Chapter eleven
When Ana, Sara and Jamie are scrambling out of the car after an hour long ride, Christian is waiting for them. Taylor has stopped the car in front a medium-sized farm house and on the immaculate lawn, comfortably relaxed on beautifully greyed lawn furniture, is Christian, two women and a man. Ana temporarily feels a sting of disappointment – why the crowd?
Christian hurries to his feet and comes to greet them with a huge grin. He looks boyish, happy and he's breathtakingly gorgeous. Christian Grey can certainly pull off a nice suit better than most people, but in jeans and a loose, finely knit sweater, ruffled hair and that wonderful look in his gray eyes … Ana's doesn't know where to look. He overwhelms her.
"Ana." He leans in and kisses her cheek and she blushes. Fitting for their first real date in ten years. Christian also bends down and kisses Sara's cheek. She doesn't blush, but giggles and rolls her eyes, which for a moment gives Ana a flashback she'd rather not associate with her daughter. But she shakes it off and laughs as Christian lifts Jamie and carries him hanging up side down over to the small group by the furniture.
"Ana, kids, I'd like you to meet some of my R&D-team. Jill, Marie and David, this is Anastasia Randall, her daughter Sara and my nephew Jamie." So, Randall today, eh?
They all sit down and from the house comes Taylor, carrying a big tray of lemonade and snacks. Ana's surprised but very pleased when Taylor joins them at the table.
It turns out that Christian owns this farm as part of his beloved farming-in-third-world-countries project, and part of his R&D-team develops and tests prototypes here. It's partly run as a regular farm with a small amount of live stock and a full-time foreman and two farm hands.
Hearing Christian tell them with passion of the things they do at the farm brings Ana back. This is the Christian Grey she fell in love with twelve years ago, the man she felt was inside that cool, hard, beautiful exterior already on the first day she met him. The day she fell into his office. She flushes at the memory. That's how to get a billionaire's attention, apparently.
"So guys, do you want to see the farm?" Christian asks. The kids jump up immediately, immensely bored by all the talking. Christian points towards an open jeep and they set of running to see who can get their first.
"You really love this, don't you?" Ana asks, as she and Christian saunters in the direction of the jeep.
"Is it that obvious?" he almost looks shy. "I don't really have to own a farm in order to test prototypes, there's plenty of outsourcing to be had and this is certainly not the most cost-efficient way. But I like being able to go out here once in a while and talk to R&D, and see hands-on how things develop. It's fun and motivating to see things in reality and not just as numbers on a spreadsheet."
They get into the jeep and Christian drives off. It's a quite a hot summer's day and it's nice to go in the open jeep. As Christian is joking with the kids and even laughing a little himself, Ana looks at him in wonder. He's so relaxed. She's not. For some reason Grey seems to be master of every environment. Maybe it comes with money. It bothers her slightly that he seems so relaxed with her as well, as if he's taking her for granted.
She shrugs. It wouldn't be the first time she wants to project her own insecurity at someone else. He does have a pretty good poker face – he could be trembling inside for all she knows.
"You're very quiet, Anastasia. Is something wrong?" Christian wakes her up from her brooding by touching her hand briefly. His voice is low so the kids can't hear him and he sounds genuinely concerned. Ana turns to look at him; and all the worry that he's taking her presence here for granted vanishes. His gray gaze mirrors her feelings exactly.
"Nothing is wrong", she gives him a reassuring smile. "I guess I'm a little nervous. This is like a real date, and I … it's been a long time since I went on one. Even longer since I went on one with you." And of course she flushes. He answers her with a huge grin. "Ana, the fact that you and Sara are spending the day with me … I'm nervous too. But now that that's out in the open, I actually feel better. You?"
Ana laughs. "I do." And she does.
"Good, because we've just reached our first stop."
Christian parks the jeep by a small enclosure and when they get out of the car they see one of the farm hands feeding two lambs. They find out that the farm hand's name is Meredith and the lambs she's caring for have no mother. That's why Meredith has to take care of them. Both Sara and Jamie have tears in their eyes when they climb in and pet and cuddle the little black and white lambs. They get to feed them with bottles of formula, giggling as the lambs nudge and shove each other to get to the bottles.
Sara and Jamie find it difficult to part with the cute little orphans, they all stay at the enclosure for almost an hour and by then it's already lunch time. The kids get to choose a spot suitable for the promised picnic. When they finally agree on a spot, Christian gets a large wicker basket and a cooler from the back of the jeep.
"I promised you no extravagance," he says with a smirk, "but I think Gail went nuts when she found out I was taking you and your daughter for a picnic."
"I think it's so nice that Taylor and Gail are still with you. It must be like … fifteen years now. I really like that they're still taking care of you," Ana adds shyly. It's comforting in a weird way, knowing that they were still there for Christian when she wasn't.
"You know I take care of the people around me," he answers seriously. Then smiles, "But I am very lucky they both have put up with me for such a long time."
They make themselves comfortable under a huge shady pear tree, with a couple of blankets on the ground. There's no way they'll be hungry; Gail has packed four different types of sandwiches, cold ham and chicken, strawberries and sliced melon, carrot- and cucumber sticks, sweet baby tomatoes, several different kinds of cake, lemonade and coffee.
They're all enjoying the food, all of them in a good mood, talking softly and making small jokes and Ana finds herself thinking it's totally surreal. It's like they're playing family. Anyone who didn't know them would think they all belonged together.
