Ch. 10 Clarity
Let all thy converse be sincere,
Thy conscience as the noonday clear;
For Iluvatar's all seeing eye surveys
Thy secret thoughts, thy works and ways.
~George Eliot
...
"Brothers . . ." Aerlinniel sighed, breaking the silence between the two of them, before it grew to be uncomfortable.
Legolas sniffed as he turned his head toward her, his eyes revealing his amusement.
They sat, alone below the shady oak that draped its tall branches over their heads. Golden leaves cascaded from its boughs, flitting and twirling through the air like butterflies scampering about.
"Do not let Elladan's antics sway you to do something that you do not wish to do. He can be quite the antagonizer," she said hoping the prince wasn't offended by her brother's manipulations.
A broad smile graced Legolas' face, revealing a side to him Aerlinniel had not seen before – a boyish quality that she thought, surprisingly suited him.
"`Tis alright, I am a brother and understand the satisfaction in making a sister squirm."
His eyebrows playfully lifted, before he looked down and adjusted his position so that he faced her. Casually, he sat, with his long legs outstretched and his feet still bare. He wore a thin, silver tunic and his hair was slightly mussed from traipsing in the river with Estel. Appearing much more at ease than he did before they left the stables earlier in the day, she gathered Bein Near was agreeing with him.
"Mmm, yes, well then you understand better than I, the pleasure that One, receives by utterly flustering me!" She giggled feigning annoyance, gesturing her head where Elladan now sat sunning himself. "He's been at it all day." She shook her head and sighed.
"Tis the plight of all sisters with brothers, I'd wager." He offered with a sympathetic sigh.
"Yes, I suppose so," she resigned.
Remembering that he had a sister, she decided to ask him about her. "You have a sister, Miriel is her name, isn't it?" She hoped this would be a neutral topic that would get the prince to converse with her.
Legolas nodded with a faraway smile on his face.
"What is she like?" She imagined a blonde Sindarin beauty that surely knew no rival.
"She's nothing but trouble." He said matter-of-factly and then turned to meet her stunned face wearing another boyishly, cute, smile that sent a shiver down into her stomach. She hoped the shock of the sensation hadn't shown in her expression, for it seemed to come from out of nowhere.
"I bet if she were here, she'd have words for you!" She said mockingly, fully aware that he was teasing.
"Oh yes, and she'd probably say it with her fists." He laughed, which delighted her ears at the carefree sound.
"`Tis what Elladan needs," she snorted.
Legolas nodded appraisingly, as he looked towards where Elladan lay blithely sprawled, by the river, soaking up the sunshine. He was thinking Elladan deserved quite the contrary. He'd thank the ellon if he could, for contriving this opportunity for him to get better acquainted with Aerlinniel and perhaps make up for his awkward greeting earlier in the day.
"Well, what is she like, this sister of yours? She can't be all that bad." Aerlinniel asked, hoping to nudge the conversation along.
He smiled as he looked up into the air, not answering right away. "She is five years younger than myself. She's an elleth of great strength, wisdom, and beauty, though she can be quite headstrong. Adar insists she live a courtly life, which she accepts her duties as princess, however, she grows weary of it. She is envious that I may go and protect our lands while she is ensconced within the castle walls planning parties and attending councils. She has a bit of a hidden wild side, I'm afraid."
Aerlinniel smiled, "Your adar is quite protective, isn't he?"
"Oh yes!" He laughed half-heartedly.
"The way you speak of her, she is very special to you?"
"Aye, she is very dear to me," his eyes deepened with emotion. "There is no one closer to me than my sister." He looked away pensively. "Our childhood was not easy but we found comfort in one another. Being the children of the Elvenking, as you can imagine is . . ." he pursed his lips and thought for a moment, "a bit isolating."
She smiled and nodded reverently sensing the weight of his feelings.
"Your adar, how is he?"
"He is alright. He keeps himself strong for his people." Legolas didn't elaborate yet she sensed that there was much more. He offered little and thus, she chose not to pry lest the conversation turn awkward.
"Your adar is a good ellon . . . I miss him very much. It has been such a long time since I have seen him," she added wistfully. Thoughts of his adar filled her mind and heart. She couldn't help remembering the many times his adar had spoken of his wish for Legolas and her to meet.
