-Jane-

"It's up to you if you're smart enough to listen."

Seriously? First you question my ability to keep an eye on someone on my own ship and then you call me stupid? What the hell?! Jane doesn't know what she's done to piss off the Turian Councilor, but he's not holding back with the condescending remarks today.

She supports her decision and T'Soni even though she hasn't yet had a chance to speak with the doctor. She doesn't really want to give him that kind of ammunition.Just be polite, Jane. Think of humanity…

She hasn't yet had the chance to debrief her team, figuring to do that after her meeting with the Council in case they offered any additional information she could share. They continue to speak towards their confusion concerning the doctor's predicament and Jane almost shrugs off the Councilor's remarks as it simply being his job to act as the cynical nature of the Council to even out the other two until her ears catch that toneagain.

"Was that really necessary, Shepard?" The other two subtly nod in agreement.

Really?! The pompous ass is going to ask me that? We nearly all die and he only cares about rubbing my face into the fact that a ruin got destroyed? And the other two are too chicken shit to say anything to my face and instead let him do it? Jane scowls at his remark of something that could very well have killed her team. Whatever his personal vendetta or occupational duty is, she can no longer stand for it.

"My team almost died in that ratty shithole! If you think a bunch of dusty ruins are more important than getting any advantage over Saren then you sent the wrong damn Spectre!" She disconnects the call before they can respond, sending the signal into static as she seethes. Ungrateful bastards…

"Uh, Commander?" Joker's voice rings over the intercom. "You want me to hold off on calling the team for debrief?"

"Fuck it, Joker. Send them in." Might as well get this over with.

Jane uses the time it takes them to file into the room to calm herself, taking deep breaths in and out. She notices the subtle shift in her husband's face that signals he's caught on that something's wrong, but she gives him a slight shake that goes unnoticed by the rest of the team as they take their seats.

His plates relax a fraction, but his eyes still hold that focus that she knows means he's bound to notice every subtle body movement she makes. To anyone else, he will look like his normal self, but Jane knows his mind will be working, putting pieces together and seeing behind her mask.

She's certain he'd like nothing more than to say 'screw it' to their rules, actually listen to his instincts and do something about his concern, but this is more important, their mission too vital, to let their personal lives get into the mix. His sense of duty will keep him in line, as is his Turian way, but sometimes she wishes they could be weak and give in to temptation.

Once everyone is settled in their seats, Jane runs through the mission to fill in Wrex, Williams, and Alenko as they hadn't been on the surface. Out of curiosity, Jane lets T'Soni fill the room in with some of her vast amount of Prothean knowledge, figuring that if their biggest lead on Saren, and these mysterious Reapers, in some type of Prothean artifact, it'd be best to know a little something about them.

She explains that though she's young and not well reviewed by her peers because of her age, young by Asari standards which gets a bit of a laugh considering, she believes she can explain the sudden extinction of the ancient race. Many of her words hit a familiar note in Jane's mind but she can't seem to figure out why. It is almost as if Liara's words hint at something Jane has seen or heard somewhere but when she tries to call on them, she gets nothing in return.

Even if she can't recall why the doctor's words seem familiar or why they feel like truth, she can hear in the woman's voice the shear amount of confidence in her theory. She may not be able to get any of her own academic peers to believe her, but going by her conviction alone, T'Soni could sway many. If she can get the evidence one day that she claims she's close to, perhaps she'll be able to solve other mysteries by association, as she believes.

When Jane brings ups the solution to the doctor's puzzle, the woman seems shocked at first, confused about the idea of the Reapers being the key to her cycle theory. When she explains the source of her knowledge comes from the beacon on Eden Prime, the woman lights up in fascination.

Now, listening to T'Soni explain the beacons and their purpose, Jane wishes she knew then what she does now, that they are a means of communicating and not often able to be interpreted by other species. 'Lesser minds' and 'strong wills' aside, Jane only cares about making sense of what she has. These images running through her brain mean nothing if she can't understand.

When the Asari offers to assist Jane is trying to make sense of the vision, hoping that perhaps her knowledge of the Protheans may give her better insight, Jane is hesitant, unsure about letting the woman in. She knows the benefits of trying to clear out the jumbled thoughts, but she's never been privy to the thought of another in her head and free to move as they please.

