Amanda knocked on the door, she had to idea what to expect. Nick calling her had to be a good sign, but he would have said he remembered her, right?

She walked into the room and he greeted her with a smile that made her knees weak.

"Thanks for coming, sit down at the…"

"Chair?" she chuckled.

"I was about to say throne" he sat up a bit "I do remember how that's called"

"That's good" she grabbed the chair and waited for him to talk.

"So listen, Rollins" her heart dropped. He didn't suddenly recall "I wanted to thank you, Benson told me you and your friend were the ones who found me"

"Oh…yeah…you remember what happened?"

"Most of it, I went by there to talk to her and she started acting weird, tried to kiss me and said she loved me…I don't know what gave her that idea and…she was saying a lot of crazy things. I remember being stabbed then she probably hit me cause next thing I woke up here"

Amanda nodded and waited for him to go on "I wanted to hear from you what happened. Fin mentioned you and I had some plans to watch a movie and that I didn't show up…"

"Yeah" that's the story Weller told, he thought Nick would confirm, but right now there was way for him to do that "that's mostly it, I recognized the name and remembered you mentioning something about her so we went to check it out, long story short – we found you"

"Saved my life" he smiled.

"That's no big deal" she laughed, trying to hide how uncomfortable she felt. She wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him, or kiss him, or whatever would make him remember that something was going on between them, they were more than coworkers.

"Do you know why no one came by to take my statement? Liv told me it's a homicide case and I called Fin who suggested I ask you, because this friend of yours is the lead detective"

So that's why he wanted her to see her, he was curios about the investigation.

"It appears she was involved with the murder of Carter Smith, but she isn't talking, at all. I can ask Weller about you, it is weird he hasn't been here yet"

"That would be nice" he nodded "I'd like to know how it's going"

"Consider it done" she was abut to stand up, not that she minded talking about the case or to Adam. But the look in his eyes, he looked at her differently. It was like a final confirmation it was gone, whatever happened between them was gone from his mind.

But she didn't want to leave yet, she missed him and they were still friends.

"How are you doing apart from that, stuck in this room?" she asked.

Nick chuckled "it's like a vacation, great room, great view…"

"You can't go back before you're feeling better" she wanted to touch him but that would be a bad idea.

"I'm not talking about tomorrow Rollins, 1-p-p are not exactly my fans and it feels like they are just looking for an excuse"

"You remember why?" Amanda didn't mean to be rude, but she wanted to know if there was anything else he'd forgotten.

"Like beating up that photographer? Shooting the kid? It's like I remember everything about the job, but when it comes to the little private life I have…I'm missing chunks"

"That sucks" she smiled sympathetically.

"Maybe I should get hit in the head again" he joked.

"I didn't want to be mean so I kept that idea to myself, but if you want to try…" she shrugged and raised her eyebrows.

"The doctor said I have to try and avoid those, to prevent any more damage. He's not even sure if I will remember again"

"Nick" she whispered, fighting the urge to do something, kiss, hug, caress him "I'm sure you will"

"That makes one of us" he looked so upset "I know it's only been a few days, but to be honest, I don't think it would ever happen"

"You can't give up"

"I can't do anything" he sounded defeated, it reminded Amanda of the day she went to visit him in prison. But this time there was absolutely nothing she could do.

"Are they going to keep you here for long?" she asked.

"Hopefully I'll be home by the weekend"

"That's good" she smiled "you have any plans?"

"Gil will come by…I can't remember what we had planned but I doubt we could do whatever it was anyway" he looked away, upset.

"There's a game, maybe that's it" Amanda pretended to guess, but he told her about it. Nick was always excited about hanging out with his son. With Gil growing up and the late start they got he had to appreciate every moment.

"Could be" he looked at her.

"You're probably tired, I should go" she wanted to stay but wasn't sure if this was going anywhere. Nick was distant, she had no idea what to say and he did look tired.

"Thanks for coming Rollins"

"Not a problem" she stood up and was about to leave when he called her.

"Hey Rollins" Nick said "what movie did we plan to see?"

She took a deep breath and shrugged "I don't remember"


Amanda sat down in her car. She managed to keep it together the entire way to the vehicle but once she shut the door the tears came flowing, she wanted them to stop but it was like a waterfall, blurring her vision, muffling the sounds.

It hurt, it hurt so much.


"Thanks for meeting me so early" Amanda sat down next to Adam, she texted him the previous night and he agreed to meet her before work.

"Sure" he took a sip of coffee "I didn't get you coffee though"

"That's alright" she smiled "I just wanted to talk to you about something"

"I'm guessing it's about the case" Adam said and she nodded "she's still quiet, hasn't said a word"

"Nothing at all?"

