There are four things Lexa's senses told her the moment she was pulled out of her deep slumber.
1. It's raining hard outside.
2. She's cold
3. She's very much naked
4. And a soft hand was drawing lazy circles on her stomach.
She sighed at the feeling and a sleepy smile made its way on her lips. Lazy green eyes fluttered opened and for just a moment her brain failed to understand why she's seeing blonde hair instead of brunette or whose soft hands were softly caressing her naked body. But then, memories of last night suddenly came and flooded her mind. She glanced at the woman beside her and found Clarke looking at her. The blonde doctor smiled when she saw Lexa was awake. Somehow her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Lexa felt herself drowning in the intensity of Clarke's gaze.
"Clarke," Lexa's voice was still thick and raspy from sleep. Her voice sounded so small and vulnerable and Clarke couldn't help but feel like she's the only one who has the privilege to see past Lexa's walls.
Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa's cheek, "Go back to sleep, Lex."
Mind still foggy with sleep, Lexa nodded and scooted closer to Clarke, resting her head on the blonde's chest. She was drifting off to sleep when she felt arms envelop her and soft lips on the top of her head.
The next time Lexa woke, rain was still pouring down. Thick drops of rain were pounding on the window causing the agent to stir awake. She was on her stomach with the sheets covering her naked body. Her eyes fluttered open as the sound of rain was finally registered in her mind. She turned her head to find the other side of the bed void of the blonde doctor. She tentatively reached a hand out and found the sheets are cold.
"Clarke?" she called out.
Images from what happened last night flashed before her eyes. Clarke. She was here, in her room, in her arms, in her bed. She made love to Clarke in a way she never made love to anyone before in her life. Somehow, in spite the fact that last night was the first night they've been intimate with each other, Clarke knew her weak spots and has done things to her that nobody else had ever done. Just remembering Clarke's body pressed against her was enough to send a familiar throb between her legs.
Lexa called out again and when there was no answer, she sat up and looked around. The clock on the bedside table flashed 5:30AM in big bright red numbers. Her gaze drifted around the bedroom and saw clothes littered the floor. She recognized her own clothing but she realized that Clarke's clothes were missing.
She was gone.
"Fuck." The brunette muttered. She buried her head between her hands. "Why did I let this happen?"
She shivered as she pulled the covers off of her and slipped out of bed. She padded across the room butt naked and into the bathroom, hoping that Clarke was just inside and taking a shower. Lexa knew, deep down, that she wouldn't see the blonde when she opens the bathroom door. But she can't help the way her heart sank when she found the bathroom empty.
She saw her reflection on the mirror and her eyes lingered on the dark purple mark just below her collarbone, she circled it with a finger and remembered how Clarke's lips felt on her body and how she left this mark. Tears welled up in her eyes without warning and she quickly turned around and turned on the shower. She winced when she felt the water was a little bit too hot and made contact with her skin but she didn't care.
What have I done?
Clarke must've left in the middle of the night after she fell back asleep. All she remembers was their time together was unlike anything else, it felt endless and at the end they had fallen asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Lexa swore she heard their hearts beat in sync. But somehow, Clarke slipped away and left.
I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think this will result in to something you'll regret.
"Goddamn it!" She punched the shower wall and cringed when she felt the sting. Tears mixed with the water pouring down on her. She ached and the pain began to spread inside of her; it crept in her chest, into her heart, before making its way into every cell in her body. She had never felt something so intense.
She almost doubled-over when she remembered Costia will be here in a couple of hours and her heart dropped straight into her stomach. She scrubbed and rinsed and stepped out of the shower, dried herself and walked back in the bedroom. She slipped into black pants and a green button down. She grabbed a blazer in the closet and when she turned around, she saw the tangled sheets on the bed and memories from last night came flooding back and she felt her heart slowly breaking. She closed her eyes and Lexa could smell Clarke's perfume, she felt how soft her hair was tangled in her fingers, she could the moans and the sounds of pleasure.
