mouth, clammy hand resting on Delphine's.

On the last day, Cosima comes home drained, her eyes red and blotchy and her pale lip quivering. She holds a Tupperware container, threatening to fall to the floor as her shoulders droop and her fingertips barely cling to it. The container is cast aside in a burst of anger, cake breaking to pieces against the floor before Cosima sobs into her hands.

Delphine is told between sobs and shaky breaths that the kids had gotten her a cake and decorated her room with balloons and poorly-administered streamers as a going away party.

Get Well Soon! was streaked in paint on a banner hung above her desk, all her students signatures on it. Everyone was smiling and laughing, wishing her well and pointing to their signature on her banner. Some had even written small notes of hope and encouragement, We Love You! and You Can Do It! Cosima's eyes had lit up sadly as she recalled the afternoon.

The cake was brought out, her favourite: rich chocolate. We Will Miss You, Ms. Niehaus! adorned the top of the cake in green, loopy icing.

Cosima had taken one delicious bite, one tiny ounce of cake before her stomach churned and emptied itself.

She had gotten to a trash bin before it could splatter down her front or onto her plate, but it had been a shock to many in the class. Scott had grabbed her by the shoulders and it had burned her bruises, setting her skin on fire.

Delphine can see finger shaped bruises starting to develop beneath Cosima's sleeves as she lays against her legs. Delphine's brows knit together and she winces at the angry red marks.

Cosima recalls that she told Scott the whole story, that he sat in silence for too long. In a hollow voice, he asked all the questions she had answers for, and the one she didn't.

Do you know how long you have?

Delphine recieves no more information out of the woman curled on the couch, head in her lap as she cries against her thigh.

Delphine presses her lips together as tears prick her eyes, her bottom lip raw and tender from excessive gnawing. Every sob from Cosima reveals her bones stretching at skin, harsh points attempting to claw their way out from their prison. Her dreads leave traces of hair on pillows and in the shower. A blur of purple, blue, red and yellow splotches colour more and more of Cosima's body each day, slithering out from underneath her clothes to bloom on the expanse of her skin.

Delphine watches helplessly as Cosima's body destroy itself from the inside out.


Anticipation hovers over Delphine's head and fills her ears with buzzing, fingers itching for a cigarette. Dr. Sadler had stated that after the fourth round, a preliminary scan would be done to see the progress that Cosima had made in the last one and a half months of extremely aggressive treatment. If Cosima had made considerable progress, there would be the potential for a consultation to book her surgery. If not, Cosima would endure more treatment until the mass shrunk to a satisfactory size. Cosima's preliminary scan had been completed, now all they needed to do was wait for the verdict.

Delphine bites her nail absently as she tries to read, glancing over at the couch every few lines before losing her place. She sits on the armchair as Cosima sleeps soundly for the first time in days under a blanket on the couch, chest rising and falling evenly. All that's visible of her is her face, the blanket dwarfing her body.

Shortly after she stopped working, Cosima had admitted tingling and numbness in her hands and been prescribed a daily anti-nausea medication and strong painkillers, should she need them. After days of denying she needed them, she had persuaded Cosima to take her doses when she was sore. Cosima no longer felt intense pain, but the meds wiped her right out.

Under the blanket there are multiple heating pads, keeping Cosima in a warm cocoon that eventually soothed her aching body enough to allow prolonged deep sleep.

With her bruises and small body covered by blankets, thinning hair tucked beneath her head and calm breathing, Cosima seems unaffected by her treatment. The thick blanket allows Delphine to imagine how she was months ago, how her body felt against Delphine's under that blanket. Strong muscles, warm skin and curves pressed against her front. Her sleeping face shows calm eyes under her eyelids and jaw slack and relaxed, breathing untouched by pants and pauses.

She looks healthy again.

Delphine closes her eyes and tries to remember the feeling of Cosima pressed against her, soft curves and warmth filling the space between their bodies. Her skin hums and the corners of her lips twitch at the memory. Delphine inhales, sighing and pulling happiness to the forefront of her mind. She brings her hands to rub gently at her arms, imagining the warmth of her palms as Cosima's.

Cosima grumbles in her sleep and breaks Delphine's fantasy, her hands faulting and smile disappearing. Delphine's shoulders sag, cool dread seeping back into her spine and worry knitting in her brow. She resumes biting at her nails to fill her mind with scraping.

She hisses as she nips too hard and a prick of pain accompanies a droplet of blood on her finger. Her once well maintained and clean nails have been torn to pathetic stubs, edges rough and jagged against her tongue. Her cuticles are red rimmed and raw. Weeks of gnawing and biting has left her lip sore and swollen, the cold air chapping and cracking what was left untouched.

The phone rings shrilly before Delphine is quick to snatch it up and press it to her ear, she doesn't want to wake Cosima from the first real sleep she's had in days.

"Hello?" Delphine's eyes stay trained on Cosima as she gets up and walks quietly to another room. Cosima's lips part slightly as she starts to snore.

"Hello, am I speaking to Cosima?" Delphine shuts the bedroom door behind her.