Legolas' head tilted forward and he looked as if he had something on his mind but he didn't say a word. He simply smiled pensively.
"`Tis nice to finally meet you after many years of hearing such wonderful things from your adar and my naneth about you," Aerlinniel's words boldly spilled forth, followed by a warming in her cheeks.
It was the truth, she told herself, and she should feel no embarrassment for speaking it. She kept her chin up and resisted the desire to look away. Reminding herself that she sought nothing more than friendship with him; there was no need for shyness.
Legolas was quiet for a time, but there was plenty running through his mind. His eyes moved back and forth; his breathing deepened and then he lifted his head to meet her gaze wearing that boyish grin, she had grown fond of.
"I could say the same about you," he said unabashedly, taking her off-guard.
Having no awareness of her expression or her thoughts, Aerlinniel's guard was unwittingly cast aside giving the Valar the perfect impetus to set in motion an inescapable synchrodestiny.
His eyes began searching hers, bringing her back to the present moment and thus realizing the need to converse, she nervously smiled. "It seems my naneth and your adar were of like mind," she said, feeling relieved she had uttered a coherent statement in light of her thawing stupor.
He nodded reminiscently, "Indeed . . . I am curious, what did they say about me?" He asked with a playful smirk on his face.
She turned her head slightly toward her shoulder in slight refrain, feeling surprised at how relaxed and inquisitive he was behaving – so different than he had earlier in the day, at the stables. He was proving to be quite mercurial, she thought; perhaps he takes after his father, she laughed to herself.
"Well . . . your adar is most proud of you, of course, claiming there is no finer warrior in Mirkwood and he could not say enough about the outstanding qualities of his Commander of the Woodland Guard . . . Skilled with both bow and blade . . . A dutiful warrior and faithful servant of his king and people."
Legolas shook his head and rolled his eyes, as if yes, he had expected his father to say all of these things.
"And what did your naneth say?"
"She said you were a very wise and kind ellon," she assured him.
"And, that is all?" He asked hedging for more.
He knows Naneth would have mentioned his appearance,she laughed to herself. Oh he is brazen indeed!
"She may have mentioned that you were handsome," she laughed nervously, feeling slightly unnerved at saying such a thing but `tis what she had said . . . they were her naneths's very words, she reminded herself.
A smile spread across his face and his eyes playfully implored hers as if he wanted to know how he measured up, but she thought better of it.
"Well?" He laughed urging her to answer.
"Well, what?" She feigned innocence.
"Do you agree?" He asked pointedly.
Oh, he was playing a very cheeky game! She mused. He had backed her into a corner that she wasn't fully witted to slip out of.
She was sure her mouth was a gape, for she was stunned at his temerity.
"To your adar's description, I would assume that there is only a slight tinge of fatherly bias and to my naneth's description, I would say . . . she would be accurate in all things but with all due respect, I have only just met you, so I am not sure how wise you are."
"Accurate?" He scowled disappointedly.
She nodded with an ironic smile - handing him back the same cheek he had dished out to her.
The subtle pout that ghosted his face, she found adorably funny and she couldn't maintain her composure.
They both burst out laughing then at his blatant attempt at fishing for a compliment.
After they settled, she rallied her courage and decided to ask him, "Well then, let's be fair. What did your adar and my naneth say about me?"
A slow smile spread across his face. She couldn't help but find the elegant upturn of the corners of his mouth, delightful and had her gazing a bit too long at the delicate curve of his lips.
"Adar spoke of your scholarly pursuits led by Erestor, no less . . . That Lord Elrond had you reading every book in his library." He looked up thoughtfully and tapped his finger to his lips, "He approved of your nobility."
She rolled her eyes. "Boring, boring, and boring," she snorted.
Legolas laughed, his eyes enlivened with amusent. "There is more," he said with a wave of his hand. "He spoke of your pleasant disposition and that you are refreshingly sincere. And . . . your naneth, well, she had plenty to say. Most notably that you are tender hearted, love children and that you are the youngest of three siblings, to which I deemed you as spoiled." He flicked his eyebrows and drained his chalice.
"Uh! Spoiled!" She feigned offense.
His lips pulled in and he nodded his head matter-of –factly but his eyes revealed his mirth.
