As though that reaction had not stunned Kirk seeing Spock rush over to Officer Ton, sit beside him, and hold him made Kirk look at McCoy who was just shaking his head. He had been right, they knew something they had not told him. It was there, in how McCoy was watching Spock hold onto Officer Ton. The way Ton had reacted on seeing him. Ton had been something to do with it. No, Ton was one of the officers who did not leave the ship, whose role was strictly aboard the ship. He had not reacted on seeing him. Ton would possibly have seen him as he walked in but it was when he had said his name. Yes, he had to be part of it as the way he had reacted was one of pure of guilt.

The depth of the all-consuming fear and near-paralyzing panic that the Vulcan felt as he held the terrified officer was almost more than Spock felt he could deal with. Even a Human would have been aware of the intensity. Radiating from the arms encircling him seemed to be a plea for protection and confirmation of being safe. "Yes, yes, he is gone, Stan. He has been gone a long, long time. Captain Kirk was just annoyed and he mispronounced your name. If you will allow me to touch your face I can make sure what he stays gone."

Not fully understanding what was going on Kirk watched as Spock gently reached out and turned the officer's face so they looked at each other. "I can use a Vulcan technique that will ensure he will be gone forever. I will gently touch your mind and make him stay away if you will allow me."

"He, he will be gone?" there was still fear in the voice but Spock saw the awareness he needed and knew that the fear was about the past and not the mind meld.

Seldom had Kirk seen so much compassion openly on Spock's face as was there when he looked at Ton, so much he felt guilty watching, "Stan, I will leave your memories up to the event as they are so that you can remember your past. I will have him there but as a fellow officer you knew well, as a friend. I will find him and that event but you will remember it only as he would have told you as you were not there. You will not have been on the bridge but he will have told you what he saw and what he did. Then the feelings and what you experienced at the time will be his and you will remember him as an old friend who is gone. Do you understand?"

"Yes, please make him stay away, I want my memories but make him stay away."

When Kirk looked at McCoy he was surprised to see tears rimming the blue eyes. Clearly McCoy had also seen that open display of Human emotion on Spock's face and was equally stunned by it and yet there was something else in the look on McCoy's face. Something had happened. Officer Stanton was a major part of it but what was it?

It had taken eighty-four seconds for the Vulcan to find the event he knew he had to find and felt honored yet saddened by what he saw. It was the encounter with the Klingons. It was the whole encounter as he had been on the bridge. The earlier generation of starships were similar to the Enterprise yet what was different was that view, those Klingon ships, and then there was the feeling. Spock was aware of the feeling on the bridge, the awareness of the inevitable, yet in Ton the calmness to think of an answer to "What now?" and an awareness of responsibility to shipmates. He saw the look that Travis had given Ton when their captain had been beamed off the ship despite being shielded, the near paralytic look Travis had had after the captains had been killed. Through Ton's memories he was seeing it all. Through Ton's memories he was feeling, feeling what? So many emotions. But they were not just Ton's emotions.

Conflict rose in Spock's mind. Some of what was in Ton's mind about the encounter had been in the reports but then there, in the mind he was with, was what had not been in the reports and even without venturing any further he could tell that what was reported was the very minimum of what was required to be reported. There, in that part of the mind he knew was not open to him, was where the answers to his questions were. He knew it would not damage Ton and he could answer so many. Kroykah! He would be able to deal with the nightmares the officer wanted gone without exploring further. It was beneath contempt to go further into another's mind than they had agreed to. Methodically he set about making the changes he knew needed doing. It was fairly basic and simple and he felt the tension leave Ton as he completed what he had said he would. .

As he started to ease away from it he heard Ton's voice in his mind, "Wait! Please wait!"

Not since he was young and only starting to master the meld and he ever been asked to stop, to wait. He knew he could reverse some of the changes but why would Ton want him to? Had he tampered with a memory Ton wanted kept?

"What is it you need?"

"I do not need more than you have done but it is what you need."

If ever asked Spock would deny it but he did feel confused, "I do not need,"

"Okay, it is what you want." There had been the touch of laughter in Ton's mind's voice. "I know you will tell no others what you see so before it is hidden away forever you may see it, you may see why I want to forget. You may have your answers." Before he could reply Ton's mind opened even more before him and he saw what happened on the bridge. Every detail was there.

As though mesmerized he watched as Ton let him see it all. All from the moment the captain had vanished. Vividly he saw how Travis had looked at Ton and, after a moment, started to get the other ships to beam off the crew. He saw how Ton went in circles around the engineering station, the science station, the command seat, and to tactical and navigation. He had looked again at how the five Klingon craft were, turned a dial then nodded at Travis and grabbed his arm as Travis yelled out, "Malls, Jenkins, beaming on my call then flee." and they had raced to the Transporter Room. There was one officer left who indicated they should get on the pads. Ton had grabbed Travis and the other officer shoved them towards the pad saying, "As one on one." Travis and the other officer had vanished and Ton did something at the controls, ran toward the platform, yelling , "Coming now." then nothing but a pain unlike any he had experienced before, a pain so all-consuming that it threatened to break the meld.

When the pain eased there was a sense of nothingness till a faint awareness of being in a hospital. Higher echelon visiting, questioning, and then telling him they would take care of him. In a sudden stark clarity Spock saw how at first Ton had planned to kill himself but after a visit from Malls, Jenkins, and Travis he decided to change his name. While Malls, Jenkins, and Travis had helped him get out of the hospital and away from the scrutiny of Starfleet he had decided to get further away from them so that they could honestly say they did not know where he was. He knew they would not look for a name similar to his old name. He had been safe; he had been living his life. He would give one officer just enough information that if they discussed it with another it would just circle and circle and therefore protect them from Starfleet charging them with not disclosing his whereabouts. Gently Spock applied the skills in the meld he had learned so along ago so that the alterations he had told Ton he would remained, becoming his reality, and then slowly eased out of it.

That Ton had allowed him to see that was an honor and Spock understood the torment remembering it brought to the man. What Ton had done slowly dawned on Spock. He had turned the whole ship itself into a bomb that destroyed three of the Klingon ships. He had set a timer for the release of minor explosions on the ship to weaken its integrity so that the explosions caused by the torpedoes striking a blockage would cause the ship to become a massive bomb and then setting the ship on a course into the middle of the Klingon ships at warp four. He had saved the crews of those ships and risked his life. Clearly he had been severely injured either in the explosion or the transporter as it was unheard of to be able to beam off a ship going into warp from a position of maintaining position. As he thought over all that Ton had just shown him Spock realized it was not so much the memory of who he was before or what he had done that so terrified him as the reality of living the rest of his life being watched, being controlled, being studied if Command found him.

Spock was just sitting holding Ton to him, still deeply shaken by what Ton had revealed to him in the meld, and as Ton took the time to adjust to the change when Travis walked in. "What the hell have you done?"