Disclaimer: I don't own them, but we're very close, since they're constantly in my head and all…
Undead Again, Season 4, Episode 22
Chapter 11, Rick's journal entry
May 4, 2012
She's been in therapy for the past year. How the hell did I not know this?
Except for a few minor incidents right after Kate returned to work after the shooting, I'd been under the impression she was fine. Sure, I'd witnessed some perfectly understandable signs of post traumatic stress syndrome, but after that everything appeared to go back to normal.
She's without a doubt the strongest woman I've ever known. It never occurred to me she'd need more help than I could ever give her to overcome the trauma of her shooting, and she's achieved such superhero status in my eyes, I'd forgotten about her alter ego - the Queen of Denial. I should have known better. This whole time she's been seeing a therapist...so much for my self-proclaimed ability to notice small details.
I keep asking myself how could I have missed this, but to be honest, I already know the answer to that question – my head's been up my ass. The moment I overheard her admit she remembered everything from the day she'd been shot, something inside me snapped and I've only been focused on myself. All I knew was she'd lied to me – me, of all people.
I was blinded by hurt, enraged by her seemingly indifferent attitude towards my profession of love; I stopped seeing clearly. I was so damn angry with her, even to the point of telling mother this would be my last case. I truly thought I could just turn off my feelings for her.
Looking back I realize now how Kate tried to talk to me about my unusual behavior a few times too, but I blew her off. I'd lost faith in us; became completely self-absorbed, allowing my anger to fester and turn into something ugly. Mother was right; I didn't realize it until now, but I have been punishing Kate.
Thankfully, this case came along when it did. Between my problems with Kate and Alexis taking off for college I was nearing my breaking point. My little girl was leaving me, getting ready to leave the nest. I knew this day would come, I just never expected it to arrive.
My diabolical daughter had seemingly lost interest in our time-honored tradition of laser tag – only the same game we've been playing since she could barely walk, basically informing me she'd outgrown the game and me along with it, so I'd need to find someone else to play with. "Time to holster the laser guns and be adults" she'd said. A direct hit to the heart.
Of course I wouldn't find out until later she was secretly plotting her attack, laying a trap to catch me unaware at sometime in the near future. I pity the fool who attempts to mess with my kid on her path to glory. They don't stand a chance. I may be proud now, but all I felt at the time was a feeling of complete and utter devastation. What is it with the women in my life consistently trying to kill me?
When the call came in about a new murder I was less than thrilled. After the previous exchange with Alexis the last thing I wanted was to be around Beckett with a plastered fake smile on my face. As it turned out, it was exactly what Kate and I needed to get back on track again. I admit, at first I'd told my mother it was to be my last case with the detectives, but that's neither here nor there, the fact remains, not surprisingly I might add, that I owe my newfound level of clarity to none other than…here comes my favorite part… the Case of The Killer Zombie. No, really! Cool, huh?
To be fair, the case started off dull, and I was a little disappointed at the predictability of it all, but working with Beckett all these years should have taught me things could get interesting in the blink of an eye.
David Lock, currency trader, found dead lying in his employer's parking garage. The cause of death determined by Perlmutter, aka Dr. Death as I lovingly refer to him on occasion, was blunt force trauma to the head when it hit the pavement. I told Dr. Death, in so many words, his snarky comments would not be missed. This gave Beckett pause as she seemed to pick up on my cavalier attitude; however, I was in no mood at the time to care.
I was able to identify a circa 1870's hand-stitched lace cuff found by the body, most likely left by the assailant. My vast knowledge of this time period did not impress anyone in the least, and contrary to popular belief, with a little work, a comedy about the Civil War would too be funny, I don't care what anyone says.
Anyway, David's boss, Mike Matthews identified our victim and also spotted the abandoned car of David's co-worker Charlie Coleman. He also told us David and Charlie made no secret of their disdain for each other and were known to have been confrontational in the past. This marked Charlie as our first suspect.