Her eyes snapped open and shook her head. STOP IT, LEXA.
The agent hastily left the room after grabbing her badge and strapping her gun holster in place. Hurried footsteps echoed down the corridor as Lexa made her way to the elevator. As she stepped inside the elevator, she looked down and avoided her reflection; she couldn't stomach to see herself. Gone were the feelings of yearning and longing, the buzz and warmth she felt when Clarke's lips were on hers were gone and all that remained was the feeling of shame, pain, anger, and resentment.
As Lexa stepped outside, she looked up at the grey skies. The rain was pouring down relentlessly and unforgiving, and the wind surely wasn't making things any better. The sounds of thunder can be heard and bolts of lightning illuminate the gray skies. Large puddles had formed in the streets and she had to take a few steps back when she hailed a cab to avoid being sprayed by muddy water. She got in the cab and as soon she slammed the door closed, her heart dropped as she suddenly realized that Clarke did the same thing in the middle of night. The brunette tried to shake away the vision of the blonde walking alone outside the hotel under the pouring rain as she walks back to her car but it was already too late; the image had already tattooed itself onto her brain and Lexa felt her heart wrench.
The sound of the cab driver's voice kicked her out of thoughts, "Where to?"
"JFK International Airport." Lexa answered. She tried to keep the tremor and tears out of her voice but she was failing.
"Arrivals or Departures?" The driver looked at the rear view mirror and she caught his curious glance.
"Arrivals"
She'd be way too early to be at the airport to pick up Costia but it was better to be at her hotel room and be reminded of what transpired in there last night. She leaned her head against the window and watched as the raindrops hit the window. Traffic was still light but Lexa know that in an hour the streets would be filled with private cars and buses.
Lexa spent the entire ride playing the events that took place the previous night. She could vividly see the way the blonde's eyes and the emotions swimming in them just before they closed when Lexa connected their lips. She saw how broken Clarke was and the pain she saw on those blue eyes was pressing a heavy weight on her chest knowing she was the reason behind it. She completely lost herself in Clarke; like she always do in the past. She had lost herself in those sparkling blue eyes more than times than she dared to admit and last night was no exception. She had let herself get lost again. She let go and let herself be carried away by the tidal wave that was Clarke Griffin. And Lexa Woods was more than willing to drown in it.
She was so caught up in her own world that she hadn't notice that the cab had pulled over the taxi lane and that they had reached their destination. She looked up startled when the driver cleared his throat, "Ma'am, we're here." Lexa pulled out her wallet and paid the driver. She then climbed out of the cab and quickly made her way toward as the arrivals terminal, making a bee line for the first coffee shop she saw. There weren't much people at the terminal and so Lexa found a table easily. Slowly sipping her coffee, she scanned and observed the scene around her; friends reuniting, families coming back from a vacation, businessmen and women looking exhausted and probably returning from a meeting in a different state or country. The minutes passed slowly and Lexa picked at her honey glazed doughnut without actually eating it. Time was moving slow. Too slow.
Then she felt her phone vibrating and she fished it out of her pocket. When she saw the caller ID she almost choked on her coffee and a few drops dribbled down her chin. Clarke Griffin. Her thumb hovered over the "accept" button but at the last minute pressed the "ignore" one. She released the breathe she was holding and placed her phone on the table; half expecting Clarke to call her back.
By the time she drank her coffee and her doughnut was torn in pieces, her phone was still silent. Clarke didn't call back. She was just about to stand when she saw the screen lit up and she answered the call without bothering to check the caller ID.
"I was knocking on your door. Where the hell are you?" She heard Anya say at the end of the line. Lexa sighed and she tried to swallow her disappointment down.
"At the airport." Lexa replied. "Costia's coming to New York, remember?"
"This early? I thought her flight doesn't land until 10?" When Lexa didn't answer, Anya continued. "Anyway, I just wanted to know how it went with the doctor last night.
