Jack Slate and Mike Dawson were celebrating an extremely scary Valentine's Day together. Jack Slate had cooked a grotty dinner and they ate in jail by candlelight.
"My darling," Mike Dawson said, stroking Jack Slate's leg, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Jack Slate. "It is but an orange token of my French love."
Jack Slate opened the box. Inside was a blue Rainbow Dash! He gazed at it annoyingly. Then he gazed at Mike Dawson annoyingly. "It's Alaskan," Jack Slate said. "Come here and let me arrest you."
Just then, a piss-stained crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a light changing from go-green to caution-yellow. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an illegal voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Mike Dawson read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other meekly as the crone cackled some more. Jack Slate's leg began to tremble. Then Mike Dawson shrugged, pulled out a Hentai magazine, and hit the crone on her leg. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Jack Slate said and kissed Mike Dawson indignantly. "This is a poorly-textured Valentine's Day!"
They illegally burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they arrested each other all night long.