The case seemed open and shut except for a few minor unexplained details; our victim had been uncharacteristically mauled on the arm by his assailant and then there was the mysterious lace cuff. Though Charlie's car was found at the scene of the crime he'd never shown up at the office that day so Beckett and I headed over to Charlie's apartment to question him.
It had the makings of an easy solve, not what I desired for my last case with Beckett. I'd wanted to go out with a bang, one for the books, you know. I wanted it to be something crazy and highly unusual. I was about to get my wish.
Charlie was at his apartment alright, but not expected, he'd chained himself to his radiator and was half out of his mind. He ranted and raved about not wanting us to be there when he "turned" and demanded we leave for our own safety, but not before he requested Beckett shoot him before we left. After she refused, even though he'd asked her nicely, we got him some water and waited for him to calm down.
Charlie claimed both he and David had been attacked by…a zombie. No, I'm not kidding. Charlie admitted witnessing David's murder, said he himself managed to escape and said that he'd even made a 911 call claiming their attacker was a wild, flesh eating zombie, but no one would believe him. He sounded like a lunatic, and a potential murderer until he showed us his arm which held a similar flesh wound to the one found on David's body.
Beckett and I were both left wondering what the hell was going on. She thought he was nuts and I wasn't too far behind her, but I was also thrilled since things were finally becoming interesting. Beckett wasn't as entertained. I mean, who, besides Beckett, wouldn't love a good flesh eating zombie apocalypse taking place right here in New York City? We dragged Charlie downtown into custody, checked his story and listened to his frantic 911 tape.
Of course I thought he was delusional, but I also believed he truly believed a zombie was responsible for David's murder. When Ryan showed us the footage from the street cameras clearly showing a very zombie-like creature with a vintage lace cuff leaving the crime scene it was like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one. I'll never forget the look on Kate, Epso's and Ryan's faces when our zombie killer appeared on the screen; classic. I knew then, I'd miss more than just the job if I left after this case.
With all that was happening at the precinct and a killer zombie on the loose, when I arrived home my defenses must have been down making me easy prey. I didn't suspect a thing at first when mother expressed more than a passing interest in the case. As she slithered back and away I realized something was amiss; my own mother in cahoots with the enemy. I studied the silence, aghast at my own naivety, while simultaneously delighted, for I had taught Alexis well and frankly, I should have known better.
Scanning the room aware I'd been had, awaiting my enemy's attack, I stood helpless as Alexis repelled down into the living room, completely caught me off guard and essentially scared the crap out of me. She was fully armed in her laser regalia and zapped me effortlessly with a single fatal blow of her laser gun, ultimately winning the game we've had going on for years by reaching the prized one thousand points. Her previous performance… merely a ploy to confuse and surprise a worthy adversary uh, me. I was so proud, I actually became a little teary eyed.
And just like that, things were looking up. Our laser game would continue on, my little girl still loved me…best two out of three, and maybe, just maybe all good things didn't have to come to an end. Now they'd simply be different; I could live with different. My internal debate began; the sound of chipping upon my own established walls (yes, I have a few) grew louder, and my resolve to quit working with Beckett weakened. I hadn't officially announced my departure yet. I could still change my mind. Would leaving be a mistake? I'd wait to see what tomorrow would bring.
The next day at the precinct we reviewed the case, but with no solid leads there was no reason to hold Charlie in lock-up further, so Ryan told him he was free to go. Unfortunately, Charlie refused to leave since he was still afraid of turning into a zombie as well as concerned about being sought after by the Killer Zombie we still hadn't apprehended. Here's where playtime began.
Both Beckett and Esposito proclaimed Charlie was nuts. Neither of them believes remotely in zombies or a zombie apocalypse. Ryan, however, looked worried. I love how he's able to keep an open mind amidst his world of facts, so it didn't seem right messing with him for an extended period of time. Esposito wasn't in the mood to play judging by the looks he was giving Ryan. This left me Beckett.
