The Best Years
Chapter 11

Although quite tired, Rebecca only dozed, as she never slept soundly until Christopher and the kids were home safely. Even over the phone, she could tell that something was bothering her husband. She assumed it was about the twins going off to college on Sunday, but their babies growing up brought to light many other issues. Their love for Ashlyn and Robbie was the sun in which her's and Christopher's world revolved, and that sun was moving on to another galaxy. It would still be out there somewhere, but not close enough to shine light on their parents' daily lives. They don't need us anymore, Christopher, and they certainly don't need us together. Are you going to leave me now?

Rebecca knew staying with her was not Christopher's first choice, and he would not be with her now had Elena not left him twice. Believing he was jilted by his first love, he was heartbroken. After moving eight thousand miles from everything he had ever known, Rebecca was standing there with open arms, and he fell right into them, just as she had planned. A few years later, after promising herself to him again, Elena left him again. Once his fury and self-destruction diminished, Rebecca was still standing there, and this time his son and daughter were in those open arms. Cautiously, he allowed her to hold him and eventually returned her embrace, just as she had hoped.

She remembered back 16 years ago when she told Christopher how excited she was that he was "willing to give the marriage another try." He gave the same look he had many times since then when annoyed she did not understand him. "This isn't a job, Rebecca. We're not going to re-evaluate after a 6-month trial period. This is marriage." Quickly, his eyes softened a bit and he lightly stroked her cheek. "We have a family, we are a family. We'll make it work." That declaration gave her a sense of security that lasted until about a year ago. Nothing changed between them, but she started to wonder if what they had together was enough to sustain their relationship without the common bond of their children.

Even with the rocky start, these years raising their children had been the best of her life. She loved being "Mom" to a son and daughter she adored, and having a supportive spouse whose goals and parenting were similar to hers.

Although her husband was very angry and depressed that first year, when the twins were present, Christopher's eyes lit up and he would get the cutest smile. It was similar to how he used to respond to her, but that ended just weeks into their marriage when that lousy cousin of his tried to blackmail her. Except for knocking up Elena, the man had done nothing but cause problems, in Rebecca's opinion.

Much more observant and much less trusting than Christopher, John Ross squared her up quickly. For his own selfish reasons, he wanted her to persuade a clean and sober addict to use again, and photograph him doing so. If that was not bad enough, he believed she was up to no good with Christopher, and did not even care. "With family members like that, who needs enemies?" she muttered on many occasions referring to the "other Ewings." And the Ewings claim to be so morally superior to the Barnes. Oh, please!

John Ross was quite skillful at bringing in business-he was definitely the people person in the operation-and had a weird sixth sense for finding oil, but Rebecca was skeptical if the benefits he brought to Ewing Energies outweighed the detriments. Whenever the company had financial issues or bad press, she assumed one of his backroom schemes brought it on. She did not know for sure, as years before, Christopher stopped confiding in her much of his frustration toward his cousin. Apparently, once too often she passed along stories to friends that John Ross' motives were suspect, and how his moral compass swayed easily when the situation would benefit him, or damage those whom he felt had hurt his loved ones.

If she allowed herself to dwell on her own actions in similar situations, Rebecca started to draw the conclusion that she was a female John Ross, so she usually put such thoughts out of her mind.

Alone in her big beautiful home staring at the million twinkling stars outside the bedroom windows, however, Rebecca's mind started to wander. She wondered if she would share John Ross' need for control and proclivity for retaliation had she not grown up so desperate for fatherly affection that when her moral compass pointed her down a path of vengeance and deceit, she mistook it for approval and admiration. Sadly, that neglected feeling was such a large part of her, she could not imagine herself without seeking the security of a man who would always take care of her, love her, and never leave her. Until satiated, such longings dictated her actions.

But, what if Christopher had not returned and filled those needs, what would her life be today? What if paternity was not Elena's only criteria for whom to marry? When not pitying her cousin-in-law for finding love in a marriage in which neither looked too closely at the other, Rebecca was annoyed by Elena's tendency to check her brain at the door when leaving the office. Had she allowed her head instead of her hormones to make the decision, surely the best man would have won. Rebecca scoffed at the illogicality. Even Elena could not be so stupid as to compare the Ewing cousins in terms of husband material, and not choose Christopher.

A younger woman unable to see further down the road than nights on the town and a lavish wedding, would certainly go for John Ross. That devilish grin, easygoing nature and reputation for wild sex, put him on Dallas' Most Eligible Bachelors list more than once. Being the offspring of a favorite son of Texas, did not hurt either. Mix that with money, and what twenty-something could resist?

Moody, fixated on science, and stuck to Elena like glue, who would have considered Christopher a great catch? He was attractive, had rock hard biceps and abs, and when not ticked-off at something, could be quite charming, but he rarely left Elena's side. A girl would have been foolish to waste her time.

When she left her fiancé for his cousin, however, Elena was no girl. She was an educated 33-year-old small business owner who allowed the instincts of a cavewoman to tell her she needed to love the man with whom she had created life. Poor sap, Rebecca thought, her lips curving into a smirk. Her loss was my gain though.

Elena's idiocy gave Christopher an opportunity to see Rebecca as someone other than "the bitch who derailed my life." That look made him realize his wife married him for love, not retribution. After all of the ugliness that had transpired between them, he finally acknowledged he had fallen in love with the real Rebecca, not the lost young woman he first met on the train. How did you find me behind that façade of the meek swooning girl I thought I had to be for you to trust me? How did you pull at heartstrings I didn't even know I possessed?

