Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated. I guess I've just been in this bored place. I dunno, I haven't been able to write anything at all. And I feel like shit because of it, but yeah.
Thank you all. Please Review.
October 27, 1976
Dear Lily,
I have this warm place in my heart that I wish you would stand in. I do love you, you know that. I'm in Charms class right now, my head pressed against mahogany. I didn't sleep much last night. No one did, I think, because even Flitwick talks slowly today, his left hand palced precariously on a railing in hopes that his own mind will not shove him over. I don't know, I'm not worried about this class. But there you are, seven paces in front of me to the right, you back straight and proper, your quill whipping back and forth, jotting down every word he says. I watch, endlessly intrigued by the motions of your wrist, the curve of our L's, the simplistic quality your entire being produces as you create, you delve into the ink of your blood and release this perfect note taking - and hold up.
Those aren't notes! You little minx! Those are notes, that's a note! Like a note, oh you know what a note is, the one where you place your favorite crush in writing and then your best friend accidentally drops it (or so he says), and it ends up in the hands of the girl you like and she huffs angrily and casts a burning charm on the note so it will never be remembered. But. I mean. I don't know what I'm talking about. But that's a note! And, and - and you're passing it to Dorcas.
Who passes it to Alice, who passes it to Selina, to Remus, to Peter, to Sirius, to me. And it's in my hands.
After class. You. Me. 3rd floor.
Be still my heart. I look at Sirius who is asleep already. Remus is taking notes again, and Peter is writing something too. Will no one share in my glory?! This is it, this moment when you finally decide to be my friend. Or wait. No wait, what if this is you saying you don't want to speak to me ever. What if that happens too? Holy shit this is the end isn't it. Okay, breathe, breathe.
And then we're there, you know. I follow you to third floor into an abandoned classroom. I close the door quietly. I realize I've been holding my breath the entire way here.
"Hi," you say, half your lips curved in this obnoxiously cute smirk that I'm sure would mirror mine if I had the strength to smile.
"Hi."
Silence again, air crackling with energy, your hands reaching behind to perch on a desk, your body leaning back. You lean towards your wall, and I lean towards mine.
"I want..." You trail off, half alive, I feel, your hands wringing themselves. I can't think either, and if I try to say something I'm so worried I'll ruin this before it can start.
"Um."
Silence.
"Friendship and hanging out and being normal," You blurt out suddenly and you're off, losing focus and falling into nervous energy, "and walking each other to class with dumb smirks and the stupid goofiness that you have and the pranks and the stupid flirtation and all that and your cute grins and the way you care about your friends I want you to care about me like that and..."
You realize how much you've said and you clamp your hand over your mouth. "Shit."
I smile. I can't stop, I don't want to ever stop. "Friendship."
"Friendship."
I'm ready to jump in the air but you correct things, a bit. "But this is probationary," you warn. "I don't want you to ask me out and I don't want trouble and I just want to be your friend, but if that doesn't work out..."
I don't say anything.
Ring.
The bell.
You walk past me, your shadow and aroma running over me. In the silence, I drop my hands to my side, trying not to reach out. I turn.
You close the door when you leave, so softly, a timid kind of punctuation that lingers.
Love,
James