"No, this is Delpine, her partner. Cosima is sleeping right now, who's speaking?"

"Oh, hello Delphine. It's Dr. Sadler." Her heart leaps to her throat.

"Ah, hello Dr. Sadler." Delphine picks at the edge of her sweater. She can hear flipping of papers from the other end of the phone.

"We would like Cosima to come in for a consultation as soon as possible, today even if she were up to it."

Her stomach sinks as she thinks of waking Cosima from her sleep, putting her in the car and walking through endless hallways in the hospital. It would exhaust her for days to come.

"Is it urgent?"

"It's not life or death, pardon the phrase, but the sooner the better."

Her chest feels thick and heavy, she knows she has to do this, that Cosima must be woken.

"Uhm... we can get there in about forty-five minutes, does 4:00 work for you?"

"Take your time, I know Cosima is not physically well right now. There is a small bay with wheelchairs that you can use by the east entrance, should need be. You can meet me in my office"

Cosima would never submit to being in a wheelchair.

"Yes, alright thank you. See you soon."

The phone clicks and she puts it down, dread flaring in her chest and crawling up her throat. Delphine brings her hand to her forehead and breathes.

Be strong for Cosima.

She's hard to rouse without having been shaken, and Delphine definitely doesn't want to shake her. Delphine explains the phone call and Cosima nods with a blank face. Cosima is slow going down the steps and getting into the car. Every bump and sudden turn in the road affects Cosima's raw nerves, Delphine slowing her pace and inching over speed bumps.

Delphine eyes the small army of wheelchairs and looks to Cosima. Cosima adamantly shakes her head and pulls her down the long hallway.

"I don't hurt, it's just tiring." she states.

They begin to walk down the corridor, passing room after room. With every few steps, Cosima leans her weight more and more on Delphine's arm. Her nostrils flare as her breaths deepen. She leans against the wall, her shoulder slumping and lips parting to draw in air.

"Do you want me to get a wheel-"

"No, no I can do it, it's okay."

She breathes for a few moments before clasping Delphine again. The clock reads 4:07 as Delphine knocks on Dr. Sadler's door and are promptly greeted by the doctor.

"Hello, ladies. Please come in and sit down. Are you having a good weekend?"

Cosima flops into her chair, head lolling back briefly before she nods. Dr. Sadler rifles with papers before clearing her throat.

"The results from your tests have come in, and it's looking good. The mass of the growth has decreased by twenty percent, which is excellent." Two similar images sit adjacent on the desk: the original CT scan and another scan, the white blur smaller than before.

"What does that mean for surgery?" Cosima asks, leaning forward on her elbows.

"Well, it means that we would schedule your operation for within the next month or so. Just to be sure, we want to do one more round of CR therapy before we start the surgery process."

"Process?" Cosima's eyebrows furrow, "Isn't it just going in and snip, snip?" She cuts the air with two fingers. Dr. Sadler chuckles.

"No, unfortunately. Once your last round of CR therapy has ended, theres a week-long period where you would be weaned off of your medication and a week of absolutely no medication."

"What, like the chemo meds?"

"Ah, no. You'd stop taking all your medication." Dr. Sadler purses her lips.

"You mean Cosima would stop taking her pain medication and her anti-nausea capsules?" Delphine asks with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"Unfortunately, yes. Cosima's growth has decreased in size just enough for the surgery to be performed, but it's so fast growing we want to eliminate the possibility of growth between the chemotherapy and the surgery. Usually, the weaning period is longer but we can't risk any growth that could potentially compromise the surgery success."

The ceiling fan whirs quietly and the overhead lights hum as the room falls silent. Delphine lets the information sink in, making a list of facts in her head.

Cosima is now on the path to surgery, and therefore wellness.

Cosima has to do another round of therapy.

After that round, she has to gradually stop taking her medication.

She will have a full week or longer with pain and vomiting.

After this week of pain and suffering, she will have her surgery

She'll then be free of the tumour.

Pain for Cosima.

More pain.

Delphine opens her mouth to say something when she's cut off by Cosima.

"Yeah, sounds okay. I'm ready to get into the operating room." A lopsided but weak smile on her lips.

"This is a big step, and it's going to get difficult." Dr. Sadler comments.

"Yeah, but we can do it. Right, Delphine?" Cosima grins at her toothily and grabs her hand, squeezing.

Delphine's eyes catch Cosima's and her throat tightens. Cosima's eyes show so much hope despite her pain, genuine happiness in her expression. Throughout bruises and vomit and more than twenty five pills a day, Cosima remains hopeful as ever. Delphine inhales quickly, her chest catching.

"Yes, of course." She replies like her hands aren't shaking or her eyes aren't starting to glisten. Delphine smiles as if Cosima's cells haven't betrayed the woman she loves. She squeezes her hand just as she would if Cosima were as well as she seemed this afternoon, sleeping innocent and peaceful on the couch.

She smiles as if nothing is wrong.


Always - I Fight Dragons

AN : I'm leaving the country again, so the next update won't be until the 25th of March. As a sorry-present, I've made a playlist that you can find at .com, under the tab CSAC at the top of the page.