Smiling, Aerlinniel sniffed and shook her head.
"Well . . . is that all that was said about me?" She mockingly followed his previous angle.
He looked up and scratched his temple, "Yep, I think that was all."
She sat there shaking her head at him in mock-disbelief, trying desperately not to smile.
"What?" He asked innocently.
"Nothing." She shook her head, as if she wasn't interested, and looked out upon the meadow. She wasn't about to beg him for what he was told about her appearance.
They sat in silence for a moment. Perhaps he thinks I will pester him, she thought, but I am not about to do that,she resolved.
"Hmmm," he tapped his index finger to his lips. "I believe my adar did rave that you were quite beautiful . . . saying that you took after your naneth in your appearance."
Unexpectedly, at the mention of her naneth, her eyes felt the prick of tears.
He seemed to read her emotion and he looked at her apologetically and solemnly confided, "You are very nearly the vision of her."
She looked down and took a breath to compose her emotion. She couldn't help the audible exhalation that escaped her. It had been many years since her mother had sailed West, but perhaps the conversation with her father this morning had brought to light how much she missed her.
Grief is funny like that, she thought, something so simple and unsuspecting can bring upon an emotional sting that can uncover an old wound.
"My adar failed to disclose just how lovely you are." He murmured, leaning his head toward her downcast eyes, to urge her gaze up.
"Forgive me, I don't know what came over me." She spoke barely above a whisper as she pulled her head up to face him and was greeted with his kind, sympathetic eyes. She felt herself and the world around her slip away again.
It was an unsuspecting, all-consuming lightness – a simplicity and an unspoken understanding that resided between them. There were no words to be expressed or exchanged.
After what must have been a few moments, he turned and grasped the bottle of wine, "my Lady?"
Grateful for the pivoting gesture, she accepted with an eager nod.
Legolas poured them both a chalice full of wine and quietly they sat, under the ancient oak, observing the beauty of the meadow as the sun began to dip toward the western sky.
…
"Aerlinniel?"
"Mmmm?" She turned her tranquil visage from the panorama to meet Legolas' gaze. Her eyes, green as the emerald he had found with Estel earlier that day, glimmered like starlight. It seemed that her eyes had changed with her emotion, for they were crystal blue moments ago, when he spoke of her naneth and he had unwittingly caused a welling of emotion in her.
"I am curious what your cards might reveal to me."
"You desire clarity?" Her eyes slightly widened with interest.
"Aye, I do. Will you do this for me?"
She tilted her head slightly, her gaze still fixed upon him, "I shall help you see, so that you may find the clarity you desire. Do you trust me with this, my lord?"
Legolas nodded and swallowed reflexively. He had been considering it, the entire time they sat in silence and he felt that he trusted her implicitly.
Aerlinniel nodded and placed her chalice away from her and collected her silken satchel. She pulled out a worn deck of cards that appeared to be nothing more than playing cards. She placed them in the palm of her hand and brought them to her lips.
Legolas' eyes widened wondering what she would do. She gently blew on them like one would blow out a candle and then she closed her eyes and pulled them close to her heart. For a few moments, she sat so still, he barely noticed her breathing. When she opened her eyes, she seemed to be in a trance – a state that, perhaps, he thought, allowed her to see.
"Hold out your hands and I will place the cards within them." Her voice was smooth and gentle.
She placed the deck across his palms and then she encircled her hands above and below his. Her touch felt warm and tranquilizing.
She looked into his eyes and spoke, her voice soft and subtle, "Close your eyes."
Obediently, Legolas closed them and he felt a surge of uncertainty about what he was about to do. He took a deep calming breath to quell his nerves.
"Legolas," she intoned, "attempt to free yourself from external distractions and begin to turn inward. Feel the tethers that bind you, memories and thoughts that have taken up residence in the shadows of your mind and fëa, loosen and unravel. Free them from their constraints."
"You may feel chaotic at first but then as you remove your judgement, there will no longer be hindrance. Allow the thoughts and memories to drift and fade, leaving only those that bear significance. Those thoughts that linger, make no attempt to ascertain or solve them, for there is no need for judgement - only your awareness . . . here you will find your truth. Embrace it . . . Allow it to dwell within you - without emotion."
