The Prophecy

--Chapter 11--

'On the Brink of Insanity'

The first day of November dawned with bright blue skies and a pleasant breeze to spread the smell of autumn and the impending winter months. Lily looked out the windows of Gryffindor Tower and, seeing the beautiful weather, promptly closed the curtains. She didn't understand why Mother Nature could be celebrating the start of a new day yet she couldn't; if the weather were to reflect her mood, there would be a blizzard or a torrential downpour, at least rain of some sort. Not what had greeted her.

A bullfighter seemed to reside in her body, battling the numerous emotions surging through her. Fear. Determination. Sadness. All that and so much more. She was loosing grip on her sanity, and if she did not figure out how to balance her emotions or control them in some way, she would be finding herself as a permanent resident of a fully padded room at St. Mungo's.

Lily did not understand what was going on. She'd been fine for the past few days; she and James had even started a friendship of sorts. She knew everyone was happy to have an end to the constant bickering, and Lily was not afraid to admit that she enjoyed the peace as well. It was too much work to be upset with James, especially since his leap into maturity could be clearly seen. To think that just two months in his presence had changed her view of him so much. But maybe she had changed as well. No, there was no maybe. She had changed. And Lily wasn't sure if it was really for the better. Her friendship with James was a definite benefit but everything else seemed to be dragging her downhill. Opinions and other comments used to flow from her tongue but now she was tightlipped and introverted. Worry was a constant expression on her friends' faces. Lily didn't mean to worry them so much but she couldn't tell them what was wrong either. She wouldn't be able to stand the looks of disgust she would receive from them. And if James found out? Well, she'd have to leave the country, or at least leave Hogwarts. Just imagining his reaction made her want to drown herself in the lake with the Giant Squid.

Lily felt tears slide slowly down her cheeks but did not move her hand to brush them away. She didn't want to leave Hogwarts but she couldn't see any other solution. Her friends would soon lose their patience with her and begin to ignore her, and if the truth was revealed they would hate her for the disgusted being she was. Either way she would lose her best friends. They were her family. But they would hate her. And she'd be alone.

Sharing the lake with the Giant Squid wasn't sounding too bad at the moment.

"Lily," her name was hushed, and if the wind had not stopped she would not have heard it. She knew who that voice belonged to and was unsure if she wanted to face her best friend at the moment. That choice was ripped out of her hands as Kelly sat down on the window ledge beside Lily.

"Lily?" Kelly beckoned again. "Are you all right?"

That was the popular question the past three months. And the answer? Most definitely no, except she couldn't tell them that because then she would be ordered to give an explanation and she could not explain it to them. But either way her friends would hate her. Why should she prolong it?

Kelly watched Lily's eyes glaze over in deep thought. She resigned to leave her troubled friend to her thoughts and hope that Lily would find the moment to let her best friend back into her life.

A few minutes passed until Lily noticed that Kelly was staring at her, waiting for her to answer. "Yeah, I'm all right I guess. Confused but all right."

"Want to talk about it?" Kelly watched as the wheel turned within Lily's mind.

Lily fought between the urge to open the gates that kept her secrets hidden and to lock her lips so no foolish confessions could slip from them. Either choice could lead to dangerous consequences. Her head began to throb painfully from thinking too much; it was all she was doing nowadays with no relief to the torture she put herself through. She held her head in her hands, attempting to ease the pain.

"Lily?" the worry in Kelly's voice was gut-wrenching and Lily didn't know how much longer she could take it.

"I'm okay," Lily said, lifting her head so she was looking directly at Kelly. Since when had she been able to lie to her best friend?

"But—"

"I'm fine," Lily spoke stronger.

"Only if by fine you mean frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional," Kelly argued.

"It's nothing I can't handle," Lily reassured. "I think," she whispered. The proclamation went unheard since Amy and Katie had just woken up, groaning loudly as they stretched their arms high above their heads.

Lily returned to her silence, staring sadly at the forest, wishing to fly high above the clouds, to be free of everything that surrounded her.

