Because You Are Here…

… I can go forward.

x:x:x:x:x

A/n: So I've decided to post one more chapter before school starts for me C8

But first, I would like to make a note of something:

Although I am open to constructive criticism, I find it rather immature and incredibly rude that someone would waste their time typing up a rather nasty and lengthy review "as a joke". (You know who you are.) I read over my chapters before posting them and although I understand that there are some minor mistakes due to me not reading close enough it would be more helpful to point out the faults and mistakes in the chapter with evidence to back it up instead of just saying "it sucks" and calling me stupid. On that note, I respect people's opinions on their preferred pairings, but it doesn't make me happy if others don't, like the comment on Hope/Light from YouTube. Again, I am opened to constructive criticism, but some little "jokes" that just seem to be bashing on my story rather than trying to help me with it won't get anywhere.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII and this will also apply to later chapters (because it's getting annoying to type it every chapter XD and I don't like the thought of having to type this 30 times D8)

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Even in the silent night, your cries still haunt me.

Chapter eleven: Confession

After Cid saved her from possibly ending up in a hospital and failing an important project, Claire has been feeling strange, nothing like her usual self.

She couldn't describe the feeling. Every time she was around him, she felt strangely nervous and a little happy. She didn't know if she liked it or not. And quite honestly, it scared her since she never experienced anything like this before.

"It doesn't look like you're sick…" Serah's soft voice echoed the room as she pressed her hand against her sister's forehead.

Claire shook her hand away. "I'm sick, Serah, I'm sure of it." she spat while Serah stared at her, not believing her story but knowing how stubborn her sister could be, she decided to drop it. Claire was a logical person who allowed no nonsense; she probably had her reasons for faking sick and her reasons for not telling her why.

Serah got up off the floor. "Okay then… maybe all you need is a quick rest," she smiled sweetly as Claire fell back against her bed, her head sinking into her pillow as Serah closed her door.

Lying in her bed, Claire stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to sort her thoughts. Nothing was making sense. She was almost positive she was sick with her unusual fast heart beat, her sudden nervousness, and how she couldn't keep her composure around him. But her regular body temperature and no signs of the usual cold symptoms proved otherwise.

Tch, maybe he got me sick. But that thought didn't seem to be the answer. She felt that there was something more to it, something deeper.

She frowned.

Do I… like him? She tried thinking with distaste.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, the thought seemed to connect with everything she has been feeling up to this point and soon, it didn't seem to be an impossible thought, no matter how much it disturbed her. She was never the one to fall mindlessly in love with someone she recently met. In fact, she never had a crush on anyone before up to this point. Not even on celebrities that were on TV or movies like Serah or her classmates.

Claire grabbed her pillow and buried her face in it. She didn't want this. She didn't want to have a crush on Cid. It felt… wrong. But at the same time, it didn't. Claire wished with all of her heart that it was a phase and that her teenage hormones were all messed and soon, before she'll know it, it would be gone.

Though it didn't happen suddenly, she slowly started to feel it. Soon, a year has passed her feelings for him felt stronger and annoying. They showed no signs of leaving anytime soon, much to Claire's dismay.

She sighed. "I'm losing my mind…"

-xxx-

Although she admitted it to herself that she was attracted to Cid and liked him, there was no way she was going to admit it to anyone else, not even to Serah and especially not Cid. It was plain embarrassing to like someone she hated in the beginning, and to her, she felt like she lost a battle by giving in to him.

Trying to read her book, she felt her focus wavering from subject to subject. When her focus was back, she tried to continue her book but soon found herself reading the same line over and over again. It wasn't before long that Claire gave up trying to read. She threw her book to the side of the couch and looked up to the clock, shocked to see that it was already nearing four.

"Where's Serah?" she asked herself quietly.

It wasn't unusual for Claire to be home before Serah. But now that they were now both in high school it was strange not to be home at the same time. But here she was, waiting for Serah to come home almost two hours after school ended.

Maybe she was out with her friends? Even so, she would usually get a call from her saying she'll be home later. This was when Claire started to worry slightly.

Suddenly, the door besides her opened and Serah appeared, a little more cheerful than usual.

"Where have you been?" Claire asked sternly. She expected Serah's mood to drop once she heard her voice but instead Serah ran over to her and hugged her tightly, catching her off guard. "Serah? What are you—?"