Legolas felt the swirling chaos of memory and emotion unleash itself and run rampant within. Reflexively, he resisted, attempting to push the darkness back down, deep where he had kept it neatly hidden. He found it difficult to keep himself calm and his eyes closed when everything in his mind told him to fight or flight, for there was no peace to be found within.
His muscles tensed and adrenaline spiked through him as if, he was headed into battle. It was then, he felt the gentle warming press of her hands around his own, attempting to settle him.
Sensing his struggle, she murmured, "Breathe in peace, breathe out the chaos." Her voice, an anchor for him to grasp hold of, in the tidal wave of emotion that threatened to engulf him. With trembling hands, Legolas attempted to breathe as she said to, but he was drowning, too afraid to let go.
"Do not fight it Legolas, there is no need for that. Let it reside in you, if it must, but resist the desire to react." Her soothing voice, a glowing beacon in the distance that he desperately attempted to cling to. The darkness that clamored within him, like a cyclone that swirled threateningly - felt frighteningly dangerous. He gasped, his breath unsteady.
"Do not fear it Legolas, pass no judgement. Only breathe." She repeated, her voice sweet and full of peace. He fixed his attention on her voice, allowing the soothing melodic tone, which would comfort a whimpering baby, warmly wash over him – dousing the burning flames of emotion and memory, leaving but the cinders behind.
Inwardly, he settled, finding peace in the reassurance of her gentle voice and her steadying hands that were securely closed around his own. His breathing calmed as he let go of the darkness, it lifted and abated, leaving him adrift, floating in a relaxed state.
"You may open your eyes when you are ready," she murmured.
Still feeling vulnerable, he opened his eyes, but he kept his gaze averted downward and unfocused.
"Take the cards into your hands now and without looking at the undersides, shuffle them however you like. When you are done, set them on the ground before you."
He moved them slowly between his hands, separating and shuffling them before placing them on the blanket between them.
He lifted his gaze to meet hers and gave an abbreviated sigh.
Aerlinniel sensed his apprehension and gave him a reassuring smile before she began.
When she turned over the first card, Legolas' eyes widened and his jaw dropped in surprise, for on the card appeared a reaper of sorts clad in black armor upon a white horse.
Aerlinniel raised a calming hand to settle him and explain. "This card represents your past and carries into your present. It does not represent the death of a person in the present or future but rather heralds a new era after a time of grief."
Legolas' shoulders relaxed a little, in relief but his face betrayed his apprehension.
"The reaper carries a banner with a harvest crown of five ears of corn, in the shape of a star, surrounded by a white rose besieged by shadow. The white rose represents your innocence and the light of the Eldar within you. The black shadow that surrounds the rose, represents a secret or truth that hasn't yet been revealed to you."
Flashes of his dream spun through his mind like a whirling blade. The secret of his mother's death and the conspiracy to keep his memories hidden from him were undoubtedly the black shadow she spoke of.
"The corn on the reaper's banner signifies a harvest. The reaper seeks not to destroy but to collect the harvest and leave the grains."
"Legolas, the journey you have embarked upon, has set change into motion, the reaping has begun."
Aerlinniel observed Legolas as he absently brushed his fingers along his temple in attempt to discern the changes being enacted. After giving him a moment to reflect she continued.
"There is a ship in the distance that ferries the dead into the afterlife where they are greeted by Mandos. It is in his great halls, the dead await their final journey to the Undying Lands. The gates of Aman, lay beyond the river and there you see the sun shining brightly. The sun is both rising and setting. The rising sun, reflects the dawn of a new era for you. The setting sun, indicates peace in the afterlife." She paused – her eyes distant, and a tender smile graced her face. She outstretched her hand to take one of his.
Legolas was surprised at the gesture but went along yieldingly.
"Take comfort Legolas, for your naneth has been granted passage to Aman and awaits you, your adar and Miriel there. . . She has found peace."
Legolas felt his heart about burst at this revelation. As if floodgates of his heart had been lifted, tears unabashedly streamed down his face. He couldn't help but choke out a smile as he reached his hands quickly up to swipe away the tears from his face.
He nervously looked at Aerlinniel, whose face was gentle and full of compassion. "You have been waiting so long to have some peaceful knowledge about your mother."
His head fell in relief. "Yes," he whispered sighing, and then he laughed under his breath at his visible emotion.