The lump that was suddenly in Lexa's throat felt like it was as big as a tennis ball and the brunette found it hard to talk. "We talked." Lexa offered. She did her best to sound calm. If Anya knew what happened last night, she had no doubt Anya was going to kick her ass.
"About?"
Lexa stuffed in free hand in her pocket and started to walk around the terminal, "Stuff."
"What stuff?" Anya pressed.
"Just stuff."
An audible sigh was heard and Lexa could just picture Anya pinching the bridge of her nose with how difficult Lexa was acting right now.
"Come, Lex! You haven't seen each other in two years. I'm sure you two talked about something more than some regular mundane stuff."
"She's happy with Raven." Lexa let the words slip from her mouth and if Anya noticed the tinge of sadness laced with it, the woman didn't mention it. Somehow saying the words out loud only caused her to hurt more and she suddenly had a solid grip on her phone that her knuckles are turning white.
"You don't need to be a detective to see that." The voice on the other line sounded hollow and distant and Lexa guessed that she might be on speaker phone.
"I'm happy that she's happy."
Are you really? Lexa asked herself.
"Whatever you say, Lexa. I'm headed to the precinct now. I'll see you in a few hours?" Anya said.
Lexa was looking at the board of incoming flights and saw that it would be another two hours before Costia's plane would be landing.
"Yeah." Lexa answered. "And when you get there, tell Octavia and Lincoln to prepare and organize the incident room for when Costia and I arrive." She paused, debating whether to say what's on her mind. "And ask Clarke if she wants to join. I think it'd help if she hears the profile too."
"Why don't you call and ask her."
"I don't to bother her that much." Lexa knew it was a lame excuse but was thankful when Anya let it slipped.
"Alright. I'll see you and Costia later."
She hung up and scrolled through her contacts, stopping when she found the name she was looking for. She knew she should've answered Clarke's call earlier but she just didn't know what to say to the blonde. After releasing a deep breath, Lexa clicked Clarke's name and placed the phone on her ear. It rang once, twice and kept ringing until eventually she reached Clarke's voice mail. Lexa felt a pang in her chest when she hear the woman's voice.
"This is Doctor Clarke Griffin. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as my hands are out of the body they are currently in."
Lexa couldn't help but smile at the message. At the sound of the beep, she cleared her throat.
"Hey, Clarke. It's me. I'm sorry for not answering your call earlier. I just … I uh, I guess I just don't know what to say. I still don't. I noticed you were gone when I woke and I just want to say that I … I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Clarke. I don't know what else to say. If you get this message, please, call me back."
Lexa waited in the arrivals terminal for another hour and half. The board in front of her showed that Costia's flight arrived half an hour earlier than it was scheduled. She noticed her palms became sweaty when she saw the word "landed" beside Costia's flight and by the time the doors opened and people started walking in; her anxiety was off the charts. There was a voice at the back of her head screaming at her to just turn around and walk away. She could just text Costia and tell her she was needed at the precinct and that she'll just meet her there. She wasn't sure she can stomach looking at Costia in the eye after what she did last night.
The doors opened again and this time, Lexa was glued to her spot. She felt her heart fluttered when she saw a familiar blonde haired woman but then drop straight down to her toes when she saw her girlfriend looking around, she was smiling and it was clear that Costia was thrilled to see Lexa. Lexa shook her head to clear her thoughts and took a few steps forward, walking directly in to the line of sight of the blonde. When she saw Costia had seen her, she didn't think it would have been possible that the smile on the profiler's face could grow any bigger and brighter.
"Lexa!" Costia ran up to Lexa and hugged the agent. " I missed you so much."
Lexa smiled and wrapped an arm around Costia, hugging her back. "Me too." Lexa pulled back and grabbed Costia's luggage. The profiler softly kissed her on the cheek and hooked her arm around Lexa's as they walked out the terminal.
"How was your flight? Lexa asked.
