Double or Nothing
Chapter Eleven
Strength
But when I need you, you're Almost Here,
And I know that's not enough,
And when I'm with you, I'm close to tears,
Cause you're only Almost Here
Almost Here-Brian McFadden/Delta Goodrem
xxxXxxx
George didn't hang around the next morning, not even for breakfast. He appeared in the kitchen very briefly to mutter a goodbye to most of his family who sat around the table. Ginny, Hermione, Percy and his father all refused to look at him. Half afraid of what they would see in his eyes. It was just as well, he didn't think he would be able to look them in the eyes. His mother however silently rose from her seat and hugged George tightly, really not wanting to let him go, sure that if she did, her son would disappear into darkness and never return.
He hugged her back and muttered an "I'm sorry…" before disentangling himself from her arms and stepping back into the living room.
The clock on the mantle sat completely stationary, no hands were moving, all but the twins' hands pointed safely on 'Home', Fred's still on 'Lost' and would be forever, George's rested unwaveringly on 'Mortal Peril.' He spared one final glance at it, waved a goodbye over his shoulder to his family and Disapparated.
xxxXxxx
He felt better when he arrived back in his flat. It was better not to have ten people breathing down his neck about how he felt, trying to get him to talk and then getting offended when he did. A flicker of white caught his eye and he turned to find a scrap of parchment on the table.
George,
I read the article...George, why'd you talk to her? It doesn't sound like you at all…
I haven't seen you in months. How are you?
Listen, I'll come and visit you soon, and no, you have no choice. I'm coming.
Lee
George grunted and tossed the parchment into the wastebasket, the last thing he wanted was another person to fuss and worry about him. He wondered vaguely when Lee had left the note and when he would be back. Not keen for it to be anytime soon after his episode last night.
Finding himself with nothing to do George, only half-heartedly decided to take a walk…he soon wished that he hadn't done so.
He had completely forgotten that his family were not the only people who read 'The Daily Prophet', most of the wizarding world did and that was obvious as he walked sullenly down the busy Diagon Alley. It was full of people clambering for the post-Christmas sales and bargains, from Eeylop's Owl Emporium to Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions, everywhere had customers today.
George did not fail to notice that everywhere he went people stared at him; some obviously, some actually bothered to try to be discreet.
He knew he was a topic of conversation amongst gossiping witches and wizards and could not help but catch snatches of conversations as he passed, often said gossipers would hush themselves as they saw him. "The poor dear…."
"Speaking to no one….crying himself to sleep every night, I heard!"
"….The poor boy's gone loopy!"
"Those Weasleys were always a strange lot, always suspected one of them would lose it one day…"
"Arthur's son…."
"I heard he attacked a customer in that shop! He's off his head the lad is."
"…ought to be admitted to St Mungos really…."
George fought the urge to snarl at these people. He wanted more than anything to yell loudly that they were wrong, Skeeter was wrong. The trouble was that he didn't know if they were wrong at all anymore…except for the attack on a customer. That was completely false in every way.
He sighed and kicked a stray pebble along the cobbled street as he passed Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour. Something caught his eye to his right and he paused. He turned his head, a completely blank expression on his pale face, he blinked. A little boy no older than five or six was staring at him through big brown eyes, his ice-cream dripping onto his hand. He couldn't have been old enough to have read the article but there was no doubt he recognized George from his picture.
He kept staring, George kept staring back. Something about the way the kid didn't avoid him, intrigued the twin and a smile touched his lips as it hadn't done for over twenty-four hours.
At that moment, the child's mother came out of the building and looked up to see what her son was so interested in. She spotted George, glowered at him and snatched up the kid's hand, pulling him away in a hurry.
"Better not to go near that man, Jack…" she instructed curtly.