I hit her hard with the zombie angle, but she wasn't having any of it. There was a lot of eye-rolling. She barely tolerated my tale of our patient zero, and the zombie killer's attempt at building an army of the undead, and I'm fairly certain she didn't appreciate my remark on the more intelligent the victim, the more delicious the brain, and it wasn't easy keeping a straight face. The woman is always trying to ruin my stories with her logic. Is it really so wrong that I therefore would enjoy pushing her buttons? I think not.
We were actually getting along better. There was smiling, joking, lots of eye-rolling and I found my anger subsiding. It was like old times and I began dreading my decision to give it all up even though it still hurt to be around her. She'd never feel the same way about me as I did her, but could I live with that? My internal debate marched on.
We got a lead on David, our victim's whereabouts the night of the murder and tracked down the woman he'd been to see name of Greta Mastriani. Greta had been involved with David while at the same time engaged to one Tom Williams. She'd broken off the affair with David, but he'd apparently had a hard time letting go.
We questioned Tom, her fiancé who knew of the affair, but had taken Greta back. Tom had plenty of motive but we had nothing solid on him and his alibi checked out. Our investigation came to a standstill until a substance found on the victims shoes led us to an abandoned factory that produced the chemical.
Not surprisingly, abandoned factories, late at night…creepy. Add to that a hoard of walking undead zombies closing in on you and you have yourself one hell of a nightmare. Also, here's where believing in the possibility of all sorts of crazy shit, does not play in your favor. As they neared, I became convinced it would not end well, and the decision to stop working with Beckett would be made for me.
We were surrounded by at least fifty of them, glazed over eyes examining their prey. By the moaning, it was dinner time in the hood and they were hungry. I prepared to meet my maker. Beckett on the other hand with her low tolerance for BS, pulled out her gun, announced she was NYPD and demanded they stand down. Their leader instantly came to attention and their "game" came crashing to an immediate halt. They'd really had me there for a minute; the costumes, the makeup, the moaning. It was pretty amazing and I marveled over never hearing of this club before. You've got to love New York!
We hauled everyone down to the station in zombie wagons, where they were questioned as to the identity of our victim and the "zombie killer" in the photo from the crime scene. It was some time before we finally got a hit. The zombie in the picture was identified as Kyle Jennings, a member of their club and the hunt for him began.
Kyle's "dead" body was found in his apartment and his "lifeless remains" were brought to the morgue for an autopsy. Dr. Death, Beckett and I reviewed the body lying on the examination table. All I'm saying is the guy looked pretty dead to me...
Just to be on the safe side, I did question the merits of possibly awakening the undead, mostly to mess with Dr. Death, but despite my warning Perlmutter stabbed him with the needle anyway causing Kyle to jump up from the table…not so dead… and we stood in horror as he took off at warp speed, well, for a zombie anyway, with Kate hot on his trail. FYI: there really is no police code for zombie on the loose; they need to consider updating their list.
Once the dust settled and Kyle was captured he was sedated and sent off to the hospital to be examined. Beckett's main focus was on finding a human motive, but I argued we needed a zombie motive and continued torturing her about zombies rising from the dead. I could tell she didn't really appreciated my insights, but I couldn't stop myself; her reactions are just way too much fun.
When I admitted to Ryan I was only messing with Beckett he seemed relieved, then we shared an awkward moment as he told me how happy he was to see Kate and I finally getting along again. It caught me off guard since it never occurred to me either of the boys would have noticed the riff in our friendship. I really didn't know what to say to that.
At the hospital we questioned Kyle Jennings, our zombie, sans makeup, but he had amnesia and could remember nothing of what happened to him after he got to the zombie walk. He swore he didn't know the victim and hadn't killed anyone, but the evidence against him was mounting. There were abrasions on his hands, he had no alibi; all signs pointed to him, but I didn't peg him for our killer. There had to be more to the story; something wasn't adding up, but we had next to nothing to go on.