She isn't given much choice when the Lieutenant and Chief agree, stating the logical explanation that T'Soni may be able to see whatever the Conduit is inside the confusion. Having no way for an out, Jane reluctantly agrees and the Asari stands before her.

Jane takes a step back, her brows knitted in confusion. "I don't want you digging around in my head."

"Please, Commander." The woman smiles encouragingly. "I will only see what you wish to show me."

"And what will I see?" Jane knows vaguely how a meld works, each partner thinks about a certain thing or feels a certain emotion and it is transferred across minds, creating a connection to share in each other's sensations and feelings. She didn't like it the first time it happened to her - it's why she never took an Asari to bed unless they accepted that fact - and she knows she won't like it know, but she has no choice.

If she doesn't accept, she'll surely create distrust in her team for their new Asari member, as a group tends to follow its leader, intentional or not. If they see her not trusting of Liara T'Soni, they will have no reason to trust her either on shear principal.

"I will try to keep my mind clear, Commander, so you shall not need to worry." Her eyes crease in honest encouragement to match her soft smile and Jane gives in, taking a step forward.

"Now or never, I guess," she softly sighs and starts to let her mind run free with the frantic images of Eden Prime's beacon.

'Embrace Eternity' are the only words she hears from the Asari's speech and Jane's world sudden falls out from around her, throwing her into complete darkness. At first, she feels nothing but weightlessness and she's as peace with the meld until she feels the intense sensation her mind instantly remembers, reminding her of another reason she hated to meld minds.

It starts as a flicker of touch, a light feathering of sensation, before becoming a full blown pain. The feeling of fingers below her scalp and tapping, scrapping, clawing at her skull at they pry in attempts to get in, to dig into her thoughts and memories.

She gasps but feels no air in her lungs nor the rising of her chest. She has no body in this endless void to feel but the pain persists, picking at her being and feeding off her lack of hands to push away.

She feels the pressure of their hold before a quick snap in her presence signals their victory, the pressure releasing as their essence combines in hers and throws her existence into that of sounds and combined sensations.

She hears a commotion of voices, numerous to the point that even the softest of whispers become shouts that rattle her nonsexist bones. She tries to scream out, to call a stop to this barrage of nonsensical thought, but she has no mouth, no power as everything rushes into her.

"Momma? Are you home?"

The girls peeks in the door before entering.

She was pushed down by the mean boy at school and now her face hurts. He laughed at her ill-fitting clothes and got mad when she had called him a name. She does not remember the name.

A strange noise comes from her room and she is curious. It sounds like someone watching her tiny television. Like animals from the vids in the wild.

The living room is empty. Her mother would be in here if she were home. Her mother had given her the only bedroom so she could work here. She loved her room.

She peeks into crack of the door.

"Momma?"

"Who the fuck is that?"

A strange voice. Not the voice of her mother.

"Oh shit. She's home. You get out of here Janey!"

The girl is scared at the sound of her mother's voice. She is frozen.

Her eyes widen as the crack of the door widens from shifting inside. She doesn't understand. Her mother and a man have become a monster. A writhing monster with hate in its eyes.

"God damn it Janey?"

Her mother screams and escapes the monster's grasp. Her mother's eyes are still full of hate as her hair is grabbed and she is drug away.

"You won't listen to me when I say get out? I'll make you stay out!"

Her mother drags her to the hall and shoves her against the wall.

"No momma! Please!"

"No! You stay Janey!"

The door is slammed and she is left alone.

Jane's world rushes in with a gasp, but not from her own lips.

Her eyes quickly focus and she steps away from the exhausted Asari with a frown. What the fuck was that?!

T'Soni has a palm to her forehead and her other hand at her chest as she pants heavily. The rest of the room are stunned, all of their eyes – except one's – on the swaying doctor as she tries to catch her breath and strength.

"I am sorry, Commander." She smiles a weak smile, obviously oblivious to Jane's own experience, as she speaks.

"Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" Alenko kindly offers but the woman shakes her head.

"I think I just need to rest. Melding is always an exhausting experience." Jane's lip twitches slightly, suspicious of just how experienced this Asari is with melding. She's never heard of someone having such a hard time, but, then again, she doesn't have too many experiences to go by.

"What about you, Commander?" Williams looks to her, her eyes flickering to T'Soni with distrust.