George felt a horrible pang in his gut as she said that; mother's hurried their children away from him, most people avoided him and witches gossiped about him, pausing only if they saw him and started up again the moment they thought he was out of earshot. A few times he had received a clap on the shoulder by a wizard in an attempt to be reassuring. He hadn't even thought he was that well-known, when Fred was alive they had been very well known. But only as the twins, only as Fred AND George, not individually. Perhaps that was because they were never apart and so it was hard to know them as individuals.
Was he really crazy? He wondered. It was quite possible now, he lost control of his emotions so easily now, he couldn't keep them in check anymore.
Arriving back at the shop he saw two boys his own age laughing loudly and pointing at him. One he recognized as Adrian Pucey, a former Slytherin his own age. Seeing him coming, the other boy cried out "Alright there, Wacky?"
George had just about had it and threateningly withdrew his wand from the pocket of his jeans, quickening his pace. Pucey smirked as George approached them in front of Wheeze's window.
The Weasley swore as he saw the enlarged, Weasley Wizard Wacky? Headline and photograph in the window.
"Permanent Sticking Charm." Pucey drawled lazily "Don't bother trying."
George didn't say a word but turned slowly and glared stonily at the former Slytherins. He raised his wand silently and sent a Stinging Jinx at Pucey quicker than you could say 'hex'. He was blasted off his feet and flew a few metres before crashing to the ground with a howl of pain and clutching his face which was rapidly swelling to the size of a watermelon.
His comrade growled, whipped out his own wand and sent a hex back at George who was too fast for him and deflected it, crying out "Rictusempra!"
His opponent promptly collapsed in a fit of laughter and rolled about, reaching for his discarded wand and clutching his side with the other hand.
Pucey had dragged himself to his feet, still groaning with pain, hauled his friend up and began to retreat quickly, avoiding the giggles and stares of passers-by.
George glared icily after them "What're you looking at?" He grunted to a pair of teenage girls who were looking at him a little fearfully.
He stared morosely at the display in the window and began to mutter various spells under his breath, moving his wand over it. But it didn't budge.
xxxXxxx
George's day went from bad to worse as he descended the staircase leading to the basement of Wheezes. Having made the decision to keep himself busy for the rest of the day working out the bugs in a faulty Invisibility Hat that, instead of making both the hat and the head of the wearer invisible while being worn, kept the head invisible even while it was not being worn.
xxxXxxx
Lee Jordan examined the window of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes with disgust. Some people, really!
He rapped on the door of the closed shop, to no avail and promptly Apparated inside the flat. "George?" He called, totally silence was his only answer and he peered in all the rooms. George wasn't home.
He was about to give up and come back another day when a great cry of pain echoed from somewhere far below his feet. Panicking, Lee sprinted down the flights of stairs and bolted through the basement door. George was there, clutching his left wrist to his stomach and attempting to steady his wand. Lee cried out in horror at the long gash in his mate's wrist…he was trying to kill himself! He hurried over and wrenched George's wand away.
"What the hell are you doing?" He shouted his dark eyes wide with fear.
George gaped at him, the pain momentarily forgotten "Lee?"
Lee only nodded gruffly and pointed his wand at the bleeding wound, muttering quickly under his breath. Only when the skin had begun to knit itself together and the blood stopped did he allow himself to look up into George's shocked face.
"WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" he exploded.
The Weasley gaped at him and snatched his wrist back before scoffing and making his way out of the basement. Lee hot on his heels.
"George! Look at me!"
George spun around "Wha-"
WHAM! Lee had punched him for absolutely no reason. George staggered back, nursing his jaw.
"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP HITTING ME? WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" he bellowed, completely shocked.
Jordan scoffed "What do you think? When you try to kill yourself you gotta expect some reactions!"
The twin did a double take "What? You-You think I tried to-what the hell, Lee?"
