Thanks to harrytwifan for betaing this, of course. And for listening to my silly rants and coddling me until I finally get a chapter done!
Disclaimer- I don't own anything Twilight. This is Slash! You must be of legal adult age to read!
Song Inspirations – Heavy in Your Arms by Florence and the Machine and Breathe Me to Life by Evanescence.
Ch. 11 –Wake Me Up Inside
Jpov
My sister, Rose, could be home any minute. Alice will be back from her vacation soon. But right now, with Edward wrapped around my dick… I can't bring myself to care.
If only they could all see what I do to him, the quivering mess he is on his knees, taking my cock like a champ. If only they could see the truth. I secretly wish that they would.
He moves below me in perfect rhythm. Bent over the back of my couch, panting and moaning, receiving me as if his body is made just for mine. During times like this, I'm sure that it is.
I battle the feelings he evokes. He wants my cock; he needs it? Well, my cock he can have. I'll fuck him right out of my system. That's just what I'll do.
I practically laugh out loud at the absurdity of my pointless declaration. If it were possible to forget him - to somehow get over him - I would've found a way by now. God knows I've tried.
If only I had any hope of succeeding at fucking him out of my system, then I might survive this. My unwanted love and unwelcome need for this boy.
I feel my balls tightening despite my inner conflict. The tingling in my groin magnifies by the second. There's no denying what he does to me. I'm close to losing it already, but I'm nowhere near done with his perfect ass.
Looking down where we're joined, the sight of my body owning his again and again is almost too much. I grab his hair, and he arches that pretty back of his just right.
"Fuck… Jasper… please!"
He begs to stroke himself. He begs me to stop the force with which I fuck him. He needs to reach down and take his cock in hand. He needs to finally find his release.
"No," is my gruff reply. "You wait to cum! You hear me?"
His moans increase.
Pulling his hair even tighter, I demand, "Edward! Answer me!"
He manages to barely audibly stutter, "Yes… yes, Jasper… but I'm so close…"
Fuck, my needy, responsive boy… how he affects me so. It's not just the way I perfectly fit inside him, but also the way in which he receives me, and his reactions to everything I do. Everything we do together.
My attempt to hold on to my indifference is failing. I feel it slipping away. It's so much easier to function with its presence, when apathy settles into the cracks in my heart. But his pleas are melting my precious indifference away. The way he looks back at me – with what I now know to be love in his eyes -breaking down the fragile wall I've spent all week constructing. He sees into my core, warming my soul, waking me up inside.
But for what? To leave me cold and numb again as he always does? As he'll have to do as soon as I'm done fucking him?
I have to get away from here. Out of this town. Away from this boy.
If only he'd go with me. We could run, together. Maybe… if I give him just a little more time?
Two more months. We graduate in two months.
Until then…I'll fuck him every chance I get. I'll fuck him and he'll never forget. I'll fuck him until he can never let me go.
My feelings for my boy warm me from the inside out, and suddenly, fucking him is no longer enough. I need so much more. Falling forward, I wrap my arms around my love. I kiss his back, damp with sweat, salty beneath my lips. I breathe him in as I resume my thrusts, more gently this time.
Reaching around his slender frame, I find his cock so hard and leaking. His wails increase as I stroke him in time with my thrusts.
"There you go, baby. Is that what you need? You need to cum?" I croon in his ear. The calm of my voice sounds foreign, for I know the inferno that builds inside, so close to igniting my entire soul in blinding pleasure. But he must cum first; I need him to feel it first.
"Uhhhhnnnggg… yes! Fuck, yes! Gonna cum!"
He barely finishes his sentence before he's shooting his sticky release all over my hand and the back of the couch. Trembling below me, spasming around me, he comes down from his high as my ecstasy is just beginning.
Pulling back enough to gain some leverage, I pound into him so deep, so hard. I let go and roar through a climax that leaves me heaving for breath and literally seeing stars. I empty my heart and soul inside him, into the condom. Pulling out, I hastily discard it before collapsing on the couch beside him. He crawls on top of me, into my arms, burrowing close - as if here we are safe from the reality slowly seeping back in.
But we're not. And it does, invading my senses. I'd much rather cling to the feel of him here in my arms, the smell of our coupling in the air, the sound of his breathing as it ebbs and flows.
I can't. Instead, I am met with the harsh reality that I've played my cards once again. I might as well give up my attempts at bluffing when it comes to how I feel for Edward. I don't have it in me. As of yet.
My phone beeps beside me on the couch. It's a text from Alice. She's home and will come over soon.
The time has come to again let him go.
I hear his phone vibrating from within the heap that is his discarded jeans. Apparently, he's had it on vibrate.
He's fallen asleep in my arms; I force myself to slip from his embrace. It hurts to do so, but it has to be. As much as I'd love to just lie here like this, together, until we're discovered… to push his hand and give up this charade whether he likes it or not… I can't bring myself to do such a thing. He's not ready and I would never hurt him intentionally. Nor would I want my sweet Alice to find out in such a way. When and if I tell her, she deserves a private conversation.
I want to tell her. She's my best friend and I hate keeping anything from her. If it weren't her sister's boyfriend whom I'm in love with, I would've told her by now. But it is. So I can't. Not yet, at least.
He barely stirs, curling up in a ball, deeply sleeping again almost immediately. I lightly brush my thumb along the circles under his eyes.
He looks like shit, if that's possible. The fact that he's obviously slept as little as me this past week pulls at something deep inside. I should be glad he's suffered as I have, but I'm not. My compassion for him wins out. I know he has it rough at home on a good day. I don't want to further complicate his life. I don't want to be the source of any of his pain.
I hate this. I hate that he's hurting. I especially hate that I have anything to do with it. It's so fucking frustrating… when I'd give anything to take all of his pain away. His involvement with me is the root of his torment. It isn't fair. Nothing about this is fair!
When his jeans at my feet begin vibrating, again - I don't think. I don't stop myself from retrieving his cell. I don't stop myself from holding it in my hand and glaring at the name that appears on the screen.
Bella.
Ofcourse. I knew it would be her. But the bile churns in my stomach at the sight of her name; my grip on the phone becomes painful.
I press the green 'Accept' button before I know what I'm doing. Raising the phone to my ear, I bark, "Hello?" in a voice that says, Who the fuck is this and why the fuck are you calling Edward's phone?
"Jasper? Is that you? Why on earth are you answering Edward's phone? Is everything okay? I haven't been able to get ahold of him!"
Fuck! She sounds genuinely concerned, borderline alarmed. Completely understandable.
Why does she always have to be so nice? It would be so much easier to hate her if she weren't always so nice.
And I want to… I want to hate her with a vengeance. But I can't. She loves him and it isn't her fault that I do to. Nor is it her fault that he loves me back. That he loves us both.
I do allow myself to resent her, though. I'll allow that. Because if she'd just open her eyes, just take off her rose colored glasses, she'd see that he isn't happy. That he has feelings for me. That he'd be better off with me.
"Hello? Jasper? Are you there?"
I begrudgingly answer, not meaning what I say. Realizing too late what my words might imply.
"Yes, Bella… It's Jasper. Edward is at my house. He's with me."
Yeah. Am I a tease, or what? I'm feeling ornery, I guess. Please leave a review and tell me you forgive me?!
I recently discovered iMovie on my phone and made a video for In the Corner and one for the oneshot I'm working on- Baby, Just Say Yes, which is inspired by the song Love Story by Taylor swift. You can check them out on youtube at youtube –dot- com/user/marriedmyedward1997 -(I'm marriedmyedward1997 on youtube).