"I'm good." Jane breaths deeply, trying to calm her speeding heart. "Did you get anything?" Or in other words, was that wonderful trip down memory lane even worth it?

T'Soni frowns and shakes her head with dejection. "I am sorry, Commander. No matter how hard I tried, I was only able to receive jumbled imagery of what you already described."

Great. "Then head to Dr. Chakwas and get checked out. For your stay on Therum and the meld." Jane looks to the rest of the room, her eyes catching the concerned look in her mate's crystal blue orbs. Damn, should've known he'd catch that. "The rest of you… dismissed."

True to their promise to stay secret, Garrus does not act out of place as he follows the order and leaves with the rest. She knows that later, though, he will want to talk, want to help, and she can't find fault in taking him up on the offer.

Anyone else would get a kick in the ass for even attempting, but he's always had her honestly even without their marriage. She just seemed to feel at ease with him around. Perhaps that is part of what brought them so close, his ability to support her and make it feel natural instead of showing weakness and his willingness to allow her to do the same.

Most of the crew has left their shifts, leaving the halls all but empty, and her team have been given the rest of the evening to relax and prepare for whatever the next day brings. Unable to force herself to join Williams, Alenko, and Wrex in the mess, she goes to her room to grab some pain relievers.

The meld has left her with one of the worst headaches she's ever felt. Each step she takes sends shockwaves up her skull and she feels like a hot liquid pain has settled just below the bone's surface. Even the headaches from her periods or biotic blowouts aren't this bad, this unnatural feeling, but she refuses to fall into bed to rest it off. She absolutely does not want to dream about the memories just brought to the surface.

Hopefully she can clear her mind and let the pain settle enough to spare herself those thoughts. With that in mind, she tosses back two pain killers and washes it down with the bottled water on her tiny desk.

Once done, she trudges out of her room, sending a wave hello to her eating crew, and heads to the elevator. The cargo hold is the darkest part of the ship, with some areas nearly pitch black, but she readily admits she may have an ulterior motive for her path.

The doors open and her face falls to find that he isn't here, isn't in his normal place by the large tank. She huffs in disappointment, but heads over to the Mako, figuring she might as well enjoy the dark environment and the help it might offer her aching head.

She lifts herself to sit on the lip of the Mako's side and rests her head on the cool metal, sighing at the pleasure of the cooling sensation. At this height, she can swing her legs freely as she gazes off into the darkness, letting her mind drift and loss focus.

She doesn't know how long she sits there before she hears a soft chuckle. "I go looking for you only to find you here." She looks down with a smile. "And here I thought you came down to the cargo bay to talk to me. Turns out you just want me around for the Mako."

She snorts at her husband and runs a soft caress along the battle damaged metal above one tire. "You're damn right. Who could deny this beauty?"

He hums and flicks a mandible, the red lighting of the bay hitting of his silvery plates and shifting his colony paint into a different hue of color. "I know I couldn't…"

She laughs. "You're such a dork. Come here." She pats beside her for him to sit.

He shakes his head softly and moves to his terminal, only to return with two plates of mess hall food, one dextro and one levo. "I thought you should eat." She turns her head away from the plate with a grimace. "Don't be difficult. You ran yourself hard on Therum, we all did."

With a defeated sigh, she gives in to him, knowing he's completely right, and takes the plate of food. "Military grade Salisbury Steak. My favorite," she groans sarcastically.

"Count yourself lucky," he grunts as his slimy pile of…something. "This isn't even dextro, it's 'negative chirality'. Whatever that means"

She chuckles around a bit of food. "It's what the Alliance thinks passes as Turian food without actually having to buy Turian food. It'll got the job done by it'll suck going down."

He throws his head back with a bite and has to bob his head to get it to slide down. Once it does, his head drops and he flicks his tongue out, disgusted, as his mandibles flap in upset. "Tell me about it."

Jane frowns in sympathy and swallows her bite. "How about I get you and Tali some better food when we dock? I can go out and get better food for the rest of us and say that I'm only getting dextro to be fair."

Garrus looks to her after struggling down another bite with hope in his eyes. "Not if it'll get you into trouble. Or cause suspicion."

She waves it off with a shrug. "You will know? As long as I make it look like that, then the most people can blame me for is being too fair to all of my team." She takes a bite. "If that's what they want to think, more power to them."

