OKAY SO HERE'S THE DEAL
I STOPPED WRITING THIS THREE YEARS AGO. IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS Y'ALL. I STARTED WRITING THESE CHAPTERS IN THIS UPDATE ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO AND HAVE DECIDED TO HAND IT OVER TO YOU BECAUSE IT'S DONE. HELLSBUTLER AND I HAVE DECIDED TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE THING AND POST IT ON AO3 SO HERE YOU GO HAVE AT ENJOY. CHAPTER ONE OF THE FIRST ONE IS NOW ON AO3 FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE UNDER THE NAME YOU BELONG WITH ME UNDER THE USERNAME ADDICTIONTOFICTION13 IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED IN THIS SHITTY FIC AND IT'S NOT AS SHITTY REWRITE PLEASE GO ON OVER AND ENJOY THE FUCK OUTTA IT
side note, this entire fanfiction and my profile will be deleted soon, so please go over to ao3
"Are you still coming over to study tonight?" Ciel asked as he put a book into his locker. He looked over to his best friend with a small smile.
"Of course!" Freckles said excitedly, his green orbs glowing brightly like always. "You've got the giant history test and I've got a psych guide I need to get done."
Ciel grinned over to the brunette. "Awesome. Mom is making dinner tonight for once. Dad's actually in town again, can you believe that?"
"Okay, dude, your parents are literal relationship goals. Like seriously." Freckles shut Ciel's locker for him, then linked their arms. "When should I come over?"
The bluenette shrugged his shoulders. "It's Friday, so you could just stay over if you wanted. I know mom wouldn't care."
Freckles grinned. "Awesome."
"What year did World War II end?" Freckles asked, his shining blue eyes never leaving the book in front of him.
"Uh… 1942?" Ciel asked.
"No! That's the year the US got involved. It ended in 1945. God, dude, that's like the fourth one you've gotten wrong." Freckles sighed, leaning back against Ciel's bed and rubbing his tummy. "I've never eaten mashed potatoes as good as your mother's, dude," he said with another sigh, this time of happiness.
"Yeah, she only ever cooks when dad is home. Makes him happy. It's always a treat because she's such a good cook." Ciel tapped his pencil against his temple, his eyes shifting to his phone.
Ugh, he thought, and he rolled over onto his back. He had been itching to contact Sebastian recently. It had been two months since his birthday, and Valentine's Day was just a few days away. The thought made his heart hurt. He wanted to see Sebastian, to kiss him, to hear his laugh… but he knew there was no chance that would ever happen.
"Ciel?"
The boy was pulled from his thoughts, and looked to Freckles with a solemn expression. "Yeah?"
"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" he asked, to which Ciel just nodded. Freckles screwed up his face in a way that told Ciel he was thoughtful. "I might know a way to take your mind off him."
Ciel scoffed. "How?"
Before Ciel had any time to think, Freckles hands were twisted in his hair and their lips were interlocked. The bluenette was in shock, he sat there unmoving, not breathing, not kissing back.
Freckles stopped, and pulled away slightly. "I… I'm so sorry," he said, "It's just - I mean, I've wanted to do that since I met you." His cheeks heated with a large blush.
"No," Ciel spoke, a hand going to his lips and feeling the burn of a kiss he hadn't expected. "I just haven't had physical contact like that since…" his thoughts trailed off.
"Since Sebastian," the boy finished for him. "Yeah, I know." Freckles eyes were on his lap, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip in embarrassment. "I should've known better, honestly."
"It's okay. Really. And we can do it again, if you want." Ciel's cheeks turned bright pink, and he smiled tenderly up at the freckled teenager.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Ciel."
"No," he whispered, "it's okay. I'd like to try."