Now it was Lee's turn for a double take "You mean…you weren't trying to…"
"No!" he yelled, an expression of utter disbelief on his face "No! I was trying to fix a hat, and I needed to use a Severing Charm and I…well I missed!" He explained and then added in an undertone "If I was trying to kill myself I would have succeeded…"
His friend blinked and had the decency to look ashamed of himself, pretending that he hadn't heard the last part. "Sorry…." He muttered "But you had a big gash in your wrist so obviously I assumed…" he trailed off. He examined the rapidly purpling bruise on George's jaw "Sorry about that…"
George rolled his eyes and wordlessly made his way back up to his flat with Lee Jordan in tow. "You sure picked a rotten day to pay a visit."
"I wasn't gonna leave it much longer after I read what Skeeter's been writing about you…I tell you, she'd better shut her mouth before she gets in trouble…"
George made his way straight into the kitchen and pulled an unmarked bottle from a drawer. He rubbed a little of the contents on his jaw and replaced the stopper. "Drink?" he called to Lee.
"No thanks." He called back as George sat across from him at the table. "How are you? It's been months."
"If one more person asks me how I am….." George growled warningly but sighed. He had no desire to repeat himself like he had done last night. He still wasn't sure why he'd told his family everything that he was feeling…well, mostly everything…well, some.
"I'm not giving you a Grand Tour of George Weasley's Feelings." He said.
Lee nodded, seeing no point in pressing the point any further. "You're really thin…and pale. How often do you leave the flat?" he asked concernedly.
George shrugged "Not much, I'm busy."
"Doing what?" Lee asked sceptically.
"Store business." George nodded to the pile of paperwork next to him. "There's only one of us to do it now Fred's-" he cut himself off abruptly. He NEVER talked about Fred; he NEVER said his name out loud. "You know."
"That can't be all you've been doing! Skeeter says you've been…hate to quote her but… pushing your family aside."
"Bloody hell! What are you, a reporter now?"
"I'm worried, mate, that's what I am."
"So I don't spend every waking moment with them? They just don't leave me alone, and that's what I want to be, Lee….alone." He glared at the wood of the table and twirled his wand over in his fingers absentmindedly.
Jordan didn't say anything for a few minutes, he had a feeling that George had something else to say. Which he did.
"Isn't it supposed to get better with time? The pain?" he murmured, more to himself than to Lee.
Lee couldn't reply, he looked sadly over his hands at George who was staring down at his fingernails as he continued.
"Then why does it hurt so damn much?" his voice broke and trembled and it was all he could do to keep from sobbing.
"George…." Lee reached out a hand and patted his shoulder, the twin shook it off.
He kicked himself for getting so emotional again, he really did have no control over his mood swings at all.
"Look…" he lifted his wand "Expecto Patronum…" nothing but a wispy, silvery-blue vapour came from his wand. "I can't even think of a happy memory…it's all gone."
The twins' best friend beside each other felt awful. He knew George wasn't doing so well but he never imagined…it wasn't right, to look at George and see only George without Fred there beside him. It was like…a fish without water or a scarless Harry. Just wrong.
"I just…I wish…"George hiccupped "It had been me…I wish I had died and Fred had lived. He would be able to deal with it. Fred was always the strong one…"
George was seriously depressed. Lee was honestly beginning to doubt if George was still be alive in one year's time…
Suddenly the twin's tear streaked face lifted to look at Jordan who vaguely became aware of the tears slipping down his own cheeks. "I'm gonna go sleep." He muttered and stood "Bye, Lee."
With that George disappeared into the bedroom, swinging the door closed behind him and leaving a bewildered Lee feeling awful.
xxxXxxx
George had every intention of sleeping, it was just a matter of getting to the bed without collapsing. The three steps suddenly felt like three miles and his head felt as light as anything. George groaned and managed one step toward his bed before falling in dead faint, overcome with exhaustion.
The silver fox emerged from beneath the bed and made its way to the wizard. It gently rolled George onto his back, grasped the back of his jacket and pulled him to the bed. Jumping lithely onto the bed and pulling the dead weight of the sleeping twin behind it. With that, it tucked it's head beneath George's arm and whined sadly.
You were always the strong one….