When they start finishing up, a four-wheeler comes speeding in their direction. It's Meredith, the farm hand, and as she pulls up next to them the kids jump up as if on command. It turns out that Meredith has promised them a tractor ride, something that passed Ana by earlier.
"Are you sure it's safe?" she asks Meredith, worried both for the kids but also to seem too fussy. Meredith assures her it's perfectly safe, she and her colleague will keep close watch. So the kids hop on the back of the four-wheeler, like it's all they've ever done, and Meredith takes off at a much mellower pace than when she arrived.
Ana looks suspiciously at Christian. "Did you set this up?"
"Who, me?" he says with mock shock. Then he laughs. "No, I didn't know any more of this than you. I wouldn't have dared do that. It seems Meredith and the kids bonded over lamb."
"Ok, then. Let's take advantage of this moment of peace and quiet and have some coffee," Ana decides and pours two cups. She reaches to give him one and as he accepts his hand touches hers. She thinks that it's on purpose, but she's not sure. Again a flash back hits her; Christian running his thumb back and forth over her knuckles. It's something she's missed, she realizes that know.
And because of that she can't take the small talk anymore, she needs to know where this is headed. Which might destroy this absolutely perfect summer day, but it can't be helped.
"Christian …" she says tentatively. He looks at her immediately, noticing the change in her voice. "I was thinking … there are a few things I feel I really need to ask you. They are very private questions."
Christian looks at her with earnest. "Ana, we might not have seen each other for a long time, but you know me better than anyone. You didn't let me hide from you twelve years ago, and I have nothing to hide from you now. You can ask me anything, I mean anything, and I will answer as best I can."
Ana gazes at him in amazement. She never thought he wouldn't answer her questions, but it's the way he says it. And that look.
"I feel very embarrassed asking you this, but I need to know … have you had subs since you and I … since, you know …" "No." He interrupts her. Still with that earnest look, his gray eyes are almost shining. "No, I have not had subs since you left, Ana. I have never felt the need to dominate in that way again, and I'm very glad. It's certainly made life less complicated. No crazy exes these days." He smiles, but it doesn't really reach his eyes.
"Ok." Ana swallows. She's relieved in a way, although that means that she is no longer the only one he's had a regular relationship with. But she's asking questions more for Sara's sake. She doesn't want any unpleasant surprises down the road that could affect Sara.
"Do you still have a play room?" Why is this question harder? She blushes and looks down in her coffee, but she can feel his gaze on her head.
"No," Christian says quietly, "that became our room. And after you I didn't want it."
Oh, my god. This conversation isn't turning out the way she thought it would. She was sure he would tell her what she wanted to know, but that he'd be detached, slightly irritated and maybe somewhat amused at her embarrassed interrogation. This is not clearing the air, so they might be able to move on in either direction from here. Instead this feels like they are going in a specific direction must faster than she anticipated.
"Is there anything else you want to know?" Christian asks her softly. Ana nods. There is one more thing. "Ok, in that case I'd like some more coffee," he says, smiling. Ana tops up his coffee and her own and then asks her last question, the most difficult one yet.
"How do you feel about me having Sara?" Christian starts to say something, but Ana interrupts him. "Let me explain. If we are going to keep on seeing each other, in any shape or form, I need you to be aware and perfectly happy that Sara is going to be around a lot, most of the time in fact. It's a commitment taking on a fatherless child even as a friend and I wouldn't blame anyone for backing out."
At first Christian is quiet and Ana can't really read his expression. Eventually he says, "You've seem to have given this a lot of thought." Ana nods, she has. "First of all, I really like your daughter. She's so much like you. These days I spend a fair amount of time around two of her species, and I found years ago that I enjoy that very much and that, for some odd reason, they enjoy me too. Maybe it's because we're equally fond of toys." He grins shortly, but then is serious again.
"Secondly, when I came to your house a few weeks ago I knew there was a fair chance I would get to meet your daughter. Which is the first thing I did. What I mean is, I didn't come to your house as a spur-of-the-moment thing. I had been thinking about it for a good while. But all the time I was weighing whether to contact you or not, you having Sara never even entered my mind as a reason not to."
And that's it. Ana is so moved by this beautiful man in front of her, that her eyes well up. Fuck. If they only had kissed just once she would've flung herself at him but something is holding her back and instead she just sits there with a cold cup of coffee in one hand, a small tear trickling down her left cheek.
Christian takes the coffee cup from her hand, puts it aside and takes both her hands in his.
"Thirdly Anastasia, it makes me happier than you know that you asked me these questions. It means you have thought about you and me a lot, but not just as friends." He eases closer so his face is right in front of hers. "Am I right?" he whispers. Ana barely nods. She can't take his eyes away from his intent look and she can't breathe. She knows this face so well, and she would touch it, but her hands in his hands feels so unbelievably right, she doesn't want to let go.
Slowly, giving her every chance to flinch, he moves closer and starts trailing tiny kisses over her cheek, following the path of her tears.
"Anastasia. I've missed you." Christian's voice is dark with feeling. Ana closes her eyes and then his mouth is on hers, the softest kiss imaginable. He kisses her again and again, softly, until she reciprocates and then her hand finally finds its way to his hair, making him moan quietly. He puts his hands around her face and kisses her deeply. When he lets go he looks gorgeously flushed, eyes shining. "That's enough, Miss Steele, if I'm going to be able to control myself. Apparently there are kids around."
Miss Steele. "Such poor self-control, Mr Grey? We might have to practice that."