She reached over and took hold of his hand again and held it, gently tracing her thumb over the top of his hand in calming strokes. They sat for a few moments before she asked if he'd like her to continue.
"There is more?" He laughed.
"Yes, we have only looked at one card . . . You still have two more. Your present and future. But we can stop here and finish another time if you wish or stop altogether."
"I would like to finish." He gestured to the cards. He had no intention of shrinking away from this opportunity for clarity - his mind and heart ached for it.
Nodding, she released his hand. She turned the next card over only to reveal another ominous figure; an ellon suspended from a branch between two trees, upside down, his foot tethered by a noose. Legolas, observed Aerlinniel, to gauge her reaction and he found her unfazed by the dangling figure.
"Legolas, this is your present," she stated and he couldn't help but snort with laughter.
Yes, that about sums it up, he snickered to himself.
She smiled wryly at him, "The hanging eldar is suspended between the Two Trees of Valinor. You are reminded that you are a creation of Ilúvatar himself and that you are tasked with doing his bidding. He calls you to be faithful."
Legolas tilted his head curiously, wondering about this task she spoke of.
"The ellon hangs upside down entreating you to think differently and the tether tied to his foot shows your impassivity. The shackle upon you is old, deep and hidden but it still suffers you. This tether, has kept you stunted, holding you back from your true nature and your destiny."
Legolas' eyes narrowed, as he thought about his life in Mirkwood. The longstanding cloud of grief that hovered over him and his family . . . All the years of service in his father's guard, attempting to keep the darkness at bay; trying to avenge his mother's death – resulting in little justice. Frankly, living a life, that in his mind, was mediocre at best and made little difference.
"Notice this eldar is not trapped, you see," she gestured her finger to the hanging figure. "He may reach up and untether himself at any time . . . That is what you must do."
Legolas sat stunned at the glaring revelation that he had the power to free himself.
"You feel tied to your position," she paused, her head tilted sideways, her gaze was far away. "You desire freedom . . . that which departs from your station." She straightened and continued, "this creates conflict within you. Your adar . . . he suspects this," she said softly looking up to him.
Legolas swallowed heavily for he had never articulated his thoughts this clearly before and Aerlinniel boldly revealed a life-long yearning he had to be free, without all the trappings that come with being royalty.
"The halo that surrounds the hanging eldar's head is wisdom, which can only be obtained when you surrender yourself to the path that Ilúvatar has set before you. You are called to change your thinking and find your true purpose – it is then, you will find yourself released from the tethers that bind you."
"When you change your consciousness you will gain a new perspective on the world. You must examine your passivity and rectify it. There is great passion within you, Legolas. Ilúvatar desires to use this passion for His end."
Her words spoke truth to his heart and left him feeling embolden by them.
She turned over the final card, which appeared to be Manwë pouring two cups of flowing water whilst standing with a foot upon a rock with the other foot immersed in a pool of water.
"In your future, Temperance is indicated. . ." she began.
He frowned at the suggestion and Aerlinniel giggled.
"Legolas, the temperance card symbolizes more than merely self-control. `Tis a card that invites you to be led, by the Valar, when honoring Iluvatar's call upon you."
"Manwë's cups, symbolize opposing forces and the water streaming between the two, is the balance that you must achieve within their midst. In time, the Valar will call upon you to carry out a task involving a volatile situation and you'll need to temper your thoughts and actions to find balance and harmony, which will enable you to navigate the turbulence." She paused and narrowed her eyes at him.
"This will be your life's greatest work . . . Be alert in all your dealings for you will be given signs, in the form of advice from a friend or even a stranger, whom the Valar have sent to help you. None of this should be taken lightly, for carrying out the deeds the Valar set upon you, will bear fruitful transformation." She eyed him intently.
"The placement of Manwë's feet, one in the water and one upon the rock, symbolize your past and your present. The rock is your present, conscious mind and the water is your past, unconscious, mind. Manwë offers you a clear path, leading away from the water, toward a bright future. When your will and the will of the Valar align, great things are possible. Notice the riverbank is lush and verdant with yellow irises in bloom, this symbolizes hope of a new reality."
A gust of wind passed through the meadow causing a card to be lifted from the stack, casting it to rest upon the temperance card, facing up.