"Lily?" Amy prompted, sitting down slowly beside her. Lily continued to stare silently out the window, picturing herself far above the castle looking down at the place she called home. "Lily, please talk to us. You'll drive yourself insane if you don't tell someone what is bothering you."

Hadn't she been thinking just that?

"Maybe that would be best," Lily blurted. Seeing the shock on her friends' faces, she realized she had spoken her thoughts.

"Lily, what is going on? You've been acting so different lately," Kelly said, the worry making her voice crack. "You never would have said some of these things last year."

"A lot has happened since last year."

Lily mentally slapped herself. She was giving out more information than she wanted to. She wasn't used to keeping things from her friends but this time it was absolutely necessary.

"Well, how are we supposed to know what happened if you won't tell us?" Katie said in frustration.

"You wouldn't understand," Lily said.

"Try me," Katie said sharply, leaning towards her and locking their gaze with such ferocity that Lily had to look away or else she would have let something slip.

"I can't," she choked on her words, forcing those two of her tongue instead of the story she was protecting with her life.

"Well, then answer this," Katie demanded. "What are you doing to James?"

"What are you talking about?" Lily was thoroughly confused.

"You know that he's liked you since the first time he saw you. And he's been infatuated with you since fourth or fifth year. Before, you never paid any attention to him; you avoided him like the plague actually. Now, you've started something that resembles a friendship. He's started to have a bit of hope that your feelings toward him are changing, even if it is from hate to friendship, but you seriously crushed him last night. You should have seen the look on his face after you ran up the stairs, refusing to speak to him. I hope I never have to see that look on his face again. Why Lily? Why do you build him up only to let him drop?"

Lily couldn't breathe. She gasped around the giant lump in her throat and attempted to hold back the tears that were so dangerously close to falling. "I didn't mean to. I didn't know. You don't understand; it's not like that," she struggled to say.

"Then, please, Lily, enlighten me. Make me understand," Katie snapped.

Lily looked at the hardness in Katie's features and the disgust in her voice, and the dam that was holding her tears at bay burst open. She shook her head, unable to speak. Explanation was impossible at this point. She couldn't force the words past the huge lump in her throat. Shaking her head once more, Lily grabbed her book bag and rushed out the door, wiping tears furiously away from her cheeks and hoping her face wasn't full of red splotches, even though she knew it was. Clutching her bag on her shoulder, Lily ran out the portrait hole, avoiding anyone and everyone that she could as she headed to the one place she could find sanctuary.

--- --- ---

James watched as a fireball streaked through the common room, her face red and her eyes glassy. She was holding her book bag as if it were her lifeline. He looked at the staircase leading to the girls' dormitories, wondering what had caused her current state. James had rarely, if ever, seen Lily cry and he knew something must be really wrong in order to provoke that kind of response in her. What could have possibly prompted this?

James looked over at his fellow Marauders, who had stopped their game of Exploding Snap to watch Lily's quick trip from the staircase to the portrait hole. Remus looked concerned; Sirius was in awe, while Peter was purely dumbfounded.

"Did it look like Lily had been…?" Sirius could hardly say the word; it was so foreign to be combined with Lily's name. "Had been…crying?"

"For once, I believe Sirius' observations are correct," Remus agreed.

"I resent that," Sirius feigned deep hurt. "My observations in regard to females happen to be mainly correct."

"Then Kelly must be excluded from the female race since you can't even read the most obvious signs she gives off. Do you agree, Prongs?" Remus asked after fully insulting Sirius. "Oy, Prongs!" James was currently staring transfixed at the staircase, but he returned to the conversation when Sirius chucked a roll of parchment at him.

"Hey! Padfoot, you're a right pain in the arse, you know that?" James said, rubbing the part of his forehead where the parchment had connected. "And to answer your question, Moony, Padfoot's observations are rarely, if ever, correct."

"It's not like yours are any better, mate," Sirius stated.

"Maybe they aren't, but I know that there is something wrong with her, especially after what happened last night…" Sirius cocked his head suggestively. "And it's not what you're thinking, Padfoot, so get your head out of the gutter." Sirius looked oddly disappointed. "Like I was saying, Lily has been acting strangely all term and last night affirmed for me that something is very wrong."