Outside Kyle's room Kate and I discussed Kyle's memory lapse and I argued when a life altering moment occurs, people remember. We both immediately knew I wasn't talking about the case anymore. She took defense, said it was a life altering event, and that he probably just wasn't ready to face it yet, but he would when he felt safe. One day we'll learn to use our words and stop talking in subtext, until then….
Just as we were getting to the good stuff and making some head-way Dr. Death interrupted to tell us drugs were found in Kyle's system. They'd found Scopolamine, a drug that makes you do whatever anyone tells you to do and then wipes your memory clean. We believed Kyle's insistence that he didn't do drugs which led us to wonder who slipped it to him. Who would of had motive to set him up? Much to my dismay, the rest of the conversation with Kate would have to wait as we needed to catch the real killer.
We re-interviewed Paul, one of the zombies who'd been high as a kite the night of the zombie walk, confirmed he'd been using Scopolamine and he admitted some of the walkers used the "zombie drug" to increase their zombie experience. When we showed him Tom William's picture Paul named him as their drug dealer.
Tom had motive, his jealousy of David and Greta's affair and a fear of losing Greta to David, so he'd somehow slipped the drug to Kyle then commanded he kill David while Tom waited in the library with a legitimate alibi. It was almost the perfect crime.
We brought Tom down to the station, tried to break him, but he was too smart to confess. We needed more proof to convict him and the smug bastard knew it. We were allowed to hold him for twenty-four hours so we tossed his ass in lock up until we could come up with something.
Greta held fast to the belief her fiancé would never commit such crimes, but I think deep down she knew; she had to suspect, still she refused to help us. We'd checked his financials…there was no other explanation for how he was able to purchase the enormous rock on her hand, and afford the upscale apartment they shared while he was attending law school.
I love this next part… he may be smart, but we're smarter.
Kate told Tom he was free to go since we had no proof, and also that Kyle was out on bail, madder than hell he'd been framed. Tom was terrified Kyle would come after him for setting him up and threatened Beckett with a lawsuit if we didn't protect him. She agreed only to let Esposito accompany him home, but after that he was on his own.
When Espo parked in the garage at Tom's building, I was waiting for them dressed head to toe in Kyle's zombie outfit including full make up job ready to pretend I was Zombie Kyle in a really bad mood. I got to fake knock-out Esposito, smash a few car windows (totally worth the bill), and scare a confession and the crap out of a sociopathic killer. Where else would I ever find a job this fun?
With the true killer behind bars, Kyle was released pending trial. The DA would most likely go easy on him since he aided us with the case, but the poor guy will probably never be the same. The fact is, even though he can't remember any of it, he killed someone. Before he left he told me to keep the costume, he'd never put it on again.
Alone at last…
I told Beckett I hoped Kyle would get the help he needed to be able to put this all behind him. That's when she confessed to her own therapy; said it's been helping her. She's almost where she wants to be; in a place where she can accept everything that happened that day. The way she said everything, I nearly stopped breathing. She said her wall was coming down and she wanted me to be there when it did. I told her I like to be there too. It was all I could do to stop myself from grabbing her.
That's the moment I decided quitting was not an option, which coincidentally is the same moment I pulled my head out of my ass.
I've been acting like such an idiot. I chose to forget why I fell in love with her in the first place; our friendship, the more than friends lingering touches, the glorious brightness of her smile when directed at me. How could I have ever thought I was in this relationship alone?
Kate survived a traumatizing experience; deserved time enough to heal and certainly more understanding from me, the man who'd professed to love her, but instead I let her down. I convinced myself she didn't feel the same way and never stopped to consider how long it might take for her to recover from the shooting. It's not that she was she indifferent to my I love you, she just needed time… and time she shall have.
Much to my delight, Alexis was up when I got home and my day got even better. She finally decided on Columbia - as long as I swore to give her the space she needed. I promised to try. She confessed to being worried over how everything was changing. I told her to follow her heart and she can't go wrong. I'm taking my own advice.
Detective Beckett…I'll see you at the precinct tomorrow!