Christopher also gained from Elena's impulsiveness, Rebecca concluded. He and Elena would have started out in their Pollyanna world filled with rainbows and smiley faces, but Ewing Energies would not be a multi-million dollar company with him in the corner office. John Ross and I would have made sure of that!

They would have taken over the world by now; the company would have just been the start. Bringing out the worst in each other, she and John Ross would have built up Ewing Energies only to rip it away from its' other founders. Leaving Christopher and Elena with little financial means, she would have taken the twins away, too. That would have been the last straw; it would have destroyed him. Not even Elena's love and considerable fertility would give him "happily ever after" without Ashlyn and Robbie in his home.

The twins would not be the self-assured and full-of-life young adults they were today, but Rebecca doubted she would have been able to see through her vengeance to recognize that, or the role she played. With such a realization about herself, she felt the hot flush of shame on her cheeks and the sting of sorrow in her eyes.

Back then, she would have found pleasure in destroying Christopher. Why did I get such a charge out of luring men into my web, then watch them struggle to free themselves? Was it the conquest that made it so gratifying? Or was the triumph in masterfully playing the puppeteer to those around me? Tommy, Christopher, even my father, none of them made a move that I had not carefully orchestrated, or at least anticipated. Tears stained the silk sheets she had pulled around herself like a safe cocoon. I am not that person anymore. I'm not perfect, but I am not malicious, she told herself.

Not even if he left her tomorrow, would she want to hurt Christopher like that. In their love, she found acceptance and forgiveness for the first time in her life. She forgave for the first time, too. The scorn that ran through her veins, drained from her when she absolved the transgressions of her husband, her father, and eventually, herself. No longer did she see the world through the eyes of an insecure, needy young woman who would use and be used to gain some twisted form of happiness. Looking at life from the perspective of a self-confident woman who was part of a couple raising a family, made her finally realize her importance, and how her words and actions affected others, especially her children. Nowadays, happiness came from the little things-Ashlyn confiding in her or Robbie hugging her even when his friends were around. I hope I was a good mother to you two. It's hard to emulate something you never saw, but I certainly tried.

Both she and Christopher knew being a good parent was paramount to all other roles they played, and strived to be such. At first, she worried about her ability to be the nurturing mother she wished Afton had been, but there was never a doubt in her mind that Christopher would be a wonderful father, and he did not disappoint. Although he had hardly ever been around kids, these fatherly instincts to care for and protect emerged as he watched their arrival into the world.

Having they both grew up quite affluently with one parent while feeling neglected by the other, they had similar beliefs in parenting. They knew that extreme wealth could create demanding, selfish, egocentric children who grew into demanding, selfish, egocentric adults. They wanted Robbie and Ashlyn to be happy, but to be so while also being respectful, productive, caring and honest. The rules and consequences in their home were more strict than in those of their contemporaries, but they supported each other when the kids told them they were mean, and others had the gall to declare the punishments too harsh.

Their own childhoods made them realize the importance of children feeling cared for and supported by both of their parents. They had different ways of doing so, but each expressed their love and provided encouragement to their son and daughter.

Christopher and she were both driven with Type A personalities, but Rebecca also took on the traits of her role models-a calculating mother and win-at-all-costs father. Christopher brought out a warmth in her no one else ever had, and she brought out a side of him that Elena never would have—competitive and authoritative. Elena never would have appreciated such qualities and their necessity in big business. Maybe in academia being bright is enough, so it is acceptable to be compliant and do the bidding of others, but not in the real world. One can be reasonable and honest without being a pushover.

Rebecca had always felt badly for Bobby. He was such a nice guy, but JR took advantage of that and walked all over him right up until the end. She would not allow her husband to be a doormat for John Ross or anyone else, and made it her mission to be sure history did not repeat itself with the next two generations. Slyly, she compelled Christopher to parlay that short fuse of his, into eager, but controlled, competitiveness, and transform his whiny victimized attitude into one of stoic authority.

Rebecca smiled. Looking at it like that, it all did work out for the best, even for John Ross and Elena, not that their happiness would have had any bearing on her decisions. Christopher thrived on being a good man in both his professional and personal life. Professionally, he was the CEO of a company that he, with some assistance from the other two, built from the ground up. Ewing Energies was well respected, lucrative, and philanthropic, but his personal life brought him the most joy. Even if Robbie was unable to recognize it at that point, Christopher was a great dad and a man who provided a life for his family of which most could not even dream. As a husband, he was kind, considerate, giving and loved his wife. Although it was no secret they had more than their share of quarrels, they also had many amazing times together—family vacations abroad, entertaining friends, and a damn good love life, too. Will that be enough to keep you here with me?

Headlights glided across the night sky. It was before 11:00, so she knew it was not Robbie and Ashlyn. If they returned before dawn, she would be surprised. She must have drifted off again, as she never heard her husband enter the house, but felt him slide into bed, and sensed him staring at her, as she often did when he came home late. His body pressed close always gave her a sense of peace and she drifted off again.

In her slumber, the words of her favorite song went through her mind. "I'll stand by you…"

Rebecca smiled. I hope so, Christopher. I know I will.

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