"Okay, Prongs, I understand that you're worried about her but you need to explain things a bit for us," Remus said.

James explained how Lily was tossing and turning from a nightmare that her friends could not wake her from. After lightly shaking her and calling her name, she woke but once she saw James her eyes filled with a fear that he could not understand. She ran up the staircase without another word.

"So, am I mental? Is there actually something to this or am I making a big deal out of nothing?"

Sirius was the first to speak. "Yes, you're a bit mental, but there is something more to this; you're not just dreaming it."

"Thanks, Padfoot," James said, smacking Sirius on the shoulder for trying to be comedic at entirely the wrong time. "Now Moony do you have something a bit more helpful for me?"

"I really don't know what to say, Prongs. Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"She won't talk about it. To anyone."

"Well, since these nightmares have been occurring all term, I'd have to say that something prompted them this summer. It didn't happen here, whatever the 'it' is."

"How did you know she was having nightmares before now? I don't remember telling you about them?" James scratched his head, trying to remember.

"Then, you need to work on your memory. Besides, Amy has told me about this as well."

"Amy huh?" Sirius winked.

"Off topic, Padfoot!" James scolded.

"So…" Remus sent a warning glance at Sirius not to interrupt again. "I just don't understand why she would be afraid of you. You didn't do anything to her, did you?" James glare was answer enough. "That would be a 'no.' But why would she be afraid of you?" Remus held his head in his hands, thinking. "Wait, maybe she's not afraid of you but afraid of you finding out whatever it is she's hiding. Some people talk in their sleep, right?"

James looked highly confused at the switch Remus had just made. "Yeah… Why?"

"Well, isn't it possible that she thought that maybe she had said something, something that would have given away what she's been hiding all term? And maybe she'd thought that you'd heard it, and she didn't want you to. And she just didn't want to know your reaction."

"You know what, Moony? You could be right," James said. Remus smiled, apparently proud of himself. "I just don't get what could be so bad that she doesn't want me knowing."

"Now that is something that I can't even begin to comprehend," Remus said.

--- --- ---

You wouldn't understand if you knew, Lily thought, her head in her hands, covering the tears that traced rivers down her cheeks. You just wouldn't.

--- --- ---

After nearly a week of not speaking more than a few words to each other—Lily had avoided him like the plague and he'd given her the space she clearly needed—James was given an opportunity thanks to a certain Head duty called patrol. There was no way she could avoid him this time. He knew for a fact that all of her homework was finished and nothing else that he could think of would keep her from patrolling with him. Awkwardness may surround them but just being with her again was good enough for him. He didn't care if he was acting like a lovesick puppy; he didn't care if his friends knew his affections toward the redhead. Hell, he didn't care if the entire world knew. Well, maybe not the entire world. Only his friends, just in case; some people may think his insanity had reached an entirely new level. And maybe it had.

There had been a brief period in first and second year when he and Lily had gotten along but a stupid stunt involving brooms and his best mate ended that friendship. Lily thought he was an arrogant, self-idolizing prick even since. Dumbledore putting them into the positions of Head Boy and Girl might have been the stupidest thing he had ever done, or perhaps it was the smartest. Dumbledore was not the type of man to make mistakes.

Things had been going so well between them. Sure, she got frustrated with him once in a while, but she did not shout at him like she always had before. Something had changed between them, until Halloween night at least. The events of that night boggled his mind. At first, everything was perfect; the prank had gone off without a hitch, and everyone had enjoyed it, including the girls that mattered most. But then it had taken a drastic turn for the worst. How often does someone learn that their life and death had been prophesized? Not that often, but it had happened to James and Lily.

Dumbledore revealed to him the extent of the prophecy. Ever since, he could not think of anything else. Not only was his life on the line but Lily's also. He could accept the reality that his life might end but not Lily's; long ago he'd learned that death was inevitable. His father was an Auror after all and knew plenty of death; James had been attending funerals since before he could remember, more so now that this dark wizard was gaining more support and his attacks were becoming more frequent and more gruesome. Now Lily's life was at greater risk than before; her Muggle heritage put her in danger from Pureblood fanatics and now this prophecy said the two of them would lead to the Dark Lord's eventual downfall. To think that he and Lily were prophesized to be together and to have a kid together was unimaginable, especially with how she had reacted toward him Halloween night and their history together.