Serah was practically bouncing up and down, shaking Claire slightly. "You won't believe what just happened!" she squealed. It was nothing out of the blue for Serah to be her cheerful self, but she almost never saw her this excited and happy. She was acting like a little kid all over again.

Serah didn't allow Claire to guess or speak. "Cid Raines asked me out!"

It was then that Claire felt her world crashing down on her full force without mercy.

"Huh?"

She finally calmed down and broke the hug, looking straight into Claire's confused eyes. "I bet you know him since a lot of people do. I think he's in your grade too. We've been hanging out a lot recently and he just told me he liked me!" Claire stared as Serah continued going on and on about Cid with a wide smile. It has been a while since she had seen her smile like that. "So, can I go out with him, please?" she begged, clasping her hands together.

Claire didn't know what to say. Deep down, she didn't want her sister going out with him. She wanted to tell her what a horrible person he was and fill her head with lies about him, but she knew it was wrong to do that and childish. Since their mom left them, Serah always had a strain smile on after noticing how much Claire worried over her, despite the sadness she felt inside. Finally, she found a reason to smile, a real reason, and she found a source of happiness too, something she knew she could never provide, no matter how much she wanted to.

And besides, didn't she promise herself and her late parents that she would always put Serah's happiness before her own?

Meeting with Serah's pleading eyes, she slowly nodded. "Go ahead." Serah's eyes immediately lit up as she grabbed her sister in another tight hug. Claire half-heartily returned the hug.

And it was at that moment when Claire gave up her feelings for Cid.

-xxx-

It was awkward to be around Cid now that her sister and him were together, feeling that there was no room for her and that she would only get in the way. So Claire avoided him constantly but even that was hard when he was in most of her classes and all she thought about was him and Serah. Even when she wasn't in class, she still saw him walking hand-in-hand with Serah in the hallways.

Cid felt something off with Claire after she wouldn't respond to him or even look his way when he greeted her. And with Claire being Claire, she didn't give him any hints on what was bothering her.

Truthfully, she was mad, but who she was angry at; herself, Serah or Cid, she was unsure of. All she was sure of was the feeling of frustration she felt whenever she saw them, threatening to consume her at any minute.

The bell rang for the end of school as students flooded out of their classrooms and on their way to their dorms. Claire, who was behind Cid, pulled him by the collar and dragged him out to the far side where they wouldn't be interrupted by passing students. Cid, who was caught off guard by her sudden aggression, had nowhere to go but to where she was bringing him.

"Hey, Farron, what's up with you?" he tried asking but she didn't reply or even look back at him.

She soon released him as he stared at her. "What the hell was that for?"

"Listen closely, Raines," Claire said dangerously, reaching up and grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him down close to her face. "If you cause Serah pain or even make her shed a single tear, I will make sure you will not be able to lay a single hand on her again."

Cid listened to process her words. Instead of cowering in fear, he had a look of determination clear on his face and looked at her straight in the eye.

"Claire, I promise you I won't hurt her. I'll protect her and keep her happy."

She stared into his dark eyes, searching to for a trace of unfaithfulness or lie, making sure that neither her nor Serah would be betrayed by him. His face held truth in them and when Claire couldn't find anything to not trust him, there was nothing for her to do but believe his words. With a slight nod, she threw him back against the wall, walking away while he continued to stare at her retreating figure.

-xxx-

"You'll be home by nine, right?"

Serah looked up from tying her boots. "Yeah, don't you worry about a thing!" she said with a smile as she finished tying her shoes, ready to go out with Cid. Claire simply nodded.

Cid soon appeared by her door and the two left together, leaving Claire all by herself again.

Ever since Serah has been with Cid, Claire has been feeling slightly lonely. Though Serah didn't focus all her attention on the man, she still felt solitude whenever they went out together and she was stuck in their apartment all by herself. Though she had things to do, it felt strange not having the company of her sister by her side.

Taking a seat on the couch, Claire reached over and grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. Though she disliked watching TV since there was nothing on that was worth watching, there was nothing else for her to do. She just stared blankly at the TV, letting her mind wonder with the TV talking in the background.

-xxx-

A slight rumble of thunder woke Claire as she opened her eyes, meeting the bright screen of the TV. She was shocked to find herself asleep since she didn't have any memory of it. She grabbed the remote to turn the TV off and looked at the clock nearby. It was only eight but she could hear the soft periodic drumming of the rain against the windows.

