A/N: Ok so I know I said I'd only be taking a couple of weeks for a break while I was on vacation. That really was what I intended, but when I came back I just didn't have any ideas. I didn't really want to write if it wasn't going to be good, so I just waited a while. I'm trying something a little different for me here and working my way through the stuff that happened in chapter 10, trying to make everything work in a satisfactory way. After this I hope to be updating regularly again. As always any reviews and comments are much appreciated, and many thanks to all the people who have left me reviews so far. Reviews aren't essential, but they do help me to shape the story and fix any faults. Anyways, enough rambling, hope you enjoy the chapter :).
Chapter 11: Waking Dreams of the Afterlife
Lucas looked down slowly at the page and continued to read, hoping that any words would get through. The next passage was one of his favourites and he sighed heavily before continuing to read.
"There was such a beauty in the courage to overcoming tragedy, as strength radiated outward every time I caught sight of her. It was just one of many qualities that immediately drew me to her. I don't think I ever fully realised the impact of what happened the first time I spoke to her until years later. Only now, in a single moment, where the rest of the world faded out, could I acknowledge that in my heart I had known we would always be together in some way, even in times when we were apart." Lucas sighed heavily, finishing the passage and hoping that his words would reach her somehow.
"I still remember the first time I ever wrote those words and they're as true now as they were then. I need you Peyton. I love you. Please wake up." So much regret had built up within him and he hoped that somehow, even as Peyton lay still unconscious in her hospital bed that he could let her know just how sorry he was.
Hearing the sound of footsteps, Lucas turned around to see Nathan and Haley enter the room. They were the last two people he wanted to see right now, people who had filled him with doubts and caused him to question things when it had been the first time he had been truly happy in years. They had not wanted to see Peyton back in his life and now they were here. It felt like some kind of guilt ridden hypocrisy that he was not in the mood to entertain.
"Lucas is she…did the doctors say if she would wake up?" Haley asked, looking shocked to see Peyton's condition.
"Do you care if she does?" Lucas snapped in irritation.
"Lucas of course I do. How can you ask that?" Her tone was one of hurt, but Lucas could not feel any regret, only pain and anguish.
"Can you just leave?" Lucas said quietly, no longer having the energy to raise his voice. All he wanted was to be left to sit here, sit waiting until Peyton woke up as he knew she had to.
Peyton felt the images of her car turning over flashing through her head. It seemed fate was on her side, as she felt no pain whatsoever despite finding herself upside down in her now destroyed Comet. Crawling through the gap left by the window she made her way out onto the road.
Looking back at her now mangled car, she wondered if it had now officially died, but mainly felt relief in knowing that she had come off better. Suddenly a familiar voice behind her caught her attention and almost knocked her off her feet in shock.
"You're not as lucky as you think" the all too familiar voice said quietly. The sounds left Peyton considering if she had hit her head. It was an impossible voice to hear and turning round quickly, she saw to her relief that nobody was there. She could content herself with not quite being all the way crazy.
Peyton knew that she had to call Lucas and the police so this mess could be sorted out. Reaching for her phone she saw that it not only had no signal, but also seemed to be lifeless in her hand and refused to switch on. Turning around ready to throw it at her car in frustration she was greeted by her sight that stopped her in her tracks, as the phone fell from her hand.
"Mom" Peyton's voice was barely audible as her mouth formed the words. The woman stood before her, the very same one she had not seen since she had been eight years old. Peyton now knew she must be going crazy. Sane people did not see and have conversations with dead relatives.
"Yes Peyton, it's me." There were tears in her mothers eyes as she spoke, but she smiled and Peyton felt her heart warm at the sight, momentarily distracted from the craziness she now found herself in.
"But you…you can't be here. I'm going crazy." Peyton found herself now irritated, the idea of a padded cell or being like a crazy version of the boy from Sixth Sense was not appealing.
"No Peyton. You're not crazy. Look at the car again." Her mother said sympathetically.
"I can't see anything." Peyton said dismissively.
"Look closer." Her mother assured her.
As Peyton looked more closely into her car, the sight struck her like a hammer and she fell back off her feet. Her own body lay still, crumpled in the car as she looked at it from the outside.