Freckles chewed his lip some more, then slowly this time scooted closer to the bluenette. He pressed their lips together, and this time Ciel kissed him back. Their lips began to move in such a way that was tender, sweet, innocent. Ciel's hand came up to curl against the other's cheek as they kissed, and Freckles arm circled around the his waist. It wasn't passionate, but it was as if Ciel was responding to something he'd felt before. It just didn't feel right. Nothing had since…
Sebastian, he thought, his lips pressing harder and with more need than before. The hand on Freckles' cheek moved up to suddenly twist into his hair, gripping it to keep him close. Their lips parted as a soft moan escaped Ciel's lips, and the brunette took this as a sign of passage, his tongue snaking past into Ciel's mouth. The bluentte gave another moan of approval, and both of them raised onto their knees to grip at each other suddenly.
Ciel was the first to pull away, gasping for air as Freckles instantly began to attack his neck with tender bites and kisses. His shirt was suddenly lifted up and over his head, tossed somewhere behind him. His mind was racing, but there was only one word going through it. Sebastian, he thought once more as his head tilted back and he suddenly began to grind his hips against Freckles'. His neck still being assaulted, Ciel felt Freckles' hand slip into the back of his pants and boxers to squeeze his ass firmly.
The bluenette suddenly opened his eyes when he felt the other stop attacking his throat, only for heterochromatic orbs to suddenly meet cognac. Ciel felt his heart start hammering in his chest, cupping Sebastian's face in both his hands delicately. He kissed him gently, tangling his shaking hands in the mess of raven colored hair. "Ciel," Sebastian groaned against his lips, his voice like a soft, musical silk caressing his skin.
Ciel moaned delicately, tugging at Sebastian's shirt until it was off and he dropped it to the bed. The boy ran his fingers slowly, teasingly down his muscled chest, not believing this was happening. Sebastian, he thought again, pressing tender kisses against his collarbone, his left nipple and his right - earning a slight gasp from the older male, his navel… It was insane how real this felt, how right this felt, how much he'd missed this - his face, his skin, his smell, his presence.
"Ciel, hold on," Sebastian whispered, hooking his fingers under the boy's chin and forcing his face up. The ravenette held a loving expression on his face, his hazel eyes sincere as they had been in December.
"What is it?" he whispered, biting his bottom lip in hope he hadn't done something wrong.
"Lay back, I want to pleasure you."
Ciel did as he was told, getting comfortable in his pillows and looking at his lover expectantly. Sebastian leaned over him, both hands on either side of Ciel's face. "You're so beautiful," he said, moving slowly down to kiss him gently to which the younger responded too eagerly. Sebastian's lips moved almost instantly away to his jawline, his throat, his heart, his stomach, all the way down to his pantline. His shorts were unbuckled slowly, so teasingly that Ciel almost groaned in frustration, but finally Sebastian was tugging them down his legs, along with his boxers.
His member sprang free, and Ciel let out a gasp as pressure was immediately lifted from him. Sebastian gaped at it for a second, as if he'd never seen it before, then kissed the tip tentatively. He licked it, letting a soft moan of pleasure escape him. Ciel bit his lip, preventing the urge to buck his hips and force the older male to take his cock in his mouth. Sebastian, he wanted to groan, but his brain wouldn't allow any words to form on his tongue.
Suddenly, Sebastian opened his mouth and took the entire tip inside, his lips forming a perfect 'O' around his dick. It felt so good that Ciel let out another gasp, his hands instantly going down to grip at Sebastian's pitch colored hair. The older male smirked, slowly sinking further down until he was at the base of Ciel's member. It was pure bliss here, Ciel thought, with Sebastian sucking his cock like this and his hands fisted in his hair.
Sebastian groaned at the base, one of his hands gripping Ciel's balls and fondling them smoothly. His mouth suckled as he began to slowly move up then back down again, over and over, as little whimpers and whines fell from the younger's lips.
Finally, Ciel had had enough. "Please," he groaned. "I want you."
Sebastian sat up, wiping some precum off his chin with his finger, only to shove the digit into his mouth and suck it clean. "You have me," he promised, unbuckling his own pants and pushing them down his legs.
Ciel had been grinning, but his face instantly faltered as the pants and undergarments were removed. He was immediately pulled out of his fantasy, now staring at a very self-conscious Freckles instead of a teasingly sexy Sebastian.
