(Jade)
Perrie lay against me warming my body and soul. She and Jesy were talking about the tweets and I felt her voice form through her before leaving her mouth. I watched her as she spoke and as she thought about everything. I wasn't sure what had happened lately. It felt like since I had been in the hospital waiting for Perrie to wake up I didn't want to ever be without her. I knew that obviously this was just because I thought I was going to lose her and she was my best friend, my sister. However somehow it felt different, different to my love for Jesy and Leigh-Anne. It was almost as if it radiated from the core of my being, infecting every part of me. I held her against me in an almost selfish way, not wanting her to leave. I felt an increased amount of protection over her and seeing her face as she read those tweets broke my heart. How could anyone be so cruel? Cruel enough to write something that was intended to hurt, was directed specifically at a person. An accusation that was cold and dripping with animosity. The thought of the person sat comfortably and anonymously at home in front of their computer infuriated me.
'Jade?' I looked down to see a pair of impossibly blue eyes staring up at me 'Your grinding your teeth, are you ok?' I unclenched my jaw, not even realising I had been grinding my teeth in the first place.
'Yeah I'm fine, just thinking' I replied softly and smiled, I didn't want Perrie to think that anything was wrong with me. I knew she was hurting, her pain was written across her face. It had been since she'd woken up, a constant reminder of what none of us could forget. She was still staring at me, her eyes searching deep within myself trying to find my true feelings. I found it difficult to mask them from her but there was a voice in my head that reminded me to protect Perrie. That she needed me as much as I needed her. I smiled as I moved slightly, her body still pressed against mine. I moved my hand toward hers and laced her fingers between my own. I knew that this action would convince her that I was fine but there was something else about it that made me smile, truly smile. I began to find myself liking the way she felt so close against me, the way her hand fit so perfectly in mine as if we had been made to fit together. She squeezed my hand as she turned back to Jesy. I let myself relax. 'Stop it Jade' my voice was loud in my head. The voice of reason and sense, I knew I was being stupid. I couldn't understand the feelings that were overpowering me yet I knew that whatever they were they were one sided. I knew that Perrie stuck true to our friendship; that nothing could grow from it. Not that I wanted anything to, or did I? I couldn't begin to understand my feelings and Perrie's body pressed so close to mine wasn't helping matters. I felt frustrated, confused and angry. What was I thinking? I hate not being able to decipher my own mind and I was scared. Scared of what these feeling may mean, I needed a distraction at least for now until I could understand my own mind. I didn't feel like me, I felt as though I was someone else. Someone who didn't hold certainty in themselves like I usually do. I felt lost in the murkiness of my mind, I needed to clear my head.
'I'll be back in a minute, does anyone want a drink?' I wasn't happy about moving away from Perrie but for some reason having her so close to me was messing with my mind.
'No thanks baba' Perrie smiled at me as she sat up allowing me to move, 'I'm good thanks Jadey' I smiled toward Jesy before making my way into the kitchen. I leant against the counter attempting to clear my mind.
