CHAPTER 11

I am just on the verge of getting to sleep when Fesh bangs on the door and tells me to 'rise and shine, it's a big day ahead.'

Yeah. A big day.

I sit up and wince; a stabbing pain shoots through my right arm. For a moment I wonder if I am going to have two inoperative arms for the Games but when I look at it I see only a red line and a small lump. I frown; I don't remember that happening.

Just then, the door opens and Reed comes in. He smiles sadly at me. He closes the door behind him and leans on it, sighing. He's holding a tray of food. I look at it, wishing I was hungry but I feel too sick.

'This is it, then,' he says with forced enthusiasm.

'Yeah.' I say. I pause. Then I draw a deep breath: 'I don't want to go.' Before I know it, tears are cascading down my cheeks and I'm sobbing and crying all over y bed. Reed comes over to comfort me. He holds my arms and whispers soothing words. I'm so thankful for his comfort that I actually bury my face in his sweater. He strokes my hair like my mother used to. It calms me. 'Have you seen Thresh yet?' I sniff.

He shakes his head. 'Eat,' he coaxes, 'You need to; these are the Hunger Games. '

I give a choked laugh and eat the luxurious breakfast. I try to savour every moment of it but it tastes of nothing but worry. That makes me cry again. 'How do you do it?' I cry at him desperately, 'You won the Hunger Games, how do you stay alive?'

He looks at me grimly. 'You kill.' He says, 'it's the only way.'

'I'm not killing,' I mumble. To my surprise, he nods.

'I know.' He looks as if he's going to cry now. 'Every year,' he says, 'Every other year I send two kids out there to be slaughtered, Rue, it's terrible. I choose one to try to keep alive. I give that one a chance. It's better to have one alive than neither.'

Suddenly I see what he's been trying to tell me all this time. I nod. I understand.

'I'm sorry, Rue.' He says, 'I'm so sorry.'

For a moment I want to shout that I don't care, that it's not fair and him being sorry doesn't change a thing. But I swallow everything and simply nod again. He opens his mouth to say something and his eyes show urgency but at that moment, the door swings open and Had bursts in. Reed hurries out.

'Clothes,' says Had bluntly, tossing a bag at my feet and then stamping out again.

I wonder what Had's dressing me in this time. Then I remember that it won't be a costume like the others. All the tributes will be wearing this in the Arena. I've seen the previous outfits. Some are practical. Some ridiculous. Some torturing. When the Arena was made of ice (with no wood so all the Tributes froze to death in the first week or so) the costumes were torturous. Just a thin T-shirt and flimsy silk trousers. When it was a burning wasteland the outfit was practical. Sturdy shoes, tight trousers, thin vest. And once, in the 59th Games, the tributes were each given a ridiculous costume of some sort that was awkward to move in, let alone fight or climb. Most Tributes preferred to rip off their costumes and fight without clothes, but the ones who left them on died first. It turned out that was the whole point – the costumes were extremely flammable and the Game Makers sent a fire on the first day.

But I'm pleased with this years outfit. It's practical and simple. The best I could hope for I suppose. So I'd rather go out there in my District 11 clothes, yes, but this is good. Simple black trousers and a hooded jacket. Sturdy boots made of soft leather. Everything is very comfortable and fits perfectly. I walk around a little to get used to the boots. I really do like them, but I know that the moment I get into the Arena I'll take them off; I can't climb in shoes.

Had re-enters and asks me if I'm ready. I shake my head. He snorts and leads me out of the room anyway. 'You're going, girly.' He says, 'Goodbye.' He leads me up the stairs and onto the roof where I am to be taken into the Arena. I stand on the grey circle he indicates. 'Anything you want to say?' he asks me.

This question is so ridiculous that I actually give a small laugh. Yeah, there are loads of things I want to say. Like 'I hate the Capitol,' and 'why do you all do this to me?' and 'I want you dead Had,' and the like. Unfortunately, the last comment would probably guarantee no sponsors and I can't possibly tell him the others. Reed maybe, but not Had. So I just sigh and shake my head. He glowers at me.

'Thanks,' he snaps, 'No sign of a quick thank-you then?'

'What for?'

'For all the costumes and kindness I've given you!'

I force myself to keep my mouth shut after that; if I open it I will probably say a lot of stuff I won't be able to take that. Luckily, a few seconds after the awkward silence, Fesh, Reed, Thresh and Thresh's stylist appear at the top of the stairs. Fesh and the stylist are talking excitedly to Thresh. Reed is nodding every now and then. Thresh looks scared as he takes his place on the circle. He looks different in the Arena costume. Weaker even.

'Goodbye Thresh!' simpers Fesh, 'Until we meet again!'

Thresh nods curtly.

'Good luck,' whispers his stylist winking.

'Thresh, I know you can do it,' says Reed, 'You have to. You know everything we talked about. I know you can win, Thresh, I know it. You have to. And besides, we could do with another mentor; there are only two of us.' Reed is grinning at him, looking a lot different from how he did when he was in my room this morning. He looks – powerful.

Like Thresh did. Fesh and the other stylists are still chatting to Thresh as the glass slides around the circles, enclosing us in a small space, like the Magic Box in eth Training Centre. Fesh gives me a small wave without even looking at me; she's still shouting at Thresh through the glass. Reed turns to me. 'Goodbye, Rue,' he says blankly.

I want to say so much to him. I want to tell him I need sponsors, but I know that they'll all go to Thresh. I want to scream at him that I hate it, it's not fair, but that's a fairly bad idea from every point of view. I want to ask him what he's been trying to tell me but I can tell, although it's my last chance, now is not the time to ask. So I wave back, shut my eyes to block the world out and think about my plans. I'm terrified, my legs are jelly and I'm breathing too quickly. I can't believe it's happening: it's really happening. All the nightmares I've had each night are finally coming true.

The glass circles are moving upwards. A few days ago I would have enjoyed the sensation.

Reed looks as if he has changed his mind. He opens his mouth and shouts up at me but I can't hear him.

Had and Fesh stare at him in horror.

Had is confronting him, pushing him roughly. Fesh is squealing and waving her arms.

Reed looks up at me and tries again. I can barely see him now.

Had pulls Reed down the stairs. Fesh and the other stylist follow.

I wonder what has happened.

I look across for Thresh but he's gone.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I wait.