"W-What's wrong?" Freckles asked, tilting his head in confusion at Ciel's expression.
"Y-You…" The words refused to leave his lips, stuck behind a lump forming in his throat. "You're a girl?"
Freckles' cheeks heated with a dark blush. "I thought you knew," he - she - said, chewing her lips. "W-We can stop if you want, I'm so sorry, Ciel."
Chapter 12
"I'm non-binary," Freckles said, sitting awkwardly on the very edge of Ciel's bed and rubbing his shoulder. "You can still call me he/him if you want."
That would definitely explain it, wouldn't it? Ciel thought to himself. "But you were born a female," he whispered, trying to repress a shiver that was running down his spine. He'd seen a vagina and it was definitely as terrifying as he'd built it up to be in his mind.
"Yeah," Freckles answered, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. "I seriously thought you knew, Ciel."
The bluenette shrugged, closing his eyes. He honestly had more pressing matters to attend to. While he'd been about to have sex with Freckles, he'd imagined it was Sebastian in his place. What did this mean? he wondered, knowing it was probably bad. Really bad.
He needed to talk to Grelle. Now.
"Don't worry about it. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, Freckles."
"That's actually not my name, either," the brunette said, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "My name is Doll."
Ciel knocked tentatively on Grelle's bedroom door, only to be answered by a loud screaming child and the redhead's voice, "I'M AWAKE!" Ciel opened the door, eyes wide. Grelle was on the opposite side of the room, holding Persephone and rocking her as she cried. "Oh, Ciel, hi!" she said, chipper despite the crying baby and the obvious look of sleep deprivation on her face. "What brings you here? You didn't call."
"I did, actually," he retorted. "Three times. You didn't answer them."
"Oh," Grelle squeaked, and she looked down at Persephone, who was still fussing. "She's kept me up a lot, I guess." She blushed sheepishly. Ciel held out his hands for the baby and Grelle gladly handed her over. As soon as Persephone had her eyes on him, she stopped crying. Grelle scoffed. "Fucking rude," she growled, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Sorry," he said, chewing his lips. "Listen, I didn't come here to calm your kid down."
"What did you come for, then?" she asked, emerald-gold eyes narrow.
"I almost had sex with Freckles," he said, then mentally scolded himself. Doll, he remembered her saying. "My name is Doll."
"You what?" Grelle's eyes widened, almost bugging out of her skull. This was honestly quite a shock to her, as she knew how hard it had been for Ciel to move on. "What brought this on? Just last week you were crying over Sebas-"
"I know!" he yelled, cutting her off so she wouldn't say his name. "I know." He ran a hand through his hair, looking back down at the child in exasperation. "And it kinda just happened, we were studying on my bed and he kissed me and…"
"And you realized he has a cooch?" she guessed, raising an eyebrow.
"You knew?" Ciel cried, mouth gaping open. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Please, darling, it was quite obvious to everyone." She rolled her eyes, sitting down on her bed and running her fingers through her usually groomed hair that was actually extremely frizzy and unkempt. "Well, everyone except you, it seems."
Ciel chewed his lip. "It gets worse," he said, refusing to meet her gaze.
"Oh?" Grelle was squeaking again. What could be worse than sleeping with Freckles? she wondered.
"Well, as she was going down on me… I was seeing him." His eyes closed and he sat down on the bed next to her.
"Him..?" she asked in confusion.
"Him!" Ciel emphasised again.
Realization crossed Grelle's face and she let out a simple "oh." She slowly wound her hands underneath her daughter to take her from Ciel, then put her in the crib next to her bed. "That's not good," she said as she turned to him, hands on her hips. "What did Freckles say about that?"
"Doll," he corrected her, "doesn't know. Why would she? Why would I tell her that I was thinking of him and seeing him while she was sucking my dick?"