"Am I…Am I…" The word caught in her throat as she could not believe it. "…dead?"
"That Peyton is up to you." Her mother stated firmly, but with a warm look in her eyes. At this point it was all that could keep Peyton from feeling completely lost.
Brooke was driving in the wrong direction when the phone call came. Pushing the button to answer the call, never did she realise the impact the words "Peyton's hurt" would have on her. Frantically she had turned the car around and driven back to Tree Hill, hoping that Peyton would be in better condition when she arrived. Now as Brooke walked through the hospital corridors that were all too familiar, she felt a strange sense of foreboding as she approached the room.
Her pessimism was justified the moment she entered. Lucas sat crouched over Peyton's bed looking distraught and she did not look as if she was in good shape. Cuts and bruises covered her face, and there was a sense that the electronics were all that kept her alive.
"Lucas" Brooke said tentatively. Lucas seemed unaware for a moment before turning around slowly to look at her. A few seconds more passed before he could come up with a response.
"Go away Brooke." He stated in a hoarse tone that suggested he had been sat there for hours.
"Lucas I…" She found herself unable to find the right words to say to him, but before she had time to think he cut her off.
"Just get out Brooke you killed her." He snapped viciously.
"What?" Brooke found herself questioning, knowing that Lucas was hurting but still unable to comprehend what he was saying.
"You all killed her, you and Nathan and Haley. You couldn't just be supportive and because of you, she couldn't take it anymore." Lucas' voice was tinged with frenzied madness as he began to sob, holding Peyton's hand and resting his head gently against it.
Brooke found herself despite his outburst, moving towards him, such was the hurt she could see from him. "I'm sorry Luke; we all just wanted the best for both of you." She stated sadly.
"I know." Lucas responded in a breathy whisper. "I'm the one who killed her." He finished, struggling to even hold himself up on his chair. The sight of him like this was hard to bear. Brooke had seen Lucas try to live his life without Peyton these past few years and there was always something missing. Now though after all this, she doubted that this was something he could come back from if Peyton did not wake up.
"Lucas you know that's not true." Brooke stated, still a little confused by his statement.
"I told her if she left, not to come back this time and to never come back. It's all my fault Brooke." Brooke now found herself holding Lucas, propping him up as he cried in her arms.
"It's not your fault Luke; it's not your fault." There seemed to be nothing else to say until Lucas could snap himself of this state. "Peyton loved you with all her heart and she wouldn't want to see you like this. She needs you now."
With that Lucas seemed to once again gain control of himself, as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'll be here Peyton; whenever you're ready I'll be here." He stated firmly. Brooke then saw Nathan and Haley enter the room tentatively, obviously hoping not to disturb Lucas at a bad time.
Lucas looked up at them as they entered. "I'm sorry I never…"
"Don't apologise Luke, we'll be here for you." Haley said warmly, bringing a teary eyed weary smile from Lucas.
Peyton found herself suddenly feeling conscious, stood in a classroom of high school students, wondering why she was suddenly back at Tree Hill high. "Don't worry…" A voice from behind her said, causing her to jump "…they can't see you."
"This is too weird, what are we doing here mom?" Peyton said, still struck by the site before her and confused at the entire situation she now found herself in. Yet there was a sense of belonging in being anywhere with her mom, a feeling she had only felt with very few other people.
"You're wondering if you should go back or if you should take the way out and give up on fighting. I'm just here to better show you your options." Her mother stated plainly. Even as a child Peyton remembered Anna's firm but sensitive way of guiding her in the right direction and now it brought her a certain sense of comfort.
"I'm tired of fighting. I'm always fighting." Peyton stated darkly.
"You should feel lucky to always have something to fight for. Now watch." Her mother said sternly.
The scene before Peyton suddenly took on a sense of familiarity and she was struck by the sight of Lucas, Nathan and herself sat in the class. It was a day she remembered well, one in which she had felt disappointment at how she had acted. She saw herself when asked to describe Lucas in one word, describe him as a "choke." Only now did she see the hurt on his face as the words left her mouth.
"Why would you show me this?" She snapped darkly to her mother. "It's an awful moment."