The card revealed a ring fashioned by two entwined serpents with emerald eyes, beneath a golden crown of flowers that one upheld and the other devoured. The ring looked familiar to Legolas but his mind could not place it.
The wind came to a rest almost instantly and there was a settling peace that rendered around them. He looked to Aerlinniel who still sat gazing at the card. Gravely, she lifted her eyes to meet him.
"This is a sign from the Valar," she spoke with a hint of surprise.
Legolas' head tilted and he swallowed deeply in anticipation for what the Valar wished to convey.
"This is The Ring of Barahir, an Elvan symbol of eternal friendship. The ring was forged by the Noldor in Valinor, during the First Age, as the badge of the House of Finarfin. It was then, given to Barahir, Lord of the First House of Númenor by Finarfin's son, Finrod, in reward for saving his life."
"Finrod, is the Lady Galadriel's brother . . . your great uncle," Legolas said, recognizing the familial connection. Aerlinniel nodded in confirmation.
"Finrod and Barahir, not only forged an alliance between elves and men, but a remarkable friendship between the two was forged. Finrod deemed Barahir, Elf-Friend."
"The ring served as Finrod's pledge to aid Barahir and his kin. When Barahir was slain in battle against the forces of Morgoth, his hand bearing the ring, was cut off by the enemy as proof of his death. Beren, his son, killed the Orc that slew his father and recovered his father's hand that bore the ring. Beren brought the ring to Nargothrond during the Quest of the Silmarils, which allowed Finrod to fulfill his pledge when he gave his life to save Beren in the dungeons of Minas Tirith."
"By saving the ring, Beren was able to keep it within the hands of the Faithful Númenor, the Dúnedain– as a sacred remnant of their ancestors. The ring is a symbol of the alliance between men and elves."
She cast down her eyes for a time and then said, "the ring resides here, in Imladris, where Adar keeps it safe, awaiting its rightful owner."
"Estel . . ." Legolas whispered.
"Ada has told you then?"
"Yes, we spoke of him this morning."
She nodded once, "The Valar have brought you here for a purpose . . . The ring is a sacred symbol of the alliance between men and elves. Legolas, they desire you to form an alliance with Isildur's heir . . . with Estel, to carry out their purpose.
Legolas sat before her, as a whisper, like a cool breath, sent a shiver down his spine. The meadow that surrounded them seemed to fade away, leaving them as if in another world - collected and enclosed in a glass terrarium like beautiful, delicate butterflies. The whispers of faceless voices, echoed, permeating the space within. The word settled around him, invigorating and fresh - crisp as the air on a spring day . . . "Hope."
Translations
Manwë: King of the Valar; the winds, air and birds were his servants
Eru Ilúvatar: The one, the single omniscient and omnipotent creator.
Synchrodestiny: is coincidence but contains a purpose and meaning, and has direction and intention. (obviously not an elvish word but it warranted an explanation)
Author's note:
I am a lover of symbology and dreams. For this chapter, I used images of Tarot cards as a launching point for the cards that Aerlinniel uses with Legolas. I spent some time researching them and then blended in Tolkien's lore to make them fit within this world. I of course, added the Ring of Barahir, which is the ring that Aragorn will be given by Elrond, when he comes of age and learns of his true identity. Lady Galadriel has her mirror and the wizards use the Seeing stones and thus, I gave Aerlinniel Seeing cards. If you're curious to look at images of the cards I used, you can google The Death card, The Hanging Man card, and The Temperance card images. Important to note when searching, I used the Rider Waite version. They really are very interesting when you account all the detail in them.
Threaded through Tolkien's stories, is the idea that there are unseen forces at work and I believe the elves are very attuned to this - some more than others. Lord Elrond, Arwen, Celebrian, Galadriel, and Aerlinniel all have intuitive gifts. They are plugged into their source, if you will. Even Legolas has this ability however, I believe there are abilities beyond his that intuitive elves have.
What will Legolas' reaction be to all this "Clarity" and what will be instore for this pair?
The quote at the beginning of the chapter is not mine . . . it is by George Elliot. I changed the word "God's" to "Iluvatar's" to serve my purpose in using the quote.
I can't thank you enough for reading this far! I hope that you will stick around to read more!