"Not even to her cellmate, not even to the shrink" he chuckled "but we have a pretty solid case, evidence from the car prove she hit him and I highly doubt someone else used it, we couldn't even find an acquaintance. Her father did leave her money so she has no job…she is really weird"

"So you think there's not gonna be a problem to convict her?"

"Hopefully…Fisher's been on the mayor's speed dial lately, ever since Smith's murder"

"If only he'd care about the girl who was raped" Amanda rolled her eyes.

"That's too much to ask" Adam finished his coffee and waited for her to tell him why she really called.

"How comes no one came to take Nick's statement yet?" she asked.

"We will, just wanted to give him a chance to get better. How is he?"

"He suffers from memory loss, doesn't remember some things…" she shrugged.

"He remembers her?"

"Most of it, Nick doesn't remember me" it was strange to say it out loud. Adam knew about them, the only other person who did.

"What are you talking about?" his eyes widened.

"I'm talking about the fact that he woke up thinking he's still married, no idea he's been divorced for a while…he remembers nothing about us"

"It's probably just temporary, she must have hit him really hard with that shovel" the look in Amanda's eyes worried him. He wanted to tell her that it would all come back to him but Adam had a feeling she didn't believe that.

"Listen Amanda, this sucks and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but…whatever happens, promise me I'll see you at the meeting, all of them"

"Of course you will" her tone was a bit annoyed "I'm fine"

"Good, I will see you then"


Nick was getting better.

Friday has finally arrived and he was being released. He couldn't wait to be back in his place, start getting back to normal. But Nick wasn't looking forward to seeing the shrink, something that Benson wasn't backing out on and he knew that was the only way for him to ever be back on the field.

Maria called to let him know she'd bring Zara for a visit soon. He wanted to see his daughter but also to see Maria, talk, understand what happened. They were happy together, why did they get divorced?

Amanda volunteered to drive Nick back home. She acted like she wanted to spare the others from it, but of course there was an ulterior motive - she missed him.

"Hey" Amanda walked into the hospital room, Nick was already dressed and smiled when she walked in.

"Hi Rollins, thanks for the ride" he said.

"No worries, are you all set?"

"The nurse will be here in a couple of minutes with the papers" he looked very excited about leaving, Amanda could sympathize.

"Your mom's gonna meet you there?" she made small talk, trying this not to be awkward for her.

"I asked her to come by later, I need some time alone"

The nurse walked in with the papers and a wheelchair "that's the rule" she could see his unhappy look.

"Come on" Amanda walked closer to him "I won't push you down the stairs" she softly touched his arm, wanting so badly to do more, how would he react if she kissed him? He just had an encounter with a crazy woman who, as he told her, loved him. Amanda doubted he needed another one of those.

"Let's just get out of here" he sat down and Amanda pushed him to the corridor.

"Hope you're ready for the surprise welcome home party" she grinned and he looked terrified.

"Please tell me you are kidding" he almost begged.

"Come on, we worked so hard on the decorations!" she couldn't keep a straight face and started laughing, eliciting a laugh from him too.

"You don't do this to someone who was just released from the hospital Rollins!" she started disliking her last name.

Amanda parked by his place and helped him out. It's been a while since she's been in his place, they usually spent most of their time together at her place. She looked around, nothing had changed, the couch was at the exact same spot.

There was one evening, after a very gruesome case, they met up at his place. Neither was in a mood for going out or doing anything at all. It wasn't the first tough case and it wouldn't be the last, but it felt like they were kicked in the gut.

That night they just sat there together, she leaned into him and there was no use for words. All they wanted was to be close. Nick's fingers were tenderly tapping on her skin and she stared at them.

Looking at that couch now Amanda wanted to go back to that moment, feel the softness of his touch calm her down.

"You want me to get you something?" she offered.

"You're the guest" he chuckled "I should be asking you that"

"Don't be rude then…"

Nick slowly walked to the kitchen, making Amanda feel guilty, he was trying to act like everything was fine but she could tell it hurt him.

"I'm afraid I don't have much to offer, I haven't been here for a while" he shut the fridge's door.

"Water would be fine, let me take care of that" she followed him there but he poured her a glass already.

"Thanks" she took a sip and looked at him, he poured a glass for himself too and she watched as he drank. He had a pretty noticeable scab on his forehead but Amanda thought he looked so handsome. She was dying to touch him, to feel him touch her.

"Nick…" she started and he looked at her "I…" what was she going to say? How do you tell someone he forgot about the woman he's been seeing?

"I…" she tried again but the words didn't come out.