"Why wouldn't you tell her?" she asked, tilting her head in confusion. "I mean she deserves to know, and I think Sebastian deser-"
"Why do you keep saying his name?!" Ciel groaned, throwing up his hands. He looked at her, hurt clear on his face. It was as if his heart was shattering all over again. He felt tears well up into his eyes, and his chest felt like it was going to cave in. "I know this is bad, I'm obviously not over him, and I don't know what to do. His name is still at the top of my favorites list in my phone, and there's still pictures of him in my phone, I still have a picture of us at prom sitting on my bedside table. I just… I don't know what to do." The tears were falling down his cheeks in steady streams now, and Grelle was staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes.
"Maybe you should call him," she whispered, to which Ciel instantly began to shake his head in response. "Ciel, I know you don't want to, but he's your soulmate…"
"He cheated on me. We can't go back from that."
Sebastian sipped at the glass of soda he had in his hands, feet tapping along to the band playing on the stage ahead of him. Joker was nowhere to be found, and his phone was almost dead so there was no way of finding him.
"Come on, I've got two tickets," Joker had said. "You need to get back out there and meet someone. Come to see Sid with me, you won't regret it."
Oh, but he did regret it. He had been hit on by way too many drunken women and men, and he didn't understand a word of this Japanese pop band that Joker liked so much. He couldn't believe this himself, but he'd rather be with Claude, even. Though he was glad he wasn't doing what he'd been doing before.
Sitting on his bed, scrolling pictures on Ciel's facebook page, stalking him basically, and trying to think of what to say to him. He had almost finished a long-winded text message when Joker had interrupted him.
He sighed, finishing the soda he had been sipping on tentatively. Ciel, he thought, running a hand through his pitch hair. I wonder if he's thinking about me. It was doubtful, Ciel hated him, wanted nothing to do with him, but his heart ached every minute of every day that they weren't speaking. Valentine's Day was tomorrow and he had originally planned on coming home to see him, and now he was going home with Claude sometime next week just to see his parents, maybe his friends. He'd be lucky to see Ciel.
Hands snaking their way around his waist pulled him from his reverie. "Hey, hotstuff," a woman slurred at him, "you got a girlfriend?"
"No, a boyfriend," he said in response, unhooking her arms from around his waist and turning to meet her gaze. She wasn't a looker, that was for sure, and yes, he had lied to her, but his heart was still taken.
"I can turn you straight, ever had a woman before?" she asked, blowing her alcohol-heavy breath right into his face.
"One too many," he replied, pushing her away firmly.
The woman scoffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Your loss." She sauntered away, though she stumbled several times, once into a man.
The man looked at her, and it caught Sebastian's eye who it was. "Claude?" said the younger male, walking toward his friend with a curious expression. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I have a life outside of books," Claude said, smiling to Sebastian as they fistbumped each other. "The question is what the hell are you doing here?"
"My roommate dragged me out here," he replied with a laugh. "I was just thinking how I'd rather be doing something with you."
"Speak of the devil and he will appear," Claude chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair, smiling at Sebastian with golden, spider-like eyes. "This band isn't as good as I remember them to be," he said honestly. "I was just thinking about leaving. You need a ride?"
"Yeah, actually, I do. I'll text Joker to let him know." He pulled his phone out quickly and did just that. "Alright, let's go," he said, turning to Claude with a beaming smile.
They wound their way through inebriated bodies, until they finally got outside. The parking lot was huge and Claude faltered, staring at the many cars around. "I forgot where I parked," he said truthfully. "That's a problem."
"Yeah, especially since I don't know what you drive."
"Audi R8, black," he replied, looking at Sebastian with a grin.
"You were a high school librarian," Sebastian retorted, envy and shock clear in his voice.
"Yeah, a librarian who was married to the principle, at the highest rating high school in England." Claude rolled his eyes. Hannah had never shut up about that fact.
"Touche," he said with a laugh. "How's Hannah doing, by the way?"