"Don't you see Peyton? You want to know what you have to go back to. All you have to do is look at his reaction to that word, the hurt he felt. Even then there was a connection between you two. I felt it, I don't think there's anyone where I am, who didn't feel it." Her mother finished, smiling warmly. "Take my hand. I have lots more to show you."
Moments from her past seemed to appear before her and were as vivid as the day she had lived them. Peyton saw and felt so many things that reminded her of all the great moments in her life. The time she had built a snow fort with Brooke, the day she had her first real kiss with Lucas and the times she had rested her head on his shoulder. Moments of making music with Haley, of talking to Nathan and coming up with silly ideas to have fun with Brooke.
It seemed that all the great things in her life that could so easily be lost within a swamp of hurt and despair were now coming to light, words now falling into place that were once faded in her memory. "I'll be seeing you." "It's you Peyton." ""Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer will you marry me?" All the words and images now had her head spinning, but spinning in a whirlwind of delight as the scene changed around her. The comet and her crumpled body were once more the sight before her eyes.
"I have to go back." Peyton said determinedly. "I have to go back."
"I thought you might see it my way." Her mother stated happily. Peyton looked up for the first time as she stood in the cold night and suddenly saw all the familiar faces calling to her; Ellie's voice one of the strongest that started to pull her towards it.
"But what about you and Ellie?" Peyton asked sadly, knowing that she had to leave them behind.
"We'll be here waiting when the time is right. You go and enjoy the rest of your life. I'll watch over you." Her mother stepped forward and hugged her tightly. It was a hug she had longed to experience again for the past eighteen years and she was determined to savour it. Too soon it seemed she was being pulled away as she desperately tried to cling on for just a few more seconds.
Words started to drift lightly into her consciousness, as if someone had been speaking to her all this time, but she could not quite comprehend all that had been said. One part though seemed to crystallize and become clear in her mind, as the feeling of her mothers presence drifted away, another familiar presence strengthened. "I still remember the first time I ever wrote those words and they're as true now as they were then. I need you Peyton. I love you. Please wake up."
Lucas felt a sudden pull at his hand and struggled to wake himself from the daze he had found himself in. A few seconds passed as he felt it again, suddenly struggling and not daring to hope that the feeling was what he thought it could be. Peyton's hand was moving against his, struggling to grasp it.
"Peyton?" He asked softly, hoping for any response, praying that this was not some awful dream, in which things were not as real as they seemed. Then he felt it again, her grip tightening around his hand, a sure sign that this had been no fluke. Lucas felt himself daring to dream of the impossible, seeing Peyton's eyelids gently flutter, then close again. A few more seconds passed and nothing happened, leaving Lucas unsure of quite what to do next, wondering if he should get a doctor, or wait just a little longer to see if anything more would happen.
Finally deciding he had to get the doctor, Lucas rose to leave. Suddenly he felt a tug at his hand as the grip tightened once again. He turned sharply back to Peyton, watching her intently, as once more her eyelids fluttered, but this time slowly began to open. Seconds that were like hours seemed to pass as her eyes opened. It was at this moment the most beautiful sight Lucas had ever witnessed. Her eyes now opened fully to look intently upon him.
Peyton could feel her awareness coming back to her and was suddenly aware of a very familiar feeling, the touch of Lucas' hand in hers. Trying to grip she cursed her own weakness as her fingers would barely twitch in his hand as her eyelids barely fluttered to open, but it seemed enough as he responded, only for Peyton to feel herself fading again. It was all she could do to keep herself from drifting back into unconsciousness, as this time she felt her determination to fight peak.
Feeling her consciousness return and her feeling in her hand strengthen, she tried to grip his hand once more as he tried to pull away. The thought of Lucas leaving her now was simply unbearable. With all the strength she could find, Peyton gripped his hand as hard as she could and forced her eyes to open. She could feel Lucas turn back to see her, as her eyes once again struggled to open. This time with all the fight that could be managed they finally opened to see the fight was all worth it. Lucas was stood before her, smiling brightly. In one struggling breath, Peyton found the words she needed.
"I love you too Lucas."