They were all insane; the person who made the prophecy, Dumbledore, himself. He wanted to find a way out of this madness. He wasn't too thrilled to being in danger because his kid was going to get rid of this maniac. He could keep space between him and Lily, but then he would be completely miserable because he wasn't around her. If they became friends, both of them would have huge targets on their backs since the Death Eaters would believe the prophecy was coming true. James could swear that he was on the brink of insanity. What teenager should have to deal with a situation like this? It was cruel and unusual!

James damned the man who put this huge weight on his shoulders but immediately took it back since he knew how powerful of a wizard Dumbledore was. James made a plan to meet with Dumbledore the next day to discuss the prophecy and what he could do about it. For now he would just try and forget about it, not that it was very likely. Focus on the task at hand, his father always told him, and he would. Having Lily by his side would be an easy distraction.

"Ready to go, James?"

He turned around in his chair, seeing Lily standing behind him, her hair pulled back from her face and her green eyes shining with delight. James knew she was looking forward to their patrol; they both enjoyed catching students out after hours, especially if they happened to be with that significant other. For some reason, they both took pleasure in the awkwardness of walking in on those students and punishing them accordingly. Most times it was nothing more than a threat and laughing loudly as they ran off to their respected common rooms.

Now what had he been thinking about before Lily had interrupted, sending his thoughts spiraling? His mind was blank. Somehow he knew he had made his point, without knowing for sure what that point was.

Nodding, James got up from his place on one of the overstuffed chairs. "Ready whenever you are."

"Great," she said, smiling softly at him. "I think we should start with…"

Lily was telling him where they would patrol but none of her words seemed to reach his ears or maybe he was just blocking them. He was too enraptured with the movement of her lips and wondering how they would feel against his. Focus, Potter! He yelled at himself; how was he going to have a proper conversation with her if he was too busy eyeing up her anatomy.

"So what have you been up to lately?" she asked him.

James tore his gaze away from her lips and tried to remember what he had done over the past week. An immense amount of worrying about her was the only thing that came to mind but he was determined to keep that from her. Making him seem like a psycho was not the proper way to win her over. Was he even trying to win her over any more?

"Mainly Quidditch practice," he replied. Where did that answer come from? He hadn't even been thinking about Quidditch.

"Getting ready for your next match, I suppose?"

James struggled to keep a smile from invading his face. Lily was actually taking an interest in his life! He beamed with pleasure.

"Yup," was all he could manage to say.

Come on, Potter! Can't you think of anything better than that?

"We figure that since Slytherin has their first match in a week or two, how well they play can determine who will ultimately win the Quidditch House Cup. We know that Slytherin has a good team but we're unsure of how good they are. It'll probably be Gryffindor versus Slytherin in the final match for the Cup but we don't want to jinx ourselves." James said.

"I think you'll have a fine chance of making it to the finals. You needn't worry so much. Your mother has mentioned how concerned you are over this season and we both agree that you need to relax a bit."

"I've tried to relax but I know that we have a good team and we can win and I know how disappointed they'll be if we don't again." He stopped abruptly and looked at her. "Wait. You've been talking to my mother."

He watched as a small blush crept into her cheeks and she nodded. A discussion with his mother had just reached the top of his 'To Do' list. "What did she say?" he asked suspiciously and wary of the answers that may or may not come out of her mouth.

"Well, first she said that you're entirely too high strung and someone needs to teach you how to relax," she said nonchalantly. Her eyes grew brighter as she said. "And then she did send me some pictures…" she laughed loudly at the horrified expression on James' face. "I'm just kidding, James. No need to get you knickers in a twist."

James had to pick his jaw off the floor. He could swear the twinkling in her eyes could light up the entire corridor. He felt her link arms with him and he lost his breath in shock.

"Now is there a reason why you don't want me talking to your mother?" she asked him, smirking.

She's flirting with me! He rejoiced.