Claude shrugged as they began walking toward the cars, both their heads swinging in both directions looking for Claude's ride. "Last I heard from her, not too good. She still doesn't accept that our marriage was crumbling. She still thinks there's something wrong with me, since I've finally come out of the closet."
"So really not good," Sebastian suggested, to which Claude only nodded.
"It's going to be hell going back next week. She's been trying to withhold my things until I come back to her, but that's not happening."
"What a bitch," Sebastian said, rolling his eyes.
Claude pulled his keys out of his coat pocket, hitting the lock button. A honk came two rows away and they both grinned. "You don't even know the half of it," he replied, shoving his keys back into his jacket. "As long as I get my books back, I'll be fine." They both laughed at that.
As they neared the Audi, Sebastian stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. "So what's on the agenda for the night?" he asked Claude, who was again pulling his keys out. He watched as the older male unlocked the car.
"My agenda was to watch this band. You know, they were a lot better ten years ago." Claude sighed. "Bands nowadays are so terrible. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'll be doing now." He shrugged his shoulders, opening the door of his car.
Sebastian opened his own door and they got inside, the younger boy shivering from the bitter chill of the February night. "Wanna get some coffee?" he suggested, pulling his seatbelt down and strapping it on.
"Coffee sounds good," Claude replied, another smile on his face.
Chapter 13
Sebastian sipped his coffee, trying his hardest not to laugh as it ran down his throat.
"And I swear, it was one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed," Claude promised, his face red with laughter.
Sebastian finished his coffee, nearly choking toward the end. He coughed a little, then chuckled hard. "I would've died to see that," he said. "When did that happen?"
"'87," Claude replied. "My first year at the school."
Sebastian blanched for a second. "Wait… that makes you at least 50," he pointed out. "Right?"
"No, but thanks for making me out to be older than I am," Claude said, eyes narrowing. "I'm 48."
Still, Sebastian thought, knowing of Claude's past with his ex-boyfriend. "Not that it really matters," he muttered, averting his gaze from the older's in hopes he couldn't see the emotion in his eyes.
"Meh," was all Claude responded, pulling out his phone as it vibrated in his pocket. "Fucking hell," he groaned, earning a curious look from Sebastian. "It's Hannah. She wants to move our meet up to tomorrow instead of next week."
"I'm free to go with you tomorrow, too. I don't have any classes." Sebastian twiddled with his hands under the table, nervous now about going home.
"Then it's settled. Wanna crash at my place tonight so I don't have to pick you up?"
Sebastian only nodded in response.
Ciel ran a hand through his slate hair as he walked to his locker, wondering what was in store for him today: Valentine's Day.
He'd been ignoring Doll's texts all night, still wrestling with even the idea of telling her his fantasy. He was sure she'd be upset. He was also trying to wrap his head around the fact that he had been attracted to a girl. His entire identity was in jeopardy. He had known he was gay since he was, like, five. This was just too hard to think about. What was he going to do? He was standing in front of his locker and his limbs refused to move to open it.
"Ciel!" Lizzie called as she bounced up to him. "Don't you just love Valentine's Day?" she asked with a giggle. "All the hearts and pinks and reds, it's just so cute!"
Ciel met her emerald gaze and then turned back to his locker, finally opening it up. "I'm not in the mood for love or cute," he told her, his voice monotone. "Now go away, Lizzie."
The girl placed her hands on her hips. "That's no way to talk to your favorite cousin!" she cried, pouting profusely.
"Lizzie, please. I'm truly not in the mood." He shut his locker, then turned on his heel and walked away.
"Fine!" she screamed after him. "Be like that, then!"
He sighed as he reached his class, knowing it would be the same here as it had been with Lizzie, only with Layzie. She was sitting there at her desk, right next to his, waving at him with a giant grin on her face. He groaned inwardly as he approached her and sat down.
"Hey, Ciel," she said, nearly bouncing in her seat.
He didn't say a word, just nodded curtly in her direction. He truly didn't have the patience for his friends and their happy relationships. Though, Layzie seemed to have the same thoughts to his mood as Lizzie had.