She walked into her room to get her phone, ready to call Serah. Even though it was still early, she didn't like the idea of Serah being out too long when it was about to pour.

Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate in her hand as she looked at the caller-id, shocked to see Serah's name appear on the screen. What could she possibly need her for at this time?

"Serah?"

"C-claire…?" She choked out. Claire could hear something off with her voice, the unevenness and the quietness of it. She had heard this many times when they were younger and when their mother just passed.

Serah had been crying.

"Serah? Where are you?" she snapped. As she waited for Serah to responded, she had an idea of what was going on but the majority of her was wishing that she was wrong. He couldn't have… could he?

"I'm near the Masashi Bookstore. Please hurry, Cid he—"

Claire didn't allow Serah to finish. Once she heard his name, she didn't need to hear anymore. Running to the living room, she quickly put on her shoes and ran out the door, slamming it behind her and quickly ran out of the lobby to the bookstore. The closer she was to where Serah was, the anger and frustration inside her started to increase rapidly, slowly taking over her.

-xxx-

It wasn't before long when Claire found Serah since she used all her energy to get there. She was sweating but she couldn't really tell with the rain falling heavily on them.

Claire started to walk towards them and Serah turned to her, happy to see her but her tears were still evident. Even in the dark, she could see that Serah's clothes were dirtied, along with a small stain of blood. She had bright red marks on her arm, obviously from someone grabbing her tightly while she tried to pull away. Looking at her poor sister only fueled the growing wrath she felt inside.

"You're here! But Cid already—"

Looking straight at Cid besides her, she passed Serah, confusing her.

"You lied to me!" she shouted and punched him with such force that he fell back against the hard wet ground, even with his large frame compared to hers.

"Claire? What are you doing?"

Slowly, Cid got back up, grabbing onto the wall besides him to help him up, a bruise forming in the corner of his lip, his back aching from the sudden impact to the ground. Once he was up, Claire proceeded in punching him again and he dropped back down to the ground. Serah ran over to her sister, trying to calm her down and pull her away, but Claire just pushed her away and continued to beat Cid in front of her.

For some reason, he refused to fight back, only angering Claire even more. Why didn't he? His arms were still in perfectly good shape and he had the strength to fight back from what she saw when he helped her out a year ago. For the first time, she couldn't control her anger. She could care less if Serah was behind her crying, trying to stop her; the only thing that seemed to satisfy her frustration was letting it all out on Cid. She thought that if she kept beating at him, eventually he'll get tired of taking it and fight back, but that never happened, no matter how hard she punched. All he did was just stare at her with sad eyes. That look he gave her made her feel guilty with what she was doing, but her rage easily surpassed that guilt.

How could he?

How could he?

How could he promise such a thing, and then break it so easily? The bastard.

"I trusted you!"

Serah wrapped her arms around her, trying to pull her away. "Claire, please stop!" she tried escaping Serah's gasp but she wouldn't and refused to let go. She didn't want her to hurt him anymore. She knew she didn't have the courage or the strength to go up against Claire in a fight so this was sadly the most she could do.

Soon three Guardian Corps. soldiers arrived, one of them stood out from the rest with his two red stripes glowing on his pauldron instead of yellow. One pulled Serah away from Claire as the other separated her from Cid. An ambulance was soon called over and Claire was directed to the Guardian Corps.' vehicle as Serah chased after her.

One of the soldiers felt a tug on his uniform as he turned to meet Serah's worried eyes. "W-where are you taking her?" Serah turned to Claire who refused to look at her.

"We're just taking her to the nearby station, you should probably stay behind with that boy to get your injuries looked at."

Serah glanced at the redness on her arms and the stains on her clothes and back to the soldiers with disbelief as they were shooting accusing glances at Claire. "Y-you think she did this to me?" The two men looked at each other then back at Serah. "She didn't! She didn't even touch me!"

"Yeah, well, we can't say the same about the other guy." With that said, Claire walked into their car as Serah stared at the scene in horror as a medic stood behind her and walked her to where all the other medics were. She tried to struggle free, saying that she needed to be with her sister, but the people refused to let her go. Having seen enough of Serah's crying face, Claire turned her face as the car drove away.

-xxx-

Claire sat quietly in the room with an officer sitting across from her, keeping an eye on her incase she were to pull something or try to escape.

Turning to the clock that hung on the wall opposite from her, she saw that it was nearing eleven and she was still stuck in the station. She didn't like it. With the stare the officer was giving her, she felt like an actual wanted criminal, though she felt more like a monster after what she'd done.