His mandibles flick, but he doesn't question her further, instead moving to his meal to try and fight the rest down. She figures the large bites he's taking are to make the torture pass quicker as she's used to seeing him savor food when it's good with smaller pieces.

When she gets to the point where she can no longer force herself to eat, he has finished his bite and takes both plates back to his station to sit out of their way. He returns to her side and sits close enough for Jane to feel his heat radiating off his body.

"Want to tell me about what happened with Liara?" He looks to her with an open expression, willing to take her refusal or acceptance as she chooses.

She sighs and holds her hand out in silent question. He purrs and pulls his glove off before happily giving her what she wants as he entwines his fingers with hers. She can't imagine her hand ever being able to not fall into this instinctual pattern anymore without effort and thought.

"When we melded... it just didn't feel right." She rubs her pounding head with her free hand. "I don't even know what the hell she was thinking or doing, but it was the exact opposite of what I wanted –and what she all but promised."

Garrus rumbles in concern and pulls her closer to run his free hand over her head and pulling the bun out. She makes a feeble attempt at protest that immediately quiets as the soothing feeling of warm hand running along her scalp does what her hand couldn't, the pain lessening enough to at least think.

She presses her head into his hand in silent thanks and continues, "When Asari's meld, it's easier to exchange information in a professional setting if they clear their minds. Liara said she would, but she didn't." Jane huffs an exhausted breath. "I really should've insisted she wait, get checked up on by the doctor and completely rested, before doing it, but I didn't. She seemed so excited to see the Prothean beacon vision and I was hoping she'd be able to dosomething with it."

"But?" Garrus' voice soft and soothing, comforting and supportive to take things at her own pace.

"But when she melded… I don't know… I got the usual sensations – which aren't very pleasant to begin with, in my opinion." She closes her eyes, trying to draw the strength to speak her nightmares. "Then I saw… I saw my mother."

She can feel the subtle confusion and surprise in his rumbling vocals, but he doesn't speak. She strokes her free hand along his hand in hers. "I saw a memory of one day in my childhood. Let's just say it wasn't a nice one."

Garrus' chest thrums deep down in silent understanding and he pulls her closer to lay a soft kiss at her temple, a nip due to of his lack of lips but something she's come to desire more than any fleshy bit of caress. "I'm sorry," is all he says and those two words encompass everything that would ever need to be sad of this horrible day.

She smiles and kisses him softly on the mouth plates before shifting to nuzzle against him. They stay in each other's company late into the night until a yawn slips past her lips.

"You should get some sleep, Jane," he chuckles and stands, pulling her hands to get her to stand. She groans but follows, he letting her go to grab their plates to dispose.

He rides the elevator up with her, any straggling crew long since gone to bed or work during graveyard shift, and she considers the time he cleans their mess as the little moments to spend more time in his company. "I wish you could stay the night with me."

He hums sympathetically, sad notes of want in his tones. "I do too, Jane."

"I hate this stupid rule we made," she huffs and leans a hip against the counter. "What harm does it do to anyone but us?"

He hums again and drops his head to hers. "What if I stayed until you fell asleep?"

She smiles sadly and speaks softly, "I'd never fall asleep."

Her heart breaks at the longing in his eyes, but he doesn't respond in words, pulling her hand instead to take her to her cabin. He slowly unclothes her, leaving loving nips and flickers of tongue and mandibles upon each new bit of unrevealed flesh. He leaves no part of her body untouched, not discouraged by the vast expanse of scarring along her back or the branding of her regretful past, but his touch is not one of lust, but worship and silent devotion.

When she is down to nothing but her panties, he helps her into a large shirt and guides her under the covers. When she is settled, he takes a chair to the side of her bed and rests his head on her chest. She strokes his plates as he nuzzles into her, his low harmonics vibrating through him and into her body.

She doesn't know what to call his actions other than a type of lullaby as the rhythmic thrumming begins to seep into her body and spread through her muscles, making them heavy and stilling her hands around him. She thinks this is probably how Turians would sooth a fussy child because she can feel sleep pull at her mind despite her every try to stay awake, stay aware of one of her few times with him.

"Sleep, Jane," he purrs, the thrumming not stopping.

"I never knew you knew how to sing," she sleepily drones and he softly chuckles.

"Only for you." He words are vague sounds on her ears as she drifts under.