Chapter 11

I stopped crying a long time ago and we were back in the apartment without saying anything to each other. When I closed the door behind me and turned around, I noticed Izaya was gone already. It made me feel kind of lonely, what was going to happen now? What happened anyway? I only remember I had an break down when he was clearly doing mean stuff to me, repeating the past, didn't he know it would only hurt me?

I sighed, walking to my room but not entering yet. It took me a few minutes before I was done staring at Izaya's door, without hearing anything. Just what was he thinking? I'll never understand it. When I got into my room I texted Namie I wanted to talk to her tomorrow and also did I search for the phone number of Kasuka, under the name ''Hanejima Yuuhei'' of course. I knew I had the right number when I read the address in the phone book, so I made a call.

'How can I help you?' the girl from the reception asked through the phone. 'W-with Kamichika Rio, a friend of Hanejima Yuuhei… Is he avaible?' I asked unsure. 'He is just done with filming, I'll send you through,' She probably recognized me from today before, or she did look at a list again. 'Okay,' I waited for a minute and Kasuka answered afterwards. I couldn't help but feel down when I heard his voice and thought about why I was talking to him now. 'Kasuka-san… I-I don't feel fine at all now, Can I talk to you tomorrow?' I asked, still unsure about the whole situation and if Izaya could hear me. His room is right at the opposite of mine after all. Kasuka told me he had no work tomorrow so I could come over right when school has ended. He also gave me his own phone number so I won't have to get through all the trouble, calling the building's reception and wait from now on.

I wrote it down and added it to my list when I hung up on him. I was glad I had people to talk to, not someone I came to know from the internet and who can only hurt. Now I mentioned the internet, I haven't been logged by the Dollars for a long time already… When I entered the Dollars I noticed now the ''Dollars chat''. I never been on that… When I clicked on it, I had to give a nickname, again. I hesitated for a bit. Should I give a new nickname? Since I didn't like the fact that Izaya knows my favourable nickname I chose for another nickname. I filled ''thu'' in after I filled ''Rin'' in randomly. What makes me ''Rinthu''. What a weird nickname. When I saw a list of colours, probably to make clear on the screen who is saying what I almost picked Magenta. Yet I chose Antique fuchsia to make me completely invisible for Izaya. And so did I enter.

Rinthu-san has joined the chat.

Rinthu: Good evening.

Tanaka Taro: Good evening!

Tanaka Taro: I haven't seen you here before, are you new?

Rinthu: Kind of, I only noticed this chat now.

Saika: Nice to meet you.

Rinthu: Nice to meet you too.

Rinthu: Are you always with the two of you?

Tanaka Taro: No, most of the times are Setton-san and Kanra-san in this conversation.

Tanaka Taro: Setton-san just left but I haven't seen Kanra-san the whole day.

Saika: Me neither.

Rinthu: I see.

Kanra-san has joined the chat.

Kanra: Yo, people~

Saika: Hi.

Kanra: Saika-chan! I missed chu~

Tanaka Taro: Eh? That scares me.

Saika: Me too.

Rinthu: Nice to meet you, Kanra-san.

Kanra: Ah? Someone new? How nice!

My cheeks flushed, somewhat, that Kanra reminded me from someone. I didn't know what to do at this moment, what should I say to these people.

Kanra: Have you guys heard it already?

Tanaka Taro: Heard what?

Saika: I guess not.

Kanra: Since there are more visitors in Ikebukuro, the types of gangs are increasing.

Saika: Sounds creepy.

Rinthu: How do you know?

Kanra: I know everything. ^^

Rinthu: I see.

Rinthu: I am going now, I'll see you maybe tomorrow

Saika: Bye.

Kanra: Bye-bye~

Tanako Taro: Bye

Rinthu-san has left the chat.

I walked over to my bed and fell asleep immediately. - When I woke up the next morning, I saw at the time from my cell phone it was almost time for school. I showered, changed and did my hair rapidly, leaving the house after that and not even thinking about the informant, living under the same roof. At school did I start thinking about yesterday again, and how bad it ended, I was even too nervous to go home. But there's no way that I could stay away too long.

Even Mika found it strange I wasn't answering her in any way in the break. I memorized now that I still was carrying my keys of my real home. Maybe could I stay there for a couple of days until I dare to look at Izaya again. I was actually really scared for him, after he knows after all. It was my fault for forgetting the fact ''He is watching me''.

After school did I say goodbye at Mika and Seiji immediately and I walked to the a taxi, standing across the road. I let the chauffeur drive me to the fancy apartment of Kasuka and walked in, already used to the atmosphere around it.

The girl from the reception let me go through once again and I knock at his door, waiting for his reply. 'Come in,' did I hear so I walked in, closing the door directly. 'Hi,' I greeted him and I sit down beside him this time. When he asked me about what I wanted to talk about, I lowered my head, looking at my hands placed on my upper legs when I told him the whole story of yesterday after I had given him chocolate as an thanks. I already noticed the half eaten chocolate further away from the couch, what I saw as the chocolate I had given him. Somehow, talking about the whole situation felt not only relieving, but I felt also guilty for accepting the suggestion of my friend and being so stupid. The whole thing could have ended different is I only stayed strong enough to face him, after he knew about what I was and wanted to do that evening.

I didn't need to cry anymore about it, after I cried in front of Izaya himself, but my voice wasn't really healthy through.

Kasuka, even though he doesn't show emotions like most people do, pulled me into a comforting hug while I was still talking, but softer than before, since he was so close to me. I stared at the space between the floor and the table in front of me while telling the story. It felt like I was embraced by gigantic teddy bear.

I was happy I could talk to him and when I felt better, I left, apologizing for the trouble. I almost walked to Izaya's apartment but instead of that did I go to my house. It felt lonely when I got there and there was nothing left but the furniture. I decided to take a shower, make my homework and then eating my lunch what I forgot to do on school as lunch; I have no energy to cook dinner; besides could I meet Izaya on the streets if I keep wandering outside.

When I was all finished, I noticed I got a few text messages. One was from Mika; asking me what was wrong with me today and wanted to help. Two were from Namie; In the first one did she tell me that I could visit her home if I was felling any better and the second was that Izaya became more annoying then she already thought he was and… the double amount of texts of Namie was coming from Izaya. Asking where I was and that he was hungry or that I should tell him if I don't return home directly.

I just stared at the texts and erased them. If I would answer him, then there was no use in hide myself. Besides, how could he be so… casual? It made me only feel troubled.