Her stare dropped to her hands as she examined them silently. Her knuckles were all beaten up and slightly bruised, light hues of purple mixed with green shown. She could feel a throbbing pain throughout both her hands. She tried closing and opening her hands, but stopped after doing it once, the pain hindering her to continue. With how her hands looked, she could only imagine what she'd done to Cid's face since it was too dark to really see anything.

To be honest, the entire time she was hurting Cid, she didn't feel like herself. It was like she was an entirely different person, consumed with hate and driven by anger. And it scared her.

She felt tears forming but she knew she didn't deserve to cry.

To her surprise, the door nearby slammed open and outside revealed a very worried and tired Serah. Claire's eyes watched her as she walked to the officer and talked to him. Once she handed him a certain amount of money, he looked over to her and nodded. Serah then ran over to her to pick her off the chair and Claire got a better look at her sister's face. It was worse than what she'd remembered seeing in the dark before she was taken away. Serah's usual pretty and cheerful face had whitened to a paler color, her clear blue eyes were all red and the skin around them was all puffy and swollen. Just how much did she cry? Claire could also see the faint worry lines over her face. She almost looked like a stranger to her.

Before she knew it, Serah had already brought her outside, the heavy rain pouring on them, and called a taxi.

"When we were heading home, Cid and I got into some trouble…" Serah started minutes into the drive back home. Claire lifted her head slightly and glanced over, Serah's hands clasped together tightly as she continued to stare at them. "There were some really scary guys who were bothering me and Cid tried to stop them," pausing for a bit, she continued. "But I was still worried and called you for help."

Claire replayed the short conversation she had with Serah before she ran out of the apartment.

"C-Claire? I'm near the Masashi Bookstore. Please hurry, Cid he—"

"But before you got there, Cid already took care of it," The feeling of guilt washed over Claire as Serah finished her story. If only she remained on the line for a little longer… if only she had listened to Serah for a little longer…

The thunder outside rumbled as Serah turned to her with a small smile but Claire lived with her long enough to know which were her genuine smiles and which weren't. She could see the real pain and suffering hidden behind the smile.

"You don't have to worry about Cid anymore because he broke up with me." Claire's eyes widened with disbelief, wondering how on earth she could be smiling with news like that. But her eyes remained on her long enough to see the tears trailing down her face. Serah turned around so Claire couldn't see her cry and the two remained silent throughout the rest of the ride.

Claire faced the window, watching the dark beach landscape pass her eyes. Suddenly a flash of white ripped through the sky, inches away from striking a nearby tree. The lightning brightened the entire sky for a quick second then disappearing as quickly as it came, only to return again in another strike.

In a way, that flash of lightning that nearly attacked that tree reminded her of herself. Like it, she couldn't protect, this night proved exactly that. The only thing she was capable of doing was causing pain and destruction to the people around her.

She clenched her bruised hands into a fist, gripping onto the wet material of her jeans.

How could she allow herself to act that way in front of Serah and to Cid? She was angry at herself and ashamed. Was she really that blinded by rage to have completely forgotten about her promise?

And with that, she felt the Claire of three years ago completely fade away from her being, only leaving an empty shell behind in its place.

-xxx-

Chapter eleven [END]

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A/n: Yeah.. so for those who caught it, I used Tetsuya Nomura's name in the last chapter as the teacher (because I love his style of art) and Masashi Hamauzu in this XDD (I'm such a nerd)

I'm happy this chapter is over. I don't like Light/Cid (but I won't bash on it, I promise, for those who are fans C8) so this was REALLY hard to write XD

Originally, the GC soldiers were police officers but because I included PSICOM and GC in this story, I was wondering if they really needed police, so I changed it XD and the car was going to be a velocycle but then I remembered this isn't fantasy so a flying car/bike wouldn't exactly make sense lol;;

So this concludes the end of Lightning's past, next chapter will have Hope again, I promise C8
On another (completely unrelated) note, I listened to heavy metal music (yes, I like heavy metal... especially asian heavy metal sung by Megurine Luka and Hatsune Miku llD /shot) when typing this XDD... it calms me...;;; (and it fit the mood XD and I just got new songs too orz;;;)

sigh... now time to do my summer reading homework... (NUUUUU.)

Preview: "I'm sorry, Claire."

Reviews make my day into a happy sunshine~