--- --- ---

Lily watched the wheels turn in James' head. She had a faint feeling that his mum was trying to play matchmaker. Lily looked at him carefully and noticed her arm was intertwined with his. And then she realized what she had been doing. She was flirting with him!

Lily quickly removed her arm from around his, taking rapid breaths. What had she been doing? She was out of her mind! She'd spent the past few days avoiding him and now she was flirting with him. Lily couldn't understand what was wrong with her. The lack of sleep maybe was affecting her brain. Her arm had reached out to his on its own accord; she had nothing to do with it. Nothing. Lily buried her face in her hands, shaking her head furiously.

"Lily? What's going on?" he asked. He looked so confused and she couldn't bear it. She knew it was her fault.

"Nothing. Nothing's going on." Lily said sharply. Her fingers twisted in her hair.

James took her hands in his, his gaze never leaving her face. She looked anywhere but at him until he placed one hand on her cheek, steadying her. "What is going on?" he articulated each word.

She pushed away from him, considered sprinting back to Gryffindor Tower to hide in her bed, never wanting to face his intense gaze again. Knowing that she would spill everything if she had to look into his hazel eyes one more time.

His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her back to him. His touch was soft, as was the tone of his voice, which unnerved her more than if he had been harsh with her. He was being too kind to her, too thoughtful; Lily knew that had one of her friends been as close-mouthed as she had been the past two months, she'd have been furious, demanding that they tell whatever they were hiding.

"Lily, what is going on? Your friends are worried sick about you. Hell, I'm worried sick about you and I'm not going to let you go until you explain to me why you're acting like this."

That gaze was murder. She sought to look anywhere but into his eyes. She tried to push him away but he just moved closer to her.

"You avoided me successfully for the past few days but that comes to an end now. You've been having nightmares ever since we came back. You won't tell anyone what is bothering you. And then, when things were looking up between us, Halloween night happened. You looked down right scared of me, Lily. Why? Answer me that."

She shook her head. She couldn't, she just couldn't.

He moved closer to her, tangling his hand in her hair. She tried to push him away but couldn't. He was too strong for her.

She could feel his breath on her neck and she cringed.

She beat her fists on his chest, trying to put any space between them. But his grip on her tightened and the space between them closed.

"James, please. Just let me go." She pushed against him furiously. "You wouldn't understand."

He didn't listen to her. "I bet that bruise from that day on the train has something to do with this, doesn't it? Do you remember that conversation, Lily? I asked you if it was from your sister. You didn't answer me; you avoided it like you've been doing for two whole months." His voice was rising a bit but she didn't dare look at him. "Someone put that bruise on your arm and I want to know who."

He slammed her up against the wall, her back and head making contact with the hard surface. Stars flew before her eyes. "You're a right little whore, you know that?" he snarled into her ear. "With your eyelash batting and little smiles, you drag 'em in and then do with them what you want."

She disagreed. "Just let me go," she pleaded.

"I don't think so." He smiled evilly, letting out a laugh that chilled her.

She pushed at him desperately, lashing out with her legs, hoping to make contact with any body part that would cause him to loosen his grip on her so that she could get away. Foot met leg and he howled in pain. She tried to slip away but he grasped her arm, squeezing it tightly and forcing her up against the wall once more. His grip tightened, a sneer of his face. She swore she could feel a bulge against her leg.

Tears began to slide down her cheeks. She pushed at James' chest rapidly, her breathing coming in spurts.

"Let me go, James," she choked out.

"What's wrong?" he asked, wiping away the free-falling tear. "What's going on?"

"Just let me go," she cried. "Just let me go!"

He took two steps back in horror. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Lily slid away from the wall, brushing past James in a hurry. Her feet thundered along the corridor as she ran back to the Tower, leaving James standing in the spot where she had left him, staring at his hands.

She ran as fast as her feet could carry her.

This can't be happening, she thought. This can't be happening!

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To be continued…

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A/N: Sorry this took so long. And please forgive any typos as well since I finished this chapter and just put it up so that you wouldn't hate me too much for the long awaited update. I hope this last part wasn't too confusing. (Hint: the italics are flashbacks). Please review and let me know what you think. Theories are appreciated and any reviews will make me write faster.