"Are you okay?" she asked, tilting her head in confusion. "I mean i know you're not a morning person, but…" Her voice trailed off, and he met her gaze.
"I'm just not in the mood for all these hearts and flowers. Something happened last night and I'm trying to deal with it."
"Oh," she said, her voice somewhat sympathetic. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No, thank you."
Layzie pursed her lips, looking at him with a gentle glare. She had known that Ciel would be moody today, given the circumstances of what had gone down with him in the last few months, but she hadn't expected him to be this temperamental. "Ciel," she said, watching him with curious eyes. "I know that things have been rough on you, and we've all been trying so hard to help."
"You don't even know the half of it today," Ciel said, turning to her with wide eyes. "I just… I figured today would be terrible due to the nature of things, but it's only gotten worse."
"What happened?" she asked, her own chocolate hues large with even more curiosity than before.
"I almost slept with Freckles last night," the bluenette sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. "And I don't know what to think about it."
"Aren't you gay?" Layzie questioned, tilting her head. Her confusion just kept growing. "I thought Freckles knew that and wouldn't touch you because of it." She shrugged her shoulders. It wasn't as if she knew what Doll had been thinking when she'd decided to just go for it.
"Yes, I'm gay. I don't know, I didn't even know she was a girl. It was all sorts of confusing and I didn't know what to do." He moved his hand from his face and proceeded to slam his head down on his desk repeatedly. A strangled moan escaped his lips, the mere thought of Doll making his head hurt, and he just wanted it to stop.
"Have you talked to her yet?" Man, Layzie just would not stop talking.
"No," he whined. "I don't want to. What would I say? How could I do this without hurting her feelings?"
His questions were given a shrug in response. "Tell her how you feel."
Tell her how I feel, Ciel repeated over and over in his head. God, if that wasn't the most vague advice. He didn't know how he felt. He was still trying to get over you-know-who, there was no room in his heart to even try to have feelings for someone else.
He twiddled with his thumbs, trying hard to not have a panic attack. Doll would be here any moment to discuss last night's events, and he was going to make sure it was clear that this was not a Valentine's date, though… he still had no idea how he was going to do that.
Why did I decide to ask her to dinner? he wondered to himself. This was probably the worst decision he'd ever made, and he had dated Alois Trancy.
"Hey, Ciel!" said Doll as she skipped up to his table. He smiled at her in return, but it didn't reach his eyes. "What are we here for?" she asked, tilting her head at him as she sat across from him.
"I wanted to discuss last night," he replied after a few moments of pondering what exactly he should say or how he should start. He worried his bottom lip for a few moments, eyes on his fingers underneath the table. "I want to start out by saying I enjoyed myself." Because it was him instead of you, his mind continued, though his lips stayed in a straight, tight line across his face.
"You ignoring my texts and calls today has totally proven that," Doll said with a slight giggle. "I knew something was up, you don't have to lie for my benefit, Ciel." She reached a hand across the table and her voice dripped warmth. "It's okay. You can tell me."
"There's only one problem I had with last night," he rushed out suddenly, then faltered. "Well, two. I'm gay, Doll, one hundred percent. I've never known anything different.
Chapter 14
Sebastian rubbed his face on his hands, an annoyed groan escaping his lips. He'd been up over half the night, and it wasn't due to the coffee he and Claude had shared. He was back in town and the possibility of seeing Ciel was great, yet he still had no idea what he would say if he saw the teenager.
He leaned his head back onto the seat of Claude's beautiful Audi, going over every situation he could think of that could happen. Ciel would slap him across the face, scream at him, cry, he really didn't know. Honestly all three of those things together sounded like something Ciel would do.
Why couldn't Claude hurry the fuck up already? he asked himself, hating that he had been sitting in the car the last fifteen minutes in front of a convenience store just so Claude could run to the bathroom. This was infuriating, sitting here and wondering what would happen. There was still no set place he knew that Ciel would be, so it was only up in the air that he'd even see him, but the mere thought sent him into a panic.