"It wasn't that bad, considering the weather." Costia answered. She then took in her girlfriend's appearance and noticed the faint dark rings around her eyes. "Jesus, Lex, you look terrible."
"You would too if you spent hours digging through old case files and evidence." Lexa answered. She then looked at Costia. "I'm really glad that you're here Costia. The team really needs your help."
At that, Costia's face dropped a little. She detected the professionalism in Lexa's voice and even though she knew this wasn't a personal trip, somewhere inside of her hurt that Lexa jumped straight to business. "Of course, anything for you."
Lexa smiled and hailed a cab. She placed the luggage at the trunk and they both climbed at the back seat. They passed by the hotel first and dropped off Costia's luggage and then headed straight to the precinct.
"I already asked them to set up the incident room for you. They should be ready now."
"I've read the file on the plane and started on a preliminary profile of your copy cat. I probably have everything I need but any more details would be helpful."
During the 20 minute ride to the precinct, Lexa gave Costia some details and information that wasn't on the file she read on the way here. She stuck to the case and to the case alone. She used it as a distraction to block out the overwhelming guilt that's consuming her inside out. They managed to keep their working and personal relationship apart quite well, and sometimes, not so much. Costia was here because Lexa needed her help as a profiler, not as her girlfriend. Or at least that's what she was trying to tell herself.
When they arrived at the station, Lexa walked ahead and led Costia in the elevator. Her heart was beating in a ridiculously fast pace and her palms are starting to sweat again. She jabbed the button for the Homicide Department and the elevator started to move. When the doors opened, Lexa walked out of the elevator and walked straight to the doors of the bullpen, opening them and letting Costia walk in first and then following behind her.
"Costia!" They heard Anya exclaimed and they saw her walking towards them with a smile on her face. "It's good to see you here. We could really use your help with this one. Not to mention that fact that Lexa has been sulking the moment we left DC"
Costia smiled back, "You know I could never say no to you broody sister."
Costia and Anya laughed when Lexa pouted and mumble that wasn't moody and that it was rude to talk about her like she wasn't standing beside them. The blonde profiler couldn't help it, Lexa just looked so cute and quickly pressed a soft kiss on Lexa's lips and laced their fingers. The feel of having Costia's fingers intertwined against hers caused a warm tingling sensation to spread on her chest. It felt right. One of the things she loved the most was hearing Costia's laughter. She missed Costia. She really did. Maybe having Costia here is just what she needed to distract herself from thinking about Cla—
"Clarke, I'm glad you can join us."
Lexa's eyes went wide and she whipped her head around to see Clarke standing by the open doors of the bullpen. She was wearing a simple gray silk button down tucked inside a pair of white pants. And she saw that she wasn't looking at Anya who announced her arrival. No, Clarke Griffin was looking directly at Lexa's hand that was holding Costia's hand. When Clarke looked up, their eyes found each other and they shared a look; a look that said more than a thousand words and conveyed the emotions that both women wouldn't admit to themselves. It Lexa had been more aware of her surroundings she would've have seen the curious gaze of Anya as she looked at Lexa and then to Clarke and back to Lexa, trying to figure out what happened between the two last night to cause this new level of tension.
Costia, completely oblivious to the tension around them or maybe she was pretending, pulled away from Lexa and walked towards Clarke. She smiled when she reached Clarke and extended her hand.
"Costia Greene. I'm Lexa's partner." Costia offered.
Lexa closed her eyes and leaned forward, resting her forehead against Clarke's. "There's someone … Back in Washington …"
"Don't" Clarke cut her off, "Don't say it. I don't want to know."
Before Lexa could speak, soft lips were suddenly pressing against here without warning.
Clarke forced a smile and took Costia's hand and shook it. "Clarke Griffin. I was Lexa's best friend."
All Lexa could do was stare and watch as the inevitable finally happened; her past and her present had finally met.
A/N: I love reviews! Write one down :)
